I remember hearing in the ’90s: If you make $100,000, you’re doing REALLY well.”
Here I am in 2025, nearly making $250,000 and I can’t afford to make a simcha!
I am married with 6 children, I am frugal, I don’t spend, I don’t go on vacation.
I am capable, I work hard, never cared to be “rich” but to provide for my family’s needs, and yet here I am about to make another Bar Mitzvah and I’m scrambling how.
Any real advice?
I am not looking for complaints, or hearing that the system’s broken or that tuition is high, or Hashem this- Hashem that. I have full emunah that Hashem provides and wants us to do things better to help with the process.
So I am looking to you, fellow “in the same boat” friends, as to what I am supposed to do.
Can I break it down for you? Is it ok to air my dirty laundry finances on you?
These are my monthly payments +/-
| Mortgage House | $4,300 |
| Electric/Gas | $400 |
| Water/Garbage | $125 |
| Internet and phones | $250 |
| Cars x2 | $900 |
| Gas x2 | $360 |
| Car Insurance w/ teens | $850 |
| Health Insurance | $685 |
| Dental Insurance | $180 |
| Life Insurance x2 ($1mil ea) | $80 |
| Tuition x6 | $5,500 |
| Kids braces | $500 |
| Cleaning help | $600 |
| Food | $3,000 |
| Misc (clothes, shoes, simchas) | $600 |
| Maaser | $1,733 |
| (Bar mitzva, Bas Mitzva, Weddings) | ??? |
| Total: | $20,063 a month |
This is obviously a fake article
20,000 x 12 = 240,000.
Tax is 10,000 = 250,000!
10k on 250k of income is only 4% of income. That’s ridiculously low. What type of job or business does he have that he earms $250k annually but only pays $10,000 in taxes?
This article is likely real. The numbers make sense. Some commenters are suggesting that the author cut out on small things, like 2 cars. But that won’t have a significant impact on their overall situation. Unfortunately, the kicker in this situation is the tuition line—$66k a year! Were it not for tuition bills, you would indeed be extremely well off. I don’t have a solution to this because schools do need to bring in money. I guess the best I can do is give you a bracha to earn more money. PS: Other kehilos have takannah weddings and bar mitzvos… Read more »
None of those categories can be removed completely, but there’s easily several hundred dollars a month that can be saved by optimizing in areas like internet/phones, cars, insurance, cleaning and food, as others have written below.
If they could save $500/month, that’s $6000 year, $60,000 a decade, and a lot more if invested properly.
I definitely don’t on its a fake article, the tax ads up and it seems legit. But, I definitely think you can cut down. Many families don’t have a car, let alone two, it’s a splurge. Find a way to manage with one. If your teens work, make them pay at least half of their insurance. And if they don’t work, make them. If they’re old enough to drive they’re old enough to work for their own insurance. Even babysitting, anything they can do to make that extra cash. This saves you already close to $1,000 a month. You didn’t… Read more »
Yes , you’re correct even with 6 kids, KAH, you need 300k for that take home
But I love that someone is trying to start an open conversation about finances
i hope you get all the money you need. and the segulah about al netilat yadayim really works
The Rebbe taught us to not rely on “segulos”, like those. Just you your thing and H’ WILL do the rest.
and it works.
?
Pretty sure it’s to fill the cup till the top
Wow! You’ve got a house and two cars! Is this a humble brag? Are you asking for a handout? Have a Kiddush in shul for a simcha and thank Hashem for what you have. Most people have to make do with much less.
This is reality this is not bragging.
It’s not about a brag. Yes he has a lot to be greatfull for. My family lives in a basement use public transport everywhere and barely make ends met.
Though I’m glad his blessed to live well and it’s reality is that not always will there be enough Jewish finances does not make sense.
You have a great income. I couldnt dream of ever having such an income. Certain things are luxuries like 2 cars in nyc where there is great transportation. Also kid do not need to use both cars. Why $600 for cleaning services?
The rebbe spoke of people with fancy homes and 2 cars not wanting to leave to israel with mishiach so he considered it a luxury. Tuition is very high though
We don t own even one car and are married many many years.. we manage very well without bh
braces on their young kids
i recently learned that there is a such thing as putting braces on kids too young and the orthodontist moving teeth too fast in such a way that permanently causes damage to the roots (shortens them or something?) and could present problems later in life to the person whose parents put braces on them too young. so moral of the story is, do your research, because apparently some orthodontists aren’t even aware of this and do this to young kids, or maybe they just don’t care and do it anyway!
They’re aware
so apparently at least 1 ortho is either unaware or doing something unethical anyway. so idk why you would think anything is funny
Just earning a money on account of patient health… sometimes…
I auffer form it till this very day bc if that!
and let this be a warning to all to not put braces on their too-young-for-braces-children because apparently many parents aren’t aware of this until it’s too late!
First thing first I agree 100% life is super expensive especially a jewish life i would say though a couple of points When buying your home it might have been a good idea to see if the monthly mortgage payments can be made and still afford the whole jewish life down the road If not it’s no cihyuv to buy a home and not being able to go on with regular life after So point 1 would be not if you can pay the mortgage Its how will you be after paying the mortgage 2md thing i would suggest is… Read more »
Have they considered a cargo bike? A great alternative in Brooklyn, Kingston and many other towns
That’s cheap if you are in nyc
I hate when realtors or stam landlords try to rent 3 or 4 bedroom for 4k and up (of course, they must throw the word “luxurious” somewhere on the listing)
Didn’t read the whole thing, It caught my attention
Also think about the landlord who had to borrow hundreds of thousands of dollars for the down payment and construction and is paying high interest rates on all that borrowed money every year. While rent in Crown Heights is indeed high, unless the landlord bought his house more than 20 years ago, you can’t blame them for requiring high rent
Let’s not forget about the property upstate. A necessity in the summertime… This poor family is suffering! How will they ever survive?
Giving the writer the benefit of the doubt, there’s nothing on the balance sheet that says they have a bungalow.
School clearly failed you.
There’s a condition in which people can’t identify sarcasm. So, I’ll let this one go.
Clearly it was a sarcastic comment, or in your case not so clear
Get on Medicaid and food stamps. Get paid in cash under the table. As long as you ma’aser properly it’s okay
It’s called tax evasion. Besides the potential consequences, what happened to dina d’malchusa dina?
Isn’t that illegal
That’s how it’s done in Williamsburg
Boropark
They know how play the game
Beautiful houses fancy bungalows
Etc
Thats also why they have more friends and family in Ottisville!
Getting handouts is never a good feeling. Also, if you’re getting paid 1/4 of a million, it’s very difficult to get all that paid in cash.
Why would you suggest that? A bissel sechel
We’re on the same boat and making less than what you’re showing. It might be helpful to add to your budget “savings” in a few categories: – emergency fund: aim for 1 to 3 ms of your expenses, but build it slow like $100 a month or whatever you can. This is for the unexpected. – open a youth savings account for each of your kids. Rates are now 5 to 6% a year and each of your kids can enjoy that from age 7 to 25. Putting in $15 a week per child from age 7 gets you almost… Read more »
Where are you finding youth savings accounts for 5-6%???
Try Apple Bank for Savings.
Apple Bank has a youth savings account offering 6% interest on up to $10,000.
https://www.applebank.com/personal/banking/savings-cds/savings/smartstart-savings
6% APY for NY/NJ residents on up to 10K
Apple bank had these last year. Check it out. Even 4% is nice
However 2 cars and 2 gas with car insurance for teens is a bit extra. Certain people will say to have life insurance, others like me will say unless if you feel like you need it that also can be skipped till senior years. internet usage is also extra – I dont have wifi and use the date from my phone. It’s more then enough especially if you want to focus on family time and not internet access all the time unless if you need it for work then it’s a different story. Side note: a lot of people dont… Read more »
Life insurance always important
C”V something happens to a person, their spouse and kids will be set financially.
If this person lives in CH you are right.
But how about a place where you can’t get anywhere without a car? 2 cars is a must in a place like that.
If your not doing life insurance, at the very least do Areivim. Max payment $42/month and in the event of a death, you won’t become a COL article emergency campaign to support your family…
https://www.areivimusa.org/enroll
Just like the rest of us, struggling as well. Bh with a large (rented) house and 2 cars… not a luxury but a necessity here. I get it. But bh you have food to put on the table… be grateful!
You can get unlimited talk-and-text, 2GB data for $10 (for example with US Mobile) (or $17 for unlimited data). Internet plane for $35-$80. How do you get to $250?
Masser definitely can go towards your kids tuition especially in difficult times
my mortgage is $6200
seconds time to start second buisness
buy real estate
create other forms of income
if you rely on your job not going to work
Don’t fear spending money on travel.
Fear growing old and realizing the only place you visited…. was your job.
Stand by the door of shul and beg for money. G-d willing you should make enough to be happy.
Usually people looking to find margin in their budget are able to find it in the food line item. Meal planning, cooking as many meals as possible (as opposed to ordering in), and cooking from scratch are all ways people beat this budget line.
The best path forward is to know how much you will need for each Simcha, and put whatever margin you find into a separate savings account for those events. Best of luck to you!
You are amazing that you can do it in 20thousand a month. I earn over 200 thousand and just cover my expenses. If you have investments it costs money to maintain it.
You do not need 2 cars in Brooklyn…that’s actually absurd. Get rid of one, cut the car and gas payments in half, and you’ll have a nice chunk of extra change right there.
Also, I get that cleaning help makes life easier, but if you are truly having trouble making ends meet, there is absolutely no reason you need $600/month of cleaning help. Cut back to max once a week for just a few hours and get your 6 kids to contribute to household chores. Their future roommates and spouses will thank you and so will your wallet.
If the author takes your advise seriously, you will have reduced their deficit by 10%. this is not a real solution
10% is 2K a month which translates to 24K a year which will cover Simchas + more. No one gets rich instantly unless they win the lottery.
$3K a month on food is $750/week. I have a family of 7 and we spend just over half that amount. We also have one car, and spend less than half of what you spend on car insurance and phones/internet. I have a friend who complains about lack of money but buys a tuna bagel every morning from a bakery for $8, when they could make it for less than $3. That’s over $120/month they’re wasting on one single item. I know another person who likewise complains money but takes their family every month to buy $20 burgers… I really… Read more »
Look to the Torah and the Rebbe’s guidance and your mashpia for that
Look to the Torah and the Rebbe’s guidance and your mashpia for that
From the sound of ur expenses, you seem to live out of town. I would suggest negotiating with those charging tuition and potentially creating savings/life insurance that u pay the tuition out of…use it like a savings account and personal bank. I don’t know where you live, but T-mobile has a great internet hotspot which is incredible for most ppl and does a great job. Much cheaper – like $50 a month. Others already mentioned stuff regarding massar and if living out of crown heights, 2 cars is a must….& u have good rates. For insurance – car insurance, try… Read more »
Get rid of the car payments (should lower insurance as well)
And spend less on food
That should give enough margin to save a bit more towards investing and simchas
We did a bar mitzva as a breakfast in shul. <500$.
By the time you get to a wedding, you will have more income BEH.
If your wife isn't working, then cut out the second car.
Your missing taxes!!
240,000/year. That gives you 10,000 for a simcha each year.
Based on the maaser line item, we can see that the author’s after tax take-home pay is ~$207k. Stop being ridiculous
Where do you see that number?
~$1700 a month toward maaser multiplied by 12. This isn’t hard
Not to be that guy,
But i can see (barely) justifying 1 car, not 2,
Unless you absolutely need one, in which case you can buy a second hand car, i don’t understand why paying 1250 a month isnt considered luxury.
Also, i understand wanting cleaning help, but it definitely shouldn’t be in the same budget as your tuition/groceries.
Cut those 2 things, put the money away, and you’ll be able to afford your simcha.
I would highly recommend you read this book. The main concept is pay yourself first. Take 10% of your gross paycheck and immediately put it into The S&P. Force yourself to live off the “scarcity” You should be proud of yourself It sounds like you’re doing all the right things! Your cars are costing you 25,000 a year…. I would challenge you / push back to see if maybe you can get rid of one car looking to Uber/ride shares a little bit the rest of your budget is actually very appropriate and lean. Not understanding at all why people… Read more »
Say that every day
Buy all food at Costco
Cut as much stuff from your local grocery stores as possible (sadly the people of our community like to take advantage of each other).
Cut at least one car or sell it and get a used cheap car.
Get yourself cheaper internet there’s no reason you should be paying $250 a month to get online in 2025.
Skip the life insurance, your family is going to raise money on this here website anyway
Who needs to do life insurance fraud when all you need to do is make a fake campaign and post it here
Cleaning help and second car/gas are extra
there’s zero necessity other than social pressure to “make” a simcha. the stage can occur without creating and event and paying for a hall, catered food, entertainment, etc.
(Warning: this is a long one) I don’t understand the comments who are telling him to be grateful. Here is a Chossid and an Oved Elokim, who is doing his best to build, raise, and support a family (and community as well). There isn’t a single misspent dollar on this balance sheet. Typical Liberal behavior to hear the cries of a man (or read about it), and proceed to invalidate his experience and his concerns. Perhaps look into finding a more affordable city to live in. The biggest issues are if you can continue working in the same industry and… Read more »
There are many affordable small towns within driving distance of a Jewish school. When looking into those neighborhoods, shluchim have specifically told us that they are not here to serve us and have explicitly stated not to move to them. I would love to live in a cheaper neighborhood and don’t mind driving an hour for schools, but not at the expense of not being welcomed.
How did you get Health insurance under $1k a month?
A $4300 loan implies a $600,000+ mortgage, which means you paid even more for the house if you include the down payment. You need to find a more affordable place to live.
Two cars, unless you need both cars for work, the second car should be a cheaper one. Are you really paying $10,000 per year on car insurance??? Put the teen on one car only and EXCLUDE them from the second car.
See if you can do with one car, or with a cheaper/smaller second car
Speak to your rov about paying tuition with maaser. Many have been told it’s perfectly acceptable
See if you can qualify for Obamacare
One of the nisayon is that many middle bracket want to just be comfortable.
Every month is not predictable, we need to rely on Hashem.
Something lower income people have to think about all the time. They never know how they will make it. But Hashem is the only provider.
You can still work on lowering expenses and bringing in more side income.
Do you have special needs or special wants
Realization that you can’t afford luxury life you want makes changes in mindset and then your lifestyle… all you need is courage to cut off on expenses and to learn to do many things yourself
USA hates and disdain hardworking medium class people and sadly is also reflected in the Yiddiskeith daily life, schools feel they are giving great middos, education but I have not seen nothing but the creation of mediocre people and average in all senses and I assure they feel holy charging you less but they are not worth it. You are not doing nothing wrong is just be poor so everyone takes care of you goverment , tzedakas or be incredibly rich there is no middle path here except relocation to Israel or other USA cheaper place with incentives for chinuch… Read more »
You know what you are missing ? You are missing something EVERY SINGLE respectable community has, a takanah hall or at LEAST a wedding package. I’m a hardworking middle class fellow like you but if some one in the industry can do this together with a respectable board it would bring a yeshua and bracha to many people for many generations.
I wish we has a house…
Invest in s and p 500 in a Roth IRA, that will really help
what a well written honest and vulnerable article .. i dont sense any bitterness or resent in the tone and this yungerman is just reaching out for suggestions which is very brave .. good for you .. here are some suggestions .. others have already mentioned .. increase ur income .. does ur wife work? can u do any side hustles? train in ur job to move u .. can u get rid of a car, this will save in re payments as well as insurance and then and rent out ur parking space to earn more income? can u… Read more »
Pay might not be the best yet with discount on the ,60+k bill, it might be better value to work there…
He already works
Ok buckle up, it’s gonna be a read 🙂 First of all I appreciate OP bringing this conversation into the open. I think the overall discomfort around money matters, keeps us from discussing it and finding solutions. We have seen that certain issues are best addressed by a community as a whole. Starting with “tzoras rabim chatzi nechama” but particularly because people are finding solutions and can share them with others – but for real impactful and timely change, this a public platform has shown to be way more effective. Incredible solutions were created to solve problems with health, infertility,… Read more »
Wait until someone from a lower bracket than you post his numbers here and how he figures it out.
And lets not forget the saying that you need to look down on someone financially and thank H’, but spiritually is the contrary.
You may be able to bring in more income that way. If you are in a city and have a driveway you can rent it out.
In the 90’s ppl didn’t spend as much on Bar Mitzvahs etc. My siblings who had Bar Mitzvos in the 90’s had it in shul. $300-$500 the whole maaseh.
Not sure if they did 2 cars either in the 90’s (idk).
So making $100,000 then was is indeed doing very well. (Adjusted for inflation, that’s about 250k in 2025)
Good luck to you. You sound hardworking and driven. You will get through this. Ideas where to cut down: One car Car insurance for teens on one car Food- cut down by $100 a week. It could be done. Cleaning help- once a week (don’t give that up. You need it for your sanity) Please go on vacations. Cheaper, road trip type vacations, or flights in mileage points. Don’t suck the joy out of life. Celebrate. And keep the simchas simple. Events over next day. Don’t embarrass the kids by making it way less than their average classmate, but stay… Read more »
I get it—money can feel heavy and endless and I yet I know that there really are ways to turn things around. Most of us can rattle off what everything costs, but taking control of our finances could feel really hard. I don’t think it’s about being perfect—it’s about doing what we can and finding a plan that actually works for each family. I know that organizations like RSK don’t just hand you a budget and send you off. They sit with you, figure out what’s really going on, and help you create a plan that makes your finances work… Read more »
I have two cars paid for in cash. One for longer trips and one clunker for local trips which is mostly where I go anyways.. all brooklyn is flat.. you don’t need anything fancy. You can buy used cars for 5-10k and drive them to the ground in 10 years and still not come anywhere near what leasing a car costs.. check the numbers
I enjoyed reading your article and the honesty here..interestingly it is very similar to my situation with same amount of kids and income..its not easy for sure and I hope you do read this; Food- buy a much as possible outside ch.. about a third less at bingo ect Yeshiva- biggest line item. Beg for discount at each- if you get 1k each that’s 6k right there! Cars and ins- by far your biggest disposal income mistake. 900 for ins is ludicrous. Shop around and see whats available..liberty mutual is good for me. Even better package your home owners ins… Read more »
There should be ways to reduce this line item while still eating well significantly. Prepared foods are a dangerous hazard. The culture around $30 sourdough challas + othr shabbos treats has gotten excessive. My advice would be to try as best you can to buy in bulk from costco/trader joes if you are not already. And to try and meal prep snacks throughout the week. storebought Kids snacks can get extremely expensive. Homemade also tastes better and is healthier. Also, try shopping at a non kosher specific store for the bulk of your items. prices are significantly cheaper, and you… Read more »
It is really tough out in the work force. Middle income earners are hit very hard! We make a Beutifull income yet we don’t seem to make ends meet. is the very thought many of us have.. so what more should I be doing?? * Rule of thumb regarding finance is: Its 80 Percent Behaviour 20 percent finance. As much as we’d not like it to be this way, and think I just need to earn another 100k and we’ll be fine. Myself being in the same position you’re talking about. has proven it’s not exactly the truth to Finacial… Read more »
What is it? Can you explain?Never heard about it
Brooklyn is expensive maybe out of town is cheaper
Your concern is real. Today, supporting a frum family costs $250K. Really, your goal should be to focus on saving in general and not saving specifically for a simcha (bar mitzvah).
Can you consider tuition maaser and set aside that money towards simchos ?
The best option anyone has is to start a 529 plan for tuition and invest as much as you can in SPY or the like ,monthly compounding is so powerful and so easy , force yourself to do this before any bills ( like the person who quoted the book richest man in Babylon ) and you will look back in 20 years at your first wedding be”H and be so grateful!
Working on bitachon is the only way to get by
I was told by a Rav that you can give your Masser towards tuition (Talmud Torah)
Each to his own rav
What was your month expense
It is very courageous of you to do this. Everyone has their nuances and no two homes are alike. We don’t know much such as the ages of your kids and where you work. -Please keep your life insurance, that’s a responsibility every married man should have. Not a choice. -do you must have cars, and two? -are your vehicles basic used or new leased? -cleaning help sounds quite high -food amount per month can be cut down on? Do you eat out, can you bake instead of buying in the bakery (challah, cakes, cookies)? Do you bring water from… Read more »