Video: Rabbi Gancz to Women
A lecture Rabbi Aharon Dovid Gancz delivered this past week to women and girls in Crown Heights about Tznius is now available for viewing online. COLlive's exclusive live broadcast was viewed by 1827 people and received 89 comments. We thank Innovision for sponsoring the filming and editing. Video
A lecture Rabbi Aharon Dovid Gancz delivered this past week to women and girls in Crown Heights about Tznius is now available for viewing online. COLlive's exclusive live broadcast was viewed by 1827 people and received 89 comments. We thank Innovision for sponsoring the filming and editing. Video
dressing modestly is important. it preserves a certain image, and it acts against the possibility of inappropriate actions or ideas. And while yes, a certain type of tznius violation may stem from unconfidence and insecurity, many tznious violations have absolutely nothing to do with that. For example, should someone where a tank top or a skirt that is slightly above the knee or shirts that dont quite hit the elbow, that is different than looking like a s—, and has aboslutely nothing do to with insecurity or inferiority complexes
why does tznius always boil down to the $$$$?
Why are we always saying that tznius clothing are expensive? How many of you have a second car, second cellphone, ipod, videos etc???? Don’t these things add up too?
2-3 good outfits will take you much further in life than 10 tops and 8 skirts that look like they have been through a war half way into the season! Sometimes a bargain costs you a mint!!!!!!!!!!!
Don’t fool yourself!
my hubby and i ust got throgh watchin the talk, we warrent able to attend! it really sensitized us to some unedr emphasized values!!
although he can spruce up his delivery a bit! he seems up tight in BR
my favorite source of quality info
there are styles that are NOT provocative! and others that ARE all about “provoking”
u state your comment as if he must be contradicting a d’oraisa for suggesting that dressing up for Trend is unjewish
the real issue is…
why choose the prust guyish style? instead of working a little harder and finding a Tznius and Stylish combo,
btw
u can find many smart demonstrations in c.h.
ok so for all those who didnt understand what i said is that the word STYLISH is wrong. according to Rabbi Ganz you cant be stylish and trendy
make her feel less desperate! by more ahava etc!!
Rabbi Ganz should come down to Sydney and Melbourne…
i noticed that she really craves this inappropriate attention! my pointing out to her that i find her very beautiful w/o revealing her knees and elbows (against halocho) kept falling on deaf ears! nothing seemed to get the message throgh that she is better looking when dressed with class than like a wana be… then it clicked! she wasn’t dressing that way to please me! it was like a mental block! she was stuck and couldn’t help herself! my mashpia advised that i avoid the issue, but compliment her each time i find her dressed respectfully! it took less then… Read more »
DO SOMETHING TRUE TO YOUR SOUL!!
(instead of treating your body like a cheap piece of meat)
DO MIVTZOYIM! DO VISITE AN OLD AGE HOME, HOSPITAL ETC
SPEND MORE TIME W YOUR KIDS!
SURPRISE YOUR HUSBAND WITH A THOUGHTFUL GIFT+LOVE-NOTE
THE LIST GOES ON….
DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT YOU WILL FEEL GOOD ABOUT! SOMETHING YOU WILL RESPECT YOURSELF FOR!!
NAGIC! YOUR DESPERATION LEVEL FOR DRESSING SLUTTY FOR OTHERS WILL GRADUALLY DISSAPEAR AS YOU FILL YOUR LIFE WITH GOOD ACTS AND MEANING!
(YOUR MARRIAGE WILL ALSO IMPROVE! BY YOU RESPECTING YOURSELF, AND RESERVING YOUR PRIVACY JUST FOR…)
i think men ought to get training how to prevent their wives from trashing her self on the street!
he should adress how to fix “self-esteem” issues before the women looses all self respect and goes desperate for the wrong self degrading attention!
they may be adults but their issues drive them to be blind and foolish re how to feel good about themselves!
…their practice ends up doing more damage to their already depleted self worth! thus the downward vicious cycle
to recognize a wrong action in another! is NOT a contradiction to …”UNCONDITIONAL AHAVAS YISROEL” to NOT looove them UNCONDITIONALLY… and feel compassion, that IS against AHAVAS YIS.! how does dicerning good from bad automatically = that you dont love them!!! what you are suggestiong is NOT unconditional LOVE, but rather unconditional DENIAL of whats right and wrong! aka “liberalism” my dear friend, the ONLY way to fulfill “UNCONDITIONAL” Ahavas y. if if, YOU STILL LOVE THEM, despite seeing their shortcomings! (averos) if the ONLY way you can love someone is if you delude yourself that they are free of… Read more »
put up or shut up! dont discredit the man bc you fear the truth gaining steam!!
i agree rabbi ganz is the only MAN who has the guts to stand up and take a leadership role, despite the inevitable backlash to be expected from all those self degrading moms who have no respect anyone or anything including themselves, and their private parts etc. etc. what these self loathing grown up children is to be exposed (no pun intended) for the frauds and trash that they really are. their desperate attempts at using “rebbe” talk to try to put down rabbi ganz and his message, must be met head on by calling a spade a spade, and… Read more »
there is one very defensive lady w a strange agenda! she keeps posting and agreeing with herself! its very transparent!!!! you acuse RG of spuing litfish views… you must know very little re views to mix together satmar w litfish!! any way, why does his message urk you this much are you by any chance a so called “shlucha” who dresses like a… and you cant stand the uncomfortable truth!!!!? only very strange motives will take the time and effort to keep trying to undermine this man’s message! if it maddens you so much at least it shows that you… Read more »
Words of the Frierdiker Rebe: with your right eye look at the other and use the left for looking at yourself. So when talking about tznius take a good look at yourself, as if you are the only one that has to improve on this area & for everybody else: UNCONDITIONAL AHAVAS YISROEL!
i once asked a girl who is not tznius permission to ask her why she dressed that way – in a sincere way – i wanted to understand.
she said – to be more attractive – she enjoys it
i said – dressing tznius is one way of having a relationship with Hashem.
she said: I WAS NEVER TAUGHT THAT…..
I personally am a BR student and I must say that BR gives us plenty of tools just some students dont channel it in (or are in denial.) I am not saying that BR doesnt have what to improve, but one has to be conscious and not always look for something or someone to blame but actually do something about it, hamaseh hu haikar! Take upon yourself a hachlata (like I did) and hopefully there will be a change which will bring Moshiach now!
R ganz was not the most effective speaker yet. im not saying he didn’t have great points and i did learn alot but he does have a litfish outlook on tznius!
its human nature!
they dont want to be exposed to all as sooo off base of the Rebbe’s wishes, Halacha, Decency etc
these ladies certainly have deep rebbelious issues and lack of “quality” attention in their life!
you cant argue someone who’s brain doesent run the show! they first need to mature and recover from all the unresolved inferiority issues etc
lecture wont solve it! therapy or a supper amazing husband!!
claiming that before chinuch of your own kids, the rebbeh prioritized HAFATZA!!
that person doesnt seem to read too many sichos!!
the Rebbeh insists throughout on chinuch of your own children as #1 before helping any one else’s chinuch!!
then they wonder why their kids …
if a parent followes ALL the rebbe’s directives (not just 30 minutes a day thinking) they have the guarenties of the rebbe’s brochos as well!
despite this darkest stage of galus!
the rebbeh prepped us how to last in these “LEADERLESS” final days!
the Rebbeh insisted at family first!
soo sad that they justify their prioritizing hahatza over raising their own kids according to the Rebbeh
I don’t know who told girls that raising kids is more important than mivtzoyim. Young women nowadays take on a lot of committments, raising children, running a home, working outside the home, as well as many other responsibilities. Doing hofotza is another activity that we try to fit in, not more or less important. However if doing mivtzoim interferes with raising our children to the extent that they are being neglected, then yes, raising our children takes priority. As for the screaming in camp, problem is that the girls leave camp and continue, forgetting that they are no longer in… Read more »
BS”D YOU WROTE: “to us the Rebbes word is final not the way Rabbi Ganz or any other “chossid” interperts it what the Rebbe says it what we do!” AS IF YOU ARE PRESENTING THE REBB’S VIEW WHE YOU PROMOTE “MIVTZOYIM” AS PRIORITY #1, ACTUALLY THIS IS EXACTLY AGAINST THE REBBE’S REPEATED VIEW!!! THE REBBEH STATED MANY TIMES THAT BEFORE THE 10 MIVTZOYIM A YID FOLLOWS HALACHA 100% THEN A CHOSSID FOLLOWS THE HORAOS OF DAILY CHITAS RAMBAM ETC THEN A CHOSSID SPENDS AT LEAST 30 MIN. A DAY THINKING CAREFULLY THROUGH HOW TO IMPROVE THE CHINUCH OF HIS CHILDREN!!… Read more »
you seem bright! yet very deffensive re accepting truth from RG who btw is less outsider than many self-id-ied lubavitchers!!
chabad is not a genetic gene its a mindset and life style practiced by few today
oh yes many psudo lubavithchers exist 200,000+ but very few made a informed and educated decission to embrace ALL the beaty and demands!!
JJ Hecht was also an “OUTSIDER” by your criteria!
as were many of the REAL chasidim of yesteryear (and today)
But please hear my case…. i dont think 29 considers ganz satmar because of his hat i think it is because of his outlook (or lack thereof) stop trying to turn him into lubavitchs savior. we have a major tznius issue, that must be adressed by the heads of the mosdos etc. but to start mentioning foolish things like girls yelling in camp and girls in california being told that raising kids is better than mivtzoyim which it is very important but dont make hafotza which was and is the Rebbe’s priority seem like a thing to do when there… Read more »
while your PR damage control post is impressively written, (really) i think comment 70 is unfortunately accurate!!! especially on the point of the absence of authentic “dugma chaya’s ” who are living examples of chabad thinking and practice (what the rebbe stands for!!) the sad fact is, that if the curriculum seems to you as inline and reflective of machasheves hachassidus aka the rich and comprehensive bueaty of torah embued living then you are just as (sadly) lacking of the fundementals of our enriching heritage as frum chassidim (chabad). under four eyes the vast majority of our so called mechanchos… Read more »
71 sweet yet naive, i dont know anyone who chooses to dress against halavha who does not also suffer from deep self image problems, remember for somone to consciously transgress a serious aveira with such dire consequences on the men in the community, (not to mention the downward spiral effect on our children)
… such perverse and self degrading choices must stem from considerable inner conflict,
(at least for a woman who was educated to know how serious the rebbe considered this aveira, and how deeply it pained him!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ok i wanna know wat ur basing urself on…. first and foremost… when was the last time u sat in a BR classroom?????? secondly… im in BR and i must say…. every SINGLE subject is imbued with chassidus. Every minute of the day u can feel the pressure for chassidishkiet…. BR lays out the cards, its up to YOU if u choose to learn and gain. yes, it may be that your daughter/ sister/ neighbor/ etc sat in a BR classroom and did not learn a thing…. but thats at her own fault. BR provides the tools. It provides the… Read more »
Once again, name calling gets us nowhere, dressing tznious and acting in a mosdest way has more to do with an understanding of the ruchnious of the act than self esteem, I think we have gotten away from the understanding that every good act we do is a good act in its own right. A shorter sleeve or hair uncovered not to entice another man will not take away all of the goodness every woman or girl in Crown Heights does on a daily basis. If we would look for the good in each other instead of what we judge… Read more »
well said, our system creates a very wrong picture of chasidishkeit! and our girls think they know what it is! why shouldent they?!
after all they were supposedly raised chabad! right?!
yet upon closer examination,
there is very little in BR curriculum and methods that stem from chabad or the Rebbe’s values!
yet our daughters are convinced that they’v obviousely seen it all, and it doesent appeal to them!
what actually doesnt turn them on (and actually turns them off) is the LACK of chabad (the absence of chabad philosophy and values) within the system! and it’s “educators”
67, although you are right, you are missing the main point, which is, our daughters detect lack of sincerity, and lack of joy in the personal yiddishkeit of those responsible to educate them. the problem starts with hiring the wrong stock of staff where the main criteria is connections rather then qualifications. our daughters would gladly embrace authentic chassideshe life style if only they had the opportunity to come in contact with down to earth living examples, whose lives are imbued with the joy, richness and beauty of what it means to really live a torah life. if you talk… Read more »
no matter what a school says, it wont make a difference if its not implemented in the home. the mothers have to dress tznius if they want their daughters to dress tznius. children learn by example.
i grew up going to one of the crown heights schools and can say that they turn the girls off the tznius by making up halachos of tznius. like saying you can’t wear long skirts cuz its not tznius. which seif in shulchan aroch says that???? they could just say that its not school uniform. why bring tznius into the picture. are they afraid that if they say its school policy the girls wont listen? or maybe they wont respect the hanhallah because they are setting bounderies??? a school can make whatever rules they want. but dont bring halacha into… Read more »
Yes, having a good relationship with your parents, can have a strong impact on your relationship with Hashem.
If not, may –> rebellion.
not so hard to work out if one is objective. however, how many of us find it easy to be objective.
it takes a lot of courage – can only do it with Hashem’s help – He can dose it out in baby drops that we can handle.
Nice though, nice to get to know oneself 🙂 quite….
Depressed ppl usually dont care soo much to be in line, bc they are misrable
joy has a lot to do with serving hashem!
in beis rivka ch this is the norm! those who rebel or are angry,
if u scratch the surface a little u always discover self image problems (anorexia etc)
to fully appreciate the beuty and jew of living jewish (chabad) etc one really must invest at least some time learning every day on the subject that they wish to understand and fully see the richness it offers! the only other short cut i’ve seen, (but not easy to always find) is a “Real” living example of a women who combines the joy and richness and meanning of Torah life style, and at the same tme is smart and with it, and knows how to dress well and enjoy this world! one who combines the spiritual happyness with a nice… Read more »
there may exist an exeption somewhere! like a girl who wasent raised frum etc! but ive never met a c.h raised girl who does willingly violates halacha w/o also having some unresolved problems from my own first hand experiance, the problems are always oon or more of the following, (for a girl to allow herself to rebbel against the halocho of thzniyus) either serious negitive perception of her own beuty! or unresolved anger against someone in there childhood, like a bullie teacher or tempermental parent! and the grownup child lives her life TODAY in a way that revolves arround getting… Read more »
what i meant is people talk about tznuis in general, i would like to understand the dephs of it. you cant just say respect hashem respect the rebbe ect. thats fear, if its real there must be deph. that is what is lacking if i would understand perhaps i can intererlize it on my level.
evryone knows that some people
have alot to comment but its not right to
give a whole megilla about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is all a mindset. the mindset is where all your thoughts come from – its outgrowth center. Accept Hashem in your heart, ….tznius then sits comfortably ontop of that. Yidden, the hardest thing to realize is that we are indeed different. Hashem is screaming to us: I LOVE YOU – we are so distracted with life that we dont hear Him. Tune in to your heart, you will tune into your relationship with Hashem, then you will be tznius with a passion. Tznius is self respect. Respect for what, for who….YOU. But who are YOU? A yiddishe neshoma –… Read more »
People not from a frum background dress whatever way they want. They dress for comfort , style, personal taste, etc. A religious Jew is dressing because of the laws of tznius as interpreted by the Rabbanim. When a person is dressing not according to halacha, it doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of esteem, as some have said. It usually means they have not internalized the ratzon for following halachic expectations. Also, dress is one of the closest expressions of identity so it is the hardest to change.
I’m actually a typical BY girl, but this speech was so inspiring, we need more of this in all Jewish communities. Keep it up!
Though I did not appreciate the comment about misnagdishe girls! I have also been mekarev people! Please try not to be so negative! And you also say tehillim every day!
We love you anyway.
Thank you for this amazing speech and I’m going to try not to talk loudly in public. Thank you Rabbi Gancz and COL for being mefarsem it.
a great speech
WHAT IS WITH THE LASHON HARA HERE!?
even a shixa understand the difference between pretty and slutty!
the problem is that a desperate women takes the word “ATTRACTIVE” litterally! as in dressing in a manner that attracts attention! though not bec its pretty or tasteful!!
a bright red dunce cap is also ‘ATTRACTIVE”
they forget that the word is not meant literally but rather a synonym for beauty and good taste!
the Lehavdils on 42nd street are also attractive! in the wrong way! do you really wish to be attractive by that connotation?
there is no conflict with dressing very well yet also tznius!
read comment #1 if you really want to uproot the problem! your idea is verry nee jerk and simplistic it ignors the cause and focusses on surpressing the symptom! Our rebbeh taught us that: DUGMA CHAYA, + DVORIM HAYOITZIM MIN HALEV… + TRUE AHVAS YISROEL is the only effective solution! the kinda thing your talking about is more about venting anger by vigilanties and less about compassion for those who nebach suffer from such temptation! one can and should be repulsed by the thaught of a precious yidish meidul, degrading herself even below the self respecting shixis, who understand the… Read more »
#29 is obviousely uncomfortable by the message! i wounder why? she is clearly not aware of WHAT the REBBEH’s definition and criteria for a chossid! the man’s hat in her mind is going against the Rebbeh! when it was non other than the Rebbeh who directed him to continue dressing in the levush of his parents! a chossid is one who Serves H’ in the derech of chabad teachings! not someone who was born in C.H. and fights the Rebbe’s “bakasha nafshis” re dressing according to halacha! i’m not yet 100% perfect in this department my self! its not always… Read more »
its good to get a refresher and some uplifting inspiration to counter the klipa which doesnt take a break 24/7
it is a great shame but effective
is it really either or?!?!?! dont try to promote your shallow agenda by generalizing that either you follow halacha or you dress well! that is absurd! YOU ARE TALKING TO PPL WHO HAVE BEEN ARROUND! NOT BORN LAST NIGHT! IT MAY COST A BIT MORE $, IT MAY REQUIRE MORE TALENT AND A BETTER EYE! BUT DONT BE SO NAIVE TO SUGGEST THAT IF YOU WANT TO RESPECT HALACHA, YOU CANT LOOK GREAT AND STYLISH! (yes some styles do require you to look like you are selling meat! but plent of trendy looks allow you to dress cool without breaking… Read more »
is it really either or?!?!?! dont try to promote your shallow agenda by generalizing that either you follow halacha or you dress well! that is absurd! YOU ARE TALKING TO PPL WHO HAVE BEEN ARROUND! NOT BORN LAST NIGHT! IT MAY COST A BIT MORE $, IT MAY REQUIRE MORE TALENT AND A BETTER EYE! BUT DONT BE SO NAIVE TO SUGGEST THAT IF YOU WANT TO RESPECT HALACHA, YOU CANT LOOK GREAT AND STYLISH! (yes some styles do require you to look like you are selling meat! but plent of trendy looks allow you to dress cool without breaking… Read more »
TEN CHEERS FOR RABBI GANZ. HE SPOKE TO THE POINT AND LIKE A TRUE LUBAVITCHER. CONTRARY TO WHAT #29 WOULD LIKE TO THINK, I GUESS TO QUIET HER OWN GUILT. HE DESERVES ALL THE CREDIT FOR BRAVING TO TALK ON THIS CRITICAL TOPIC AND SAID IT LIKE IT IS BUT IN A POSITIVE, SINCERE MANNER. THIS SATMAR CHASID IS THE EPITOMY OF WHAT A CHABAD CHASID SHOULD BE. WERE IT NOT FOR THIS “SATMAR” MY SON-IN-LAW WOULD NOT BE A BAAL TESHUVAH AND A CHABADNIK. I WOULD LISTEN TO HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN. HE WALKS THE WALK AND THEREFORE CAN… Read more »
be a good example for your daughters, by dressing elegant and refined and tzniusdik, and hopefully your children will not go shopping in trashy stores for cheap clothes that are too tight etc..
so were always told that trendy things are not tznius even if the fit all the criteria of tznius. now the booklet they gave out at this tznius speech was called something like tznius and style. anyone care to explain?? i mean i guess it could be b/c all the pictures in the booklets that were tznius, were under no circumstances fashionable and would just make a woman look insane so i guess thats a possible answer. anyone else??
I was at the Tzniyus gathering. It was so powerful to see the room filled with hundreds of people all there for the same purpose- to make Crown Height a more Tzniyus community. One that we can ALL feel comfortabe walking down it’s streets and Proud calling it our own. When they asked everyone to make a hachlata, I made two! I think it was the power in the room that pushed me to do that! When I was driving the next day and stopped at a red light, it got me thinking…. The laws of traffic we all automatically… Read more »
When will people realize how fortunate we are that we have a “roadmap” to guide us from the moment we are born as Yidden. The Torah guides us and give us the most amazing lives, Boruch Hashem. Regarding Rabbi Ganz’ terrific speech, Who would choose to be a “cat” rather than a Princess or Queen of Hashem?
are you folks so board that you got nothing better to do with your time than post your ridiculous theories online!!
cut it out!
dont think you have everyone figured out! stop judging others as messed up bc they choose to dress different then your nebby taste
it dosent stop at tznius problems! self esteem problems messes up these girls in ways they end up regretting for a long time!!
any chossid who chooses not to do the horaos that make the rebbeh alive in your life will see the world as you do! and will be far more prone to act like a child without supervision!
what about his views do u find contridicted by a sicha? hayoim yoim? igrois k.? or maamer?
stop your defensive attacks on the man bec his words are true! the truth hurts!
he was lubavitch before you were born!
outsiders who choose to join chabad are much more knowledgeable re chabad haskofo then one who never chose to be chabad!
besides, our school system does a very poor job covering any hashkafa matters re what chabad is or is not!!
most teenagers cant explain some of the basics of the rebbe’s shita and derech!
the only reason he dresses satmir is bec he obeys our rebbeh! who told him and others to retain their levush!
you come across bitter and defensive!
why does #1’s comments hit such a raw nerve?
one who cannot stop themselves from giving in to peerpreasure, is not at all a sign of too much self esteem or too much self respect! its a sign of a very weak self esteem with little back-bone, or principles, someone, who’s life revolves arround the opinions and approval of others is infact very weak and imature, its a very un-happy state of being, such ppl are never satasfied or pleased with themselves bec they are really fighting an inner demon which the more you worhip it the more controlling it grips it’s subject! a bottomless pit is 100% correct!… Read more »
We do have a problem with tznius, but we dont need an outsider to tell us what to do. he doesnt understand Rebbe or hiskashrus so how can he attempt to tell us what the Rebbe wanted when in the same sentence he tries to say the Rebbe didnt speak about tznius like shlichus his tone that he used referring to the Rebbe was almost mockery and typical for a satmar who has 2 rebbes…. he makes it like boro park is the perfect world becuase that is what he thinks is perfect a bunch of self righteous arrogant people… Read more »
Tivah doesn’t have to do with self esteem or lack of it. in this matter, unfortunately, many people suffer from altogether too much self esteem, meaning that they care about themselves and their own needs over their husbands, parents or neighbors. hunger is hunger and if a woman or girl feels she needs attention she will get it , no matter what. Also in matters of fashion, borderline individuals will always gravitate to the lowest thing they see walking on the street, the justification being so and so is wearing a skirt over the knee therefor no-one will notice if… Read more »
I enjoyed it a lot!
good going colv
it is nice for a change, but still a long way to go!
zchut harabim…
i feel bad/sad for those w/urge to expose more than halacha permits
lets not judge them!!
we all have our own peckel of weaknesses!
Lets all do our best to be m’karev them and find ways to make them feel pretty even in clothing that is tznius!
Remener (husbands) “Dvorim hayotzim mehalev…”
if a married women has a need to parade her untznius body for all to see… she ain’t just suffering from an acute “selfesteem” problem, uh uh! not at all! such behavior suggests a far more serious condition dubbed”male-attention-issues” typically resulting from little or no positive relationship with daddy, while growing up! btw these desperate girls are most vulnerable to being played on and manipulated by teenage predators on the streets, eager to take advantage for a while and then dump her like a used worthless Shmateh! further scarring these Neshomos for life! …into a vicious cycle RL for women… Read more »
your point is well taken! notice i said point not 20 points! as a mother of 7 KAH i have lived long enough to know that your observation is self evident! however, you do come across as if your feeding pro tznius propaganda! it would be best for you to simply post only your last 3 lines …i encourage you (shiduch age bochurim) to find an insider, who’s motives and opinions you trust… re… above list and its longterm implications! owe, the one point is MENTAL EMOTIONAL HEALTH! a healthy marriage requires ppl who are emotionally balanced and not stuck… Read more »
hi to 13 if he is too shy to talk openly with his own wife, he certainly needs to go for help! not wait 6months of misguided politeness! he should have leveled with her, his real feelings, not waiting even one day! let alone six months! i know a former kollel man with a more serious problem! he at first encouraged his wife’s style of dress, only to discover that she is now being “mehadir” = over doing it and he even told her more than once that he doesnt feel that comfortable with her “modern” style, Guess what her… Read more »
i don’t cringe when i hear about tznius
BH tell me how long ago were you at this stage (shana rishona)? i’m involved with three different couples who are still in shana rishona, and have the exact same disconnect! the problem has nothing to do with the need for therapy or counseling in two of the three! these two have a similar problem which therapy for the MAN will have little usefulness to the problem (at least for these two -who are both in a kollel) they are married to a women who is immature and rebellious! like a 14yo who lacks self awareness, or sensitivity for the… Read more »
you wrote:
“..i have no idea why tznius is important….”
is HASHEM important?
is the REBBEH important?
is HASEM’S WILL IMPORTANT?
is NOT hurting the REBBEH IMPORTANT (bakasha nafshis)
who are you kidding?
please watch your language.. and besides whoever this guy is please tell him to get to know his wife so he will feel comfortable telling her about her way of dressing! and if thats not possible maybe suggest a therapist.
the guy is embarassed to be seen next to his own wife bc the way she dresses (or lack of dress) he is too shy to confront her with the 6mo over due, update that he doesnt appreciate her looking like a cheap slut RL
i helped hinted it to her but she is in denial! and the mess just deepens! HYR
ur not rebelling against momy or tatty! its not their made-up rules!
its g-ds will you are fighting!! are you sure thats a good idea?!
get your resentments and anger issues dealt with!
thinking that dressing + attracting attention for the wrong reasons and from the wrong ppl will help you feel good about yourself… the opposite! your gonna feel more and more like nothing more than a cheap piece of meat on sale!
i went there at my mother request. to be honest i have no idea why tznius is important. i think as a yiddeshe girl/woman its important to dress well..didnt understand R Ganz case for tznius. im just being honest. seems like a sincere person, i did apriciate that.
i heard that some of his speech was cut off… is there any way to get a hold of the rest? like the questions and answers?…
btw, number 7:
relax!!!!!! she/he didnt say anything to YOU… “oif der ganif brent de hittul”!!!! know what that means?! and exactly why do you think she has a bad self esteem?…………………………………..
you must be a fake! bc you are exactly proving your defensiveness!
kabel ho-emes mimi sheomro!
instead of getting all mad (that your issues are soo obvious) why dont you get help or start working on improving your attire,
in the long run it”ll make you feel better about your self
if they dress like trash they surly feel like trash!
lets not make excuses! an adult women should be able to rise above her own issues (at least in actions)
thats the dif between a child and a mature grownup! get a grip on yourself, dont hurt your family bec you had a bad childhood! your kids deserve a self respecting mom, who puts their needs ahead of her own unresolved emotional luggage!
do you doubt the words of the Rebbeh! his track record is 100+10%
will u keep your gooody opinions to yourself!
i wonder what your self esteem is like! u prob hate yourself!! and thats wy u neeed to put us down! go bak to ur hole!
If there was more ahavas yisroel, they would have cared about inculcating them with basic yiddishe self esteem – bas melech-steem
it always boils down to self image problems
yashir koach!
if only this kinda info was avail. when i was in high school!
R Ganz wasent putting down the ppl with tznius challenges! he was only trying to emphasis the positives not properly promoted by our Girl schools!
BSD Lets face it, two of my best friends suffer from self image inferiority complex, always feeling ugly and not attractive! if they had not been raised by BRCH i dont think they would have such serious self worth issues! enough speeches to the girls (i’m sure speeches have a positive boost for those who need a little push) speeches alone hardly deal with the obvious Root cause! the better a girl/lady feels about themselves! the less need they have to dress in violation of halacha! (prust) the simple solution: parents/teachers to build up their youngsters sense of self worth… Read more »