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Wednesday, 23 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 26, 2019

    I’m a Teacher and I Feel Hurt

    From the COLlive inbox: "Out of 27 students, only 7 acknowledged my year-long work and dedication." Full Story

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    Hakaros Hatov
    Guest
    Hakaros Hatov

    is a issue in most frum working environments..

    Mom and teacher and wife of a Rebbi
    Guest
    Mom and teacher and wife of a Rebbi

    I can feel your pain! As a Mommy and former teacher, I know how much the appreciation is appreciated. I always make sure to send each teacher a note with a small token of appreciation sometime during the year (Chanukah or end of the year) but don’t always get to do end of year specifically. Another beautiful thing we instituted in our home is that our children write (or dictate if they can’t write yet) what to write to their teachers with the Mishloach Manos we send. It means that for 5-10 minutes they need to think about what they… Read more »

    It's a generational thing
    Guest
    It's a generational thing

    Younger families don’t necessarily have the same derech eretz as older ones, to say thank you.
    I work in the school office, and no teachers ever send us thank you notes for all the support we provided all of you teachers. Some parents will, some administrators will, but teachers…..?

     Parents have shown appreciation to their child’s teacher
    Guest
    Parents have shown appreciation to their child’s teacher

    Many parents have shown appreciation to their child’s teacher at the conclusion of this school year. At Crown Heights Florist, we were deluged with requests for House Plants, Flowering Plants and Bouquets of flowers for teachers.

    Regarding a monetary tip...
    Guest
    Regarding a monetary tip...

    Just so you know, I spend so much money on school fees I have nothing left for tips, or ‘Chanukah gelt’ for that matter, I don’t always have money to cover my grocery bills or gas bill. As a teacher you receive a salary, so why do you think you should get more?
    That being said, I always send a thank you note to all of my children’s teachers. I hope that is appreciated.

    Grandmother
    Guest
    Grandmother

    I was listening to my married children talking a couple of weeks ago about what to get for the teachers as a thank you on the last day of school. Most of my children are on limited budgets with large families, kein ayin hara. One daughter with two children in pre-school would have to give gifts to eight teachers, four in the limudei kodesh department and four in the secular department. She said she just opted not to give anything because she could not afford eight gifts (you can’t give less than $10×8=$80. This is just one example. And the… Read more »

    #imwithher
    Guest
    #imwithher

    As a former teacher for 3 years I know exactly how you feel. I guess most parents just really don’t have even a few extra dollars to give to teachers at the end of the year, but to not even acknowledge their child’s hard working teacher through something so personal (and costless) as a thank you note? This is definitely beyond my understanding. My opinion is that teachers have to stop being taken for granted, and must be commended for their thousands of hours each year of commitment and effort , some hakaros hatov people!

    Really??
    Guest
    Really??

    The tips we gave you Chanukah?
    The lavish Mishloach Manos gifts we gave you Purim?

    Do you think we are made of money? End of year is incredibly overwhelming, both financially and physically. There are a few days between end of school and getting kids out to camp. I’m sorry if you feel we didn’t acknowledge you enough during the year. But any other profession is the same. You do your job and are thankful that you have a job.

    Sheesh

    Agreed
    Guest
    Agreed

    I put my life into a child this year, not ONCE did the mother SAY thank you!! She’s begging me to come back! I’m not going back because she didn’t say thank you, I’m not going back because I put time effort and money into your child and not once did you recognize that. A whole day she told me how many hundreds of thousands of dollars they were donating to organizations. They were honored at dinners weekly if not daily. And a simple card that said “thank you for putting in effort teaching my child.” Or a simple verbal… Read more »

    Just my opinion...
    Guest
    Just my opinion...

    Your job is to teach the kids, which I’m sure you probably do very well. You’re getting paid (I hope). It’s nice to give and get a thank you but it’s not compulsory! Would you give a tip or a thank you note to the cashier every time you go shopping? No because they are just doing their job… If you really do it for the children you wouldn’t be complaining…

    Feeling hurt
    Guest
    Feeling hurt

    I agree with you 100% as a pre school teacher for many years I find that the last day of school the parents will send other siblings to pick up their without even coming in themselves and saying thank you.If someone can’t afford to give anything I totally understand but as you say a little note or personally saying thank you would be greatly appreciated. I still hakeep some notes that parents gave me 10 years ago.

    been there - done that
    Guest
    been there - done that

    I too am a teacher and feel your sentiments. However, I NEVER let myself for one second think that I was in chinuch with the expectation of gettng recongnition. i too threw myself into my classroom, my students, hours of preparation (for those who remember the “colored stencils” that took hours to create)… chinuch is by far the least appreciated, most underpaid job (consdering the hours put in). as I heard from a michaneches once, the good thing about an unpleasant experience is: you’ll know never do that to someone else. so your gain in this is that you will… Read more »

    Teacher says....
    Guest
    Teacher says....

    As a teacher, I can only say that every word of encouragement or thanks is appreciated. It is a hard, hard job. Most teachers (who stick to the profession) have a passion for teaching, and spend countless hours of their own unpaid time researching, improving, preparing, and working for the welfare of their classes. My heart SOARS when a parent (or even better, a student!) says a kind word of appreciation. Parents, it is a great lesson for our kids to get them to thank their teachers. It reminds them to thank others; to pay attention to what people do… Read more »

    seriously?
    Guest
    seriously?

    You sound so entitled.

    First of all, maybe you weren’t the amazing teacher you thought you were.

    Second, you want a tip? You are not in the service business, like weight staff or salon workers. You have a job which you are paid for. (if you’re not getting paid by your employer, that’s a separate issue. Don’t expect the parents to make up for it in “tips”. )

    Third, did you get gifts for purim and chanukah?

    Agreed!
    Guest
    Agreed!

    I’m a teacher and I feel the exact same way. I put in tremendous amount of hours and koach each day as well as money to make the students have the best experience possible.

    Unfortunately, parents are quick to blame when things don’t go well but when things do go well there are no compliments. At the end of the year a few students brought thank you notes (some from the parents and some from them) but most did not…

    As you say- I’m not doing this for compliments but it is very hurtful to only receive negative feedback and no positive…

    i feel ya
    Guest
    i feel ya

    As a fellow teacher, I appreciate the gifts I receive. I remember every parent who sent in a note or a monetary gift. I don’t expect gifts from each parent but I would love at least an appreciation note or some words of thanks for putting in my all for their children. And your’e right, it’s never too late! I sometimes receive notes the following year!

    Me too!
    Guest
    Me too!

    I’m a teacher too and I feel exactly the same!

    Please parents- wake up!!!

    You are right BUT
    Guest
    You are right BUT

    Your ultimate שכר comes from the One Above. You must have some very special שכר since Hashem is not giving it in the form of money and thank you notes, but higher things!

    I've had years where I only got 2
    Guest
    I've had years where I only got 2

    “thank yous”, out of four classes of 30 each.

    Bummer for about five minutes, and then you move on with your life. After all, we’re not in this for the praise, are we?

    If you’re upset enough to write a letter to COL, I think you have some work to do. Looks like you’re not officially in it for the praise or tips/gifts, but seem to feel that they are a “given” and expect them. Sorry, they’re not.

    Sad teachers
    Guest
    Sad teachers

    Do your job you get paid to do, do it to the best of your ability, that is what everyone does every day, and none of use get thank you’s and pats on the back.

    As a side note, perhaps 20 parents in your class thought you did a horrible job, maybe you didnt do as good a job as you thought and deserve zero credit.

    marge
    Guest
    marge

    so very important to express gratitude to anyone who helps nurture our children.Notes sent throughout the year,appreciative of all the instruction,events or simply mentioning a particular lesson or activity which motivated our child positively,are very important.Do not wait for end of year.

    #10 and #14 - not nice (cold)
    Guest
    #10 and #14 - not nice (cold)

    When in camp we give tips. Here, teachers (whether the best or even perhaps a more mediocre teacher) – but who watches
    over our kid and teaches them, especially main teachers – it is only hakaros hatov to ACKNOWLEDGE their help in your child’s chinuch. They don’t have to be perfect!
    Either a note, or a smaller present (or a larger one) makes a teacher feel like a mensch. Why withold that from them.

    For everyone saying they aren't made of money etc
    Guest
    For everyone saying they aren't made of money etc

    Writing a thank you note is free. Everyone likes to feel appreciated, it’s called being human, not entitled. If not for the sake of the teacher who put in countless hours in and out of school for his or her students, then at least do it for your child to teach them hakaras ha’tov and derech eretz.

    I'm a shliach and I'm too busy to feel hurt
    Guest
    I'm a shliach and I'm too busy to feel hurt

    Dear Teacher, Firstly I feel your pain deeply and truly. Too often we do favors for others only to get nothing or sometimes even the opposite back at us. We definitely need to start appreciating people more and applauding the work they do. But again, I say others. Not ourselves. We can’t demand it because we have no right to. In some cultures, saying thank you to someone for doing their job is considered an insult. How much more so if we see ourselves not as day workers, but as Shluchim. Imagine a shliach of the Rebbe working tirelessly for… Read more »

    Here's a tip
    Guest
    Here's a tip

    Tips, Chanukah gelt -what obligation is there? Same for camps, pay staff and they don’t need to rely on donations

    I go to work – there are no bonus or tips from clients- you do your work, and management is suppose to reward you, not clients

    Pedant
    Guest
    Pedant

    Yes, yes, and yes. Here is the clue bat for the blockheads: “If you are a parent and didn’t say thank you to your child’s teacher. It isn’t too late.” I don’t have money so I give a token with a note. You need to say thank you. It’s a tough job and its getting tougher and tougher. If you have never been a teacher you cannot possibly know… Pay is what it is…money doesn’t go as far as it used to and opportunity to advanced is limited (like most professions, actually… but this is different). Captaining a ship of… Read more »

    Another Teacher
    Guest
    Another Teacher

    Totally agree with you! Can never understand how a parent can’t say thank you even once for the hours of dedication, time, effort spent on their own child! Never mind the money tips! Just. Say. Thank. You.
    Again, it’s never too late.

    to #5
    Guest
    to #5

    I am sure it was very appreciative when you sent in your thank you note. Your tone did sound accusatory. No teacher demands monetary gifts (although it is appreciated after putting in their kochos for your child). We all know times are tight now and don’t expect a lot. What we do wish for is support and appreciation.

    Thank you is always nice.
    Guest
    Thank you is always nice.

    I totally agree with you until the “tip” part. So many families struggling on a daily basis and with large families KH its difficult to give every teacher a gift. I totally agree with a “thank you”. My husband and I work. No one gives us any tips but its always nice to hear a thank you.

    Tone
    Guest
    Tone

    I think the negative commentors are responding to the writer’s tone. She sounded a bit grasping (I am sure she is not! it was just the wording). Anyone who has taught (well), knows the hours and hours of UNPAID work. So to those of you comparing it to a retail job, or any other ‘paid’ job – no! it IS different. Teachers network, and spend hours hunting new resources, and preparing games and materials, and buying prizes and incentives out of their own money. Teachers do way, WAY, WAY more than their salaries cover. And most don’t get paid in… Read more »

    To #  8
    Guest
    To # 8

    No one is asking for money. A teacher has the job of daily care and teaching of your child. As a parent I think it would be nice to communicate some kind of appreciation to that teacher(s). We thank a cashier, a doctor, a driver, a cook, a waitress, on and on. But not a teacher? What’s wrong with this picture!?

    Derech eretz
    Guest
    Derech eretz

    As a teacher, you have the opportunity to teach your students derech eretz. Unfortunately, you are not able to teach the parents, if they are lacking. If you focus on the students, you will have a much better attitude because it is something you can change

    I've stopped, unfortunately
    Guest
    I've stopped, unfortunately

    Preschoolers have a minimum of four teachers. (Assistants can not be overlooked,) now that I have eight children in school, I’m overwhelmed by the notion of writing forty notes so don’tI start. I wish I could

    I think..
    Guest
    I think..

    The author specifically wrote that it was the lack of recognition that hurt her. And to number 8 really?? Other professions aren’t compiled of 25 lives, hopefully the most treasured think in the world, being molded with love, patience, patience and more patience. A gift is not necessary, money isn’t necessary, but a thank you note is. Believe me, I’ve had parents who have money ,give me money, and yet the letter that came with nothing but words coming from the heart meant millions more to me.

    A reader
    Guest
    A reader

    Some people are forgetting that teaching is not like any other job. A teacher invests her every being for YOUR CHILD. A cashier doe not invest herself into your child. A travel agent does not invest herself into your child. Think about this teacher who’s profession revolves around YOUR CHILD.

    Yes, teachers receive a salary and they do not expect to be reimbursed by parents. What they would love is acknowledgement that their efforts is recognized.

    Save your emotiotions
    Guest
    Save your emotiotions

    Quote on quote “I’ll be very straight up. I didn’t do any of it for praise, or for tips, or for myself. I did it since I truly care about having the children enjoy school and to make school exciting and to give them a good feeling about Yiddishkeit. ” This makes absolutely no sence. If u don’t do it for the thank you, than what would posses u to write such an article about ur feelings being hurt. And the fact that you know who can and can’t give makes the story even better, so you were expecting a… Read more »

    #imwithher
    Guest
    #imwithher

    As a former teacher for 3 years I know exactly how you feel. I guess most parents just really don’t have even a few extra dollars to give to teachers at the end of the year, but to not even acknowledge their child’s hard working teacher through something so personal (and costless) as a thank you note? This is definitely beyond my understanding. My opinion is that teachers have to stop being taken for granted, and must be commended for their thousands of hours each year of commitment and effort , some hakaros hatov people!

    To # 10 and 14
    Guest
    To # 10 and 14

    She is not entitled and does not feel entitled, she is just expecting a common courtesy. That common courtesy is to say “thank you”. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake, but no “thank you” is plain ignorant. And yes, I do say “thank you” to every cashier! Of course I don’t tip them or write them a note! But I do say “thank you”! Are you saying that a teacher does not warrant the same courtesy and at least some appreciation? The cashier gets paid, and I say “thank you”.The teacher gets paid, and I don’t say “thank… Read more »

    #10, #14, and #20(was that last comment really necessary?)
    Guest
    #10, #14, and #20(was that last comment really necessary?)

    As one who taught a class for over 20 years, all I can say is that the box of notes I have received and saved over the years brings a smile to my face…not out of a sense of entitlement, but an acknowledgement of the Hakaras Hatov and remembering the pleasure in teaching even if there were stressful times. Thank you to all parents who take those few minutes……..

    the true thank you
    Guest
    the true thank you

    When the kids stay frum when they get get older,thats when you see that they had a realy good teacher.

    To all those that don't agree with this article
    Guest
    To all those that don't agree with this article

    Teach for ONE DAY and then talk.

    seriously!!??
    Guest
    seriously!!??

    for some part i agree but most are you kidding me! yes its nice to get a nice thank you or something but to write this and pratically “beg” for it is beyond crazy! ur a teacher and you get paid! parents like it when a child comes home from a year of learning and trying. maybe the girls you gave you favord throught the year for various reasons- they were smart ,got very good marks, and respected you! maybe they didnt like you! no harsh feeelings! u did ur job and you worked hard im sorry you feel like… Read more »

    the greatest reward
    Guest
    the greatest reward

    Been there and done that. I’ve been teaching for several decades. Yes, it’s true that we’d really appreciate hakoras hatov, especially from parents of our (most) challenging students. However, let us teachers remember what the Rebbe says countless times: “Der Oibershter Bliebt Nit Kein Baal-choiv”, Hahem doesn’t remain “in debt” to all those teachers who dedicate/sacrifice their heart and neshama (and Hashem “knows” what else…) to be mechanech His precious children, and for this, Hashem pays us back with בני, חיי ומזוני – ובכולם רויחי, an abundance of Berchos regarding children, health and parnassa, Kol tuv selah, and mostly important,… Read more »

    Something missing
    Guest
    Something missing

    What’s even more upsetting than not showing teachers appreciation for thier countless hours, heart and soul that they put into our children… Is those that feel teachers don’t deserve our appreciation. To say that a teacher has a job and gets payed just like any other job and shouldn’t expect anything more, is beyond me! imagine a teacher who went to school ‘did her/his job’ and went home. No preparing. No grading. No report cards. No phone calls. No buying prizes or crafts. No contacting parents… And that’s besides all the love care and devotion that they put into OUR… Read more »

    A Rebbi’s most Favorite Gift
    Guest
    A Rebbi’s most Favorite Gift

    Mommies! Imagine the following scene: Your kids come home from school and take one look at the supper table and say: “Yuk, That again?!” Your husband went by all Shabbos without saying even once “Thank you for the delicious Seudos”. How do you feel? Now, imagine this: “Mommy! Yum! Thank you for the delicious supper” “I Really appreciate the hard work you put in to making the seudos soooo Geshmak! NOW, How do you feel? Great! Yes, flowers need water to grow, children need praises to thrive, so too, every adult needs recognition too. For children and adults alike, thanks… Read more »

    I don't get it
    Guest
    I don't get it

    What is so hard about saying thank you? Why are parents having such a hard time finding a few minutes to write a thank you note to a teacher who gave their child thousands and thousands of minutes. To me it’s just common sense.

    Mentchlichkeit!
    Guest
    Mentchlichkeit!

    You just bought some groceries and the man came in to deliver it, you give him a dollar as a thank you, You just got out of a wedding, or grocery store for that matter, and there’s valet you give the valet driver a dollar, You sent your kid to camp, and comes visiting day you tip the counselor, learning teacher and waiter $30, $20, $15, respectively, Why? Because it’s the normal and Mentchlich think to do! (or in the case of camp you may want special privileges for your child), How come the one person who spends more time… Read more »

    as a parent agree!!!
    Guest
    as a parent agree!!!

    do not compare teachers to any other jobs!!!

    just like u dont compare ur kids to anything else….if you value your kids you should truly value those that put in their heart and soul into them.

    AT LEAST a thank you note….but yes a gift is expected and im shocked when anyone thinks otherwise.

    they work harder and generally get paid less than other professions…not to mention hundreds of after hour preps!

    Kvetch kvetching kvetched
    Guest
    Kvetch kvetching kvetched

    You mean one quarter of the parent body Express their appreciation through a note? That is amazing! It is important to show our appreciation, but it is much much more important for us teachers to understand the importance of our work and to do it without expecting a pat on the back. Hashem chose us, and put us in the most important place, to take care of his most precious treasure. That many people don’t appreciate it, is quite frankly they are problem. Not ours. Do not be discouraged, Go forth joyously in your holy work.

    nice to know i am not alone
    Guest
    nice to know i am not alone

    I gave up on teaching….
    You invest and invest so much, and in ‘some CH schools’; you neither get paid nor appreciated

    Parents
    Guest
    Parents

    I do so hope Administrators read this blog and when parents come cap in head pleading for “understanding” pleading for “rachmonus” they re-read to them their mean comments here ungrateful comments here ( no means all)
    Ingratitude is hardly a mida tove. Entitlement behooves none of us

    If you don't thank the teachers
    Guest
    If you don't thank the teachers

    Then don’t be surprised when your kids won’t thank you.

    thank you parents
    Guest
    thank you parents

    Thank you to the parents who go out of their way to show their appreciation. We teachers remember you for your recognition. It keeps us going throughout the year.

    Does this apply to morim also?
    Guest
    Does this apply to morim also?

    Just curious : do male teachers also expect the same?

     It's the right thing to do
    Guest
    It's the right thing to do

    You don’t have to give a fancy gift, but you still have to show Hakoras Hatov & say Thank You. They are two little words that go a long way to show your appreciation for someone. In this case, you show your appreciation for an individual who has put in a lot of time, effort and dedication into her students the past school year.

    I am a parent  and teacher
    Guest
    I am a parent and teacher

    I only give teacher gifts to teachers who truly made an impact on my child. If my child had a lukewarm year I will not give a gift but always contribute to the teacher gift PTA fund. And if my child had just a good year, believe me I contribute to the PTA fund and go above and beyond with a gift. Speaking as a teacher, getting “tips” is tacky. I am not a waitress, I am an educator. I value my profession. I teach because it is my passion, not for gifts. Getting a hand made sign from my… Read more »

    not nice !
    Guest
    not nice !

    Every end of year my daughters and I would go to the gift shop and by all the teachers an end of year gift . I never did this for the rebbes because I have so much Chanukah and Purim, and usually by the end of year I had fallen out with them

    Teacher for almost 40 years.
    Guest
    Teacher for almost 40 years.

    The greatest gift I can receive is meeting former students and parents who remember me with a huge smile and say kind things about the impact I may have made on their child/ren. All I want to do is make Hashem happy. (So to speak) If Hashem is Happy with my work as a teacher that’s the greatest gift I can ever wish for.

    100% Agree BUT
    Guest
    100% Agree BUT

    I agree 100% with you, but what happen when schools are hiring teacher(S) who just came out of seminary/yeshiva and have NO experience in chinuch (education) and we parents are suffering everyday and there is nothing that can be done about it after the school start!!! I beg the school to train teacher(s) before working with our kids – imagine a pilot flying a plane without a license!!!!

    Parents need to be appreciated!
    Guest
    Parents need to be appreciated!

    Hey Teacher, Did YOU thank the parents that paid your salary and provided generously to your livelihood? How about sending a note of appreciation to us parents who allow you – and there are many who would like to have the job, the opportunity to teach our precious children. Your dedication keeps you re-hired and secured the job for another year. If you aren’t dedicated, we will make sure to replace you. But we do not insist on a thank you note from you, because all we care about is that the job gets done. You too don’t look for… Read more »

    Let it be
    Guest
    Let it be

    Let things be natural and come from the heart. As a parent who did give thank you notes/gifts/$ to teachers at the end of the year, I feel I gave because I wanted to give. I was not “expected” or “obligated” to give and so I gave happily. I can’t stand when people put pressure on me to be courteous. I will say “please” and “thank you” to people as I wish. When it’s forced it just doesn’t have the same feel. Adults dont need to be made aware of the concept of saying thank you- they are not saying… Read more »

    Never Too Late
    Guest
    Never Too Late

    Recently I was in New York and one of my former students from when I taught in Bais Rivka 20 years ago, stopped me and told me how she has good memories from being in my class etc, I was really really touched it meant so much to me and came at the right moment!! So keep the thank yous coming!!

    TIP TO BARBER
    Guest
    TIP TO BARBER

    dear parents. calculate how much money you gave to your childrens barber the past year. you should give your childrens teachers and mechanchim for torah educations 100 times that anount.
    as a former teacher i understand the pain of the teacher.
    we have to learn to focus on the schar we get from hashem and we eventually see the nachas when does students grow up

    Dont compare!!
    Guest
    Dont compare!!

    Dont compare teaching to another proffession, very strong connections can be made between teachers and students!!

    suggestions
    Guest
    suggestions

    -send a homebaked cake or cookies with note
    -can send cheesecake before shavuos, always at end of year
    -flowers for shavuos
    -pesonalized choclate bar
    -something very small but meanigful, once for purim gave a soupbowl and wrote for a “souper” teacher
    -everyone gives a few $$ and buy something from everyone , not personal but better than nothing
    –of course a nice note is the main thing and means more than all the gifts

    lets remember to thank not only teachers but also spouses, parents, children, writing them notes wouldnt hurt either!!

    keep the ideas coming!!

    #60
    Guest
    #60

    As a teacher – I hope I never teach your children. I am sure they picked up your bad middos and bad attitudes. But I do admit that my husband who is in another profession does not get thank you notes or tips.

    pay ur teachers properly!
    Guest
    pay ur teachers properly!

    For those who say teachers get paid……. etc. they dont get very much at all!!!! unfortunately! i think if they got paid more maybe people ,parents would respect t
    them more!!

    Art teacher
    Guest
    Art teacher

    Out of over 60 students not even one acknowledged!

    Both parent and teacher
    Guest
    Both parent and teacher

    As a teacher I understand it is nice to be acknowledged but… I am a parent of many children B”H and I am embarrassed to send a thank you note with no money or gift in. I give chanukah gelt and a large mishloach manos but as much as I would love to send a thank you note at the end of the year I am afraid that it would look worse on me to send one with out anything inside than none at all. As a teacher I don’t expect the thanks from a parent as I know that… Read more »

    Teacher
    Guest
    Teacher

    As a teacher, I would like to thank every single parent who gave a letter throughout the year and at the end of the year. It means so much to me and encourages me to continue putting my koichos into your children each day. Thank you!

    two sides
    Guest
    two sides

    i understand you feel you did a good job, extended yourself, etc. but perhaps from the parents/students perspective you did not, and thus the didn’t feel compelled to than you (or top you). being a teacher is a tough and generally thankless job, granted. and if there’s not provided curriculum, training, etc, it’s even harder. but just because you tried hard doesn’t mean you succeeded, and a doctor who tries hard but doesn’t succeed, doesn’t usually get thanked key point here is what in fact is your job? did you outline at the beginning of they year what skills and… Read more »

    Thank You
    Guest
    Thank You

    Thank you for raising this important issue. We live in a culture where appreciation for service providers is shown through tipping – people don’t think twice before tipping their waiter, and around holiday season their UPS delivery person, mail carrier, babysitter, nanny, bus driver, and the list goes on. Yet teachers, who dedicate their hearts, their souls, their patience, love, kindness, time, and money to our children for hours every day are overlooked. Anyone who knows anything about chinuch knows that teachers are grossly underpaid and yet lovingly over extend themselves for children. The benefits of a dedicated teacher are… Read more »

    Teaching hardest job, we need to show much appreciation
    Guest
    Teaching hardest job, we need to show much appreciation

    Finall,, I read about much needed appreciation for teachers. Teachers are not like cashier sales ppl. They work hard before schoo,, prepare lesson,, decoratio,, craft.. They work with all their mind and heart to teach, instill good middle and give individual attention. Where are you parents? At end of year,, no word of appreciation? especially for younger grades, when there r only 2,3 teachers??? Where are the principal?? They should demand from parents and student . at least letter of recognition?? Even more so if a teacher gives birth or gets engaged, can’t get together and pay a presen?? What… Read more »

    A parent and teacher
    Guest
    A parent and teacher

    I’ve been on both sides of the fence. I think its more out of not knowing than unapprecation. When money is very short at the end of the year, camp fees etc. I felt foolish giving just 10$ but to pay 8 teachers sometimes that’s all I could manange, so choose not to give anything rather than look cheap. I think if every parent gave 10 plus a thank you note (encourgaed by the admin) then it would feel comfortable and normal, for those who want to give more can. I think a parent from each class can collect the… Read more »

    i agree but...
    Guest
    i agree but...

    if ur not doing it for the $ then why are u writing this? and besides, u dont know for a fact that they HAVE $ stop being so jugdemental

    Pedant
    Guest
    Pedant

    How did this(((60)))creature come out of our system.

    A Crown Heights Rebbi
    Guest
    A Crown Heights Rebbi

    I work in a local Yeshiva for many years.
    It’s very rare for a parent not to thank their child’s Rebbi.
    I just checked my thank you notes, I received this year notes from 21 parents out of 25. And most of the parents thanked me several times with most of them sending me gifts mainly monetary.
    Thank you parents for showing your appreciation.
    If you’re a parent who hasn’t shown appreciation to your teacher, you should know that you’re from the minority.

    Yehuda  l g
    Guest
    Yehuda l g

    And a side note to add. I was told by a truly honest good friend ” just have fun” e.g. if you liked teaching you must of had a lot of fun by teaching all your students .

    To sum up most of the comments
    Guest
    To sum up most of the comments

    The teachers say she is right and the rest say that she should get over it.

    Dear teacher from  principal
    Guest
    Dear teacher from principal

    Very greatful but the only way I would ever notice you would be if you made the effort to communicate with me. How often have you reached out to the parents to show it is more then a job trust me everyone deeply notices and are greatful for that. Basically you could be very devoted but how often do the parents see that directly

    Teachers are underpaid for the work they do
    Guest
    Teachers are underpaid for the work they do

    and the mosdos rarely up they pay, which is a normal thing in any other profession… the main reason fro that is the lack of money etc.
    but at least say thank you.
    btw, word gets around, and teachers sometime talk and know which parents are appreciative. it ends up being for you own interest.

    You need to manage your expectations
    Guest
    You need to manage your expectations

    If you teach in a frum school in a frum community, it’s just totally unreasonable to expect a mom to be able to manage meaningful thank you’s to all the teachers of all her children. People here have big families and many work full time too. How much can a mother do?!! In secular private schools where people have just one or two children, a parent can be expected to have the headspace to properly thank each one of their children’s teachers. But with our huge families, it’s not a reasonable expectation and shouldn’t be a reflection of a lack… Read more »

    Something to think about
    Guest
    Something to think about

    A number of years ago I changed schools and went to a non Lubavitch school for the first time in a long teaching career. What I encountered there blew my mind. The girls I taught in this new school had derech eretz so far above my previous school, it hurt! I could not understand how these students were so well behaved. I could not bear coming face-to-face with the truth I had denied for so long: That the lack of chutzpah in this school made for excellent teaching/learning. These girls were far above my old school on every level: their… Read more »

    Really?
    Guest
    Really?

    All the negative comments are from people who haven’t taught. Try it for a day. Then try for a year.

    Teachers are people too!
    Guest
    Teachers are people too!

    Just say thank you. We’re all super busy and overwhelmed and teachers know that .o
    PS To those of you who are rude to teachers,you make it much harder for us to be kind and loving to your kids.

    The Rebbe told us
    Guest
    The Rebbe told us

    When at CGI, one of the hoaras the Rebbe spoke is to tip the camp waiters. So that I will do.
    To me Chanukah and Purim are the gifts. A note is hakoras Hatov. No money ever.
    However, thinking back, I didn’t send notes to my sons’ out of town yeshivos, but I hope that they followed my example of verbally thanking absolutely everyone, and therefore thanked their Rebbeim/mashpiim.

    Bubby
    Guest
    Bubby

    Not only would I thank the teachers, but gave the school secretaries a little gift as well.

    #imwithher
    Guest
    #imwithher

    As a former teacher for 3 years I know exactly how you feel. I guess most parents just really don’t have even a few extra dollars to give to teachers at the end of the year, but to not even acknowledge their child’s hard working teacher through something so personal (and costless) as a thank you note? This is definitely beyond my understanding. My opinion is that teachers have to stop being taken for granted, and must be commended for their thousands of hours each year of commitment and effort , some hakaros hatov people!

    Teacher
    Guest
    Teacher

    I also know what it feels like to teach and give my life over to my students, plus put in hours of work that no parent imagined outside of the classroom. Those few parents who express their thanks, whether with a note, a gift, or by word of mouth, are the parents who boost my energy to continue giving it my all as I continue teaching. I save those notes and read them often. Thank you to those parents who took a minute to do that. Your child will learn good middos from you, and I can already notice it… Read more »

    To # 82
    Guest
    To # 82

    You said it the best. I totally agree with you. I give my pre- school kids teachers a gift if the class does, something that was not done years back. But the older kids….. do you expect parents to write out 6 x 2 or more many cards for all the kids. INSANE. let the parents who always write continue to and to the ones who don’t , don’t! IF my child was average student or even excellent, should I say thank you for teaching my child who did so well. We have only spoken once by PTA. If my… Read more »

    Former teacher
    Guest
    Former teacher

    To be very honest, at the end of the year when the kids came with gifts and “tips” it was embarrassing. I did my job because I loved teaching these children. The biggest tip for me was seeing their faces light up and the concept click. It meant that forever they will know something because I got them to understand it. With my own kids, I struggled to send something at the end of the year. First it was Chanukah, than it was Purim, heck I got requests for a group gift for Pesach one year! The end of the… Read more »

    appreciative parent
    Guest
    appreciative parent

    Maybe, like me, the parents just didn’t have a chance to send a thank ypu yet and will be sending something in the mail

    not even a little thank you note
    Guest
    not even a little thank you note

    never mind the monetary part so any of you parents out there when you see me and I will ignore you DON’T be surprised.

    Curious out of towner
    Guest
    Curious out of towner

    Does the school have a PTA? My kids go to a not Chabad school, the PTA arranges that all parents give teacher/aide/ secretary/ Security gift fund. Its a total of $10 per teacher, aid etc. Yes it adds up, considering its done by Chanukah, Purim and end of the year. But its practical, in addition I give extra to the people I feel went above and beyond for my kids. I alway pay the school security guards and carpool attendants too! Not to mention when teachers etc due give birth or get engaged the same amount of money is required,… Read more »

    Oh boo hoo!!!
    Guest
    Oh boo hoo!!!

    Start acting your age! If you don’t feel appreciated maybe you should find a career that involves someone cheering you on for doing what you are paid to do!!

    I'm in chinuch. Agree with #43. Focus on the positive.
    Guest
    I'm in chinuch. Agree with #43. Focus on the positive.

    I don’t expect a thank you because others will never know how much I invested, even thogh a thank you would be nice and I truly value and appreciate it when it comes my way. My true peiros is not recognition but the effect I have on Yiddish chassidishe children. The greatest thank you I can get is from Hashem and the Rebbe. I feel that I have many brochos in my personal life because of the effort I put into my chinuch “job”. As a parent, I try express my appreciation to my childrens’ teachers in writimg and when… Read more »

    #83 Is on to something
    Guest
    #83 Is on to something

    My lubavitch friends who went to not lubavitch schools always comment on the bid difference between the school is derech eretz. I never believed it until I became a teacher. Derech Eretz starts in the home.

    Older rebbe in oholei torah
    Guest
    Older rebbe in oholei torah

    What can i tell u.. .i don’t know ,but thi$ year i got bombarded with envelope$ the la$t day,,,i looked at my calender to see if it was chanukah today..you are in the wrong school..

    58 you r a real teacher!
    Guest
    58 you r a real teacher!

    Wish my kids had you. The letter was written horribly!!! The teacher sounds entitled! There are those who go to bed crying and Sholom bayis is strained due to lack of finances…. How can we pay tuition, the grocery bill, new uniforms for growing children, new shoes, yom tov, school birthday party …. The list goes on. A gift … A monetary gift is not even on the list… It’s painful that the letter writer would expect it! And boy was she judgmental & rude to more comfortable parents!!!! However, appreciation & thank you is ALWAYS in order! You take… Read more »

    It seems to be a mentality on not tipping Morahs vs Rebbes
    Guest
    It seems to be a mentality on not tipping Morahs vs Rebbes

    I noticed on many frum forums I am apart of when the subject of how much should you gift your teacher comes up, an overwhelming amount seem to advise to give the Rebbes so much more. Often parents rewards the Morahs with baked goods or other small tokens of appreciation but the Rebbes are given $$$. Equal Pay mentality has not caught up yet in the frum world. Morahs are equally important, spend just as much time at work yet are paid much less in general. Is it fair, No. But eventually like everything else in this community, times are… Read more »

    93 you are so rude
    Guest
    93 you are so rude

    I hope you never have the Z’chus of teaching my grandchildren.
    97 & 98 wow! Wonderful people

    A gift is nice....
    Guest
    A gift is nice....

    But it’s a thoughtful note that really really really goes a long way. A VERY long way!
    And in the schools in my hometown, the parents chip in together to get something, which makes it easier for everyone

    @ 63 TIP TO BARBER
    Guest
    @ 63 TIP TO BARBER

    I tip my children’s barber $zero. Because I cut their hair. And even if I didn’t, figure $10 x 10 haircuts a year is $100 a year per child. Tuition per child is???? $6000 for the pre-upsherin yingle, $3-4000 for the girls, even more for the older boys! And end of year, the camp tuition and other necessities, shopping for the coming school year and yomim tovim. The complaint shouldn’t be to the parents for not giving tips. It should be to the administrators for not fundraising and paying their teachers on time. Thank you notes and personal thank yous… Read more »

    Thank you teacher. 💐
    Guest
    Thank you teacher. 💐

    Dear Teacher(s), Firstly, as parents it is always important to express our thanks (and encourage our children to do the same) for the constant care and dedication you give to our children. Equally, it does not have to be at specific times. You must accept it can also be throughout the year and can be verbal or written, after a trip or just random. It does not necessarily have to be before a Chag with a monetary value attached or at the end of the academic year etc,. Personally, I believe that a fantastic teacher is measured by the student(s)… Read more »

    A teacher's POV
    Guest
    A teacher's POV

    My daughter is a pre-school teacher & I was a HS teacher. I think this op-ed is wrong – not because I don’t understand, but because I do. It is horrible to put in every bit of koiches into your students and get no appreciation. But to “expect” acknowledgment and especially, complain only 3 gave you money, is totally unrealistic. Why do you think your students are chutzpadik, hurtful to other students, lazy, disruptive & sometimes, really obnoxious? Because of their parents. Ergo, they don’t appreciate you so why expect to teach totally adorable students who show you respect? Instead… Read more »

    Entitlement
    Guest
    Entitlement

    Are these mothers the same ladies who never sent ‘thank you’ notes for wedding gifts received, or for baby presents etc? It is possible they don’t know HOW to write a ‘thNk you’ note.

    הכרת הטוב
    Guest
    הכרת הטוב

    I believe that most teachers that come to wprk do so with good intentions and much dedication. Even if your child didn’t click with the teacher or you didn’t see eye to eye, they still deserve a recognition. Unlike other paid proffesions, there is much more work that goes into teaching after paid hours. As a nurse, I don’t get monitary recognition from my patients. However on a daily basis I get a positive feedback from my patients, peers and manager. At the end of the shift when i say goodbye to my patients, or when I discharge them home,… Read more »

    Flip side of the story
    Guest
    Flip side of the story

    I was always the kind of mother who over thanked with lavish gifts through out the year.Starting the year with home baked honey cakes for rosh Hashanah beautifully wrapped with hand written thank you notes, all the way to the end.
    I can count on one hand how many teachers ever bothered making the effort to say “thank you for thinking of me, your gift was so appreciated”.
    Just know, it really works both ways.

    How to handle multiple teachers...
    Guest
    How to handle multiple teachers...

    To the person overwhelmed with her daughter’s 8 teachers, we had one person collect $20-50 from each family and then divide it up. They deliver it to each teacher OR you can give it to an administrator who will be happy to take care of it.

    # 107
    Guest
    # 107

    Professions
    Monetary
    Nurses must spell correctly otherwise what manner of damage could so be inflicted
    Each nurse receives a gift from patient on discharge. Be it money, be it confectionery, be it whatever.
    It pains me how unappreciative we supposedly an ultra
    orthodox,medakdek community are. How much bile has gone not these messages. We really should do some serious soul searching

    #60
    Guest
    #60

    I saw your comment and I am fuming in anger. HOW DARE YOU?! I am so so so ANGRY! #60 – I was never so angry as after reading your comment.

    DEAR MORAH C. and PARENTS IN GENERAL...
    Guest
    DEAR MORAH C. and PARENTS IN GENERAL...

    I feel you, and I understand the parents side too. As a divorced mother of several young kids, I didn’t exactly have money to spend on luxuries…. not for the family, let alone for showing appreciation. As much as I wanted and as much as I knew they were more than deserving…. there just wasn’t enough to go around. But that didn’t hold me back from showing my appreciation and giving a little token of thanks. Giving money was out of the question because to give just a couple of dollars would have been embarrassing and be seen as a… Read more »

    #83 YOU'RE RIGHT 100% 100%
    Guest
    #83 YOU'RE RIGHT 100% 100%

    We’ve lost so many good teachers due to this. And you’re right it’s not the kids so much as the parents. But they won’t listen to your advice – anyone who yells at principles and teachers in front of their kids is not going to take your advice. Disrespect begets disrespect.

    101 welcome to club #60
    Guest
    101 welcome to club #60

    if that’s how you feel then it must be really a big chore to write a thank you card for the teacher and in return I will come and clean your place before Pesach from all the chometz and pay you for the privilege of letting me do it .

    #111
    Guest
    #111

    People like you who get “so so so ANGRY” should not be in chinuch! If my comment at #60 made you explode with anger – please stay away from my children.

    #83 YOU'RE RIGHT 100% 100%
    Guest
    #83 YOU'RE RIGHT 100% 100%

    We’ve lost so many good teachers due to this. And you’re right it’s not the kids so much as the parents. But they won’t listen to your advice – anyone who yells at principles and teachers in front of their kids is not going to take your advice. Disrespect begets disrespect.

    Totally agree with you
    Guest
    Totally agree with you

    I’m a parent ( not wealthy at all !!!) that always give money for the preschool teachers 3 times a year : Chanuka , Purim and End of the Year …. Yes I prefer not to send fancy Purim basket but just give small something and rest to give you money …. I understand that you as a teacher don’t have good income and have family etc …. I understand you because if you a female teacher you need a lot outfits ,just to look nice & presentable at school and in general …. I wish I could give you… Read more »

    Former student
    Guest
    Former student

    This article sheds an interesting light on my childhood. My parents were busy adding their dimes together to put dinner on the table and cover rent, no, my teachers never got tips/gifts from us… I wonder if that is why I was so mistreated by so many teachers and hanhala. THANK YOU TEACHER, for the clarification.

    Club #60
    Guest
    Club #60

    There are many parents in our community who think and act the exact way that #60 wrote. They belong to this Club #60. Usually they hide their obnoxious attitudes but every once in a while, they slither out from under the rock and spew their slime.

    Teacher
    Guest
    Teacher

    Thank you’s are definitely nice, even if they are without a tip. But let’s face it, teachers are on salary. Not a very big one, but a salary nonetheless. What about shadchanim? They are not on salary. They are giving selflessly of their time, to help people. How many people remember to tip them, or at least send a thank you note…?

    What more do you need?
    Guest
    What more do you need?

    A PORTRAIT OF A MELAMED
    The Frierdiker Rebbe said: Among chassidim in general and among Chabad chassidim in particular, there are many levels, such as baalei haskala, balei havana, balei deiah. In Chabad, the melamdim are generally amongst the most highly regarded.

    (סה”ש ה’תי”ש ע’ 362 )

    Teacher - it's a Job.
    Guest
    Teacher - it's a Job.

    I am a teacher. So I know, that after a long year of very very hard work, its nice to know that you are leaving your students with something that they learned. You hope they learned, you hope they have grown, and you hope they know that for this past year they became “your kids”. However, expecting a “tip’ or gift at the end of the year is not something that teachers do. in fact, most teachers are not allowed to accept these type of gifts. You are an employee of a school and you get a salary. If you… Read more »

    Please!
    Guest
    Please!

    And “thank you”! Why is there a lack of just plain “thank you”?! Ask yourself…. whom do you say thank you to? To the pharmacist? To the baker? The butcher? The bus driver? Your relatives who gave you a gift or invited you to dinner? A boss? A doctor? Someone who opens a door for you? A TEACHER OF YOUR CHILD? Who? Why? When? Where? Can those who do not thank a teacher of your child explain this? You do not even have to write a note, if there are too many notes for you to write! Just SAY “thank… Read more »

    So TRue and Important !
    Guest
    So TRue and Important !

    I have been teaching for many years and yes, our school does pay well and ON TIME, B”H! Nevertheless, receiving thank you notes at the end of a year are very much appreciated and treasured! I read them and feel uplifted and appreciated. I often save them. Besides the appreciation given to teachers, it is an important lesson in Hakoras Hatov and Mentchlichkeit that we teach our children to acknowledge and express thanks to those that do so much for them. And can truly be teaching our children important lessons for life and good relationships.

    Bais Rivkah Teacher
    Guest
    Bais Rivkah Teacher

    I have been teaching in Bais Rivkah for a long time and I find the parents in the younger grades to be VERY appreciative! Out of 24 students 19 expressed their appreciation in writing this year! Though gifts are certainly not required or expected, taking the time to write a nice thank you note is very meaningful to a teacher who has worked hard all year. It’s a beautiful lesson of Hakoras Hatov for the students too.

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