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Monday, 16 Elul, 5779
  |  September 16, 2019

Please Don’t Forget About Guests

From the COLlive inbox: I arranged to take 3 days off work to fly in for a wedding in Crown Heights. Now, I'm kind of regretting it. Full Story

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Full of self.,.
Guest
Full of self.,.

You came to the wedding to make the couple happy not for them to make you happy. Get your priorities straight and you wouldn’t be so easily offended enough to write a whole article about it.

Not to be rude to the writer
Guest
Not to be rude to the writer

I Totally get what you’re saying however. This is a bit self centered, the kallah who just fasted the whole day and hasn’t seen her beloved chosen for a week is probably just very overwhelmed by all the sudden attention. I’m sure you can understand that she’s Happy you came to celebrate with her, even if she didn’t say so.

 Parents job not chosson or kallah
Guest
Parents job not chosson or kallah

That’s the parents job to greet all their guests (a lot of which the chosson and kallah don’t know) the chosson and kallah should be dancing mainly with their friends – and you too, but doesn’t sound like you bothered dancing. you expected her to come to your table

This isn't the shtetil
Guest
This isn't the shtetil

There aren’t just 20-40 guests at the wedding! Because if there were, the kallah and Mother of Bride can spend the time to greet each one with a l’chaim and mazal tov. Like if each guest of 20-40 attendees gets one minute each, that’s only 20-40 minutes. But a typical wedding has200-400 guests, that’s 10x the number used earlieri If a kallah and Mother spent one minute with each guests, that’s 200-400 minutes of the wedding time. In plain munbers, that’s more than 3 and a half hours – over 6 and half hours of the wedding, greeting each guest.… Read more »

Let this be a lesson
Guest
Let this be a lesson

A wedding is not a time to socialize with the baalei simcha. They invite as a courtesy, but if you come expecting lots of attention, it becomes more of a burden than pleasure.

Amen!
Guest
Amen!

I’ve been to many Chabad weddings and it’s just as you describe. I’m sadly missing a big wedding tomorrow in Crown Heights because I can’t afford to fly right now. I’m not happy to miss it but I don’t think it will be any different. The blaring non-stop music, ambience that isn’t conducive to conversation, being run into constantly. Oy vey!

Get a life
Guest
Get a life

Fargin someone else on their simcha and stop complaining about stupid things. You have too much time on your hands. Seriously.

it's sad but true...
Guest
it's sad but true...

I’m sorry your facing the reality but your “news” is already ten years old. … the ikar is: vahavta lreacha kamocha – don’t do to others what you wouldn’t want others to do to you. ( you expressed by your children you greeted everyone, so keep it up and may the light spread! Amen…)

Amohl....
Guest
Amohl....

Many years ago the Rebbe spoke a whole Sicha about just this!
Not to travel from far to a Simcha…how much more valuable to give the Baal Simcha a nice gift
About 39-40 years ago

Stop giving excuses!
Guest
Stop giving excuses!

Sorry the Kallah and her mother are busy with them self too, and therefore it’s not a good enough excuse. They can go through the crowd and say Mazel Tov to their guests, stop justifying the wrong all the time.

Such a shame
Guest
Such a shame

I want to add something else that really bothered me the last time I came in for a family wedding. I was so excited to come to the wedding, especially because I knew the other side too, the chosson’s side, and I was so looking forward to see everyone,but lo and behold, the 2 sides didn’t mingle, didn’t dance in the same circle. Each side sat, conversed, danced, ONLY, with their side of the family. Even at Sheva Brachos when there were few people left,it was like 2 separate Simchos.Zero friendliness, zero unity. Such a shame!

Completely agree.
Guest
Completely agree.

The fact that so many of the comments show how basic manners are out of style.

Basic Decency!
Guest
Basic Decency!

First of all regardless if this guest is busy with “self” it still remains the basic מענטשליכע thing to do, to greet your guests. Period!

Secondly, even if they cannot physically greet everyone there is no excuse not to greet the guests from out of town basic מענטשליכקייט they took off 3 days of work!! They spent $$$ and headache on travel!! left their family at home!!

Greet your guest
Basic decency!!!

she is right!
Guest
she is right!

All the commentaries are so missing the point! She is 100% correct. We have friends who made their daughter’s wedding in Crown Heights a short while ago. We received a wedding invitation.We live out of town.Since I was in Crown Heights,the evening of the wedding, I went.The (friend) mother did NOT even acknowledge my Mazal Tov wishes. I thought to myself, why did I show up? What was I thinking? Why did they even send us an invitation.She didn’t even smile or nod her head.She looked straight past me.This is the new normal today. Simple mentchlichkeit, and basic manners flew… Read more »

Grow up
Guest
Grow up

Sounds like a bunch of whining babies

Me too
Guest
Me too

I couldn’t even stay inside the wedding cuz the music was too loud and wild. I was shocked that any adults stay in at all with that kind of music. I think everyone should walk out and send the hosts a message! What happened to chassidish aidel music?

Raised in crown heights
Guest
Raised in crown heights

I agree with the author. There are Lots of problems in this generation of not treating people with respect. I’m not sure how this came to be, but it is truly very sad to see a lack of manners for somebody else, I think it is due to our selfishness which the advanced technology age which we live in has turned us into. Let you give an example, it was erev Yom Kippur in a local mikvah, saw an available space due to someone getting ready to leave, asked politely can you please move over, who responded I will leave… Read more »

My Wedding
Guest
My Wedding

I was married twenty years ago. There were over 300 people at my wedding in another country that I did not live in. I knew maybe 15 people at the wedding. I walked every table and shook hands with everyone during the break when the music was not playing. The whole process took 15 minutes, you don’t engage in small talk, mazal tov, thanks for coming and maybe a pic with a table. Appreciation goes both ways and just because we’re there for their special day, wouldn’t it be nice for them to show that they realize how special a… Read more »

Special Kalllah who greeted everyone with a smile
Guest
Special Kalllah who greeted everyone with a smile

I agree with every word of this article
I would like to say a special Yasher koach to leahlle Sorkin who just had a special wedding where not only she greeted and hugged every person as if they were her most precious guest but also her kallah gave special attention and brochos to everyone her mother and sister and brother and husband and father

What a Simcha the beauty of the modern day world and the warmth of an elder chossids wedding

Have lots and lots of chassidisher and yiddisher nachas leahlle
A binyan ade ad
Love Rochie B

try to understand
Guest
try to understand

some ppl are very much in a different world on the day of their or their kids wedding they are not ignoring you. its hard to explain worried, not knowing how thing will go from here on happy for their kid ,child that will start a new life ……………………………. sorry you felt this way .

Me also
Guest
Me also

Such loud music takes away from the enjoyment of a wedding. I wonder what kind of long term damage is done to our eardrums. My husband always wears ear plugs. Shouldnot be necessary. Our last wedding I told band to tone down the noise otherwise I wouldnot pay him. He did and no-one complained.

Selfishness and there needs to be change
Guest
Selfishness and there needs to be change

No difference if a person is getting married .
If the choson or kalla know a friend from far came all the way .
The minimum they should go over and thank the person for coming to their wedding.
To not to go over is completely selfish ,and more so very disrespectful to the person traveling from far .

Speeches, Yes or No?
Guest
Speeches, Yes or No?

Until I made a wedding myself I used to abhor speeches/droshos, especially where 3+ Rosh Yeshivas have to extoll the virtues of the Chosson and how he will eventually be the Godol Hador, something very alien to Chabad. However when I made my first Chassuna for my daughter I really wanted to speak about those who were no longer here and also to thank personally those who made the effort to come from overseas, mentioning them all individually, further both the Chosson and Kallah went out of their way to pull individuals out from the crowd to dance with them,… Read more »

Forget the noise... we are too old!!
Guest
Forget the noise... we are too old!!

But basic courtesy of greeting your guests and being a good host/hostess is a given. Unfortunately, it’s a dying standard. My daughter will IY”H be marrying off her own kids in the next few years but I remember after her wedding being told what a gracious kallah she was. At one wedding, my mother was very angry that I left her alone at the table while I went to greet my guests & “worked the room.” So at the next simcha I enlisted my children to sit with her while I played hostess. That worked. We have a responsibility to… Read more »

@#16
Guest
@#16

Welcome to the New Chabad

Amen!
Guest
Amen!

I’ve been to many Chabad weddings and it’s just as you describe. I’m sadly missing a big wedding tomorrow in Crown Heights because I can’t afford to fly right now. I’m not happy to miss it but I don’t think it will be any different. The blaring non-stop music, ambience that isn’t conducive to conversation, being run into constantly. Oy vey!

I think
Guest
I think

the attitude we have to take is; Don’t judge if it happens to you, but be an example, by your children’s weddings. Not everyone can do it all. I do agree that it’s Mentchlich to acknowledge and greet especially out of town guests which it sounds like your friend did. My d.i.l. wanted to personally greet everyone she could during the meal, which caused that neither I nor she were able to eat at least the main course of her own wedding. Bottom line is, not everyone can be multi-tasking in that way, even if they wanted to, but it… Read more »

Both ways
Guest
Both ways

Thank you OP for bringing awareness to this important menchlichkeit
Of course the The host of the Simcha should go to each table 2 minutes at each table for a picture and Lchaim, though if for some reason the host did not greet properly the Guest should try to dan l’kav s’chus.

To #14
Guest
To #14

What year do you think this new norm began?
Exactly. There has always been different types of people. Some warm some cold some respectful some less respectful. You see the point?
Everything is perspective. Yours is negative right now.

not everyone
Guest
not everyone

i made a wedding in CH and i greeted every single guest and brought them over to my daughter and she danced with every single person old and young and still had plenty time with her friends to dance the night away. I requested toned down music and everyone said it was the nicest wedding in CH the atmosphere the best they have been to and that wasn’t for fancy flowers etc!

100% right
Guest
100% right

Especially if you know someone has made an extra effort to be at your simcha it’s decent to make the effort to say hello, have a dance and say thank you! You don’t have to spend a full minute with each guest, 15 sec is enough.

Anyway, when it comes to a Simcha, if you’re not VERY close to the hosts, don’t travel. You’ll never feel truly part of the Simcha and always feel like it was a waste to travel….

Agree with Author
Guest
Agree with Author

This is exactly the article I wanted to see! I live in a major out of Crown Heights city in USA and any time someone here makes a wedding with 400 people we take care of our incoming guests. We ask if they have a place to stay and we accommodate them if they dont, we find out if they have a ride from the airport, we have a welcome basket, we introduce our out of town guests to our other community members and acknowledge the time they took to travel to our Simcha. Well you might say “But that’s… Read more »

Mesameach Chossan V’Kallah
Guest
Mesameach Chossan V’Kallah

Someone once told me it’s a mitzvah to make a bride happy at her wedding. … I since make it a point to go over to the bride at almost every wedding I attend and wish the bride Mazal Tov!! Sometimes I’m invited because we are friends with the groom and I don’t really know the bride but I still make it a point. There are times the bride is dancing with her friends and I need to wait a few minutes to catch her in between friends – so I wait. I feel like the mitzvah is mine.

Agree
Guest
Agree

People from out of town don’t need to shmuz with the Ba’alei Simcha during the event, simply because they should have extra time to speak before or afterwards. Some make a special brunch, etc just for those that travelled. Those there just for the wedding, however, definitely should get attention. It is the way of upstanding people to acknowledge. That number is just a fraction of the whole, though guests might arrive earlier to interact. (Some get attention- recognition by dancing, also.) It’s like Torah Shba’al Peh- without interacting, and showing recognition of the connection and their endeavor to please… Read more »

Sounds like a women problom.
Guest
Sounds like a women problom.

Men stay out of this, we wont understand.

She's 100% right.
Guest
She's 100% right.

And can we talk about how insanely loud the music is!!! It’s impossible to talk to anyone. I was recently by a wedding the music was even blaring during the dinner. Everyone just sat looking at each other coz you couldn’t talk.

SENSITIVITY LOST TO AHAVAS YISROEL
Guest
SENSITIVITY LOST TO AHAVAS YISROEL

Sensitivity has been lost over time, even in our holy communitu (and no doubt in all communities) due to the darkness of the klipa before Moshiach comes What is known as oldtime common sense courtesy and manners and graciousness is going down the wayside – not being helped by the cold, insensitive, anonymous digital age.
Graciousness and appreciation are not as :”popular” as they were – and unfortunately seems to be somewhat “mocked” in our time. But the good news, is that with all this Moshiach is ever closer!

While we’re on the topic of general selfishness...
Guest
While we’re on the topic of general selfishness...

Why do so many houses with mezuzahs NOT SHOVEL SNOW ON THEIR SIDEWALK??? Besides for it being a huge chilul hashem it makes it nearly impossible to walk the streets with a stroller. Also, it’s very dangerous.

Shamzich!

Understand but
Guest
Understand but

Sorrry for your hurt however we should be the ones to approach mother and Kallah to wish mazal tov getting through the crowd is not impossible let us not wait to be greeted let us greet with happy hearts wishing the Baal sin has mazal tov Put our first foot forward do not wait go forward. Help bring Moshiach with positive action. S imchas by all with the ultimate simcha. Oh the Geulah shleimabekorov mimosa NOW

Agree to disagree
Guest
Agree to disagree

There are many valid points all around. I am married to a party planner. You never know what’s going on. Most of the time the hosts, even when they have a party planner, are still worried that everything will go smoothly. At the same time they want to be able to enjoy their children’s Simcha. It is not an easy balance. As others have mentioned, you need to ask yourself whom are you there for? The Chosson and Kallah or yourself? You may percieve that the Chosson/Kallah or the hosts (their parents) may have only “nodded” at you. But in… Read more »

it doesnt take too much time
Guest
it doesnt take too much time

to go to each table, and you dont have to go to each person, but just acknowledge each person there. BTW, at a 400 person wedding, you are only going to half the table (men or women).

from desk of Devorah Benjamin
Guest
from desk of Devorah Benjamin

when i sit down with the family i do tell the mothers the most important part of the who wedding is to go up to everyone and thank them for coming.
I just have one thing of not been mench why cant people RSVP
Either there empty tables and baal simcha wasted money or not enough tables and it becomes uncomfortable for bal simcha

Danceing
Guest
Danceing

The most important thing of a wedding is the danceing to be mesamaiach the choson and kallah ,it’s also a nice thing to thank people during the simcha so its advised that the baal hasimcha to make a short speech to everyone and espechially those that have come from far places ,that takes a minuet to do its not a big deall,so i hope this artical will change in a way that people are appriciated when come to weddings. We should all only celebraite many more simchas bekoroiv mamash! MOSHIACH NOW!

Thanks you! all the best.

The comments here clearly show
Guest
The comments here clearly show

Where you come from!!

Crown heightsers can struggle to understand basic mentchlichkeit….

Don’t worry, the rest of the world gets it

Go to out of town weddings it’s another world

#IssuesInLubavitch
Guest
#IssuesInLubavitch

I love how your making this a Lubavitchwide phenomenon, these hosts weren’t so friendly go and tell her how you feel why are you making this everyones problem?!

this is not the next community crisis
Guest
this is not the next community crisis

Perhaps keep in mind that being the bride at a wedding can be quite an overwhelming affair and sometimes that’s not a position every person is comfortable being in. If a bride needs to stray from “the norm”, as you called it, for her to feel comfortable at her wedding, that is not a crisis and I’m sure everyone will be able to manage . As far as the mothers are concerned, there’s is A LOT going on and with everything so hectic people often don’t notice everyone that’s coming and going, it wouldn’t hurt a person to go up… Read more »

GET NOTICED
Guest
GET NOTICED

Many older Jews I know go just to the Kabolas Ponim and Chuppah and get the personal attention they need/want! And for dinner just crash a friends house

#2 to number 2
Guest
#2 to number 2

Pathetic and sad excuse.
Stop excusing and on a side note, the side custome for brides to fast on the day of thier wedding should and must be stopped. (They can fast a week before etc , or just give extra tzedakah)
Please Rabonim have some courage and stop this

besides
Guest
besides

ask dr reiter he will tell you every time you attend a CH wedding you lose some hearing. No joke.

The band leaders are all deaf. In Isreal if the music goes to high the electric cuts off.

To #38
Guest
To #38

You are 100% correct.

Not all, but too many homeowners just don’t care and aren’t ashamed of their flagrant disregard for the klal and bein adam l’chavero basics. It’s a major character flaw.

PS: Making a 7 inch shvil isn’t ok either. How are people with strollers supposed to navigate that. Truly shameful.

at last
Guest
at last

someone had the courage to say “the king is not dressed”

Well...
Guest
Well...

Something completely different

While at a wedding recently
A young boy (from the wedding party – around 12-13 years old) said “be quiet old lady” when I tried to tell th not to touch utensils or finger plates till the servers came. Regardless whether I was right or wrong, the response was from the boy was rather surprising the say the least, and really… I am not old by today’s standards. He needs a talking to!

I agree with number 19
Guest
I agree with number 19

I was at that wedding. She took time to personally greet me and I felt so special. It’s always nice when a host personally greets you and makes you feel special
Ty Leah!

My pet peeve. Devorah is 100% correct
Guest
My pet peeve. Devorah is 100% correct

Years ago, she suggested my daughter take a few minutes after Yichud room- before pics – with me To greet each table. This brilliant idea was done again by my son’s wedding. Another great idea was to bentch BEFORE Simchas chosson vkallah. This way people remember to bentch and the zman between Washing and bentching doesn’t pass. We hosted a brunch for out of town guest the next morning and gave welcome bags. This is not an out of town exclusive. You just have to know the right people ! Unfortunately, The music is more the fault and control of… Read more »

Well said, Mrs. Benjamin
Guest
Well said, Mrs. Benjamin

You mentioned two great points…thanking the guests for coming, AND sending in the RSVP.

Not every invitation means you have to go
Guest
Not every invitation means you have to go

If you choose to accept the invitation you’re deciding it’s worth your time and money to attend the wedding and celebrate with/for your friends’ celebration. Maybe next time you’ll realize that the invitation is a show of kinship but you aren’t really expected to make all that effort.

Not always
Guest
Not always

People always say this about CH weddings. I’m also an out-of-towner, but I’ve been even recently to many friends’ weddings and they thank me, dance with me, and the music is not too loud and Chassidish. It’s a question of the hosts. I stopped going to modern weddings; anyway, I’m not close to these people, and everyone is happier this way.

in my day
Guest
in my day

only people who were ungeshtupped made such lavish weddings – and when they invited out of town guests, they paid for the hotel rooms.

Simchas chosson vkallah
Guest
Simchas chosson vkallah

I’m pretty sure the reason you go to a wedding is to be misameach chosson vkallah not that they should come over and entertain you

Observations
Guest
Observations

#32 and Devorah B – You summed it up . Consideration of others is not only menchlekeit but essential for all involved. One of the most simchdic weddings I have ever attended was where the atmosphre of pure joy was created by the Chossan and Kallah. Every detail reflected them, not some “must have/must do” latest fad. Each guest was present to share the moment and not because they felt obligated to attend. The warm feelings of family and friends was genuine. Unfortunately there is a pressure today for everything to be perfect and up to the latest “standards of… Read more »

with the old breed
Guest
with the old breed

Mazel Tov Mazel Tov.
I have to say to you all having just made my 1st wedding. WOW it is NUTS. 500 guests people are telling what to do every second it is overload big time. I loved it but it is too much in too little time. I am SURE you have to look at the other side to understand what it means. SO Mazel Tov Mazel Tov. Have some nice herbal tea and enjoy the ride….

to #27
Guest
to #27
agree
Guest
agree

if the same energy that goes into flowers, tablecloths and all the showy stuff would go into sensitivity to the guests that make the wedding we’d have beautiful enjoyable simchas. Weddings today are run by photographers and everything else for show and tell. We should remember that a jewish wedding is the Yom KIpper for the couple’s lives and a celebration of a new home in klal yisroel!

to #9
Guest
to #9

That farbrengen was Parshas Shekalim -which was this past Shabbos- exactly 40 years ago!

Sorry, but it’s understandable.
Guest
Sorry, but it’s understandable.

My wedding was SUCH a blur I know I did not make it to every guest. Between dancing, trying not to get overheated, feeling faint from fasting, trying to get a tiny taste of food before another round of dancing, vendors coming up to me For checks… I didn’t have the frame of mind to mingle with everyone… It’s just an overwhelming experience. Lots of faces popping in and out of your field of vision. Even if the Kallah and host didn’t personally come over and converse, i can assure you they noticed you were there and felt the love… Read more »

Ignorance is what I call it.
Guest
Ignorance is what I call it.

It’s truly disgusting that the parents of the bride and groom should not make it their responsibility to greet the guests. Ppl take their time out. Learn from the non Jews how they greet their guests by a wedding. I’ve been to not Jewish wedding they really have it together when it comes to greeting guest.

Stop criticizing Crown Heights!!!!
Guest
Stop criticizing Crown Heights!!!!

This is not a Crown Heights problem. It depends on the baalei simcha. Some are friendlier than others. She could have walked over to her friend and the kallah and said “Mazal tov”. I’m sure they would have hugged her and thanked her for coming. Very often chosson and kallah are from out of town or even out of the country, but choose to make wedding in Crown Heights for convenience, so not all baalei simcha are Crown Heights residents. I don’t ever recall going to a simcha and being ignored. I make it my business to go over to… Read more »

Alcohol
Guest
Alcohol

If you have social anxiety (which it sounds like you do based on your recollection of the wedding) alcohol can really help. I know that when I am shy and then drink some alcohol, I’m no longer shy.
If you don’t frequently ingest alcohol I’d advice starting with a glass of wine. Eventually you should move onto harder liqueurs.
Hope my advice helps.

CH Mother
Guest
CH Mother

This op-ed is absolutely correct, IMO. Both mother and kallah should greet the guests and thank them for coming. Brief, warm, sincere. No, it doesn’t take too much time. Many of the comments to this op-ed writer demonstrate the lack of respect some community members display.

Common decency
Guest
Common decency

Is what this is about! The baalei simcha are so overwhelmed wiith taking care of every little bit..??? like what??? the waiters? service? The whole point of inviting is that you’ve got GUESTS!! Like the writer, I also come to weddings to greet the kallah and family; but once that moment is done, there is nothing to do but sit at a table with ten other people and look at each other. Not everyone there is there to dance the night away – a good percentage of the guests are OLDER and cannot dance. And they just sit and look.… Read more »

Friends?
Guest
Friends?

I guess the authors friends are not that nice.

My friends ALWAYS greet me and others warmly at all the weddings.

I myself do the same when I make a wedding.

It's worse at...
Guest
It's worse at...

I flew in to a levayah. It cost me lots of money and time off from work. All I got was a slight nod from some of the aveilim. No one greeted me. I felt ignored. I have been to non-Jewish funerals – they do it right making each guest feel part of the affair.

The Mishnah and the Rambam agree...
Guest
The Mishnah and the Rambam agree...

There is a Mishnah in Rosh Hashanah and a halocho in the Rambam that states that if witnesses come to testify that they saw the new moon, each pair of witnesses would be listened to although the sighting of the new moon was already confirmed by earlier witnesses. This is so that every pair should feel important and they should not leave “Bepachei Nefesh ” – feeling that they were not needed.
If this is expected of Beis Din, imagine how much more is it expected of all people to make their guest feel wanted and appreciated.

@68
Guest
@68

Alcohol is not a quick-fix for social anxiety. It actually makes things worse, in the long run. Shame on you, for glorifying alcoholism!

As for the OP, I completely sympathize with you. As stressful as weddings can be for the hosts, it does not excuse anyone from common courtesies. That includes making sure the wait staff and photographers do not treat the guests like trash. If not then do not make a big wedding, and just elope with a minyan.

At the Rebbe's wedding
Guest
At the Rebbe's wedding

He went to every table to greet the guests. The Friediker Rebbe stopped him and “ordered” him to sit down. Then the F..R. himself went to each table to greet all the guests.

Some Advice
Guest
Some Advice

I am not condoning this behavior..
My dear mother Oleh Hashalom always taught me.We do whats right in the Aibishter eyes. Lets not worry about the other.
With this frame in mind its easier to get over this occurrence and better yet not let it bother you,so we can focus on Mitzvah .

Totally agree with #3
Guest
Totally agree with #3

I’m sure she was happy even though through all the hullabaloo did not get to personally thank u

You just wasnt placed correctly with a right small crowd on your table
Guest
You just wasnt placed correctly with a right small crowd on your table

I think it’s a big lack in our community where guests are not seated by the hostes, co-workers with co-workers , friends with friends …. Yes you right, something is missing, because no one hire wedding coordinator and mother doing lots of things herself- photo, catering etc , it’s good if there someone helps her but usually not … very stressful time ….. lots of money … hard to please all guests ….. Simple solution- sit next to people that you can chat a little bit , and go dance with a mother to share her Simha Yes it’s good… Read more »

BUT THATS WHAT A WEDDING IS!!!
Guest
BUT THATS WHAT A WEDDING IS!!!

youre not going there to be social and have a meet and greet, your going to celebrate

a personal story
Guest
a personal story

as a teen i recently went to an older girls wedding and made the effort to go. i danced for about 10 minutes and not A SINGLE PERSON ACKNOWLADGED MY PRESENCE!!!! i felt so annoyed for coming and for getting dressed up and schlepping out in the cold all the way to the other side of ch for it. sooo dissapointiong.

just made a wedding
Guest
just made a wedding

I made a wedding two months ago. I tried to greet everyone and specially the ones that came from out of town. I hope i didn’t miss anyone but i may have…. i could happen

Need to greet Mechutonim first
Guest
Need to greet Mechutonim first

I’m having a difficult time understanding the premise of this article. Guests need to greet the the Balei Simcha not the other way around. That is part of being Misameach Chosson Vkalla. Our son married a girl from England and we didn’t know many people there. We were pleasantly surprised when every attendee greeted us. I now make it a point to go over to the Mechutonim I don’t know to wish them mazel Tovs also. However parents and bride and groom should be on the lookout to dance with everyone present if they can and going to each table… Read more »

commenting from personal experiance
Guest
commenting from personal experiance

1) When I made a wedding for a child, I greeted as many as possible, the only regret is i didn’t get to spend as much time with each person as I would have liked to # Mentshlichkeit starts at home, lead by example, as your children will follow in your footsteps
2) when going to weddings, while I am there to celebrate with friends, so while not a requirement, I know how it feels when my friend acknowledges me etc, # do onto others as you like done onto you!

To #72: Are you serious?
Guest
To #72: Are you serious?

You say that when you attend a LEVAYAH, you expect attention? You want to be greeted and acknowledged… by whom? The availim? The mays? Are you kidding me?! You must be sampling the spirits of purim.

Totally agree
Guest
Totally agree

I married off 3 kids and had big weddings and went over to every table to say lchaim. It’s all about making your guests feel welcome

10000% right
Guest
10000% right

This is exactly the reason I do not anymore go to chassenes. Even at the chassene of my own son I left asap because of the extreme loud noise some call music, and the wild jumping some say is dancing.

Too big
Guest
Too big

Most weddings should have half as many people and about 1/3 as expensive. Don’t invite more than you can be a good host to. And if you make a wedding with 300 or 400 people, don’t complain that you then need a break on tuition. You can make a beautiful wedding without keeping up with the Cohens.

#72 you must be joking
Guest
#72 you must be joking

#72, i guess you must be joking, but your joke is not funny and is not well taken at all. A funeral is not a social time, period. Unlike a wedding. While I’m commenting already, I will say that I do understand the OP’s point of view. There needs to be an opportunity at the wedding to say mazal tov and feel like there is an acknowledgement of the guests’ presence. I would suggest that this be done during the meal time. At the same time, I have a question for the OP – how close are you really to… Read more »

Number 66
Guest
Number 66

Agreed wholeheartedly. We are made to feel on the sidelines whilst all are oblivious. 200-400 people? Should not make one bit of difference for manners and greeting guests. A courtesy that we were invited? No. And yes, we dont feel welcome. I cant stand to see the parents even running around taking selfies with others and turn their backs to you that you cant even greet them, not only at a Chasanah but at a L’Chaim. We made the effort, its about inclusion, not exclusion, its not fair on both sides I guess, then if you are waiting for a… Read more »

both sides
Guest
both sides

When my daughters got married (and their friends), they were taught in kallah classes how important it was to dance at least once with every guest. And at the wedding my daughters would go out of their way to pick out and bring into the circle those they hadn’t danced with. And I, as the mother, would seek out others who she hadn’t danced with yet and bring them into the circle for her. Even her friends would help round up the girls she hadn’t danced with yet On the other hand , people who wanted to dance with the… Read more »

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