‘Stop Trying to Cope’: The Rebbe’s ‘Blunt’ Response to a Student in Despair

In the years following the Holocaust, a 19-year-old university student wrote to the Rebbe expressing deep disillusionment and suicidal despair.

The Rebbe’s response was not a single letter, but a sustained, multi-year correspondence that challenged the young man’s perspective, gave him a historic sense of purpose, and ultimately saved his life.

Now, for Rosh Chodesh Adar (the month of increasing in joy), Sichos In English is releasing this entire 8-page exchange to the public for the first time as a free PDF download.

Featured in the newly expanded edition of “Healthy in Body, Mind and Spirit — Mental Health” the letters offer a direct and nuanced approach to mental and spiritual crises. Rather than simply offering comforting words, the Rebbe addressed the crisis head-on. He noted that the student’s initial letter was “full of your own expectations and disappointments, as if everybody owes you everything, but no one has a claim on you“.

To pull the student out of his paralysis, the Rebbe offered a firm shift in focus:

“Stop being concerned with your own problems. The way to cope with such an emotionally charged situation is to stop trying to cope with it. You must get away from yourself, and begin to think of others… It is time to begin an active participation in the society; to give, and give generously”.

This guidance was immediately paired with a profound sense of mission. Speaking to the tragedy of the Holocaust, the Rebbe elevated the student’s purpose:

“…especially in this day and age, after one third of our people… have been annihilated. For, everyone who has been spared that fate must now contribute not only his normal share, but also make up the terrible gap that has been created in the life of our tortured people. One must now work for at least two…”.

Over the following years, the Rebbe continued to guide the student with practical, grounded advice. When the student wrote about his moods, the Rebbe reassured him: “there is nothing really wrong with you“.

Addressing the student’s guilt and inner turmoil, the Rebbe advised that “…brooding over past failures is bound to be depressing and discouraging… Therefore it is advisable to dismiss such thoughts for the time being, and leave them for more propitious times“.

Yet, despite the demanding nature of the correspondence, the Rebbe ensured the student felt completely comfortable reaching out. Encouraging total transparency, the Rebbe wrote:

“I want to say that there is no need for you to be embarrassed in expressing your attitude towards me, whether you have any trust or lack of trust, etc. Such feelings are best to be expressed openly…”.

These letters are an eye-opening display of how the Rebbe guided a soul from the brink of despair to a life of action. This 8-page exchange is a must-read, demonstrating the Rebbe’s unique blend of compassion, candidness, and clarity.

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These letters are just part of one chapter in the newly expanded “Healthy in Body, Mind and Spirit – Mental Health.” For those looking for a meaningful Mishloach Manos, Sichos In English is currently offering the full expanded book at up to 40% off. It makes for a gift of clarity, mental well-being, and spiritual purpose.

Special Thanks: To Rabbi Areyah Kaltmann for making these archival treasures available.

[Click Here to Download the 8-Page “Life for Others” PDF Excerpt]

[Click Here to Buy the Full Book on Sale at SIE.org]

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