by Rabbi Shea Hecht
Joy breaks boundaries. I have found this to be universally true. When we stop and invest ourselves, even a little, into celebrating the special things in our lives, we change for the better. And this can be experienced by anyone who will set mundane concerns aside and simply “smell the flowers”.
Our holidays are of course, the most appropriate time to bring this kind of joy out into the open. How unfortunate, then, that we so often we get caught up in the material preparations of a Yom Tov that we let them become a burden and a source of stress.
This can be said for any Yom Tov, but as Purim is now upon us, I believe it would be a good idea to have a look at what has become of the mitzvah of shalach manos.
Sending gifts of food to a friend during Purim is a beautiful mitzvah, and must pursue it with all of the pride and energy we can muster. But in recent years and in every household it has become a larger-than-life campaign whose expense is second only to Pesach.
While the mitzvah is to give at least two types of food to one person, every family seems to have a list of names that rivals that of the local phone listings–not including the children’s’ class lists (an average of twenty or so per class) and the dozen or so “extras” (for those “unexpected” givers!).
This yearly song and dance not only burdens those of us who can ill afford it, it also takes away from the beauty of the mitzvah. Instead of doing the mitzvah for its own sake and with joy, we make shalach manos into a chore which does little more than keep with social niceties.
Also, there is a certain self-defeating nature of such gifts. And the greatest proof lies in our own feelings towards our own post-Purim inventories. Take a second to look over that mountain of stale chips, crushed chocolate wafers, dried fruits and mini-bottles of grape juice. Does it warm and inspire you? Do you feel loved and appreciated? Or do you think, like I do: “How exactly do I get rid of all this?” Shalach manos is a mitzvah, after all. And like all mitzvos, without the right intent it’s like a body without a soul.
I call upon everyone who is tired of carpet-bombing the community with nosh and grape juice to please “stop the madness”. Put together one or two baskets with those special things that you yourself would be happy to receive. Give it to that special person who deserves the recognition, or better yet to that neighbor who is not yet a friend, and bring the joy and the “soul” back into the mitzvah.
“carpet bombing” LOL. Good use of the term. Anyone who wishes to support the notion of continuing this perversion of the mitzva, please pay close attention to where most of the money is spent – is it on the food or the presentation? Sure it’s nice that people use the “mitzva” to exhibit their arts and crafts muscle, but acknowledge that there is little of the mitzva and a lot of ego at play. If you spend more on the esrog box than on the esrog did you do someone holy? For those that wish to honor their rav or… Read more »
Sorry guys but the chiyuv is to give two food items to just ONE person. What you two may be forgetting is the mitzva of matanos la’evyonim, which must be to two people. Maybe if people gave a 2:1 ratio of matanos la’evyonim to mishloach manos, there would probably be a smaller pile of grape juice and chips at the end of the day; and somebody would get something they could definitely use. Just a thought. Happy Purim!
What about those of us whohave many kids , kein ayin hora, Each one has to give their firends. the older ones need to give their teachers and plus our few neighbors etc. purim becomes quite expensive . Dont forget that i hace seen some of my childrens friend open thier shalach manos even before they were a foot away from my door.
Don’t you think that Mordechai, Chazal, and the great Poskim of years gone by knew that people need to show appreciation to those who are close, those who teach our children etc? Yet the Mitzvah still remains that there is a CHIYUV to give Shalach Manos to to only TWO people. Perhaps this is because Shalach Manos is not a Mitzvah that requires one break the bank and qualify for Peasch’s upcoming Moas Chittin. There is indeed a requirement to show appreciation to those who earned it. It is called “Hakaras Hatov”. And it doesn’t need to cost you your… Read more »
Firstly I am #3 “Is this a purim joke?” You want to know “chiyuvim”? Let me tell you some chiyuvim – Your kid’s rebbe and morahs should be #1 on your list. Even if you don’t consider them “rayahu” (your friends), at the very least “act” that way for your child’s sake. Show your kids that you are “machshiv” these teachers, feel close to them, appreciate their dedication and their importance in your kid’s life. When you are giving (in this case, SM), they should be getting. And their SM ought to be the nicest and most prominent gift. Next… Read more »
Shea Hecht is the one who gives you 3$ kapparos chickens.
I call upon everyone who is tired of carpet-bombing the community with nosh and grape juice to please “stop the madness”. Put together one or two baskets with those special things that you yourself would be happy to receive. Give it to that special person who deserves the recognition, or better yet to that neighbor who is not yet a friend, and bring the joy and the “soul” back into the mitzvah.
which person is that?? that still doesnt help the list
This article is more to encourage those that feel forced to do lavish and abundant shalach manos because of the opinions on others which is based on what they have been giving or getting in the past, many ppl may think that they have to give to this one or to that one and its not even FOR THE MITZVA, it becomes more of a social thing, now its ok for whoever wants to do it however they wish but I believe the author does not want ppl to feel forced to give beyond their means because of the opinions… Read more »
Well said; although judging from some of the negative reaction, the battle for common sense is far from won! This is not like Chanukah or the Esrog, etc. – just think a minute, people… The Rabbi’s point is similar to saying we don’t have to polish the inside of every lightbulb in the house and call it removing Chometz in our Pesach cleaning. Its like drowning yourself in terrible debt to make an overly lavish Chasunah (one of the greatest Mitzvos, btw). All of these things have often become addictions, and people have no idea if it is Mide’oraisa, Mideraban,… Read more »
“Chiyuvim”? Says who?
That is exactly the point – we have this list of “chiyuvim” whom we are spending big buck on, not because of Hidur Mitzvah but because as you say “…who are we going to cut???”
Well said. It’s out of hand. No one enjoys giving OR getting. It’s a pain.
and you’re yotzeh – times are hard right now – cut some slack to those who are having a rough time right now!!
Purim is minhag Yisroel to have fun ad dli Yudah and to give gifts and have a ball Bisimicha shel Mitzvah giving maybe better food is a better idea.
If you dont have money dont spend but if you have why not I worked hard for it and I can give to whatever cause I want Is simchas Purim not each persons simcha and each person can do as he pleases…..
Some shluchim and anash make parnosa from “fancy” shlach monos. Can’t you fargin them?
How would you like an article against some of the stuff you do?
Start with kaporas – technically, one chicken works for dozens of people!
You can be yoitzeh essrog with a $10 one. You can be yoitzeh chanukah licht with simple candles in a tin menorah. You can be yoitzeh lots of mitzvos with less, BUT YOU DON’T!!! So why are you cutting back on the shlach monos that you are giving “yenem”??? Sure it is enough to give two food items, but that’s the bare minimum! Start with cutting back on the mitzvos you enjoy, like showing off in shul with a $500 essrog in a silver box, or lighting chanukah candles with olive oil and bees wax candles in a silver menorah… Read more »
very well said and to the point, although i wonder just how many people will say that’s me, let me reevaluate the real “giving” and revamp my list.
all the best for an enjoyable purim
finally the truth has come into the open! its about time we speak up! shalach monos has gotten out of hand totally! you made an amazing point. to give shalach monos to one person whom we care about, and to give things that we would like tyo receive! thank you, i wish people here in crown heights would go along with this opinion. thanks, anonymous.