Saturday, 29 Adar I, 5784
  |  March 9, 2024

We Need ‘Grand Central Shidduch’

From the COLlive inbox: This parent-centered proposal will save time, agony and increasing the likelihood of engagements. Full Story

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Answered at Ohel For His Friend

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April 4, 2016 5:16 pm

Bashert doesn’t mean wait for you to coincidently “bump into” your zivug – you still need to look. In fact, the Gemara says you need to search as if for a lost possession. You must be actively and perhaps a bit desperately, even, searching for your zivug

Too contrived
April 4, 2016 3:38 pm

Sounds complicated, and begs the question why people believe a shidduch is ‘beshert’.

April 4, 2016 2:24 pm

I would love to do away with waiting for shadchanim to return my calls!! Many of them are professional and caring while others take your money and run or don’t bother with you at all unless you have lots of yichus or money or both. Sad state of affairs:(

Rabbis, mothers and helpful friends!!coaching essential for this to work
April 4, 2016 4:26 am

we DO need more ways to engage many more shadchanim – professional and amateur. Bashert NOw is doingwork similar to what is described here . BUT unless we help people stuck in the process to get UNstuck, this new system is likely to mainly help the younger singles . PLEASE, mothers and Rabbonim, involve shidduch coaches in the process and see how much more easier it is for all involved.ANd LEARN what the Rebbe has to say before you get started

a moment of silence
April 4, 2016 1:40 am

to the most eloquently penned post i have ever seen on collive.com in my 27 years of living.

to #38
April 3, 2016 8:27 pm

have you ever dealt with software building??
this is a genius idea.

need to get the yeshivos and seminaries on board
April 3, 2016 5:18 pm

To help generate the database

Great idea
April 3, 2016 3:39 pm

This idea seems eminently more practical because it doesn’t cost any money! It’s something a programmer and designer can get together and pull off in two days! All the other ideas of full time shadchonim with salaries etc. are great, but won’t happen ( at least not anytime soon). This should be done immediately

We Need 'Grand Education'!
April 3, 2016 2:24 pm

I have no desire to get into arguments or cause controversy. But We do not need “grand central shiddach“ No shiddach ever fell through because there was no central database. But often because of ignorant and petty related parties shidduchim do fall through! We need to use education to solve problems not fancy system or big words like “dynamic” or “proposals”. There is an intrinsic problem in this community with looking for catchy headline problem solving. A method of problem solving which factually and practically never did and never will work. But over the generations education has been an effective… Read more »

April 3, 2016 1:12 pm

Firstly a database is hackable and should never contain too sensitive information. I agree people should have letters of recommendation from teacher’s and bosses. Let’s have accurate facts and diplomas, if you want to go that route. Let’s add video profiles. Meyer’s Briggs etc testing. Let’s have friend’s interviewed and a space for all future abilities. And let’s get virtually married as well. Second i don’t think the problem is a lack of information but a lack of accurate information. Today parents do not care or are too busy to actually get to know their children and push for shidduchim… Read more »

April 3, 2016 12:24 pm

You are obviously smart and you get it. No one who reads this is going to do it for you. Do us all the favor!! Less talk more action!

Great Idea.
April 3, 2016 12:02 pm

It’s a no brainer.

Thank you very much for thinking of it.

Great idea!!
April 3, 2016 11:42 am

This is a no-brainer it must be done. And everyday that passes is a sin.

April 3, 2016 11:27 am

It’s a great idea. Who is ready to run with it? Who has the funding? I’ve heard similar ideas… Need to do it.

Need a central database of all names?
April 3, 2016 11:14 am

Use the Chabad friendly database, and it’s free too! It has been running for almost two years, and extremely easy and private.
It’s called BashertNow.org, they currently employ 4 workers, who are very professional and knowledgeable.
Yours truly, Shadchan

too little too late
April 3, 2016 10:09 am

they are all friends but they can’t get over the hurdle to make a commitment ,all singles in chabad or wherever know each other, but they can’t get over the hill to make a commitment

Dear Friends
April 3, 2016 9:58 am

We all have a Rebbe why don’t we follow the system that the Rebbe gave us. That includes the Shadchanim, shlucim and mothers who know better

ideas are a dime a dozen
April 3, 2016 9:04 am

There’s no shortage of good ideas so solve the crises. What’s needed is action. Have a great idea? Just do it!

enjoying grandkids
April 3, 2016 8:51 am

I always thought that having a central agency in Crown Heights, vetted and approved by our rabbanim or lay leaders would work . it would be a viable organization that has an office. There would be different kinds of shadchanim, specific to each need or interest. There would be payment dues from every family in Lubavitch to maintain this organization, based on a fee structure agreed on by a poll. Every lubavitch gir land boy would register pre or after seminary, the boys would register when they and their parents decide would be a right time. If all girls would… Read more »

April 3, 2016 8:05 am

If anyone was allowed to a) upload your child’s profile and b) anyone can make suggestions- the stigma of being listed group would not have any gripes, as they didn’t put their child on.
There could be a check box-full profile listed on site and sorry parents not on site.
The webmaster should contact the parents with -hey someone wants to try to make a shiduch and list your rudimentary resume there- are u ok with that?

April 3, 2016 3:28 am

I don’t think it is true. As you read in the comments, there will always be a large group who either feel they don’t NEED to sign on, or that it is too impersonal and worthless. I doubt if we can get enough people to sign up to actually help the masses. but i guess every derech will help some people, so whoever signs up, might end up finding a shiddach for their child thru this site.

system that really works
April 3, 2016 3:15 am

system that really works
Girls making suggestions for her friends, calling Moms ,non stop,sending profiles, and talking about her friends, They make the suggestion and right away can tell about their friends
Once there is an interest, they can appoint their shadchanim for the dating arrangements and follow up
This is perfect, because girls work for their friends with great passion, one for each other,
We make lists form every yeshiva grade,camps,etc, from 10 years ago,communities, shluchim,etc,

agree with 16 and 19
April 3, 2016 2:23 am

agree with 16 and …19 lol

April 3, 2016 1:56 am

That was the best idea so far. That’s how they used to do shiduchim… when they were still babies.

Great idea. But....
April 3, 2016 1:32 am

After years of dating I realize the problem is not shadchanim or bad suggestions. The problem is, the guys that are available are not open to getting married. They say they are, but then constantly say no to suggestions by good friends and good people. So anything you want to do systematically can be helpful but still leaves a huge gap. Bashertnow has done a lot but still. So now that I have a profile of a good guy that’s suitable it still means nothing cuz the guy is not interested anyways unless somehow my picture blows him away and… Read more »

Luv it!
April 3, 2016 12:16 am

Long overdue!
A dynamically updated, central database is EXACTLY what we need. There is no other way, for the masses to have access to this much needed data. Don’t listen to those who want to keep this access from the people.
And don’t you worry, all the naysayers will also sign on, once the rest of the herd has…typical.

maybe some one should start putting new born baby's
April 2, 2016 11:54 pm

maybe some one should start putting new born baby’s into the data base so in 20 years it will be set and until then do the best we can with what we have

round and round we go
April 2, 2016 11:47 pm

As in everything, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. We married off all our kids B”H and only used a professional shadchan once – to take over from the members of each family who got the ball rolling. When you think your child is getting ready, start talking to EVERYONE. And I mean everyone. People in stores, neighbors, friends, family, people in Shul… fathers are getting more proactive these days as well. I would look at singles at weddings, even on Kingston, in shul & if I liked what I saw, I’d find out about them. I… Read more »

Match By Ita
April 2, 2016 11:47 pm

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You find a good shiduch online
April 2, 2016 11:45 pm

The only people who match a shiduch well is friends and family not a profile u see on the net.

the real solution
April 2, 2016 11:41 pm

there is no substitute for in-person interaction. 5 people can all sound the same on paper, but after a 5 minute meeting it becomes clear that they are very, very different people, suited to very, very different spouses. In my opinion, the solution is not to come up with more online matching sites, but to create a centralized “shidduch office” which shadchanim who are paid to work full time, meeting with singles in person, and coming up with ideas of who may be suitable for whom.

new program
April 2, 2016 11:41 pm

Check out Zivugtech see if its something you can join with

To #8
April 2, 2016 11:26 pm

FindYourBashert. Com

To Married friends
April 2, 2016 11:19 pm

Couldn’t agree with you more. Just recently a couple went out, and although the shiduch didn’t “click”, the bocher did like the girl and suggested the shiduch to his friends he thought would be a better match.He was right and his friend did marry the girl.
If you’ve been out with someone, you know a bit about him or her. If the match isn’t for you, think about your friends to see if out might be a good match for your friend.

Married friends
April 2, 2016 10:31 pm

Happily Married friends should get to work on behalf of their unmarried friends, no?

April 2, 2016 10:29 pm

it already exsists… chabadmatch.com is a great website for shidduchim. if more people would upload their resume…
Hashem should help that everyone find their bashert soon!

ChabadMatch is different
April 2, 2016 10:22 pm

ChabadMatch only connects people with shadchonim and even then devulging details by making your info public is completely optional. This idea wants to open all resumes to all people to look through without needing any specific shadchon or having information hidden etc.

To #1
April 2, 2016 10:20 pm

I actually think the third level in this idea would encourage people to sign up if only for the benefit of having certainty on someone’s medical history not posing a serious problem in the future.
Also, people might want to check out the persons details before or during going through a shadchon – even if they are well connected etc.

Chabadmatch.com is outdated
April 2, 2016 10:17 pm

All the profiles stay as is, year after year. No updates, no added profiles, no change. It’s boring and basically looks like a plastered plack of names, non budging. There is a new upcoming site which is a kickoff of sawyouatsinai which will be devoted just for Lubavitchers. It’s called Find My Bashert. Look out for upcoming details. I believe it was started thru the Shidduch Intetnational Group. Thanx for your devotion.

Response to #1
April 2, 2016 10:14 pm

Stop with the self pity and having such a complex. Many well connected families with tons of relatives are also having a hard time with shidduchim.

April 2, 2016 10:06 pm

Don’t you think this is wrong? People need to interact! I totally agree with #2!

I agree with #1
April 2, 2016 10:02 pm

I agree with #1
Well said

April 2, 2016 9:35 pm

I like the idea, but there needs to be an incentive for people to upload profiles in the beginning, as there will be little names to start with.

I do iike the idea. Can younger people have access just to make suggestions?

ChabadMatch.com and Shluchimmatch.com
April 2, 2016 9:27 pm

We already have the above, did you check them out?

Totally pointless system
April 2, 2016 9:11 pm

That’s not how human interactions work

One stumbling block
April 2, 2016 9:05 pm

I actually like this proposal, because unless you have a lot of relatives spread throughout the Chabad world, it is really hard to hear about potential matches for your child. But the same problem seems to happen with all of these ‘solutions’ (there is a new website out just the past few weeks). The really good boys (and very well connected or desirable girls) never sign up because they don’t have to. They have enough suggestions from friends, relatives, and shaddchanim that they do not need to go out there and sell themselves. So you end up with websites or… Read more »