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Do’s and Don’ts of Shaddchanim

Parshas Chayei Sarah: Rabbi Nachman Wilhelm of OnlineSmicha.com reviews the do's and don'ts of shidduch making according to Gemara and commentaries. Video

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re the video you posted
December 29, 2011 11:04 pm

okay, it’s fine to look at the details from one respected rav’s perspective…but where is the menshlekeit here? where is the instruction to shadchanim about how to treat people with kindness? these are the kinds of videos we need. videos from shadchanim who “get it” ..who can transmit the example of how to treat people as individuals, with warmth and kindness. what an amazing and important opportunity for chesed these people have!! don’t waste or misuse, G-d forbid, this awesome, truly awesome responsibility. the little extra time and effort it takes for a warm smile, an encouraging word,…a moment, just… Read more »

please help single people!!!!
December 29, 2011 10:59 pm

it seems that the best marriages are where the family or friends bring the people together. i think shadchanim have an essential responsibility to the jewish people to act with kindness. never, ever underestimate the power and importance of a warm smile, kind word, encouragement… otherwise, shadchanim create an atmosphere of stress, tension, hurriedness and judgment which just is not healthy for anyone, including the shadchan. example: i was at a meeting with several of them. only one appeared to have some kind of warmth and menshlekeit..so i went to talk to her. i confided that my shabbat observance was… Read more »

plea to shadchanim
December 29, 2011 10:40 pm

my experiences with them have been HORRIBLE. they are insensitive to individuals, ‘assembly line’ mentality, fast talking. extremely discouraging. have spoken to several of them. they should all take a big lesson in chesed and gemilut chasadim tovim. take people as individuals. people looking to get married are nervous, vulnerable and want to (hopefully) do the right thing. the shadchan has an important opportunity and task to treat EACH person with kindness. my experiences were feeling very judged, categorized and absolutely no sense of appreciation for me as an individual person.

to 1 Hashem is running the show.
December 7, 2011 7:18 pm

true. But ultimately we remember that it’s Hashem who is running the show, nothing a person can say or not say have an effect on your shidduch or even the quality of your shidduch. Just believe that it’s Hashem and only him through & through.

U r so right #3
November 17, 2011 10:21 pm

The things one goes through can only be orchestrated by G-d don’t think its in your hands, or in your kids hands, and don’t despair even if things seem to not be working out.

Don't think a shadchan is G-d
November 17, 2011 11:29 am

Hashem is the ultimate shadchan I know its hard to remember that when u hear from the shadchan that its not for u or the mother said its not for my son, I heard great things about your daughter or son but its not for us…… These r all excuses we think, but really Hashem is telling us, and guiding us tin the right direction to find the right one I””h vey soon for all!!!

Important.
November 17, 2011 3:58 am

I think one of the most important thing a shadchan should remember DONT LIE.

Loshon Hora
November 16, 2011 8:35 pm

How about DONT TALK about the people you have tried to help to others!?!

I know of so many ‘shadchanim/casual matchmakers’ that then go and badmouth or just randomly gossip about the girls or boys they have tried to help. They tell their stories, their judgements and opinions etc. and its wrong and can ruin the person!!!

and they think we dont know….

if you cant keep your mouth shut – dont get involved!!

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