ב"ה
Tuesday, 23 Tishri, 5780
  |  October 22, 2019

After the BTs Become Chabad…

From the COLlive inbox: We in Chabad are very good at making Baal Teshuvas. But what happens after they join the community? Full Story

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Child of BT's
Guest
Child of BT's

I know how hard it is. The struggle is real and always will be real. My parents went through it too. Always outsiders, always seemingly not good enough, not part of the inner gezh circle. All true. But here’s the catch. Your in charge of your own destiny. Part of being a chossid, is knowing how to be a mushpa of the rebbe’s. It sounds easier than it is. You really have to find someone you can whole heartedly trust and look up to, and hang on to every word and immerse yourself in thier thinking. That doesn’t mean ‘don’t… Read more »

One Big Family???
Guest
One Big Family???

Since when? Forget the BT’s for now, our own won’t help each other…

This is a selfish neighborhood

Smart. BT
Guest
Smart. BT

A smart BT doesn’t stay in CH Smart BT moves to a city and helps a shliach He becomes very choshuv in his community and can relate better with Non frum mekurovim than the shliach and helps the ppl to get closer to yddishkait in a practical manner and feel more comfortable in the Chabad House Hi send his children to Yeshivos and they become regular Lubs Their BT parents are in a higher level in their eyes , because they are the example and inspirations for yddishkait in their towns Because they have to be influential , these parents… Read more »

Yasher Choach
Guest
Yasher Choach

Well said.

THANK YOU
Guest
THANK YOU

Thank you so much to whoever wrote this and thank you to COL for posting this. We MUST do more for the BT’s in our community! They are often left hanging out to dry and with little respect. As a shlucha, I helped a young lady from our community who became a baales teshuva (halevay I should be able to call myself a baales teshuva) with regards to shidduchim. Countless FFB families wouldn’t even look at her, just because she was BT, though she came off as someone who ha been frum her whole life and was a fine frum,… Read more »

a PROUD BT child
Guest
a PROUD BT child

A reply to your article : talk to me about it….yet where a BT stands even a tzaddik gamur can not! It’s a privilege with hardships. ..after all we fight to be and stay a TRUE YID AND CHASSID OF OUR REBBE….
A reply to #2- it’s not neighborhood, it’s international. …

Huge portion of  Lubavitch are integrated BTs
Guest
Huge portion of Lubavitch are integrated BTs

A very large portion of Lubavitch are Boruch Hashem BTs, or their children and grandchildren. A great number of them are indistinguishable from FFBs. They include respected teachers, shluchim all over the world, askonim, businessmen, and regular wonderful Chasidim. Many times BTs have a MISTAKEN self image of how they are perceived by others, a kind of inferiority complex. The meraglim (spies) sent to scout Eretz Yisroel reported that there were giants in the land, and added that “we considered ourselves in our eyes as grasshoppers, and that’s how we were considered in their eyes”. The question is, how did… Read more »

same everywhere, not just CH
Guest
same everywhere, not just CH

We are not BT and the community i live in is just the same! We’ve only had any any support from the litvish/ chassidish community and that’s who we hang out with now !

To #1
Guest
To #1

I’m a baal yeshiva who did “find someone you can whole heartedly trust and look up to”
This is why I shaved off my beard and etc.
I put too much reliance and trust into other “human mashpias” who lied, violated confidentiality, and gave bad guidance. I probably would still have a beard if I didn’t ” find someone you can whole heartedly trust and look up to”.
The Rebbe said we need to be candles who can burn on their own, without constant reliance on another to keep us lit.

Mom to Mom...
Guest
Mom to Mom...

A great way for moms of all types to find friendship and support from mentors. This neighborhood is filled with the least selfish people I’ve ever met.

to nimber 2
Guest
to nimber 2

you may be in the wrong neighborhood….

Ffb have it no better
Guest
Ffb have it no better

Unfortunately chabad has become very good in making baal teshuva but those who areally born chabad that have many difficulties also don’t get help, their souls are begging for a mashpia in chabad to help them but they also get the feeling that no one really cares besides blood family, whom in this case is not good enough for you need a outsider,  but they don’t particularly care, Only once these souls drop out the system and become not religious anymore then ALL of a sudden they get attention,  help and now it’s not needed anymore for they lost their… Read more »

Asking isn't the problem
Guest
Asking isn't the problem

My husband and I are both geirim. And the struggle is beyond real but that isn’t even the problem we ask all the time for help and the response is always you are geirim you are strong. Aka be strong so we don’t have to pitch in. If only people understood how painful it is to ask and be rejected. We do t have family to help.

#1
Guest
#1

Very well said. You got the point.
Be positive. Forget about what people think about you, they will never be satisfied.

Even before 3 tammuz this was true
Guest
Even before 3 tammuz this was true

I know of someone who came to our community and brought many people with her who joined our community. When the rebbe gave a rashi sicha and didnt answer the questions he raised she wrote the rebbe and asked for the answers. The rebbe answered in the next fabrengen and praised her as being the only one who wrote him about the rashi. The rebbe said “surely someone will make her a shidduch.” This story was written up and people know who this is as they were there over 30 years ago when it happened. When the person who wrote… Read more »

Bedford boy of later years 1957-1969
Guest
Bedford boy of later years 1957-1969

There’s the well known parable of two people who went to a town at the same time and came back to report, each one had a opposite report than the other; because each one found what he went to find etc.,
There’s no denying that selfish people exist but there are many good and giving people her a in CH, just readjust your lens and you’ll find them.

Hatzlocho

To #2
Guest
To #2

“BTs” and “our own” are synonymous. To #1 good for you. To the author Chaya, yes, yes, and yes. And, becoming a full fledged baalas teshuvah, truly, on the inside, not just to fit in, takes tremendous strength and navigation of obstacles. (Though sometimes just doing it on the outside will ultimately affect the inside too. Yet, usually, not without frustration). That is why, the shluchim orriginally advise taking it slow, working on the inside, (pnimiyus) before trying to look the part (chitzoniyus, though there is place for that too…). Books like kiruv files and baal teshuvahs survival kit (name?)… Read more »

to #2
Guest
to #2

Selfish neighbourhood?
easy to say when you dont actually know what goes on! Maybe some poeple can be a bit more giving around here but there are plenty who give themselves up constantly for others! How can you generalize?!
This is the reason Moshiach has not arrived yet R”L. Its because people like you who cant see the good in this world!

number  2
Guest
number 2

agree with u!

My 2 cents
Guest
My 2 cents

I have been saying that for the past 35 years – although things are better today. Selfish neighborhood? No worse than some and better than many. At least people talk to you in CH, where we moved to we are the alterer you-know-whats, but they know whose door to bang on for tzedaka and help. I’m not so sure Chabad is making as many BT’s as they did decades ago, but the lines are more blurred than they were. Of course there is still an elite core of families who would NEVER marry into a family that isn’t directly descended… Read more »

Inspired
Guest
Inspired

Thank you very true words I will be more sensitive to others and try to use my connections to help evryone

whats going on?
Guest
whats going on?

Great article and many great responses.
There’s another side to this coin too.
With what’s going on in CH now, FFB/Gezh are having it very hard with how their children are turning out at this time.
Unfortunately, outsiders looking in to CH do say, ‘this is what happens because you let everyone in’!
I think more to the point is ‘this is what happens when we don’t have the Rebbe.

To #18
Guest
To #18

That’s actually the problem, it’s not the people generalizing, it’s the opposite. It’s grape town. Think about it if you know there are a handful of people willing to give then often another person won’t. And for each person that hopes someone else will do the mitzvah then the other person who needs is left out. And think about it from a woman’s perspective. In my community women get meals for a week as a standard, but if a teacher or someone from the school aka popular people give birth they get 3-4 weeks of meals no problems. Less popular… Read more »

B"H
Guest
B"H

Great article and great comments… I feel you…. Lets get a few things straight…. first and formost I refuse to call myself a BT because im not s madter of anything. Believe me! We have faced great challenges in our home…too many any to detailed to list here…. My dear friends, my mishpochah…. this is called life. No one is obligated to help you or me! We have been blessed with tbe greatest Rebbe and leasder whom has gifted us his children with a treasure trove of his teachings. We have job to do! Lets focus on our mission and… Read more »

just saying
Guest
just saying

Becoming and staying frum, FFB’s included is a tough propostion and is compounded with BT’s who bring with them their own baggage. That baggage will probably stay and at the end of the day it’s the effort that one put into this that counts. But having a qualified mashpia for ANYONE is a must.

It's true
Guest
It's true

We need to create a BTLM – Bal Teshuvah Lives Matter ground or something.. time to take on the Gezhe supremacists who are systematically disadvantaging others groups in order to keep their spot at the top of the Lubavitch hierarchy!

the last laugh
Guest
the last laugh

I think by not being good to the BTs, the BT’s themselves get the last laugh, on average, as the BTs have a lot more to offer to the community, and if the community does not realize it in one form or another, the BT may go elsewhere where another community will benefit from them, and the Kiddush hashem will be elsewhere.

Some Things Never Change
Guest
Some Things Never Change

Kudos to Chaya and to COL for posting this Op Ed. This article just about quoted verbatim a heartfelt comment made by a woman some 40 years ago during a Jr. N’Shei Gathering (when I was still young enough to attend Jr. N’Shei!)..The presidium wanted to know about the concerns of any woman present, so this young woman got up and said: ” You make us b’aal teshuvas but then you forget about us and go on to the next case!’ The panel was dumbstruck and if I recall, they had no response for her! I felt pain for her… Read more »

I came here for the Rebbe and Chabad ideals!
Guest
I came here for the Rebbe and Chabad ideals!

I agree with the author whole heartily, esp now with children in the shidduch parsha along with having several small children in chinuch system. I always remind myself that I came here for the Rebbe and Chabad ideals, not to make an impression on the “community” at large. There are many resources here for on going learning and NO ONE can take that from me, I own my spirituality !

Olivia Schwartz
Guest
Olivia Schwartz

When I first moved to crown heights, BRYna Sheindel Deitch came up to me in Hoffman’s fruit store and said I see you are new here, she handed me her address and phone number and said whenever you need a place for shabbos, call me..
I had many friends and many places to be, but what if I hadn’t?
She reached out

BT Here
Guest
BT Here

My own expierence of being bt for about 15 years has tuahgt me more then anything to be your own person. I’m not a gehze guy and nver will be. I don”t have toi drop my life style and switch over and forgot what made me special and unique and interesting. In fact, I love the commentator who siad move back to the subarbs and help the shliach in your area. That will be more effective, I agree 100 percent.

A BT myself that was lost, and then found his way...
Guest
A BT myself that was lost, and then found his way...

This was a powerful post, obviously I still love Chabad, otherwise why would I be reading COL every day? Anyway, I had such strong resentments against my Rabbi’s for “allowing” me to take on so much, so quickly but ultimately I made my own choices. I think, for all BT’s, the issue isn’t taking on too much/too quickly, it’s isolation. When I was stark Chabad I was isolated from other communities, and I wasn’t able to branch out and taste all the beautiful fruit that Frum Judaism has to offer. BH, finally did and I am happier than ever. I… Read more »

Huh?
Guest
Huh?

As a BT I cannot relate to this article at all! Every step from college to EY to CH to shidduchim to now raising a large family KA”H has been magical nothing like what is said here – “left to dry”? Not at all. I was fortunate to marry another BT although some of my friends married FFBs and it was fine. I never saw struggles beyond any FFB’s struggles. It’s the opposite – we felt blessed. My husband and I loved being in CH surrounded by kedusha – and we covered our eyes to all the craziness, as we… Read more »

Not only the Baalei Tshuva
Guest
Not only the Baalei Tshuva

Not only the Baalei Tshuva live this situation.
How about shluchim kids? These young boys and girls sometimes might not be part of the system, they have no family in CH because they are all spread around the world.
Everyone has struggles and needs to create their path on their own, no need to give titles and ask for special attention.
Of course ut would have been easier with a family’s support but not always that’s the answer.

to 22
Guest
to 22

happening all over! no community is immune these days . my advice to all is , if u have a kid at risk , pick up and run . we did and it worked . we started all over from scratch but what’s more important then ur child??!!! moshiach now !

#22
Guest
#22

It doesn’t seem from your remark that you are a lubavitcher!

Oldest BT
Guest
Oldest BT

We became frum in the late 60’s and Chabad later.
We are now great grandparents with family on both coasts.
Advise. Anyone who doesn’t want your kids you don’t want.
Realize people are people and our Rebbe is our example to follow. Learn all you can. Pick a mashpia carefully and stay away from Crown Heights.

Pedant
Guest
Pedant

It’s common to attribute general problems to local causes. It’s natural but simplistic. The issue is that life is simply harder, much harder, on average, for a family lacking a robust extended family support infrastructure, and BT families more often live under those circumstances than do FFB families. The good news is that this is all very temporary. The second and third generations iy”H will have all the support that current generations lack. It’s hard to be the trailblazer but lefum gamla shichna. So keep strong and rest assured that however hard things are, the Almighty carries us through and… Read more »

to #22
Guest
to #22

” what’s going on because ffb has a hard time with their children etc…” um? It’s the parents lack of chinuch due to the fact their parents are NOT THERE for them and ONLY wake up when their children are “bringing” problems, by then it’s too late. “This is what happenes because you let everyone in”? So go blame .the.rebbe for.his “mistake “.why did the ffb follow.his words?that sentence is a outright lie just to find anything to blame and put down the BTs. You perfectly know YOU are not strong enough in your pnimiyus, THAT’S your downfall, NOT BTS!

to 26
Guest
to 26

what are you talking about? like a 50 year old looser who blames his parents because in his mind his younger or older brother got more attention so now he can be a drain on society and family. Grow up!!!!!!!!!. No one owes you anything. Yes FFB also have problems with children but we dont know who brought all this into our holy yes holy community. If you are so talented and resourceful add something to the community and not be a drain

There Needs to be a Process
Guest
There Needs to be a Process

I became frum at 13 and jumped right into the Chabad system. I never felt the need to have anyone guide me even from that age. When I didn’t know something I asked someone and took the initiative. I didn’t have lots of friends or have family to stay with in CH but I made do with shluchims’ families and it worked. I always had my identity and didn’t bemoan the fact that I wasn’t like everyone else. I enjoyed the fact that I knew so many things that the sheltered CH residents didn’t that enriched my life. I ended… Read more »

People can and do help
Guest
People can and do help

As far as meals, a established organization might provide the standard one week. If the family feels they need beyond that e.g. c-section, NICU etc. There may be plenty of women unconnected with these organizations who would do so if they KNEW! Im not connected with any meal organization but if I were aware I certainly cook a meal for that woman’s family with such circumstances. Maybe there should be an app for this? Maybe every block should appoint a representitive , hold meetings now and again ? This person could be the leasion if a woman on th block… Read more »

Yisroel
Guest
Yisroel

It’s not much better for the FFB too, Unfortunately chabad has become very good in making baal teshuva but those who areally born chabad that have many difficulties also don’t get help, their souls are begging for a mashpia in chabad to help them but they also get the feeling that no one really cares besides blood family, whom in this case is not good enough for you need a outsider, but they don’t particularly care, Only once these souls drop out the system and become not religious anymore then ALL of a sudden they get attention, help and now… Read more »

WITH THE OLD BREED
Guest
WITH THE OLD BREED

there used to be a program in CH where families would take in individuals and young couples and help them along. If you look at these people today they are all doing better then the general population. This program helped not only these new people but the homes where they opened to them have all done very well. We have more money in our community then ever before, our homes are worth more money but have we lost our souls?

sorry
Guest
sorry

instead of demanding that we adopt you and cuddle you, maybe come help me in my struggles. except for helping you with yiddishkeit, please grow up and take responsibility. i, for one can not listen to this “nebech me, i have no friends, everone picks on me and on my family”. please.

33 thank you
Guest
33 thank you

I feel the responses are negative. I live in CH we host BT all the time. We have open door policy for them and they come for guidance, coffee , chats and are very much part of our family. We never just make them by then leave them alone. We continue to nurture them…. and love them… and so many others I know do the same. Sometimes our own are neglected bec of this ahavas yisroel Just a question? Are the BT giving back to their new fams who took them in… do they recognized if they are overwhelmed or… Read more »

To #13
Guest
To #13

Sorry to read about your situation.

You should be advised that some people take the mitzvah of ‘veahavtem es hageir’ very seriously. For just one example, n Brisk geirim get special consideration, for entrance to yeshiva, etc.

There is a vast frum world beyond Lubavitch.

manners
Guest
manners

Hello you call me up, “can I come for Shabbos”? did you once say can i come help you cook on Thursday or Friday? Did you once say “can I go shopping for you?,” “Can I take the kids out so you can cook and clean for your family of 10 and for me? yes, for those of you you have less of a feeling of “do for me, me, me” will say oh can I bring something? and once in a while will bring a thing of flowers or a cake. Does that help me? maybe i should come… Read more »

to # 28
Guest
to # 28

l understand your feelings, but truthfully when l had my forth child, yes the community felt good helping for a week, the food that people gave wasn’t good for us, it would have been better if we hired someone to cook as l ask, nope very little can we eat in the stores, if you know to plan ahead, you have you, perhaps the community would be more willing to sent someone to cook for you second, we found out that my mother in law father was chabad, that means the great grandfather, so we are just returnees, they came… Read more »

thank you BT's for your amazing comments
Guest
thank you BT's for your amazing comments

you have the unending admiration of my frum from birth self and so many others. i’m a wannabee-BT, born FFB. Hashem should bless you for your tenacious pursuit of truth despite all

Open your eyes
Guest
Open your eyes

#2:
When my friend’s family member passed away, the incredible outpouring support was so amazing!!the amount of organizations and people I know who are involved in chesed and helping others in crown heights….not every act done in life is posted here on col for everyone to see. The best chesed is done secretly. Saying that this is a selfish community is just proclaiming your profound ignorance. Open up your eyes and join an organization, or just do someone nice for another. Instead of complaining about our community, look around you and see the good.
Have a good shabbos!

Jealous!!!
Guest
Jealous!!!

Im a ffb teenager. and when i see the chayus and geshmak the bt has makes me jealous that i didnt have that huge dicision lime they did.
Truthfully they are the ones who i look up to

#51
Guest
#51

yes, so true. maybe you, BT join a chesed group. help someone, cook for a sick person. it is not only do for me. if you help someone and go an inch for someone we will go that mile for you. but if all you do is complain and demand, it labels you. The FFB heard from their parents the hardships in Russia and elsewhere and did not grow up with all athe luxcuies like many of you so try to give at least a bit

With # 22
Guest
With # 22

It’s been said before and I’ll say it again. YICHUS = ZERO. Your father, your mother, they have yichus, 4 grand parents and all 8 great grandparents have yichus? Wonderful. That gives you a whopping 14 ZEROS. $00,000,000,000,000. Looks impressive but It’s still worth nothing. Zero. Zilch. Add a few more generations, get a few more zeros. Now let’s look at you as an individual. Are you a good person? Ben Torah? Yirei Shomayim? Shomer Torah u’mitzvos, ba’al chesed? Pay your taxes? Treat your family and friends with respect? Your mother is Jewish? Not bad. Takeh you’re a mentch. You… Read more »

Get support
Guest
Get support

We created a BT whatspp group for shluchos. It’s the greatest thing ever!!!

Lol
Guest
Lol

I became frum 20 years ago. It’s like, once u r in, your out, the rabbis don’t help. They leave you to work out your probs.

Ahavas yisroel
Guest
Ahavas yisroel

Pretty simple solution : don’t live in crown heights!!

What the rebbe said to a baal tshuva during yechidus
Guest
What the rebbe said to a baal tshuva during yechidus

This was wriiten up by jem.
Because you fell into a quagmire and lived, you will lead others thru the quagmire with a lantern in one hand, pointing out the stepping stones with the other hand. You will get them across to a good place. That is your job

Suggestions to ffb and bt
Guest
Suggestions to ffb and bt

Years ago you could call rabbi kastels office and get places for people for shabbos and yom tov including for sleeping. Now its much harder as people havent requested to be on his list for wanting guests. Because i was able to place people for shabbos thru him these people i placed now have not only children but grand children who are lubavitch. Dont look to be rewarded by people for helping others. You are doing the mitzveh of ahavas yisroel. Dont expect them to help you prepare for shabbas. Do it as its what the rebbe and hashem wants… Read more »

To #23
Guest
To #23

I agree with you a lot thanks for sharing

Shocked
Guest
Shocked

I never comment or read comments but I have to say that some of these comments here are downright disgusting. Its been a while since I’ve seen the real pretty sinas chinam bit of life… Not happy to see it back. I’m shocked that some of these comments are coming from full grown adults. Contrary to popular belief that that’s NOT whose wasting their life on col 🙂 Interesting. I am so disgusted by the comments that say something along the lines of “grow up and stop blaming other people for your problems and do something about them.” CAN YOU… Read more »

Heicholtsu
Guest
Heicholtsu

As Chasidim of our dear Rebbe..

Did anyone stop for one minute and think what would be the Rebbes response and attitude to all that was written?

Time to learn the maamar ” Heicholtsu”

I'm #22
Guest
I'm #22

I am FFB/Ghezh. Ive been lucky enough that my children and grandchildren (and hopefully soon great-grandchildren)have so far been towing the line.
Walking down Kingston and seeing what’s going on, where did this come from?

Become a BT with gelt
Guest
Become a BT with gelt

Trust me the gezhe be comin’ knockin’

block reps
Guest
block reps

A system of block representatives to look out for new mothers and people new in town sounds like a great idea! I bet Junior Nshei would love to support such an initiative if anyone wants to work on developing this email them at [email protected]

I am Jewish
Guest
I am Jewish

BT or Not, who cares what clothes you wear. We r all supposed to be one family under one umbrella. Little by little ….you jumped in too fast…..your going to slow…..your not well versed in the chumash. In regards to yidden if you r a halachic Jew then this is what you r for life. Its not a negative stamp its a stamp of approval. We should be helping each other not be against each other. I am sitting by my kitchen table writing on my Laptop this comment to such a true article……but lets take a step further and… Read more »

weird articles
Guest
weird articles

so many generalizations.
BT are not a homogenous group. There are all types of BT, all types of FFB, all types of everything.
Many do well, some do not, in every group.
What a silly article.

Thank you 52
Guest
Thank you 52

Thank you 52, it’s people like you that remind me it was all worth it

pittsburgh
Guest
pittsburgh

the answer to everything is move to pittsburgh

Crown Heights  Needs" A BT Consultation Center "
Guest
Crown Heights Needs" A BT Consultation Center "

I moved few years ago with my family, BT’s.
CH is a true blessing, in so many ways.

A center which offers basics information that guides, direct and answer questions of BT’s ,could be beneficial.
Lots of time and mistakes can be saved like that .
Another benefit will be a stronger educated contributing chossid and his family, in our community.

Words from the heart....
Guest
Words from the heart....

The writer of this Op-Ed spoke from her heart. Anyone who can’t relate or has contempt for what she wrote would best keep their mean-spirited, feeling-superior comments unwritten/unspoken. I for one can relate to what she wrote, but we all learn to cope in our own ways. It would be great for each of us to not have to privately reinvent the wheel — confiding in mashpias who mean well but are clueless (until, after much of this humiliation, finding a good and decent mashpiah, please Hashem!); finding out the hard way that you have to pretend all is great… Read more »

To #9
Guest
To #9

I’m sorry about your horrible experiences, but shaving your beard is never the right thing. According to the Tzemach Tzedek it’s an aveirah of the Torah no matter how you do it.
I can’t judge you bc I didn’t have your challenges but I’m just letting you know the facts.

Crown heights
Guest
Crown heights

What has crown heights become! Everyone thinks of crown heights as the chabad super frum community but by the sounds as if it’s not that way! Everyone in crown heights has to step out of their little bubble and realize there is a bigger world out there! Whether you a bt/ffb it doesn’t matter! Also to #23 I agree if a person has yichus or not doesn’t mean they will get an extra week or two of meals I mean grow up guys are you serious? In our community it works that everyone gets meals for the same amount of… Read more »

To #63
Guest
To #63

Do not think for a minute the modernization of CH comes from BTs. BTs walked away from “modern” and are more serious than most FFBs in CH. It is facebook, movies, magazines, TV, music, internet. I see FFBs proud to post pictures at movie theaters and goyishe concerts on facebook. BTs have nothing to do with this, it’s technology and access to a world FFBs never had before. In the schools look at who is talking about secular movies, etc. It’s not the kids of BTs.

Thanks for speaking up
Guest
Thanks for speaking up

People who are ffb just don’t get it. Being told by your parents that you wasted your life and have them put stumbling blocks in front of your kids in their quest to be Frum. Not knowing what to do when your cousin dies and the funeral is in a reform temple. Your father dies and you can’t sit shiva. Your cousin has his bar mitzvah and your family won’t talk to you if they don’t come. A new Bt checking out a shidduch (no extensive family there to help) All the unwritten rules of how we do Purim. You… Read more »

Not pretty
Guest
Not pretty

Ever since cell phones and internet, people have become colder. This is everywhere. People who want to change things–I dare our community to have a Give Up the Cellphone week. If we can’t do it, then clearly, we are addicted. And the consequences are not pretty.

Chabad doesn't make BT's!
Guest
Chabad doesn't make BT's!

Chabad provides awareness, knowledge and support. BT’s make themselves BT’s.

#75 YES !!
Guest
#75 YES !!

Someone please start a Jr. N’shei for BTs. But don’t call it that. We should have another name for it, not BT. Please put an article on collive with a link – thank you.

To #75?
Guest
To #75?

Why wouldn’t you go to your cousin’s funeral even if it’s a reform temple? Or sit shiva? Or go to a family simcha? So you became frum, that’s wonderful. But that doesn’t mean you cut off your family or not accept their traditions. My parents made this huge mistake in their quest to be frum and it’s something that is unforgivable. I was cut off gradually from my secular family as a child. This is something that pains me till this day. My husband’s family grew up frum but chose chabad and eventually gradually cut off their family from other… Read more »

to #45, be real with us
Guest
to #45, be real with us

I don’t know if anyone will read this, as this article is old, but if one shlucha and/or FFB, does then I did my job. To the lady #45, asking for BTs to stop complaining and reach out to FFBs..well I tell you we would more often if you would be more open and honest with us. Just as we share our concerns with you, isn’t it time to step down from your pedestal and be honest and open with us as well?. its give and take, but with many shluchim and FFBs they feel like they have to always… Read more »

In Crown Heights 18 years and still a newbie
Guest
In Crown Heights 18 years and still a newbie

Thank you so much for this nice little article. You can’t imagine how hard it really is, my friends!! Thank yu so much for this acknowledgement of our presence , the unbelievably difficult journey we’ve committed too, and the too many responses to read. I really appreciate it!!!

#80 so true
Guest
#80 so true

I’ve been frum for over 20 years, but my role has not changed. Like is a genuine friendship between shluchim and BTs forbidden. We’ve bared our should yet no very little about their lives, besides the small constrained pr version we are privy to. Often I ask for playdates or just to hang out, but I get invited to a shir instead. I alway feel like on a different class system.

To #3
Guest
To #3

A smart bt will stay in ch for the sake of his children A smart bt will do this so their kids can expirience everything they didnt get A smart bt will not let other get them down but will continue to fight amd establish for themselves and thier kids a name in the community bu getting involved and being active A smart bt wants his kid to get the real deal to live in the shchuna because the children these days of bt parents who libe in ch and thier parents dont make a point to mention how putcasted… Read more »

all beginnings are difficult
Guest
all beginnings are difficult

that all beginnings are difficult is true in every facet of life. much of what the author writes is true, but why personalize it? ask any shluchim who move to, what is for them, untrodden territory how easy it is to adjust, both for themselves and for their families. you’ll quickly realize what most people starting a new lifestyle experience…

Bottom line...
Guest
Bottom line...

BTs are modern-day heroes.

albany wisdom
Guest
albany wisdom

money is the big equalizer, the more money, the more equal.

#54
Guest
#54

Yours is the best response here!
And I have to smile at #69-Boruch Hashem we are very blessed!

From a FFB
Guest
From a FFB

I’m a FFB from a prominent Chabad family and married the child of BT’s who became frum later in life. My kids know that their’s a lot for them to look up to from my parents and at the same time we teach them that the sacrifice my in-laws made to become frum is incomparable. They may not have the best ivreh or know the gezhe lingo but they embody modern day mesiras nefesh that cannot be found in FFB’s.

Thank you for joining the Chabad family and for everything you contribute to the klal.

whats app group for BT shluchos?
Guest
whats app group for BT shluchos?

“We created a BT whatsapp group for shluchos. It’s the greatest thing ever!!!”
please post info on how to join this whats app group.
thx

Thank you 88
Guest
Thank you 88

Thank you also to the other commentators who acknowledged the BT feelings and the kind words,, although these comments were few and far between they were appreciated more than you will ever know

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