Saturday, 25 Av, 5780
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I’m Finding My Own Shidduch

Shidduchim SOS: "I've lived in Crown Heights for seven years, and was set up once a year with another mismatched shidduch, by people who barely knew me." Full Story

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good for you
September 4, 2014 9:47 am

the thing I find least agreeable about shidduch dating is having to rely on someone else to help me accomplish what is important to my own life but not important to their life. marriage is vital to me and it isn’t vital to someone else that I get married and so I’m stuck relying on someone else who is naturally going to be placing their own needs, wants, desires, selfishness first before they are able to help me. For a guy to start a conversation with a girl on his own and asking her out isn’t going to be well… Read more »

Good Luck
July 21, 2013 1:48 pm

i hope this is the right one, you dont have to meet the right one through a shidduch,

Hatzlocha Rabboh!
January 10, 2012 9:37 pm

I hope it works out, great ideas too!

dr.shlomo levi
January 6, 2012 12:32 pm

i read 3 article and most people say, that it only girl want shiduch and luck of bahorim???? strange most BT that i knew get from CH shadhaniyot answer. we don’t have enough girls(our girlls it not for you) so how? we need open information system

tell us what happened at the end!!
January 3, 2012 7:44 pm

please update us with results!

I'm not criticizing her Chas V'Shalom
January 2, 2012 11:54 pm

I’m not from CH so I wouldn’t know how it works there but I assume it’s similar to other places that use the Shadchin system, but maybe she doesn’t get called back by Shadchanim because she had/has a bad reputation or didn’t go to seminary or something I really don’t know, I’m not trying to judge negatively I’m just a very analytic person, it’s just she’s leaving out many details in this article and it’s a bit strange, and the way she makes it sound a Bein Torah doesn’t seem to be her first choice she doesn’t mention what she’s… Read more »

to number 30
January 2, 2012 11:44 pm

This is a quote from what the author of comment # 30 said: “KOL HAKAVOD!!!! I fully understand where she’s coming from, I’ve been there myself and yes I will prob end up ‘finding my own’ ITS ABOUT TIME THESE SO-CALLED SHADCHANIM GO AND GET A PROPER JOB THEN MAYBE THE DIVORSE RATE WITHIN COMMUNITIES WILL BE SLASHED MY 50%” My reply is: 1. These people you say to “get real jobs” usually have jobs and this is their side job usually Shadchanim are Rabbonim in Yeshivos and Seminaries 2. Than inappropriate contact in the community will be up 500%,… Read more »

January 2, 2012 9:28 pm

I think it’s great that you started on your own– totally appropriate (especially for a single your age)! However, you seem to be putting down the people who had tried to set you up saying that they weren’t men for you– but you say that on paper “Daniel” may not be for you either. Also, you seem to be unappreciative of your friends: remember, if they truly are your friends, they have your best interest at heart, and maybe a guy with Daniel’s “resume” isn’t the guy for you– but it works. Maybe they are thinking, “well he smokes and… Read more »

I totally agree with 68
January 2, 2012 1:08 am

I always say the same thing.

“the system” that is design to focus on personality over looks etc. does PRECISELY the opposite.

The answer is to let people just meet and modest mixed venues.

shadchonim-do you homework
January 1, 2012 12:22 pm

i think that the people that call themself shadchonim are not doing their work properly.as a crown heihts resident and a mother of some married children and some not i find very little help from shadchonim,some absolutly not suitable suggestions and very often just plain indifference and even rudeness.if you took upon yourself the job of being a shadchan ,which is a big mitzva by itself,on top of a paying job-do it properly-find out more about prospective boys and girls,do not judge-it is not your place to judge-answear the phone calls,be simpatetic-people ‘s feelings are at stake! iagata u mazata-taamin-do… Read more »

January 1, 2012 12:01 pm

Ppl get divorced because they can’t maintain the relationship, not because they dated too long or too short. Religuous couples get divorced for the same exact reasons that secular couples break up- discord, disrespect, financial stress, etc. The point I’d shiddixh dating is not to avoid divorce. The point is to create a tznius way for men and women to meet and marry. There’s no connection bren dating and divorce except that extreme mingling between genders after marriage can loosen morals in marriage and lead to ch’v adultery. But that’s exception to the rule. So why is everyone asdumingshidfuch dating… Read more »

#58 and #59 ROFL
January 1, 2012 5:20 am

#58 if you’re a Dr we’re all in trouble
#59 I assume you were being humorous otherwise your English is only marginally better than #58.
Let’s go eliminate the world.

BT writes
January 1, 2012 5:18 am

I write as a BT who b”h is happily married to someone I dated for 11 days! Yes I can see merit in the shidduch system (hey it worked for me) b”H I had a wonderful lady in CH who helped me vet shidduchim etc. BUT… I find #23 etc. rather amusing. My parents met in college, dated, married, have been married over 40 years ka”h and guess what they have a strong, solid marriage. And ironicaly both my parents’ siblings are frum shomer shabbos and both ended up divorced. At any rate you can’t say it doesn’t work. It… Read more »

20 minutes
January 1, 2012 4:16 am

After reading this my mom said. “ask her to dedicate her 20 minutes this week to thinking of a shiduch for you”. and my mom was serious.

to #11
December 31, 2011 10:59 pm

Even with a Shadchan you don’t know all the skeletons in the closet of the prospective boy! There are divorces happening even with those that dated through a Shadchan…The Shadchan knows just as much as you can find out. Alot of times a Shidduch is made just from an idea that comes to them without knowing the boy or girl personally ,and they put boy and girl together….you think they know the deep dark secrets of the people they match up? Even asking friends can’t guarantee you will find out everything….And how much do you think gets revealed on the… Read more »

#19 - it's not just girls looking for Mr Perfect
December 31, 2011 9:10 pm

It’s boys looking for Miss Perfect
– it takes 2

there are people who care!!!!!
December 31, 2011 7:08 pm

there is a really awsm couple in crown heights who really dedicate their time and energy to finding matches for people. they are not your typiccal shadchan and they only set up people which they have met so as not to throw out a gamble, they are young and easy to speak with ad meet. i went to them with a friend and we both walked out feeling confident that we were in the right direction. i cant take things into my own hands, i simply dont know how to or where to even find a guy. if you want… Read more »

To all those who moan and complain about the “shidduch crisis”…
December 30, 2011 3:00 pm

I go on COLive a few times a week and I’m always met with the same article heading: Shidduch SOS. Everyone has opinions and ideas, but when they present them they are bombarded with criticism and rebuttals. And that’s all people are doing. Instead of actually trying to change themselves and the system, they are pointing out the flaws of the system (although I do realize I’m contradicting myself by complaining about the complainers  ). Some say they found their shidduch by going through the “system”, while others found their bashert through their own actions and by taking control.… Read more »

dr.shlomo levi
December 30, 2011 9:16 am

to #54 Halojmes! you simple greedy! that’s all. first- some shadhaniot get you sign agreement, that first years you paid maaser to them in addition to dmey shiduh. 4 y.a. i see it/! dos it help.? no. and plz be honestly. it can help we are in CH people that pray shaharit after 4p.m daily can be responsible. it simple $10-15- 20k not help $100k irresponsibility ,for my sorrow it main feature of chabad ffb, it noting to do. it genetics all world chabad and bt it only to feed CH FFB. at least last 17 years. SO STOP SPEAK… Read more »

Pedigree first
December 30, 2011 8:06 am

Shidduchim in the frum world is all about pedigree. I gave up. There is no formula, no matter how religious you are or not. The frum world may protect women on paper, the ketubah, but it reality it is women who get blamed for anything that goes wrong. The world that they thought protected them in an illusion. Matchmaking from what I observe and have experienced, is all about social currency. Listen up frummies, the women are the vehicle for the geulah. I am a highly educated woman who lived a secular life. I studied chassidus for 15 years. The… Read more »

December 30, 2011 2:41 am

invite guys and girls to your shabbos meals it would give them an opportunity to meet someone

dear # 58
December 30, 2011 12:21 am

wow, this might be the most historical peace ever written. you have mastered the inability to communicate threw writing. i think you have actually perfected it.Bless you.

dr.shlomo levi
December 29, 2011 11:44 pm

I’m very sorry to say ti. but i knew way how completely destroy chabad movement.once and forever !for one weak. it simple . take some BT put hidden camera and send then to shadhanios in CH.. like BT want to find a shiduch. it simple.when people see HOW, even not what, but HOWthis “chaasidishe FFB like woman ” speak whit BT it will be end of movement. it no mo BT after. . this woman mostly use it position to” laredet al ha anashim” . only 2 can speak nicely, like Jew suppose to speak with fellow brother. only 2… Read more »

December 29, 2011 11:30 pm

-living in crown heights does not get you married -this may be the way for you but it is not the best way generally -I don’t think this is what the Rebbe would generally approve of, and taking into account divorce rates you need all the brachos you can get -before marriage when meeting a guy feelings go before of intellect, you may be very attracted to him (fall in love) but may find that when your past the “honey moon” stage you can’t stand him – a shadchan is supposed to find out the personality of the person before… Read more »

Excellent article
December 29, 2011 11:21 pm

To #11 everyone does & Shadchanim are only doing things for select individuals & very few at that. to # 43 They are just as bad & useless as the rest.I spoke to them 2 years ago & have constantly contacted them with the same bs results something has to change & now.Many times the best shidduchim are thru friends & happenstance.Masy you be successful in your endeavors & build a Binyan Adai Ad Taikaf Umiyad Mamosh!

to #34
December 29, 2011 9:08 pm

You never know which door you have to open for Hashem’s bracha to come through. I thought I would only meet someone through friends and didn’t want to try a shadchan. In the end, I found my bashert through a shadchan who barely knew me. As long as everything is done in a tzniusdik manner, it doesn’t really matter which door the bracha comes through. Going through a shadchan can work for some people – try to be open minded, and try to open all the doors.

Make it Profitable
December 29, 2011 4:56 pm

We have come to expect that these shadchanim should sweat on our behalf for a $1-2,000.00. In many situatons, the time needed to properly make a shidduch takes tens of hours and lots of dedication. I think we need to up the ante to get people more activley involved in the process… Executive Recruiters have been charging 20-30% of 1st year salaries forever.. If we paid our shadchanim $5-10K per success, you might be quite shocked how “evolved” the system would become. Young people would jump into the efforts and real work would be invested in this. The careless sloppy… Read more »

December 29, 2011 4:43 pm

i dreaded the dating process its like a library some people browse the shelves other people get a random good book recommended by the librarian or their brother or friend or an event warranted and brought about you to like this book or author.

i wish all those people well ive only been on 3 dates. and its quite random

shadchan blog
December 29, 2011 3:53 pm

we need a blog for people to comment on the shadchanim, so they will be accountable!

all my sympathy to u but ...
December 29, 2011 3:11 pm

lets call a spade a spade a frum person should only go out thru a shiduch whether it works out or not its not the right thing and u shoulnt encourage ppl to do the same

It's a mashal
December 29, 2011 3:07 pm

to #21 about the Chofetz Chaim – it’s a mashal that he gave to illustrate the idea that when you’ve been dreaming through the davening and wake up towards the end, at least concentrate on the end! Or, if you related lashon hara in the morning, at least salvage the rest of the day and watch what you say. So too with other aspects of avodas Hashem. A story originally heard about the Chafetz Chayim (although it soes not fit his nature): He was passing the marketplace and a widow called hijm over distraught and yelling that some hooligans had… Read more »

Common experiences exponentialy increase your chance of success
December 29, 2011 2:50 pm

I strongly believe that if you both are Ba’al Teshuvos, you will have much more in common than if he or you were frum from birth (FFB). I suspect you are – you mention 6 years in Crown Hts. I have too many Lubavitch friends who are divorced because they came from totally different levels of Yiddishkeit. I applaude you for taking matters in your own hands, because you know who are and what you want better than any a two-hour interview with a Shaddchun. Plus, I am a firm believer that women can find our @ 90% about their… Read more »

December 29, 2011 2:38 pm

so now your the one that knows whos hashems partner?

to #28
December 29, 2011 2:35 pm

you got issues!!!
good luck to you

It's all in Hashem's master plan.
December 29, 2011 2:20 pm

I lived “the basement life” for 6 years. I don’t think I’ve even gone out with 6 guys in that time. Then I moved out of town. In that year I got more shidduchim than the 6 yrs in NY combined! And when the right one came up, it was discovered that the friend who played shadchan knew both of us from the same exact time – 5 years earlier! It’s all in Hashem’s master plan. We were not meant to meet earlier, and although it’s good to be in NY a bit so ppl can get to know you,… Read more »

Down the line?
December 29, 2011 2:20 pm

as a married man of 15 years i need to point out a few things. Having a shidduch is great with ffb, however, Balai teshuvas are having a hard time after the marriage. I look around in the lubavitch communities and BT have harder divorces and re marriages are worse than the first time round. We need more education about marriage, love and understanding what each spouse is expected to give and take from a marriage. Counselling after marriage is important, especially when it comes to parnossah. Just have this in mind when you date. Will this spouse/date stand beside… Read more »

I totally understand you, I dated for twelve years till I got married!!!!!!!!!!!
December 29, 2011 1:39 pm

when your in it, you just cant see the light at the end of the tunnel, I found it so painful when all my classmates got married, I BH have now been married almost two years and have a baby! Now I use my difficult experience to help understand my friends and be there for them, I daven everyday they too will find, its always a risk but you know what do take risks but be sensable at the same time. (I have to admit i felt like giving up at some points in my life). I wish you to… Read more »

Chabad Shidduch Meeting
December 29, 2011 1:33 pm

B”H the community has grown. Shadchonim are doing their best given the amount of singles in the community. But “everyone and anyone” can make a suggestion to a single, neighbor, guest, sibling, friend. Graduating classes of married girls can get together and brainstorm, advocate for their classmates. Have their husbands bring home names of those young men who are still single. Yeshivos, seminaries can establish a contact who will yearly publish a list of their graduates. When calling or meeting a friend begin the conversation menitoning a single and see if the other person has an idea. I’ve heard of… Read more »

December 29, 2011 1:25 pm

The number 1 issue is that girls give up on themselves and they start thinking out of the box in the wrong direction. For example, a friend of mine is a girl that went through the Lubavitch system, from a very chassidishe background and after dating a number of people started feeling down and out. Eventually she decided to date someone that was barely frum for two years because she felt deparate. She was afraid to say “no – I dont feel it is the right match for me”. She was being fed (by herself and others) that she’s getting… Read more »

to #36 from #23
December 29, 2011 1:02 pm

Good point, and ultimately Hashem is the deciding factor (and living a frum lifestyle).
But it is true that many relationships that begin based on a casual personal encounter and an ‘attraction’ are statistically not as sound as the overwhelming majority of relationships in the frum world (arranged by shaddchanim, friends, neighbours etc. not necessarily a traditional shaddchan). I think the attraction of a casual meeting can sometimes blur one’s clear vision, and cause you to overlook serious flaws or character issues because you have begun to develop feelings that are based on an initial, somewhat superficial, attraction.

not so safe
December 29, 2011 1:01 pm

you are dating now about of pure attraction.
the reason we do research ahead of time is to make sure your heart isnt broken after. if you follow your feelings and then find out something very hurtful- you will be broken and very hard to heal, and hopefully not already too late.
it is best to have the patience, look into him a bit on your own, ask him for refrences.. i dont suggest you get into a situation that will hurt you at this point in your life;

December 29, 2011 11:46 am


the writer in essence agrees with the 3rd party style
December 29, 2011 11:42 am

While I see the merits in your approach and I do not necessarily condone it, I think you are contradicting yourself. To summarize your issue with the typical ‘shadchan’ method, you state two problem: (1) they vaguely knew you (or both of you), (2) they lied to you. However, with your method, those problems still exists. You go to a single event, or bump into some one ‘where ever’, you still vaguely know the person at first, and you don’t know what they are lying about, etc. it all takes time to find out. So… what did you do? You… Read more »

Trust in Hashem
December 29, 2011 11:30 am

You can date and call and check and wait and date but you will never really get to know a guy till u live in the same house as him and he vice versa. There is a certain amount of background checking that needs to be done, a lot of davening but most of all trust in Hashem that he will guide you on the right path!

to 23
December 29, 2011 11:22 am

who said it doesn’t turn out too well because of the WAY they MEET?

Its doesn’t turn out too well because they dont have HASHEM as a PARTNER.

To author
December 29, 2011 11:13 am

I hope you find what you are looking for, wether its Daniel or someone else. Good luck!

December 29, 2011 11:04 am

good! now there is a voice that said matchmaking doesnt work

December 29, 2011 11:02 am
something strange
December 29, 2011 10:54 am

I find this article puzzling. The author surely knows the concept of ayin hara (may Hashem protect her and all klal yisrael) and why would she be publicizing the fact that she met someone and is dating before she is even engaged? is this a cry for help? I wish her all the best and definitely Hashem has many ways to bring basherts together….the fact that they met without a shadchan is one of the ways. Not all shidduchim go through shadchanim. as long as they are conducted within the boundaries of tzniut it really does not matter if they… Read more »

they're both grown ups
December 29, 2011 10:53 am

tzippy dont know who u are but take it from a guy a who got married eons ago (staright up shidduch, first girl yada yada): ur a grown woman now and hes a grown man with some real life experience under his belt (unfortunately)… by the time ur married married for as long as ive been (going on a decade), it will make no difference as to how u met or if u were set up or bumped into each other at work etc bottom line is if you like each other and respect each other enough then: GET MARRIED… Read more »

December 29, 2011 10:53 am

I fully understand where she’s coming from, I’ve been there myself and yes I will prob end up ‘finding my own’ ITS ABOUT TIME THESE SO-CALLED SHADCHANIM GO AND GET A PROPER JOB THEN MAYBE THE DIVORSE RATE WITHIN COMMUNITIES WILL BE SLASHED MY 50%

To 23
December 29, 2011 10:17 am

You said “As someone commented above, all the secular world dates that way, and it doesn’t turn out too well!”

I didn’t say it doesn’t turn out well I think it does for many people. it’s just not always practical in the frum world.

Looking for a husband? Wife?
December 29, 2011 10:17 am

So you have it all set up for YOUR life. Goals, plans, everything. Now all you need is a spouse. Very poor recipe for marriage. You have no clue what you want in life. Maybe a wife? Or a ring or band, on your hand, from a husband? Very poor recipe for marriage. A partner (co-director) in some shlichus in Yehupitz? Positive, yes. Common sense? No. If you are suitable for shlichus (rapidly becoming a field that can only support mushrooms – a fungus) then your spouse will fit in. Even if only to be a dugma chaya on a… Read more »

Full Circle
December 29, 2011 10:14 am

I belive that “shidduch profiles” should only include essential questions.
How you want to raise children.
Is going to a shiur daily important to you.

It is funny that in the begining of the article she was complaining about the matches not fitting the profile and at the end that is exactly what she needed.

I am happy that this turned out well. Bitachon and open mindedness could really help the shidduch “scene” dramatically.

Comment Twenty one
December 29, 2011 9:51 am

Thank you

ch shul davener
December 29, 2011 9:49 am

u go to a certain ch shul there plenty guys and girls there!!!!
lots of shiduchim happened there!!!

your own fault
December 29, 2011 9:16 am

if you haven’t been set up once…
no one is gonna do it for you, drive the shadchanim crazy

December 29, 2011 8:14 am

I do hope the author will marry happily, but keep in mind she is writing this article BEFORE they have even had one official date! She may find he is not for her; they may never have a 2nd date, they may date 20 times and give it up. Before everyone congratulates her and decides to leap into the fray and make their own shidduchim…. remember that even this story is not yet over. I know some older singles who had run through ‘all’ the available singles, who were ‘on the shelf’ – both boys and girls – and yet… Read more »

Does he have simchas hachayim?
December 29, 2011 4:48 am

Whatever thats supposed to mean….

An older observer.
December 29, 2011 3:13 am

I read this from that perspective of someone who is in the business of marrying grandchildren (or, better said, going to their weddings.) I read the comments, and I am saddened. For years I have devoted very serious time to helping young people (usually it’s the woman) and aching to solve the shidduch situation. To read a girl’s comment here, that she has been in the neighborhood for 5 years and has not been introduced to even one prospect, is to read the story as it is. It is not the fault of ‘the system’. There never was a system.… Read more »

December 29, 2011 1:02 am

You figured it out!!!! You have to be proactive to get anywhere in life!!!! It’s time that all girls follow your lead. You may as well help yoursef because nobody is helping you and the kind of help that people are offering you is not the kind of help you want.
Once again, I am so proud that you took charge of the situation and made sure that u don’t end up in the “single Pile” of girls that just sit around waiting for one day when the phone will ring…..

Agree with #16
December 29, 2011 12:58 am

Very well said. I think if more people were more open minded, instead of saying no right away because they’re waiting for Mr. perfect we wouldn’t have so many older unmarried girls today.

It’s happened so many times that people say no to a shidduch and a year or two later the name comes up again and they get married. Why not give every shidduch a chance.

in the same boat...
December 29, 2011 12:36 am

I totally know what you mean. I’ve only been in Crown Heights for 2 years but I only got set up once since I got here.
My parents wanted me to move here for the “networking” and so that I would be “seen” by the right people…so far not much has happened, but I’m still hopeful.
I’m not about to try and meet anyone on my own though… At least not yet.

good for you...
December 28, 2011 11:53 pm

Glad to hear things are working out. You deserve every happiness.
– fellow single girl

Think again
December 28, 2011 11:42 pm

I would never have been born today. In fact my parents would never have met… My father is a Russian refuge who spent his childhood on the run from Nazis and communists, My mother is American, college educated,(Maxwell house hagada etc) with no shaychus to Lubavitch. The only thing that they had in common was that they were committed to living a frum life. My father would go off to 770 and my mother would go out with her friends. with time they created a home with the tzar gidul bonim etc that bound them together. Please… remember a beard… Read more »

to number 11:
December 28, 2011 11:10 pm

Everyone has skeletons!!! It’s either the devil you know or the devil you dont!

to the author
December 28, 2011 10:53 pm

I’m so happy that you have found someone special. I hope it works out and you guys are happy for many many years to come. I know this was not the point of the article, but i cant help but mention that you kinda contradicted yourself. The first you wrote, you said that people who barely knew you set you up with such out of the box matches. The second part, where you met Daniel, you say that on paper you guys are not compatible…so whats the difference? I think its a matter of clicking, whether you met thru a… Read more »

hey #11
December 28, 2011 10:51 pm

unless you plan on setting her up… dont ruin her the happiness that she created for herself.

thanks for writing this article

To Dangerous
December 28, 2011 10:37 pm

True you don’t know about the “skeletons in the closet” but I believe that you’re no safer with a shadchan. Those days are over. It used to be that everyone knew everyone. It’s no longer the case. I would argue that you may even be safer WITHOUT a shandchan. With a shadchan you expect that they find out these things for you and you trust them. Little do you know that they don’t do any of that work for you. When you make you’re own shiduch you know what you don’t know and, so long as you’re responsible, you can… Read more »

December 28, 2011 10:29 pm

you don’t know about the skeletons in his closet…

great article
December 28, 2011 10:21 pm
All the best
December 28, 2011 10:17 pm

There is nothing wrong with your choice, after all, everyone must look out for their selves. I was actually a little confused by your nice hachlata to try to make shiduchim for friends, since you explained very well how difficult it is to make someone elses shidduch. I would think that you would give your friends opportunities to meet guys instead of you deciding to choose for them. Also, the one advantage that you loose by meeting someone the natural way is that it’s really hard to get to know the real person since everyone is on their best behavior… Read more »

I envy your mother....
December 28, 2011 9:38 pm

at a certain point, the girls have to grow up and find their own guy. It doesn’t have to be meeting someone in an elevator BUT maybe the girls have to CONTRIBUTE to the community, smile at people in the street, say a good word, ask about the welfare of people you care about, offer to help with community events, visit an old age home, GIRLS, SHOW UP IN YOUR OWN LIVES!!!!!!! Trust me, someone will notice and a giving person, caring kind and thoughtful doens’t go unnoticed and it is oh so very attractive!!!!!!!

December 28, 2011 9:31 pm

Hope there’s a happy ending, praying for you

There is no solution :(
December 28, 2011 9:27 pm

As a 25 year old single, I unfortunately am having the same difficulties getting shidduch suggestions – we all are.

While the current system no longer works at all, there is no realistic alternative. You met Daniel through a random work event, but the rest of us have no tznius way to meet girls/boys ourselves.

There are singles events, but we all know that unfortunately they have a certain “nebach” stigma attached to them.

It’s all very sad. May all singles find their basherts soon!

gr8 story
December 28, 2011 9:17 pm

i like open minded ppl , new ideas , new ways , every1 is happy, especially when it works , i can,t imagine any1 against it…

I feel for you...
December 28, 2011 9:04 pm

but its not always like that, maybe try to call some of his friends.

I know there is go ing to be a lot of bashing...
December 28, 2011 9:03 pm

I’m just waiting for all the commenters to come out of the woodworks to bash this writer and oy gevalt how far we have strayed from the holy shidduch ways of our ancestors. And to all those bashers, I just want to remind you that this writer had tried that approach and that process for SEVEN YEARS with nothing to show for it. If you want to be holy and insist that women and men should only meet when set up by a 3rd party and only after “research” which consists of asking lists of irrelevant questions, gezunterheit, live your… Read more »

Thank you!
December 28, 2011 9:01 pm

Thank you for posting this.
I have been living in Crown Heights for 5 years and not been set up EVEN ONCE!
I wish I had a way to meet guys on my own like you did.

December 28, 2011 8:53 pm

someone who suggests that thinking out of the box is GOOD….

let’s hear it everyone………nobody is off limits when it comes to shidduchim…

Would love your thoughts, please comment.x