By anonymous
I read, with concern, the report of a girl mugged in Crown Heights on Thursday night.
Then I watched the comments on COLlive.com roll in.
“Why was she walking alone at this time of night?”
“Girls should not walk by themselves.”
“She has a right to walk alone. She will also probably be mugged.”
“Don’t walk around at midnight!”
“It’s a given that women should not be walking alone late at night.”
I shouldn’t have been surprised. I’ve seen this before. And yet I was.
I’m 30, single, and I’ve been living in Crown Heights for 12 years. I work, socialize, go to simchas, take classes, and yes, I frequently walk home alone late at night.
Sure, I take precautions. I try to walk on well-lit streets, avoid the more deserted blocks, stay alert, walk quickly, and look around as I go. I don’t talk on the phone, text, or jam earbuds in my ears. In fact, I keep my phone in my pocket, out of sight.
But no, I cannot avoid it entirely.
I understand the knee-jerk reaction, “She shouldn’t have been out!” I really do. But now think about. How would that work practically?
Let’s try some scenarios:
I work late a few nights a week. I take the train home and then I have a 10-15 minute walk to my apartment. Who is supposed to accompany me home? Am I supposed to shell out for an Uber each time? Or perhaps I shouldn’t work a job that requires evenings at all?
Or: It’s Friday night. The meal is over. I thank my hosts and head home. Oops. Should I have stayed home alone instead of going out? Perhaps I even went with a friend, we walked a couple of blocks home together and then went our separate ways. Must we arrange a sleep-over if we want to go out on Friday night? Or only go out with roommates?
Think of any scenario.
L’chaims. Weddings. Recreational classes. Shiurim. Singles events. Evening college classes. A birthday dinner with friends. Volunteering.
These are all normal, healthy things to be involved in. In fact, the primary advice given to singles wishing to meet their bashert is, “Go out! Get involved in the community. Meet people. Network. Build a rich, full life.” If we cannot go out or come home late unaccompanied, how exactly are supposed to do any of that?
It’s simply not feasible, or reasonable, to expect women (single or married) to limit their comings and goings to daylight hours, or to go everywhere in groups.
Violence in Crown Heights—against men and women—is absolutely a problem. But unless you are volunteering to be on call to pick me up and drive me home late at night, or to meet me at the train and walk me to my apartment, or to sponsor my Ubers, please don’t say, “What was she doing out alone so late at night?!”
I’ll tell you what she was doing. She was simply living her life.
As I am. As are my friends. As are all the women I know.
Live cautiously tho
Midnight…
I’ve heard the Rebbe say (don’t quote me) after 10pm walk in groups of three (referring to women)
Did you miss the whole point of this article? It is virtually impossible to go everywhere in a group and still live one’s life.
Where in the article did it say she was walking alone at midnight?
Did the Rebbe ever really say that or is it made up?
When will we have leadership
It’s 9 months Kingston ave is still dark.
the council still didn’t get us back the lights that was taken down in April
This happened on Albany ave, it had nothing to do with Kingston avenue, BUT, you are still correct about Kingston avenue being in the dark.
To the author: I understand your frustration, however I still don’t agree with this statement: “unless you are volunteering to be on call to pick me up and drive me home late at night, or to meet me at the train and walk me to my apartment, or to sponsor my Ubers, please don’t say, “What was she doing out alone so late at night?!” We are all responsible for our own choices. It’s a sad situation that Crown Heights is not safe, but if you live here you do need to live with a certain level of caution. You… Read more »
I agree with your reply but
People have to STOP putting pressure. On one had get involved or you won’t find your zivug and on the other hand if i stay home for safety your not doing your part to get married and you are already 30! Common?! The community/society has to make up their mind!
She’s not putting the responsibility on the community at all! All she’s saying is that women and girls need to live their lives, which will inevitably include walking at night. No she is not actually expecting someone to come pick her up from the train. But if you write such comments like: why is she walking so late at night? Then yes she wants you to come pick her up from the train. Because don’t make such comments without thinking practically about what she’s supposed to do
You missed something! She didn’t say that she “WANTS to walk the streets alone at night.” She said that she is trying to have a life, and unfortunately, sometimes that means walking home alone on the street at night. I’m sure that if she were independently wealthy, she’d hire her own chauffeur or at least she’d take Uber every time she was in a situation where she’d have to get from here to there on foot at night. No one wants to be risking danger, but sometimes the only alternative to that is to become a shut-in — at age… Read more »
absolutely
Could not say it any better
100%
Right to the point,well written!
So true, I have night class and end up coming home very late as I live a little farther from school there isn’t much that can be done, even walking with another person at a surtin point we part, now what?
The main streets are so dark that I can’t let my kids even to go to eshiva erev by themselves or any other activities. The visibility even on a bright night is low
Pls add light 💡 to each corner and homeowners pls add lights too at least on Shabbes
Less crime in a very well light places.
Ps. With all police around this is a very crazy weekend with too many incidents pls add more Jewish Local Volunteers
You are absolutely right!!!!
Thanks for speaking up! Forget about anything to do with shidduchim. I’m a normal person living my life. Period.
Good op-ed.
Crown Heights should try to have better patrolling by police and patrol organizations.Someone should be able to call Shomrim or Shmira for escort. Crown Heights should be divided by streets or blocks for Shomrim and Shmira (working together!) and the police to patrol.
When we first moved to Crown Heights, more than 40 years ago, we lived near Utica and did not let our children, or even ourselves, walk around the streets after dark. At that time, I don’t recall whether it was Shomrim or Shemira, but they had cars cruising around and we could call them and have someone pick us up and drive us to where we had to go, and pay one dollar for the ride. I believe the money went towards radios for the drivers. Why that service was discontinued I don’t know.
99% of the time it’s a man who gets attacked and mugged
And when men are mugged, nobody says “what was he doing out so late?” It is understood that men need to go out and get around alone. Women for some reason are not supposed to go out except in packs. That’s exactly the point this article is making.
That’s the whole point.
But people love telling women what to do.
It’s a fact that women are more vulnerable than men, at least in the eyes of muggers. The probability of a woman fighting back is significantly less than the chance that a man will.
And yet men still get attacked and chvsh killed. In fact more men are attacked than women. But no matter the statistics, no one will criticise a man for walking at night alone. exactly the writer’s point.
The community has a responsibility to protect its citizens. In these trying times, there should be more police and/or Jewish volunteers to patrol the streets. It is not only women who are getting mugged or attacked by anti semites. A town hall meeting is needed and every man should join the JDL.
YESSS!!!
Show them that people visit their site.
Make it active, again.
I support the position this post writer has presented. People usually balance safety and available options when they make choices in public at night. I don’t respect anyone’s posts here that speak of what the community or anyone else “should” do or what must “be done.” If you think something can be done to better things for others, then do it, or see that it gets done. No one has to do anything for you.
but how can the crime be stopped? both sides are correct. it is not very responsible to walk at midnight around the street but on the other hand, you’re right. You can’t stop people from going out to Simchas, jobs, parties, and this kind of stuff… It’s a real problem… 🤔
Unfortunately, midnight is not the only time things like this happen. Attacks have happened at 10pm and even earlier. The problem is not so much what time people are walking at night (though, of course the later it is the more danger,) the real issue at hand is the crime and how we can stop it. Like many have mentioned, adding lights to the streets and more police patrols are some ways we can fix this issue.
Of course the streets are quieter at night these days we are all posting comments on our favorite websites
I am a grandma who sometimes walk the streets at night alone coming from a a Simcha around ten o’clock . The streets are dark and not many people out it’ is scary . We do Need more lighting and Maybe community . Surveillance on all the streets of crown heights
Well written and to the point.
If you think this is about shidduchim, you’re missing the point.
If you think this is about enganging in risky behavior, you’re missing the point.
If you’re going to quote the Rebbe “but please don’t quote me!”, bring a source.
If you want to take advantage of all the beauty the schuna has to offer, the evening shiurim, the late night farbrengans, the shabbos and yom tov meals with friends and families, you will walk home at night.
Man, woman, young, old, it’s a part of living this fruitful life.
I knew the comments were controversial, but I didn’t expect a whole article written about it
This bubby does not like to walk outside at night in Crown Heights. I don’t feel safe. It is rare that I have someone to walk with me. The result is that I usually do not go out to shiurim, do not attend Simchas and generally feel somewhat isolated. Can’t we do better as a community?
Just another example of blaming the victim. convenient solution, but only makes the situation worse by absolving the attacker.