The Bungalow’s Ever-Present Noise

Anonymous Op-Ed:

“She’s definitely pregnant, right? I mean, look at her!” There were chairs strewn across the field, but the three middle-aged women that were chatting about the young newly married woman who had walked past them only moments before, were seated in a semi circle under a few trees that were providing them with shade. The shade kept them cool and a bit more hidden from the children playing around them, yet their words had not been spoken in hushed voices and as I inched toward them, I could hear them ramble on; awaiting their next victim.

I had never been to an actual bungalow colony growing up, but since I had gotten married, my husband and I often went upstate to spend time with family and friends who had homes there. At first, I enjoyed the peacefulness of it. We would take long walks in the morning; there was lots of laughter, a bit of chaos, and lots of noise masking the sounds and scents of the country. As we began to spend more time there, I began to perceive my weekend experiences in a different sort of light, a much dimmer light. Still, there was nothing quite similar to the air there, the serenity; the deer saying hello as they nonchalantly crossed my path while I walked. Yet within the quietness, and beyond the little feet running by me, present was awful background noise that I simply couldn’t tune out.

Many spend summers with their younger children in these bungalow colonies along with other families who may or may not be within their personal social circles. Their husbands often remain in the City, working through the week and leaving early on Fridays to join their families for shabbos. Some children attend sleep away camp, while the younger ones attend day camp along with trips to nearby petting zoos and ever entertaining Walmart superstores. During this time however; the women, well… They have a lot of time on their hands. They have empty spaces of time that need filling. As I began to spend more time there on my free weekends off from work, I began to understand what that time was being suffused by. In between losing those relentless 5 pounds by serious biking or power-walking and driving to Woodbury Commons to catch some sales, there was plenty of time to think about all of their grievances that others were causing them.

And with nothing else to do, they conjured up inventive tales of people that were in the wrong; people that weren’t receiving them well. It’s kind of like this: Someone or something is bothering you and you aren’t sure exactly why. You begin to think about the situation, and as you do, it causes you to become disappointed, maybe angrier, and you have this sudden urge to get all of that emotion out there in the open. Even though, you weren’t all that upset to begin with. Maybe you would have even dropped the subject if you were busier with some of those things that really mattered. Yet, it wasn’t only that. There was the mindless gossip, too. Gossip for no reason at all, but only for what it was.

With time on their hands, poolside; the women discussed the younger generation, passing judgment for the swimwear they sported, before they had even opened their mouths to say hello to the women who were surveying them. During the week, as couples made big barbecues and bar mitzvah events took place, couples chatted about how much money their friends were spending and how much money they actually had to spend. As there were gadgets being purchased and new furniture being bought for their homes, they discussed who had purchased more houses there and how well they must be doing in business. And on shabbos, when there were no cell phones or cars being used and driven, it seemed that there was little to do, but to gossip.

Now, before I receive defensive messages and comments for this article, please know that I do not deem the bungalow experience an all-bad one, at all. In fact, I applaud the bungalow colonies that provide programs for the children, camaraderie, a safe and frum environment, and it’s wonderful to see the women relaxing and forming new relationships and bonds with others there. But, the gossip is a part of the summer, too. In fact, it’s almost inevitable.

I’m also writing this as a former victim of gossip. See, gossip is a funny thing because it always manages to travel back to the one who’s being spoken about. And when that happens, well, it stings. It’s hurtful knowing that you’ve been discussed by a group of women who were simply bored one shabbos and were in need of some new material. Couldn’t they have just read a book or one of those kosher food magazines? It’s especially hurtful when you discover that they may have been some of your own family members discussing you.

So, to all of you enjoying these last couple of weeks before the summer comes to a close and Yom Tov begins, the new school year starts, and your routine picks up again; please remember this: When you gossip about another, regardless of how softly you whisper, everyone can hear you. Your children can hear you, G-d can hear you, and that person you’re speaking about- it won’t be long before she can hear you, too.