ב"ה
Wednesday, 25 Tevet, 5780
  |  January 22, 2020

Mother’s Plea Against Drinking

From the COLlive inbox: A Crown Heights mother of teenage boys is pleading "it's not chassidish to endanger the lives of minors" on Purim. Full Story

Pittsburgh Marks Rambam Siyum

Next Story »

Thousands at the “Global Siyum”

54
Opinions and Comments

To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
avatar
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
Well said
Guest
Well said

nothing new here, but its important that this issue is not ignored! thanks for writing!

ad d'lo yoda!
Guest
ad d'lo yoda!
Why Anonymous?
Guest
Why Anonymous?

BH

Every word you are writing is emes, veyatziv, venachoin!!!

And let’s not forget the Rebbe’s Gezeira!!!!!!

What is wrong with all of us, if a mother is afraid to attach her name to something so simple and obvious?!

Thanks for the plea, in any case!

May it be heard and followed.

Moshiach Now!

Not more than 4 but 4?!
Guest
Not more than 4 but 4?!

“4) They are just as happy if you serve them soda and snacks 🙂 ” never happened!!!!

what about for england...
Guest
what about for england...

where you gotta be 18?

Complete agreement
Guest
Complete agreement

If you see an adult serving alcohol to a minor, you have an obligation to call the police.

agreed
Guest
agreed

Was at a shalom zachor and saw 18 year old bochurim drinking dozens of beer bottles are hazed out..

boyz 4ever
Guest
boyz 4ever

on behaif of our 4 sons we thank you mom of teenagers.

I wish all parents thought like you
Guest
I wish all parents thought like you

What scares me is the number of parents who think it is okay as long as they don’t give the kids ‘a lot’.
And, to #2 – if that was a joke, it wasn’t funny, and if it wasn’t a joke then please turn yourself into the police before someone else does it for you.

to #6
Guest
to #6

what are you drinking?????
call the police,please??
whats wrong with you!!

Anonymous???
Guest
Anonymous???

You are a backward thinking person. Regulate, don’t prohibit!!! Educate and become educated before judging others. If what you have to say is important DON’T POST ANONYMOUSLY you obviously do not have the courage to put your name on this letter thus…

THANK YOU!
Guest
THANK YOU!

This is all very well written and full of true facts.

If only members of Anash were all as well informed of the high risk of alcohol. It’s more serious than we think!

kidush
Guest
kidush

1) i’m assuming you give your teenagers grape juice for kiddush because its illegal to give them wine? 2)this is a chabad site and you say that we can give to bochrim over 21, (i’m assuming that you mean more then 4, because less then 4 no one is getting drunk from 4 and if the rebbe didint make a gzeirah for lees then 4 under 21 im assuming th rebbe aproved it)but make no mention of the rebbes gzeirah (i.e. issur) of 40 yrs. 3) im asuming that you beleiv the rebeim’s chosrim didnt farbreng 4) i’m not interpreting… Read more »

to all those questioning being anonymous
Guest
to all those questioning being anonymous

ever think that her kids would get continually bugged about what thein mother said?!?!?!?!?!?

kitsur
Guest
kitsur

the kitsur shulchon aruch uses a docheik loshone for not getting drunk on purim

who cares if the author writes name or not??
Guest
who cares if the author writes name or not??

why does everyone become so carried away with who wrote it?? just listen to the message and take heed- it makes no diff who wrote i- it expresses every normal mothers feelings.- and no, i didnt write it but im not a yenta so i dont care. it makes sense for anyone to not need their names written on a publicized article because some ppl are just more reserved and wouldn’t want their names written anywhere- and is in no way an indication to their level of confidence etc.- they just dont feel like having to discuss this with everyone… Read more »

Pathetic
Guest
Pathetic

The fact that there is even a hava amina that drinking is so widely considered to be a positive “chassidish” chiyuv, means we failed a long time ago. I have had personal experiences of being accused of being “b’atzvus” and “mora sh’chora” a “snag” and a “yok” since I often refused to drink excessively or at all as a bochur. I hope this Purim will actually be happy without people getting sick due to their immature abuse of alcohol.

Much appreciated!
Guest
Much appreciated!

If more people in our community thought like you, there wouldn’t be liquor served to mesivta and zal boys at farbreingens!!! The schools don’t realize how illegal it is.
Every word you said is correct.
I understand why you didn’t sign your name – the peer pressure involved for your sons – I B”H have 5 – is really tough.
The worst thing is that we send our sons to Yeshiva where they are taught how to drink by the otherwise wonderful bochurim/shluchim there.
May we all have lots of nachas from our children and may Hashem watch over them and their health!

It is grob to be rolling drunk
Guest
It is grob to be rolling drunk

As a mother of 4 sons(knh) I HATE the drinking mentality we have. My 2 married sons do not drink at all because of what they have seen (and experienced themselves) People lose control after a few and embarass themselves and their families.I am dreading Purim because I know my 22 year old bochur who is wonderful in every way, will come home.
When my family was young Purim was so much fun, dressing up, sholoch monos, spiels, seudahs etc, but now I am dreading it.

how about halachah?
Guest
how about halachah?

isn’t it a halachah to get drunk on purim?

and isn’t everyone over bar mitzvah michuyav in this halachah?

(I know there are heteirm out there–but since when do chassidim go looking for heteirim?)

Hatzoloh Member
Guest
Hatzoloh Member

As a volunteer hatzoloh member for over 10 years. i can say that the amount of calls on purim of teenagers drunk is way too many. If you give them to drink and then they leave your house and fall down the stairs of another house they are purim hopping to – are you not responsible? If a parent gives a teenager to drink some wine or a little mashke that is their business as a parent. If you are not the parent, please make sure that anyone under age doesn’t drink. I have personally stopped some by grabbing the… Read more »

Drinking
Guest
Drinking

Its NOT a minhag of chasidim. Period.
The Rebbe wrote this clearly in a letter.

lol
Guest
lol

u can tell which comments are from frantic bochurim, afraid that they cant drink anymore!!

from a bochur: drinking is so out of hand these days
Guest
from a bochur: drinking is so out of hand these days

from my experiences it seems bochurim and even many many older married men have completely forgot the purpose of drinking. the way i understand it, the point of drinking at a farbrengen is to remove those inhibitions that would otherwise prevent you from opening up and being honest with yourself in order to achieve a higher level of yiddishkeit. many people are shy/afraid/embarrassed to talk about their own situations publicly in a farbrengen setting and that’s why we drink, only in order to work on ourselves in a true honest way. in my mesivta days, i’ve seen bochurim who’ve come… Read more »

shpitz chabad
Guest
shpitz chabad

this is a very BT approach…

to number 6!
Guest
to number 6!

a moiser is considered a posul le’eidus. this status is halachically given even to someone who only openly stated intent to be moiser.
plz advise the community of your name and house address so we can fulfill “our obligation” of taking you to beis din.

A happy chosson
Guest
A happy chosson

hey! thats my tie! that picture is from my l’chaim!
A freilechen purim!
keep on drinking!

To #13
Guest
To #13

Would you give a 3 year old to drink also, because the Rebbe didn’t say you can’t?

To 13
Guest
To 13

The Rebbe did make it very clear that for some 4 and even 1 or even a drop, can be too much, and if that is the case, Lchaim should be said using water. Your take on the last sicha (3rd of Selichos 5751), is yes, an interpetation, the Rebbe did not say to go ahead and do something he previously had said not too, namely that the limits on drinking apply to Purim as well. What the Rebbe did say, is that during Selichos is (obviously) not a time when unlimted drinking is allowed, but there is no instruction… Read more »

to #18
Guest
to #18

“If more people in our community thought like you, there wouldn’t be liquor served to mesivta and zal boys at farbreingens!!! The schools don’t realize how illegal it is.”

it’s not the scools

mesivta bochrim

Either way!
Guest
Either way!

Torah and the Rebbe protect us from such things (Drink a lot twice a year and not more than 4 the rest of the year), possibly like stealing… we do it because the Torah sais and not because it makes sense. Torah comes before the law!; however, being careful of your life is one of them. #16 Thank you for finally saying it, you may not be a YENTE, but there are many yentes around and unfortunately Loshon Hara. Therefore, being anonymous protects you. For the article: #1 ok #2 Torah come first #3 please prove it. #4 maybe. They… Read more »

also girls
Guest
also girls

this apply s also to girls

Responsibility, Not Abstinence
Guest
Responsibility, Not Abstinence

This is stupid and has all the flavor of an anti-religious author. I teach my children to be responsible with alcohol, but I don’t teach them to be geeks who can’t have a little bit either, especially on Purim. L’chaim.

to # 29
Guest
to # 29

i was talking about purim mem tes

a girl
Guest
a girl

to be honest guys think its way to cool to drink beer and smoke they make excuses for why they do it but the truth is they do think it makes them look awesome I studied psychology for many years I can tell the differences between people who do things cause they like it and when they do it cause they think its cool thanx

stop hatting
Guest
stop hatting

I’m a bochur the way i c it, this mom, is trying to tell ppl that too many young bochrim/girls, are drinking too much, in way that makes it dangerous. and all the hater comments, grow up!! yeshivahs will still have farbrengens, and they WILL have mashke, and yes getting drunk like a goy is WRONG!!! and even by the rebbe, one person “did” ad dloy yoda, for everyone, let every parent tell their kids what to do, my parents let me drink on purim, and don’t even give me a speech about it, coz they know i know my… Read more »

freilichen purim
Guest
freilichen purim

keep drinking

Keren hisvadus ygl
Guest
Keren hisvadus ygl

No offence but i don’t think a mother really understands u naturally overprotective…….hymie brov we takin ova! !

Please don't drink
Guest
Please don't drink

I have a son who was dared to drink a certain amount of alcohol on Purim. He was passing out and his friends were too scared to call for help in case they would be in trouble. We could have lost him chas v’shalom. He was brought up in a house where his father makes kiddush on grape juice and occasionally puts a lchaim on the table for married men who are guests in our house. One of my other sons were concerned that if we don’t serve alcohol to bochurim when they eat in our house on shabbos they… Read more »

what
Guest
what

yes, regulation is important to teach, it says so in Chassidus. but also, what business do you have to say “its not chassidish”??? for these reasons I ask this: a teenager will just say “so its not chassidish, maybe I”m not chassidish” and also, you cheapen chassidish like that. you think that you can just use chassidish to shame? If you are chassidish you are ok, and if you’re not, then what are you. thats just cheap. Parents and family have to take responsibility. If you care, if you feel responsibility for your own family and Am Yisroel, then each… Read more »

The Pleasure of Purim
Guest
The Pleasure of Purim

I applaud this mom for speaking out against young people getting drunk on Purim. This is a great way to bring attention to the fact that acohol is such a huge part of all our lives and in numberous instances has become a dangerous activity for many in our community. Sure we’re supposed to drink on Purim,, yah, everyone knows that… but let’s ask ourselves what are we doing when we indulge far beyond limits and then encourage and cajole teenagers and bochurs by pouring endless drinks for them. What a dangerous message we send. Seriously, it’s time be truthful,… Read more »

I am #6
Guest
I am #6

I am the one who said to call the police if you see alcohol begin served to minors. You don’t like that? Well, you’ll have time to think it over when you are behind bars for endangering the welfare of a minor. Fact: there is NO chiyuv in the Torah to drink, but there is a chiyuv of shmartem es nafshoisechem. Giving minors alcohol is not chassidish, it is an issur doraisa! As for mesirah, there is no issue of mesirah when it comes to pikuach nefesh. If you give kids alcohol in front of me, you are going to… Read more »

To #34 (13)  #31
Guest
To #34 (13) #31

#34

I didnt assume you were reffering to Mem Tes, b/c on Thursday Taanis Esther or on Shabbos, in preparation for Purim -Sunday-of the following year 1990, the Rebbe reminded all about the” well known” limits on drinking, that aplly to purim,and especially to Talmidim.

#31

“The Torah & the Rebbe protected us from such things (Drink a lot twice a year and not more than 4 the rest of the year)”.

Drink a lot TWICE a year – Incorrect, there is no such thing in the Rebbes Sichos.

Totally agree with the author
Guest
Totally agree with the author
Calling The Police
Guest
Calling The Police

Calling the police on Purim is not only so uncool, but do you think that the Police are really going to even come the same day for such a high priority crime. Get a life.

Agree with the author wholeheartly
Guest
Agree with the author wholeheartly

Do not give underage children to drink- they are still children!

ygl
Guest
ygl

#38
couldn’t agree more !

Have a FRELICHIN purim
Guest
Have a FRELICHIN purim

VENAHAPACH HU!!!!!!!~!!!!!

#43
Guest
#43

How about the Torah?
😉
Just putting the Idea out there.

Thanks for reading, and a merry purim
#31

yes
Guest
yes

very true. the rebbe didnt let bochurim drink. they can only have i think 4 shot cups. until the age of fourty

To #31 from #43
Guest
To #31 from #43

Not sure what you’re trying to say.

Twice a year – I assume you mean Simchas Torah & Purim, but in the Rebbe’s opinion, on those days the limits apply just the same.

kitzur shulchan aruch
Guest
kitzur shulchan aruch

when it says in rht kitzur shulchan oruch ויש ליזהר are you sure it means you cant have?

i think a better way to put it is because of the rebbes gezairah

Thanks for speaking up
Guest
Thanks for speaking up

It is a very Important issue, the safety of our kids …
My sun is getting ready to go away to yeshivah and I don’t want him to be subjected to such dangers…
I agree 100% percent with your article and I hope some one out there is listening to us concerned mothers.

to number 6
Guest
to number 6

Thank u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

X