The following was shared at a Farbrengen at Bais Levy Yitzchak in Pomona, NY by Rabbi YY Bukiet, a Meshiv in Yeshivas Tomchei Temimim Mayan Torah of Pomona, NY, in honor of his father Rabbi Chaim Meir Bukiet, Rosh Yeshiva of the Central United Lubavitcher Yeshiva in Brooklyn, NY, on his yartziet on the 27th of Teves. It was transcribed by Bentzion Elisha, author of the book ’18 Frames of Being’ (available on Amazon).
Perhaps it was somewhat hypocritical, but my father never wanted me to become a teacher. Although he spent a lifetime in Chinuch, being a Rosh Yeshiva, he tried to dissuade me from following in his footsteps. He knew all too well that Chinuch isn’t easy and that a Mechanech needs to have Mesiras Nefesh, literally.
Being that he saw that I was sensitive and took things to heart, he thought it would destroy me. He was right. Many nights, coming back home from Yeshiva, I would cry. Concerned about various Talmidim and their challenges really bothered me, so I cried…
At some point, this sorrow resulted in actual heartache; I was experiencing pain in my heart due to my emotional state, which was caused by my worry for my students. When I was 70 years old, I had to stop, and I told the hanhala I couldn’t continue anymore; it was too much for me to bear. That’s when they gave me an easier position, a Meshiv.
Nevertheless, even though he initially dissuaded me, when I first started on my journey into teaching, my father gave me sage advice:
By the Pesach Hagaddah, it mentions the four sons. The wording that is used is Echad Chacham, Echad Rasha, etc. One son is a scholar; one is a wicked son… Why does it say ‘one’ by each son?
No matter what type of a student (or child) it may be, as a teacher, you must consider him as if he is the only one. The only student that your whole Parnasah is dependent upon is the only one you must develop and, no matter what, help succeed. This student success is your entire mission, no matter what.
When you view a child through this viewpoint, as a teacher, your interaction and relation to the child are completely different.
*
After he passed away, my father’s lesson unexpectedly appeared in a living example.
One day, a former student of my father came knocking on my mother’s door with an envelope in hand.
He explained that the envelope contained $3,000, which he wanted to return to my father, who would never have accepted it when he was alive.
He explained: When he was in yeshiva, my father targeted him. He saw he wasn’t from a ‘Gezhe’ family with Yichus, and he was ‘on his own.’ He wanted to compensate and gave him positive attention. Farbrenged with him and encouraged his studies. When he became a chosson, he gave him advice about the wedding, making sure he wasn’t overspending and making sure he kept it small, avoiding the pressure to get into debt unnecessarily, being that both his and the Kallas families were small.
In addition to his moral support, before the wedding, he sought him out and told him he had collected money to help him out.
He handed him an envelope with $3,000, which was a considerable sum in those days. When the Choson came home, he saw the withdrawal slip inserted in the envelope. It clearly stated where the money really came from: my father’s account.
Uncomfortable with taking his money, he called my father and asked to return it, explaining that he had seen the bank slip.
My father dismissed the whole thing, trying to cover up the withdrawal note as if it was the teller’s mistake.
The student didn’t buy the excuse but let it go to honor my father.
Nevertheless, as appreciative as he was now, years later, after my father’s death, he wanted to give it back, so he handed the money to my mother.
My father didn’t just uplift this boy while in yeshiva, during working hours, but it also extended afterward. His attentiveness and sincere care set his student on the right track and fortified what he was to become as an established adult.
*
Although my father’s advice to me was personal, from an experienced, seasoned teacher to one just starting out, his lesson applies to every teacher everywhere.
However, it isn’t limited to how a teacher should view students.
This viewpoint of looking at another as ‘the only one’ can easily be applied to parents and their children. By treating and encouraging every child as if they were ‘the only one,’ our investment in them is much more powerful.
And also universally, as Chasudim of the Rebbe, Shluchim, looking at every individual who enters our domain as a unique treasure upon one’s whole life’s mission is dependent on giving, inspiring, and elevating as if they were ‘the only one.’
