By Chaya, 17, NY
Dear older generation,
You know what it feels like to have a problem, write to the Rebbe, and get a reply directly to you in your name. You know what it’s like to wait in line for hours just just to spend a few seconds with the Rebbe to receive a bracha.
You know what it feels like to wake up at four o’clock in the morning to save a seat with your friends to see and hear the Rebbe farbreng. You have experienced walking down Kingston and noticing the Rebbe’s car drive right by.
Even if tznius was not your thing, there was more of a pull to be tznius knowing the Rebbe would see you with a short skirt or low neckline. You have experienced everything. I know you always say Hiskashrus is through learning Sichos, watching Rebbe videos and doing the Rebbe’s haroas. But sometimes I feel like it is not enough for my peers and I to actually feel the Rebbe’s presence. What we have is in no way close to a hundredth of a substitute.
I do not know what it is like to have the Rebbe write a letter addressed to me. I never waited in line for hours just to receive a dollar. The only dollar some of us may have is one whch was given to us by a parent. I do not wake up four in the morning to save a seat by the Rebbe’s farbrengen, because I will never be by a farbrengen with the Rebbe in Galus. During Galus I will never see the Rebbe in his car driving. The Rebbe may have a great view from heaven of my untznuis dress but I don’t feel that. I will never have the Rebbe’s constant guidance with new sichos and haroas. Whatever haroas I will receive before Moshiach are printed in bound books of Likutei Sichos and other talks of the Rebbe. Still you seem to think this is enough for our generation to remain good Chassidim. The little we have and try to hold on to. When I sit in class I feel like you do not understand our situation. I never experienced what you call your Rebbe. My Rebbe is something totally different. Then on top of that we have the constant struggle of today’s age.
Today I can access whatever I want. I have the whole world at my fingertips. You have no idea where I can have a music or internet, and there is no way to keep us sheltered. When the Rebbe was still physically with us, he would have words of advice for things like a TV and it was very clear where Lubavitch drew the line.
In addition as the years go on it feels like a new halacha has been added in each day.
“People blame our generation, but they forget who raised us.”
When I look at pictures of your generation in camp, most people have sleeves above the elbows, skirts above their knees, and their neckline definitely not covering the collarbone. This was not in defiance of Tznius; this was the standard laws of dress. You don’t really understand how many Halachos of tznius we have now and the struggle as a teenager. As time went on more Halachos were discovered including the law of covering ones knees and elbows. This I understand, what I do not understand is the continued growth of ‘halachos’. The example that comes first to mind is that any skirt must be four inches below the knee in ordered to be counted tznius. The Halacha is that the knee must be covered at all times. It happens to be I own skirts two inches below the knee which amply cover my knees at all times, is that not tznius? Or that long draggy skirts are not tznius. Long skirts are not aidel, but to outlaw them as not tznius? Is it better for my skirt to be long and past the floor or right below the knee? Another one: Is tights halacha? Knee socks or ankle socks? It’s not giving in; most girls can’t handle doing all the hiddurim at once. Let me emphasize the word hiddurim, as in not Halacha. (For halacha there is no excuse. Halcha must be kept.) Let us keep halacha and be inspired to do more, rather than force hiddurim until it all crashes.
What have been taboo topics in former years of my Lubavitch schooling seems to have been reversed. What we talk about now in the hallways would have made me red with shame just a couple years back. This is not only due to the fact that I am more aware of the world around me, everything is accessible in a way that makes these subjects not so bad. Your generation is at a loss of how to deal with it. You make rules and rules but it doesn’t really stop what is going on. You try stopping Internet on phones, but it just builds resentment. I am not sure what the solution is, but definitely making rules that are beyond your ability to control, just makes your generation look awfully foolish. We know you do not fully understand what struggle our generation goes through on a daily basis, so when you make a rule that is too hard we ignore it, and get away with it.
Another last point, are you really good role models for our generation to follow? As a rule I do not follow Lubavitch politics for it sickens me, but the fact is it is there. These great people can’t do it right so how can I? How can I be expected to do it all right when I don’t even have any memories of The Rebbe to fall back upon, to keep me going? How can I be expected to do whats right if the greatest people have such a struggle? Even more so me, I have no real steady inspiration of the Rebbe’s words said to me. I feel we are pawns of an ugly generation. I am writing this just so you should understand. Every generation as we get closer to Moshiach, has more and more challenges. And you had the Rebbe! What about me, I have no Rebbe guiding me day to day, but you expect me to be just as good as you? Tell me how does that make sense?
With all due respect,
The younger generation
Your point is a very true one, and being born in ’96, I can testify to that. This question is the question that teens the world over grapple with and to me, it seems that there is only one answer, which although at a first glance seems like the “I’ve heard that a thousand times already” answer but upon contemplation and thinking-through, its much deeper than originally conceived: From the fact that we have such troubles, are filled with such doubts and face challenges such as these, day in day out, that itself shows us what kind of strength we… Read more »
Im a fellow teenager just like this girl and I can say that I can totally agree with most of the points she’s said…. You older generation cannot even begin to fathom the frustration and confusion that goes through the hearts of so many of us teenagers. Hashem unfortunately gave us a strong desire to want or do things that aren’t very good. Even those girls who can seem good and chassidish on the outside have inner emotions and doubts gnawing at them. Yes, there are exceptions but most are like this including myself and obviously the girl who’s written… Read more »
It is truly appalling that the only thing that the Rebbe means to you is whether or not YOU are able to see him!
According to this logic – it makes no difference, before or after gimmel tammuz – a true chossid does not need to see a Rebbe to solidify his or her belief.
This is much deeper than anything that is related to gashmius.
I read earlier tonight about a Rabbi J. who wrote in the magazine aimed at shluchim that to raise children who are not chutzpadik we must first insure that there is shalom in the home, the child must feel that there is love between the parents rather than anger or lack of respect. Through this and showing respect to the childrens teachers, there is a seder in the home that is necessary in order for the child to grow up respecting the parents, the teachers and the laws/customs. Unfortunately, after gimel Tamuz, there was a huge split in Crown Heights,… Read more »
Beis Rivkah doesn’t allow Uggs??? What??? And I completely understand what the author is writing. There is indeed a huge struggle with tznius nowadays but I honestly don’t think it has much to do with the Rebbe not physically being here. I think that it has more to do with the changing culture of the secular/media world. Also, we must of course follow the Rebbe because he is our leader and our guider but in the end, he is not G-d. If you feel like you have a struggle with tznius, just think about Hashem and what he would want… Read more »
i would like to thank both Haya for her courage to open this topic and Dovid (reply 119) for very good and deep unswer
No, I did not have the zechus to see the Rebbe.
No, I do not have a dollar to hold
No, I cannot even fathom what it was like
Yes, I have a Rebbe
Yes, I have a Torah
Yes, I Baruch HaShem have been blessed with the inner strength to do what I believe is wanted of me
i am not ur gender i have nothing to enlighten you with.. i just wanna bless you..and re-inforce the reality of.. one who seeks hashem will find him one who seeks truth will find it beyond al your words…truth is what u seek…and u are a brave soul for doing so in the midst of all this cloudiness you have nothing to worry about as long as you keep serching and digging deeper within urself, keepin blatantly honest with urself,,that nothing is done with ulterior motives!! u will be the next person to start a school for girls and produce… Read more »
any way i can contact that yehudis bluming that comment #121 suggested?
yes, there is more choshech (darkness) today
BUT, there is proportionally more (deeper) koichos (potential), as we see.
the young generation today has a Hiskashrus that we envy
I understanf that we ( I am also from the same genaration as you are) did not see the Rebbe and do not have the hashpoa the older generation had on them and I believe that the fact that Lubavitch does not have a leader that is why it looks like it looks today, but I desagree with you that this should be your reason not to be a good yid, not because others dont keep halachos or dont have the good midos or dont behave like a mentch and they lived with the rebbe so you that didnt so… Read more »
You dress bli tznius (untznius)?
I cant understand. You talk about the Rebbe, feel the sadness of not knowing him face to face and you dont dress as we have to-? Can someone explain me?!
I so deeply appreciate your sentiments..and so many have no clue to the “Pgtg”(Post Gimmel Tammuz Generation)…I know of one young lady mashpia who seems to have a clue ..who has given hundreds a new found realistic way of living inspired Chassidishe lives that aren’t black and white yet with maturity and clarity..Her name is Yehudis Bluming..maybe call her ..Have one role model in your life that isn’t your teacher and is approachable .. Also it’s not terrible to seek out other “SpE” Spiritually Inspired Experiences ..like a trip to Eretz Yisroel..Maybe a trip to Kevorim in Russia..Our roots..We desperately… Read more »
The fact of the matter is we no longer have a Rebbe b’gashmius and it is unlikely we ever will before Moshiach is revealed. We all (regardless of age) need to find sources of inspiration and let the inspiration penetrate.
Dovid
Dear Chaya, I would like to laud you for having the courage to open up and express your innermost feelings. Judging from the comments (and I’ve read all of them so far) there are others that feel the same as you do. The first step to improving any situation is communication so you’ve taken an important first step. I am a member of what you call the ‘older generation’. I say B”H I merited to study in 770 for a number of years in the 1980’s. I do have memories of farbrengens, dollars, kos shel bracha, negunim, parades, davening, etc.… Read more »
I think each generation has faced their challenges..
There is no excuse for not living up to being a Bas Chabad. Yes the challenge may seem greater now, but you need to fight the yetzer horah harder!
I’m sitting here nodding cuz i felt/feel the exact same way a number of years ago. I never saw the Rebbe and had my own struggles as a teenager with a lot of your concepts but BH there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I figured although I can’t change my circumstance I can try to change myself. And I did. It took a lot of introspection and searching. Seminary was a real eye opener too. I found a high level of hiskashrus that was BH commensurate with my ‘younger generation’ status. And I’m still working on… Read more »
Chassidus is the only remedy!
I have many modern friends, friends who went off the derech completely, and very frum friends. So I think about this alot. I want to say that I believe it is in the power of every young person today to make the conscious decision to be a frum Jew. Yes, it requires work and effort and discipline. But it is in your reach. Ki KAROV elecha hadavar ME’OD. Go tell the women on the billboards to fly a kite, you are higher than them. Go tell the fashion industry that you are worth more than anything they tell you to… Read more »
Personally, I feel closer to the Rebbe now 🙂 The Rebbe does not hv phys constraints now This is an necessary time to be on our own The Rebbe said: I am handing it over to you. This means we hv to get real with ourselves Who are we really Who do we want to be (even when the Rebbe is not here phys) It is a golden opportunity to be authentic with our connection to the Rebbe Politics ? Don’t go there. We hv been dealing with this since probably Korach, lv it alone; and where “there is no… Read more »
True you have a great challenge, but Hashem put each of us in the world in a particular time, place, and family, with our own set of talents and personality, and He gave each of us our own tailor-made set of challenges and yetzer horo- but He also gave each person the strength to overcome them albeit with great effort. Therefore, no one should be comparing one person with another. Parents and educators have a responsibility to educate and inspire the next generation, not to compel or control. Each person has to accept responsibility for their personal tests. May we… Read more »
I hope you’re my daughters’ teacher!
i completely understand you. i am part of the ‘younger generation’ and until a few years ago i would have agreed with you all the way. but since i got a mashpia who i really admire and look up to, i really feel so much more connected to the Rebbe. i used to feel like the rebbe was a thing of the past and that he was more for the older generation, but then when i found chasidishe, aidel and frum ladies that i really admired, people who live as a living example of what chabad is, then i felt… Read more »
but wow YOU ARE AN AMAZING WRITER..consider continuing your education and studying english or journalism!!!!!!
If the writer of the original post is really just 17, I’d really like to know which school she went to. A school that taught her how to write so eloquently, like the “older generation” , and yet failed so dismally in teaching her that there is ONE HASHEM, and ONE TORAH, and that a fool cannot be a chosid! A chosid goes beyond the letter of the law, as the Rebbe demanded of us so many times. You don’t even keep basic halacha and you call yourself a chosid? Shame on you! But at least you are a Jew.… Read more »
Your short comment said it like it is.
You talk about how the world has changed since 30 years ago. Actually, it has changed since the Torah was given thousands of years ago but my ancestors and I have stuck to it and I rather think we are in a far better place than we would be if advocated ‘reform’ which sounds exactly like what your arrogant and naive comment is espousing.
Sorry but- I don’t feel sorry for you. There are kids who grew up without parents, without half of the caring and guidance that many here are taking for granted, but they take responsibility and invest in their material and spiritual future. Bas mitzvah means you are old enough to discern right from wrong. The Torah talks about obligations not rights, it creates givers not takers. I see plenty of kids with the dignity and sense to conduct their lives in a healthy and holy way, regardless of what they have. Stop playing the blame game, using others as an… Read more »
as a mechaneches who is trying to listen with open ears, she is not blaming the older generation. She is just saying why are we so hard on the younger generation when we had issues to deal with and less criticism. To #72 why does the older generation have to be old uninspiring ppl. I grew up hearing about the “Elter Chassidim” They were our role modals. Why put the older generation down. I believe each person in whatever generation is trying to do the best they can and there is no reason for blame. Understanding and non judging will… Read more »
How ironic is it – that from the gist of everything you wrote, one comes away with; “If I can’t see the Rebbe, but you SAW the Rebbe, then how can I be expected to live by your standards”?! Was this not what was a convenient excuse for the dor hamidbor, when they “couldn’t see” Moshe Rabeinu come down from the mountain? Also, since when are clear-cut haluchos considered “hiddurim”?! men & boys having beards, women & girls not wearing revealing and repulsive clothes are “hiddurim”?! Don’t blame the Rebbe for a serious emunah malfunction. The Rebbe didn’t “invent” Torah,… Read more »
s’iz uch un vei – that your WHOLE yiddishkeit is dependent on if you’re able to “pick up a pen and write to the Rebbe or not, or if you can or can’t see the Rebbe!? That being said – this “machlo” does not only affect those like you who are the “younger generation”, but, even those who YOU look up to – share these same kruma feelings as well. It all boils down to emunah, yiras shomayim & kabolas ohl. If you believe (believed) – then NOTHING can sway you! If you DON’T (didn’t) believe – then NOTHING can… Read more »
read my thoughts…… how i wish i felt the rebbe the way my teachers do!
so to with an experince even to expernice seeing the rebbe once – that is what this girl is talking about – i ubderstand her 100% b/c I’ll be 17 soon
for those who say this young ladies issues have nothing to do with having a rebbe,i think you fail to understand what it’s suppose to mean to have a rebbe. for sure this is THE biggest nisoyon chabad has ever had. if we didn’t have tremendous issues now,it wouldn’t say much for our need for a rebbe and you can’t compare chasisim of a hundred or 2 hundred years ago to this genration who can see everything with a few clicks.WE NEED OUR REBBE BGUF GASHMI!!!
Someone once asked the Rebbe by dollars – “what is a Rebbe?”…The Rebbe answered him that; “a Rebbe is someone who helps you find the right “key” to open the door to serving Hashem.” Then, it was easy to find the right keys, now – we have to work a little harder.
But, we certainly don’t stop “searching and working”!
As soon as things become difficult, you say “I can’t handle it, I am too challenged, I am overwhelmed”?!
Thanks to collive for giving her a forum. If only such an honest discussion could ensue in other branches of the klal.
what about the young people who don’t care at all do you really think one less halacha would make a difference to them what if the failure of the older generation is that its all about the Rebbe? what if it the older folks had something other to say then ‘this is what the Rebbe wants’ or ‘this is what the Rebbe said’? do you really think this is a sustainable form of leadership? do you really think that with the world we live in with its very different set of challenges then the ones 30 years can be solved… Read more »
I am in awe as I am reading this article!
I really do agree with you.
Very well expressed!
how does it help that you’re yelling excuses? She is the voice of my sisters and all her friends. Good kids who have crazy challenges and don’t feel guided. Did she say that now she is going to do terrible things? She mentioned tznius bc its shoved down her throat, if she sounds uninspired- well maybe she is. She is not a single voice. Telling her to try harder or that u can manage it without seeing the Rebbe is not helping – anyone notice that yet? We keep saying that we are concerned for our youth, that we don’t… Read more »
You were never threatened with being burnt at the stake if you did not swear by the cross. You were never forced to light Shabbos candles underground. You were never tortured by the NKVD for information that they knew you had, regarding the underground Tomchei Temimim. You have never walked past a bench that says “No Jews or dogs.” Of course I can make this more unpleasant and mention gas chambers. But the purpose of this is to make you think. I don’t know where such chutzpah to make such an ignorant statement came from. My great grandfather was imprisoned… Read more »
The “older” generation did have the Rebbe as you so pointedly described. However, there is no excuse for a Bas Yisroel to lower herself and dress so that all eyes are on her body. How can you excuse dressing as you do so goyim can oggle you and laugh behind your back as you turn away? Is this what you REALLY want? I think not! Time and again I see young girls being looked at in a way that is far from a compliment. The looks they get are sickening not something that a woman of my age (older generation)… Read more »
What did all the yidden and chassidim do in russia – when there was no way for them to see the rabbeiyim b’gashmius?! What about G-d? You know, Hashem – who created heaven & earth?! If you can’t “see” him, then you walk around dressed like l’havdil a shiksa?!
This makes as much sense as those who rationalize why low-life’s steal, murder etc. etc. “because they were oppressed, because they were not given all the opportunities as the “white man”?! If you believe that dreck, then believe this too!
These are my exact feelings, whether it is an excuse or not we can be all connected to the Rebbe. but as physical humans non of it is really real unless we see the physical aspect!
We so obsessed with saving fremde children that we totally neglect the needs of our own? Is it finally time to send shluchim to Crown Heights?
I agree wit hthe vast majority of what was written and relate to it.
However I do feel that the point of not having a Rebbe begashmiyus is overemphasized.
There are plenty of non-chassidim out there who are very frum despite them not having aa Rebbe begashmiyus, so while of course our situation now is far from ideal I think this point should be left out of the conversation.
Having said that i remind myself that the article was written by a 17 yr old so what I’m saying should not be construed as criticism whatsoever.
I’m a “baalas tshuva”, and I was not around when the Rebbe was around. If I suffer from a lack of hishkashrus, I blame myself for not learning or internalizing enough sichos. Who said being a chosid is easy? In Hebrew, people say, “Ze magiah li.” Judaism is not like that. It takes work. I say hike down your skirt, roll your sleeves up just below your elbow, dig in and get to work. You can blame the parents, but a lot of us don’t even have parents who are shomer Shabbat, and we manage to cultivate our own hishkashrus.… Read more »
There has never been a time in Golus where there wasn’t a physical leader to turn to.
There is not a single physical leader to turn to now.
its clear and obvious that our generation suffers sooo much more than previous generations,
only this generation’s challenges is on a different front!
its on the front of finding inner self esteem, inner-joy in life, inner-meaning!
sadly this struggle to find inner strength and inner value to overcome the temptation for superficial shallow sources of importance is only able to be overcome through having a strong support system, or at least a Mashpia/Mentor
I think this is a beautiful article and this girl has a right to express how she truly feels. If anyone disagrees that is your opinion of how YOU feel, but dont discredit this girl for having the guts to open up and express how she honestly feels in the wake of gimmel tammuz. I think one line is screaming for all parents, teachers and leader of our generation to take to heart. “PEOPLE BLAME OUR GENERATION, BUT THEY FORGET WHO RAISED US.” When you look at the youth and you wonder why they act this way remember who raises… Read more »
thank YOU col for having the guts to publish this piece…you are making a real difference
mechanchim….are you listening?
really listening with an open mind?
really listening….with a possibility of actually making some much needed changes?
No? Then you’re not listening and this poor girl (and her entire generation) opened her heart to all for naught.
I had plenty of years B”H with the Rebbe before Gimmel Tammuz. I’ll say now what I said then. Don’t rely on the Rebbe for your yirat shomayim. That should be self generated with assistance of yirat shomayim parents, teachers and other good examples. Do rely on the Rebbe for direction in life, hashkafa, an extra boost for mesiras nefesh etc.. It’s nice if the Rebbe happens to help our yirat shomayim, but don’t rely on him for that. Yirat shomayim is basic.
Very impressed by the quantity and quality of the various responses to the issues raised. It’s nice to see how many people really cared enough to put the thought and effort to respond. Now my two bits: The Rebbe prepared us for this time however like many things the Rebbe said goes neglected. The Rebbe asked us all to find a Mashpia to discuss in an objective way matters of ruchnios and gashmius. Based on many of these beautiful responsa, there seems to be many qualified people out there.
This young girl is telling us how she feels, and we as adults on this forum should not talk down to her or just sweep it away as another youth searching for excuses, b/c she actualy does care but she’s calling out for help, that she doesn’t have enuff ” ammunition” to fight the “war” she’s been placed in. This stems from the chinuch system we have in place, not just the schools, (so teachers and hanhalah relax, not picking on you) it has to do with the constant stress of rebbe, rebbe, rebbe, and don’t get me wrong after… Read more »
Tznius is not the main point of the article??? Boy, you coulda fooled me!…Just count how many mentions are of tznius and count how many mention of any other mitzvah!
This is what YOU, the older generationd did to us. You made collar bones and elbows and knees the MAIN mitzvah of yidishkeit! You made more people talk more about ladies arms and legs and ‘tight’ clothes!
So don’t say tznius isn’t the point cuz in our community it seems like its the ONLY mitzvah that exists!
And it makes us SICK!!!
Little girl, You are so full of self pitying, self righteous excuses. You miss the entire point of what a yid is. Yes, I’m from that “older generation” and for openers I will say DON’T YOU DARE blame that generation for your weakness! I like many other parents have raised our children in the proper Jewish and Chassidishe way, with love and devotion and yet some children simply decided to throw it all to the winds inspite of EVERYTHING that was given them. I for one grew up in a non Lubavitcher home with American but frum parents, and Tznius… Read more »
#73 absolutely beautiful and eloquent post. Your message is exemplary. I will post it on my desktop to read when I need inspiration!! Thank you!
instead of signing “the younger generation” should be signed Amalek: that’s klipas amalek, “amol” is gueven andersh…. today is different… today we can’t….
stop making yiddishkeit a misery and source of psychological resentment for children.
I also grew up without the Rebbe and i advise you to watch Rebbe videos. I find them sooooooooooooo inspiring and i feel like the Rebbe is with us when i watch them. You have to put a little effort in and you will find what you are looking for.
This girl is speaking from her heart, and undoubtedly reflects many in her generation. I am inspired by her letter. She cares. She has passion. She will find the connection she is seeking. I am a parent of children of this generation. I am in awe of my children and their friends – and I tell them so. They DO face unprecedented nisyonois and by and large – they are amazing! We had Gan Eden. We were privileged to see G-dliness. We were privileged to witness a tzadik who’s entire existence was goodness and truth – when we saw the… Read more »
take out that this is from the younger generation. i am part of the “younger generation” and what you have written is wrong. YOU removed the Rebbe from your life by getting involved with all the things you say are so hard to stay away from and people say this and you take them with you. The Rebbe didn’t make any Halochos they are from Hashem, who you are also not able to feel every day in a tangible way. The way your article comes across is from the point of a heretic, you’ve given everything up and you want… Read more »
made me feel like i count very motional1
I totally agree with you for what you say about hiskashrus. I’m not loking for excuses,I stil dress in the way I should,sorry. But what I think is that the “older generation” doesn’t understand what it means for us not to see the Rebbe. Not to be able to take a pen and write a letter. And if I write in the Igros,it’s not a letter adressed to me. And anyways,I’d probably have to break my head to understand the answer. Do you guys know how frustrating that is? Do you realize what it means that so many of us… Read more »
Tznious has nothing to do with Rebbe, it has to do with an ancient Torah that we received from G-d almighty more then three thousand years ago do not mix hiskashrus hangups with other issues. (on a side note maybe this is indicative of a much more grave problem that it is taught to be tzniyus because the Rebbe will see you etc’ and not the ideas of kol kvuda bas melech with all that entails.) You mention that certain things are tzniyus yet they aren’t eidel. The very notion that such a thing is possible is a contradiction of… Read more »
certainly the so called leadership and their seemingly endless machlokeses have left many disallusioned. bruchnius it’s very dark and the nisynois are huge but that means this younger generation has a tremendous potential.i’m 49 and maybe some did show their elbows in camp but there is absolutely no comparrison to the tzneeus problems of now.i agree with the previous poster that we need to also focus on the beard issue.
I don’t think that the main issue of this article was Tznius.
I think it was generally the fact that we don’t have the Rebbe physically to guide us, and that the people that were privileged too, are not understanding why we do the things we do…
The mechanchim need to stop telling the girls to be tznius etc… for the Rebbe and focus on YIRAS SHAMAYIM. In this post 3 Tammuz era we need to get back to basics – we do mitzvos for Hashem. Only with that foundation can we move on to understand and appreciate the Rebbe.
To all those who wrote that concentrating on the difficulties is just an excuse, let me point out to you that people tend to do that when they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. They need specific direction as to where to go, and yes, once they find it, the complaining will usually stop. So let’s stick to guiding, rather than criticizing!! CB
SOMEONES LOOKING FOR EXCUSES.
Im19 yo girl. never saw the rebbe bguf gashmi.
nice ideas.
BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER.
STOP LOOKING FOR THE EASY WAY OUT IN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!
We dont see Hashem either- nor have we ever seen him. But you keep kosher and keep shabbos. Why? becuase you were raised that way. So were you raised to be tzniusdik. You know whats appropriate and whats not. It goes beyond the elbows and knees. You can be stylish- and appropriate. fashionable -classy- not fashionable sleezy. Do you want your 15 year old to have unlimited internet when ever they please? do you want to find out that your child has been surfing disgusting websites? You will see when you will be a parent.
very well written! the problem stems form lack of yiras shomaim and ahavas hashem/torah/mitzvos taught in schools (and maybe at home)!! The feelings for Yiddishkeit is missing… everything is just spoon fed and taught matter of factly….
Find a mentor that helps you connect to Hashem. You won’t feel the peer pressure as strongly if you have Hashem in front of you. Coming from a different community, I am sometimes shocked at the level of tznius in Crown Heights. You all have so much to offer the world. You can’t do it if your not tzniusdik. People do judge you based on your looks. You can’t be a light to the nations if your’e covered in darkness. Stop making excuses. Tznius is not just about covering your neckline elbows and knees. It’s also about behaving and looking… Read more »
i dont think anyone could have said it better… she literally took the words from my brain that i was too scared to say out loud…. well done!!!!!
you are saying you dont feel connection to Rebbe etc, so I am wondering why you speak so much about the Rebbe in your letter. I also don’t understand why you need the Rebbe in order to be tznius – are you only keeping tznius and other mitzvos when mommy and tatty are watching? Tznius is a mitzva from Hashem, Hashem is always there, NO we do NOT see him. If anything, YOU need to strengthen emuna and yiras shomaim. Blaming it on the Rebbe is exactly that – blaming him for your choices…
I agree whole heartedly with your article. I was always skeptical about plain old basic disregard for tznius (flip flops on Kingston avenue) until I heard that uggs are deemed not tznius in bais rivka. Or the fact that signing up for facebook and voting for a local school was fine just as long as the account was cancelled after. Parents will follow teachers, teachers will follow leaders. But let me ask you, who are the leaders? It’s nit just politics adage states, it’s the leadership or lack of. So all the older and wiser ladies and men responding to… Read more »
This is why the Rebbe insisted that Hiskashrus can only come through learning and internalizing the Rebbe’s Torah. Even those of us that saw the Rebbe, struggle with issues and the connection can only be maintained (or created) by keeping the fire hot. Don’t think that things were any different years ago, the same was true even when the Rebbe was with us physically.
yang lady what YOUR children will say, if you speak this way????????????????
thankyou for sharing your thoughts, your feelings. I give you alot of respect for having thought this out, instead of just blindly pushing ahead. You are weighing your thoughts, and your past does have a value to you. I can only say a few things: what will you want for your children when they become teenagers. Also: you care enough to share your intelligent, well thought out opinions, where you’ve come from and where you are now. I heard you, that you say to the older generation “look who raised me/us”. However, from experience, I (bt) came from parents, and… Read more »
wow…it seems that the obsession with women’s clothes and knees and legs and elbows…this is all anyone can think about??
And let me ask you: just how ‘tzniut’ is it for a public forum to be pointing out over and over and over again women’s legs and knees and waists!
A wave of a mention of untrimmed beards; hardly a whisper about honesty….but is that all the we think about!
BS:D I cannot understand any of you who criticize this girl She bared her soul. This is how she feels.It is incumbent on us to guide her and others like her, not tell her that she has no right to feel this way. or that ‘ I did not feel as you in the same situation’ etc.Some of you thank goodness are not mashpiam, more than likely are a cause of the problems.The girl wants to do good and instead gets slammed by some of you.
to #16….yes, there are many, many more who feel the way you do….you are not alone.
well said!
i like u
its frightening to see the products of a generation that was educated by people using the rebbes name exessivly, without pnimiyus.
halocho should be followed despite everything. that you feel you need to see a rebbe in order to be frum, shows that your teachers have no idea of chinuch; proportions, context, guidlines.
It seems to me from a professional standpoint
the problem is you don’t say Yechei!
What does being Chassidish have to do with being Tznius? There are many very frum Jews who are not Chassidish that are VERY tznius. You are the daughter of a King! Hakadosh Boruch Hu sees & hears everything we say & do. He hears your excuses. The reason you are not Tznius is NOT that you never got a dollar or a letter personally from the Rebbe. It is because you have no Yiras Hashem & Ahavas Hashem. If this whole generation would just realize that someone is watching everything we do from above you would not have these excuses.… Read more »
To be honest, it seems like the author is struggling with her yetzer hora and she needs to justify it. Using “the Rebbe isn’t around today” speech is an excuse. There are tens of thousands of frum people who don’t have a Rebbe. Yes, it may be confusing when you hear all your elders lament the ‘Rebbe days’ but how does that figure in to whether you keep halacha or not? I also think that many mechanchim and mechanchos have not really tried to put themselves in their students’ shoes and try to imagine what it must be like to… Read more »
This is simply untrue and not relevant to this discussion.
Other Yidden don’t all have Rebbes (necessarily) to turn to either, yet they don’t seem to be as affected as Lubavitchers. Did you ever stop to think why? What are they doing in their chinuch systems that we are not? I am in no way saying that their ways are perfect, far from it. But their children are also struggling in this ‘technological world’ and they DO add more and more chumorus but seem to have a much greater success rate than Chabad. Your yiddishkeit should have to do with the Aibeshter and your Emunah. No matter what the challenge… Read more »
WHEN A PERSON LEARNS THE REBBES SICHOS/MAMORIM the Questins and problem we have they somehow go away and the point obout the older geniration and younger EVREY GENIRATION HAS THEIR MISHON so as we stand in mamish the last SECONDES of gulus the test wull be harder but hashem gave us extra strength more then the older genaration WE JUST NEED TO REVEAL IT
Did we forget that there’s an Aibershter in this world?
Of course the Rebbe is our leader, our Nosi Hador and has guided us and continues to guide us in Torah and Yiddishkeit, but ultimately there’s an Aibershter that runs the world. When you question your Tznius, your keeping Halachos properly…raise your eyes up to Heaven and know that there’s a G-d that has given us the beauty of Torah and Mitzvos to do with Simcha. If Hashem is not in the equation, then where is the Yiras Shomayim that we so want our children to have.
Even though the author seems uninspired she can if she is old enough to write such a smart article, then she is smart to take responshibility for herself. Yes we adults and teachers and parents need to ensure that we impart the beauty of the Rebbe Chassidus and torah to our youth – without shuving it down their throats – but at the end of the day we all need to take measures to inspire ourselves as well. There are many inspriational speakers in our global chabad community and B”H I and my family do get inspired. Our relationship to… Read more »
Kol hakavod to you for expressing what we all feel. All mechanchim, parents and community leaders have to keep this in mind and do something!
Dear Chaya, You write beautifuly, straight from the heart, and your words touched my heart. As someone who does have faint childhood memories of seeing the Rebbe a few times, I would like to share with you something. Growing up far away from NY, I knew that the Rebbe was in NY and about once a year my family would make the long trip to see the Rebbe. I knew that as a Lubavitcher in a non-lubavitch school I represented the Rebbe and Chabad. However, in no way can I say that I lived with the Rebbe on a daily… Read more »
It’s a pleasure to read such an honest, thoughtful grappling with the issue. The introspection and maturity of the writer will, no doubt, continue to grow with her. She’s more Chosid than she thinks. Would that all our daughters were so honestly making accountings.
what you wrote is so incredible and true!
i think all of us girls around the world are thinking the same!
well said! i agree i grew up on the rebbes shlichos and was only a few years old when gimmil tamuz hit us all!
i wish it was as easy as it was then but lets not give up lets do the best we can!
the rebbe loves us for who we are and not for what we act like!
I grew up frum in a non Chabad community . today I am a proud Shlucha . THe REbbe drew me to Chabad with His wonderful energy Vision and connetion to every Yid . BUT he did not replace or displace the Aibishter or the fact that the Torah is the guideline for our lives … and that at the end of our days we will be answerable to Hashem..Find your connection and stop the blame game … ! Be strong .
that we haven’t had the rebbe bguf gashmi for 17 years.the aibishter should have rochmanos on my children, who are each trully struggling with frumkait,and the entire post gimmel tamuz generation.i can only try to be a dugma chaya and continue to daven harder and more then i ever thought possible.
I am in middle of writing an essay (for myself for now) about what i think about a Rebbe. And the funny thing is, most of the things i think about can be compared to what the older generations say. No i never saw the Rebbe, but thats not even a majority of what a Rebbe is. All the Rebbe wanted from you is for you to be safe, happy and a good Jew. Now if i can see this even being born in 1992, i bet if you applied yourself to what the Rebbe is still trying to tell… Read more »
in our city our mekoravim which are strong about the moshiach issue (sichos of the rebbe 1991 – 1992)live with the rebbe and feel the rebbe in every part of their life.the one that do not have a rebbe from history.and the hiskashruth is the same.i get much koach from the bt in our town who are misichistim.THEY LIVE REBBE AND strict in torah and mitzvot
I agree that there are new laws and standards poping up and they don’t bring people closer. (did you know that yeshivas didn’t have a white shirt rule till after the rebbe passed away? it started in1996)
I believe that because chabad has a big issue of not making a clear distinction between halacha and minhag, there are those that come to feel, if I’m not going do a minhag I may as well drop other halachos.
what a good example…
15 years ago, nobody had internet on phones. You mention, ” You try stopping Internet on phones, but it just builds resentment. ” Even when internet became possible on phones, it came at a cost of $100s of dollars. Just because it’s cheaper now, does that make it right !? Teenagers started wanting Blackberries when their friends had them. When only businessmen/businesswomen needed them, it was out of the question for teenagers… Peer pressure began, and now it’s “normal” for parents to spend $80 -$100 per month for phone service + data plans for Blackberries, iPhones, etc… Even the iPod… Read more »
perfectly said.
She has some valid points but as someone older at the end of the day we are responsible for our lives and for the decisions we make-maybe rules are too much or too little but you have yourself as well as hashem to answer to-Are you making decisisons that are making yourself proud of you or just towing the line of averageness-good luck in making the most of who you can be -remember only you can do that
i was born shortly before gimmel tammuz, and i don’t have any memories of the Rebbe. as a guy I can’t relate as much to the the author’s views on tznius but i completely understand the feeling of not having the Rebbe’s constant presence. The mashpiim that understand this feeling are the only ones able to guide our generation. I have spent the same amount of time by the Rebbe as I have by the Alter Rebbe, and the Baal Shem Tov, and Rashi, and Rabbi Akiva. Even the Rebbe said that there is no substitute for being in the… Read more »
She is not excusing anyone’s behavior and we can’t know who she is to say that she is excusing her own either. She speaks of the struggle of being a teenager in this age and instead of jumping down her throat we should be listening, taking this to heart and thinking about what we can do/change in our chinuch system to help them,
I have a hard time understanding why we blame not seeing the Rebbe physically. I grew up in a frum family, not Lubavitch, where we had no rebbe to see or listen to. We knew that covering knees, elbows, and collarbones, was the halacha, and that was that, no discussion. As for the rest, anything tight, or loud in colors was considered not appropriate. We dressed very well, stylish and respectfully, including long stockings, before tights were manufactured. And I’m talking more than 50 years ago. Where and when were more halachos added, I don’t know of any. And I’m… Read more »
A chossid moved from Russia to Germany. In his new city there were two shochtim, one a German Jew and the other one a former Russian as himself, who in order to blend in trimmed his beard. The chossid sent a letter to the Frierdiker Rebbe asking whose shechita should he use. He personally felt they were both equal and the former Russian learned chassidus. The Rebbe responded rely on the German Jew, as he never violated his yiras shomayim. He was never taught that it is forbidden to trim or shave completely. The Russian on the other hand learned… Read more »
Very well written article, and truly capturing the present sentiment. But really it comes to a situation where The Rebbe has just become like any of the other Rebbeim in the past, where older generations were attached to their memories and the current generation deals with a Breslov-like existence of BTs, FFBs and Born-Agains. We each need to find our own happy space, where Chassidus is Learnt and Felt and davening is a real task. My advice is to find a modern day inspiration and know that this person is real…. like your new Rav Braun… look at the extremities… Read more »
i feel the same way as u girl!!!!! sooooo true!!!
So sad but obviously written from the heart
I would like to comment but Ain Kan Hamokom
one other thing for this generation is if you arent born into the right family or marry into it you will never get a good shlichus
I want to cry she is so right
I think many of us have lost sight of being chasidish instead of frum. It used to and still does bother me when people say “I’m chasidish, but not so frum” We’ve lost sight of whats important and a post gimel tamuz generation doesn’t make it any easier. Obviously being chasidish is what enhances our yidishkeit but it shouldn’t be at the expense of losing sight of halacha. There’s r”l people who find it more important to have a full untouched beard and be dishonest in business dealings and knock “the snag” who has no beard but is a mentsh… Read more »
Sorry young lady, but I have to disagree especially regarding the halacha of tznius. I also did not have the opportunity to see the Rebbe, but I know in my heart that the Rebbe is watching over us more than when he was in this world. And he felt very strongly that girls and women must be very stringent on the halachos of tznius. Your article sounds to me just an excuse for you to listen to your yetzer hora and do whatever suits you knowing full well that you are placing a stumbling block in front of men. This… Read more »
welllllllllllll said!!!!!!!!!!!!11
although on the other hand, if you forge your own connection to the rebbe it is in your own way so it can be stronger than others
And convenient is to blame someone else for your confusion and lack of direction and yes, ignorance of basic halachos.. You speak about us “making rules” yet you will certainly “make” similar rules for your children the same way our grandparents “made” rules for us. You rightfully speak abot the sickening politics, yet the overwellming majority of anash could not care less about them or at least it is not a priority in their lives. You simply point to the negatives as you need to find an excuse for your problems. The day you decide to be honest with yourself… Read more »
We are better than this generation that brought us up. We have a better understanding and a better realization of the world we live in. We have the ability to put those people who brought us up to shame, when we keep what those who brought us up fail to keep themselves. We are living in a generation in which we are faced with more temptations and choices then Jews have ever been faced with in any of the past generations put together. When we in this generation overcome the challenges put before us, we are more accomplished and stronger… Read more »
There is so much truth in what you say. No one can deny that. But if you are 17, then realise that your mother went through a major trauma just around the time you were born! All the wonderful memories of standing in line for hours just to see the Rebbe’s holy face for a few moments ended one dark and rainy Gimmel Tamuz. Your parents and their entire support system were thrown into the depths of mourning from which many have still to recover. Every member of the community lost their father that day, and there was no one… Read more »
As someone that did not grow up in CH but was 19 in 1994, I am a little in both worlds, though probably more in the former. However, when I see a bochur or a girl (and I taught both) that DOES have hiskashrus and truly cares about what the Rebbe said, and behaves way better then I did, I know that the claim “you had the Rebbe” is simply an excuse. It is possible to be a chosid, although it is different. To your second point, you have answered it yourself. With “the world at your fingertips”, people are… Read more »
Heartrending but so true.it defines so succinctly how sensitive we must be to the the generation of children that have been bereft of the physical presence of the Rebbe and how difficult it must be for them to have the pressures place upon them to have that unbridled love and devotion ibbergegebenkeit for the Rebbe simply through videos, stories, other chassidim”s memories,and printed sichois. It is so presumtious when some of the elder and not so elder chassidim go to far flung communities and events nearer to home and ramble on as to how they had long yechidus with the… Read more »
i am maybe what you’d call a bridge. i was born before gimmel tammuz but my first memory of even hearing of the rebbe was to be at the levaya. the dollar i have is that which i won. i know what ive seen in videos and heard in stories. Though older than you, i would say i am more of “the younger generation” while what you said has some very good points, mostly- 1. it is very hard for us to have hiskashrus, etc. and it is difficult since we never saw the rebbe personally 2. in terms of… Read more »
You read my mind!!
Well said!
BSD:PS Alto I was fortunate to experience the things you mention with respect to the Rebbe, I remain amazed that the most progress I have made in my personal learning, avoda etc. occurred after the 27th of Adar or the 3rd of Tamuz. I do not understand it or why but can only attribute this to something such as a greater energy the Rebbe has endowed the world with and given us increased capacities for good.
i who lived in the older generation agree whole heartedly with you that this disease called chumraitis must be stopped
The fact that its concerning you, that is something.. some don’t even have that.
BS:D Beautiful sentiments. Let me offer my opinion how it makes sense. In my experience, the majority of people who saw the Rebbe are living in the past and cannot move beyond that and forge a relationship with the Rebbe under the conditions that now exist.The past hinders their future. You luckily are not bound by that and can forge ahead. The Rebbe would never, G-d forbid leave us in a untenable or worse off situation when it comes to his guidance.There has never been a time where a person can turn to the Rebbes letters, the Ohel or his… Read more »
well written too.