ב"ה
Tuesday, 30 Shevat, 5780
  |  February 25, 2020

A Friday of a Shadchanis

From the COLlive inbox: A matchmaker writes about a phone call she got on a Friday afternoon, shortly before Shabbos. Full Story

A Deer at Lubavitch Yeshiva

Next Story »

Donor Pays $300,000 for a Song

95
Opinions and Comments

To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
avatar
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
My opinion
Guest
My opinion

Shadchanis is not for you… Find a different chesed and get a therapist.

Yep
Guest
Yep

Two Baal gavos. Nothing new

quit
Guest
quit

If you do not want to be a shadchan then don’t!
If you are too busy you do not have to answer your phone…that’s what voicemail is for…

Thank you Chana
Guest
Thank you Chana

But we all consider you our lifeline. Yes, it’s rude to call on erev shabbos, and you should very abruptly say, I’m sorry, this is a bad time. Or have caller ID and not answer the blocked calls or those you don’t want to. But on the other hand, remember that people are so desperate that they look at you like a miracle worker. And to all the people who were set up once by someone, have the mentchlichkiet to send the shadchan a couple of hundred dollars (For their time), if you can afford, or something a little less… Read more »

Poor shadchan
Guest
Poor shadchan

We are all crying for you……

A concerned parent
Guest
A concerned parent

I would love to help out in this field I feel the amount of shadchanim out there does not equal to the great demand we have to match up our children who are looking for their bashert. No I wouldn’t ask for a RETAINER FEE. No I wouldn’t tell u my GOING PRICE OF $1800 before we even start negotiating. No I WONT TALK ABOUT U BEHIND YOUR BACK IF U ONLY GAVE WHAT U COULD AFFORD We need to gather profiles of boys and girls and brainstorm and make it a pleasurable experience not one where the parents feel… Read more »

Very depressing
Guest
Very depressing

Very sad for the shadchun who wrote this and the dozens of mothers who call and leave message and call again – and again – and never get a call back.

As the Line goes..
Guest
As the Line goes..

As the line goes.. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen…. no pun intended as it relates to your article…

you need to learn proffesionalism
Guest
you need to learn proffesionalism

or maybe this business is not for you

Morher
Guest
Morher

Bottom line is we need more shadchanim and nobody wants the job because it’s very stressful and you have to work overtime. People should at least show their appreciation, and not only if the shidduch goes through because shadchanim can set up 30 people before something goes through. We don’t want them getting discouraged. I pay my shadchan each time they set up any of my children and they usually are very helpful to me.

you are amazing at what you do
Guest
you are amazing at what you do

please continue your amazing work….the zchus that you have in helping set up a bays neeman biyisroel is enormous. Its not a fun job. special people, like yourself do it….KEEP DOING YOUR WORK!!

Retire
Guest
Retire

And just how do you think you are helping this crisis with this article?!?

Give it up!
Guest
Give it up!

You should retire, and preferably before I become of age because ill be darned if a bitter, self-righteous person like you makes shidduch

is this made up?
Guest
is this made up?

It seems from some of the people commenting that it probably is true! I guess they must be desperate!!! You need to be clear about boundaries whilst being sensitive to the fact that they’re going through a hard time and not acting in the most thoughtful way.

rony greenberg
Guest
rony greenberg

I thing shadchanim have to be paid for their time and not for a successful shiduch. They should either charge per hour like every professional charging for their services, or they should charge per calls they make on behalf of a family. Than, their customers will be more careful with respecting the time the shadchan puts into the shiduch, and the shadchanim will be more enthusiastic to make shiduchim knowing that they are rewarded appropriately.

to schadchin's who are complaining
Guest
to schadchin's who are complaining

sorry no pity this is your job that you choose to do. how about all the times people are considerate and try to call you when its convenient for you? and you push them off because you are too busy. you say “dont be afraid to nudge me”. (this is from every schadchin I have ever dealt with). I have given money and I ALWAYS give a gift to a schadchin who actually gets a date for my child. and the minute I stop calling I am out of her/his head. A mother can’t sell her kid even if its… Read more »

you are not obligated to answer
Guest
you are not obligated to answer

the phone every time it rings. you may want to have 2 lines- 1 your business line which you dont have to answer 24/6…you are the one that sets your limits/boundaries and until you do- ppl WILL trespass them.

If you were that good
Guest
If you were that good

If you were that good, you would figure out how to duck these nudniks. Not fair to your family, but it’s YOUR fault for answering the phone.

A wild idea
Guest
A wild idea

Dear shadchonim How about trying something different. The old ways are not working for too many kids Idea; Skype dating. Set up a first date for 15 min maximum on line people usually know in two minutes if they want to date the Bachur or girl. If so. You will arrange it. If not. At least the poor guy is not out $200 and the whole first date thing that doesn’t work out. Is avoided. Move on next day to another Skype. That’s the practical. Tznius way to decide if you want to …..date each other. I didn’t say marry.… Read more »

teacher
Guest
teacher

teachers get called after hours and are under appreciated just the same! What keeps them going is their belief in a higher perpose. Thats what you need to think about!

Shadchanim should be sensitive!!
Guest
Shadchanim should be sensitive!!

Just because you set up someone more than once doesnt mean you should now forget about them and let them know it!
If your such a shadchan u know who you are and you should be more sensitive and care!

#12
Guest
#12

I hope most people are more intelligent and will learn from this article that instead of complaining about shadchanim and “being ignored” etc.. they’ll realize that although they’re desperate, they are not the only desperate people and they are not the only ones calling the shadchan and shadchanim are people to and should have a life. Just because they are trying to help, doesn’t mean they have to give up their whole life and neglect their children because you need a shidduch! Be appreciative about what they are doing. Say thank you! Give a tip, even if the shidduch does… Read more »

impossible to grasp!
Guest
impossible to grasp!

NO ONE BUT NO ONE can understand the life of a ShadchanIS unless you are one yourself! Don’t even try!
This article is but a glimpse….!

give me a break!
Guest
give me a break!

MARRIED PEOPLE MAKE SHIDDUCHIM FOR YOUR FRIENDS! and then we won;t have to beg shadchanim to have mercy on us! EVERYONE BE A SHADCHAN! AND HASHEM WILL BLESS YOU!

shadchan
Guest
shadchan

I am a shadchan and I know the feeling waking up to the phone ringing early in the morning and the erev shabbos and erev Yom tov calls. Everyone starts off with “I hope it’s ok, it will just take a minute”. The minute usually takes 15-20 minutes, and the one person usually ends up being more like25-30 calls on an average Friday. So If the shadchan cannot speak, please be understanding. We know you are desperate. I am a mother and I know the feeling. It’s not pleasant, but why be angry at the shadchan? I devote my whole… Read more »

Yiddishe Mame
Guest
Yiddishe Mame

To all those people making fun of shachanim – Try it for a day. You’ll change your tune. You’ll probable kiss the ground they walk on after. It’s not a money making job, that’s for sure. I made a shidduch once. It totally stressed me out. The people made me crazy. I can only imagine doing it all day and dealing with all the desperate people making me meshuga. Kudos for anyone who even attempts it!!!! You’re going straight to Gan Eden for sure! Thank you and keep up the great work! We need more people like you!

Thank you!
Guest
Thank you!

Thank you to all the shadchanim who put in hours and hours of work to help us all. Don’t listen to those miserable people complaining. Don’t get discouraged. Please keep going. We need you!!! Thank you!

problem
Guest
problem

I do not want to bash or sound rude, and since you dont know who i am (i dont believe to have dealt with you before) i can go ahead a speak my mind. Clearly, your children are not yet at this stage, or your were lucky not to get to the a stage that is called “desperate” situation. We’ve been dealing with several shadchanim and i can tell you that once they remember the number on the caller ID i can be sure they will not be picking up the phones for the next two weeks and once you… Read more »

salesman
Guest
salesman

Has anyone paid the mortgage broker even when they failed at getting them a loan?

קשה לזווגן כקריאת ים סוף
Guest
קשה לזווגן כקריאת ים סוף

Let’s thank all the shadchanim the work לשם שמים

everyone has a shlichus in this world
Guest
everyone has a shlichus in this world

and everyone must work hard
thats just how it goes

My dear lady
Guest
My dear lady

No job is easy, however you create your boundaries. Also I can say for a fact I have never called a shadchan erev Shabbos, motzai Shabbos, etc. However, I am in touch with many shadchonim, who are doing zilch for me even though I have forked over money and presents. Yes we have a shidduch crisis. Whats a mother to do. Have a gorgeous, smart, educated , frum, kind daughter with outstanding midos. She just turned 23. She has great personality and a beautiful size two figure. No shadchan has come up even with one boy to date her. And,… Read more »

#28
Guest
#28

I am a shadchan and I am a mother of grown and some married children. The only reason I am a shadchan is because I am a mother and I understand what desperate means. Therefor, I want to help others. But don’t badmouth us. And I am sure I can speak for my fellow shadchanim as well. Yes, we are not always reachable, we have a family to care for. and Yes, we do not always call back. I usually tell people to keep trying me until they get through because I go from one call to the next and… Read more »

problems on both sides
Guest
problems on both sides

There are problems on both sides of the fence. the shadchanim are often rude or too busy to help or too stressed or impatient etc. etc. More often than not they never get back to parents either by e mail or phone. yes, there are parents who nudge too much and call too often. Usually out of desperation. But both sides need to have consideration for each other. Being a shadchan is not easy. And no, it does not always bring in a lot of money. But it is a huge mitzva . Maybe parents nudge a lot these days… Read more »

#34
Guest
#34

Anyone doing this job has compassion or they wouldn’t be doing it.

Thankful mother
Guest
Thankful mother

Just know that although I sometimes get very stressed from shidduchim, I am always grateful to any of the shadchanim that work for me. There are grateful people out there and we do appreciate your terrific work! Keep it up!

To # 33 From # 28
Guest
To # 33 From # 28

I definitely do appreciate all the work that shadchanim do. I wouldnt be reaching out to them otherwise. Being frustrated and sharing what i am feel does not mean that i lack appreciation. I have giving money, gifts ect.. many many many times as a token of appreciation.. I know that it is overwhelming at times and you all have family B”H to deal with. and therefore impossible to deal with it all in one days work. Maybe dont overbook your appointments, if you say you will call back someone then just please, email, call or text.. just to say… Read more »

Way 2 go
Guest
Way 2 go

Whoever wrote this article is brilliant

huh?
Guest
huh?

I don’t understand why ppl are bashing the shadchan
clearly the mother has issues that she calls the shadchan so many times especially at 6:40 am! and that she keeps calling about a specific family when its clear that they don’t want her daughter no matter how good of a girl she is! sometimes its not that there’s something wrong with the girl/boy, sometimes the personalities don’t match up…..nothing to take personally. I think the mother has to realize that

Money?
Guest
Money?

I am new in this parsha starting looking for a shidduch for my daughter.
Should I mention that we have money for Dow n payment?
Is this something to tell the shadchan.?
How much money shoul I give to the shadchan? Monthly? How much for set up? I thought to give her 5 k for the shidduch.
But I. Can give her before if she works
What should I tell the shadchanit to get her attention and really work

Enjoy helping people
Guest
Enjoy helping people

I have tried for many years helping people with shidduchim. I have never made one yet..but I keep on trying and never made any money. Hashem Will reward me. ( my family makes fun of me but we ALL know someone and we have to help each other even if it entails multiple calls, emails, crazy hours etc..

to the shadchan
Guest
to the shadchan

U r undeserving of being a shaliach to be doing such an important mitzvah

hey folks
Guest
hey folks

haven’t you heard of email.. it’s a great way to reach your shadchan .. at least to remind your shadchan. The shadchan then reads the email at their convenience with no interruption of private time. Nobody understands the amount of time that goes into making a date, let alone a shidduch, As for monetary compensation – beleive me most shadchanim are not earning a living from this. I say most cause there may be one or two that seem to claim they made every shidduch or “mentioned” a name and demand pay – sadly most hand over the money (to… Read more »

agree with 24
Guest
agree with 24

I agree with the one who said find shiduchim for your friends if you just got married I’m sure you and your spouse have friends not married maybe try to help out a little don’t forget your friends just because you have a new roommate
I believe most shiduchum are made by friends and family not people with titles

#westcoastmother
Guest
#westcoastmother

To number 32. My exact sentiments! Please contact me at [email protected]. I would love to communicate.

What's up?
Guest
What's up?

Why such animosity towards shadchanim? Every1 needs to chill. 1st of all, they’re not obligated to you. And 2nd all parents must stop the crazy due diligence. I have been called many times for references and the most ( and maybe the only ) important question is never asked . Is he a nice kind bochur. It should be the main focus on any parent. The other stuff is ok, can he learn, is he nice looking, does he have money , is he gesha, but the Most important thing, is he a nice kind bochur. . And the same… Read more »

a new approach
Guest
a new approach

Firstly I think a few people who commented might have missed one of the authors main points. It seems like what upset her was the lack of basic mentchkechkeit of the caller. She’s a shadchan, she’s taking her time, energy and skills to help people and should be approached that way. With respect, consideration etc. Secondly, how practical is the way shadchanim work? They’re taking on a huge and time consuming task and being paid very little. What about the community hiring and paying a few shadchanim to work full time on the job of making shudduchim? Instead of parents… Read more »

שדכנות
Guest
שדכנות

note the vov.
did i mentioned its shadchanUs

Bottom line is -
Guest
Bottom line is -

Think before you call someone who is not in your time zone – and even before you call someone who is. Think – is it a good time to call or not? Don’t call at – – breakfast or right when everyone is rushing out the door – right before Shabbat or chag – at dinnertime – before 7:30pm if the person you’re calling has little kids – more than twice in a row, unless you’re the person’s spouse, dependent child, or it is a TRUE emergency. If you called and left a message, we’ll notice and call you back.… Read more »

Oldtimer
Guest
Oldtimer

Perhaps parents today should be told that not long ago there was no crisis because shiduchim were made by people who cared about and knew others – family, friends, teachers, Rabbeim. The main concern was finding the person who was right for the other, not how they fit a particular set of criteria which might be irrelevant for the individuals. The situation today is absurd with resumes like a person is applying for a job. Today if a person and/or family is not ideal in all ways there is immediately a problem.

Advance Payment
Guest
Advance Payment

Someone asked Rabbi Groner, “what did the Rebbe say about getting your children married”. i. to give extra tzedakah and say extra tehillim ii. to give an advance deposit to an energetic shadchan and to let them know that there is more money coming if they are successful.

In a letter that the Rebbe wrote to someone: (free translation) the prospective kallah should say verbally out loud: that she agrees to establish a home based on Torah and Mitzvos, Shabbos, Kashrus and Taharas haMishpocha

and to give Money to Hachnosas Kallah!!

omg.
Guest
omg.

I dont want to be harsh but this is just plain sad. You run a business! Yes it may be chesed oriented but it is still a business. Get a cell phone and use it only for Shiddiuchim. If ppl call on your house phone tell them to hang up and call the cell. Man up find a solution to your “problem”.

To #47 - HIRING PAID SHADDCHANIM WORKERS FOR COMMUNITY
Guest
To #47 - HIRING PAID SHADDCHANIM WORKERS FOR COMMUNITY

Let’s hire paid shaddchainim to work and get some baal habatim to make them a reasonable salary. That’s a responsible community thing to do!

My Opinion
Guest
My Opinion

I had a shadchan who only brought up names when i ran into her. She never once called with a suggestion.

If shadchans get paid by the hour, they should not expect payement if they make a match.

Working for the Kehila
Guest
Working for the Kehila

Working on behalf of the Kehila, in what ever capacity, if often a thankless job, irrespective of monetary benefits. I know from personal experience. Sometimes words of appreciation are few and far between but they go a long way in encouraging the person to forge on.

shes right
Guest
shes right

its wrong the way ppl treat the shadchanim, not even thank you?

Sorry, but this system is ridiculous
Guest
Sorry, but this system is ridiculous

We need to “sell” our children as a “product”? We need to call up people we don’t even know and beg and plead with them to set up our children on a date? And we all go along with this system — why? Because we believe that this is the only true and good and kosher and proper way for young people to meet and get married? Sorry, but this approach is degrading and demeaning on so many levels.

Hours?
Guest
Hours?

How about making hours when you’re available for calls and you’re not making kishke? If people call out of hours and the get a call back during regular business hours? It’s not their fault for calling, they are looking for a service and if you’re not able/willing to provide it then don’t do it.

Part of the issue is that the Shadchonos is not a fee based service rather a result based service so you got an issue right there.

lawyer
Guest
lawyer

To all those shadchanim feeling unappreciated: How about thinking of this as a lawyer? Does he get paid if he doesn’t win your case? NO! You get paid for the job. I am not suggesting that shadchanim don’t get a ‘thank you tip’ but don’t think you need to get paid for the few moments you gave of your time on the phone, being rude and not helpful. People are happy to pay people who show they are there to help their child. But to make yourself sound too busy to speak and make people feel like garbage calling, is… Read more »

Most shadchanim
Guest
Most shadchanim

They don’t do jack. Unfortunately only if your geshe you’ve got a shot

תתרגמו לעברית ותפרסמו באתרים סי או אל ושטורעם
Guest
תתרגמו לעברית ותפרסמו באתרים סי או אל ושטורעם

כתבה מצוינת

Finding a solution
Guest
Finding a solution

If there would be one central location where all info would be sent . I would be willing to work full time on this. In Crown Heights. Please reply through comments.

Don't get it
Guest
Don't get it

I don’t get it. What is so hard to understand? Anyone with a job knows that they only service the amount of people they can service in a days work. The lawyer will not take on more cases than he can handle, nor would the manicurist give more appointments than what she can do. It doesn’t matter if you are getting married. If she is booked, she will tell you she has no time and make an appointment for another day or go somewhere else. Why don’t people understand that the shadchanim don’t have time for everyone, and there will… Read more »

Brilliant idea Nu 47 will help Shidduch Crisis
Guest
Brilliant idea Nu 47 will help Shidduch Crisis

Nu 47 Brilliant idea it is done in many frum communities.
We need to approach, well to do in Lubavitch.
Fund raise money to pay few Shaddchanim decent weekly salary to devote all HOURS TO SHIDDUCHIM..

mother
Guest
mother

It’s a catch 22. Everyone commenting that the author should not answer her phone, but when shadchanim don’t, everyone complains.

#32
Guest
#32

From your description of yourself and your daughter
I am quite sure that you are not accepting offers since
you expect better than whats offered. Maybe you get off
your high horse and let your daughter see for herself
rather then wait for your dream to come .

alternative method
Guest
alternative method

i actually did pay a few shadchanim voluntarily a “consulting fee” – without them asking, as I myself am a professional and it seemed reasonable, and i paid decent hourly amount. curiously, my mashpia (an old school rosh yeshiva), told me not to do that anymore. Having said that, I think we just have to accept as hashgacha protis who we get to date, who we learn about, and who we marry. I am over 40 now, never married, semi-afluent professional bt, living in CH for over 8 years now – and somehow I am at peace with being single… Read more »

References
Guest
References

I am going to use this opportunity to make us aware of a simple fact. 90% of all references called, did not answer phones, And of course didn’t return messages left on the answering machines. When 4 out of 5 (supposedly good friends) just don’t pick up, you forget about the name. Sometimes you get interested in a name, and you start making random calls from the resume, if the reference answers, you will probably continue calling the others. If noone answers once, maybe you will try that reference one more time. And then Name after name after name.. Very… Read more »

Poor you
Guest
Poor you

my heart is really bleeding for you! you guys always have someone sent to answer the phone saying that you’re not available; most of younever get back to people, many abuse the situation that people are quite desperate and dependant on you to become arrogant

To # 67
Guest
To # 67

You sound interesting
Where can we get more information about you?

to #32
Guest
to #32

Wow! we really do have a crisis!

to 70, this is 67
Guest
to 70, this is 67

You can ask Aron dalfin, he is in my weekday shacharis minyan

מ'קומט זיי אלעס
Guest
מ'קומט זיי אלעס

Nothing at all to do with shadchanim…
It’s an I generation.Iphone,ipad …
There is no consideration out there for another person:(
Calling someone erev shabbos should be for an emergency, some consideration,please…
Google overseas hours before calling. ’tis very annoying being awoken at 2 in the morning and then politely being asked “am i calling too late?”
Why the bashing of people who are truly idealists?
Again the ego…thats what counts:(
Then you wonder ” what is the cause of the shidduch crisis”?
Parents:educate yourselves …..

Egotistical Article
Guest
Egotistical Article

I’m sorry this woman does not know how to master the fine art of how to politely tell someone she can’t talk right now, but I’m not sure why this was published, unless as a personal service for her to have an opportunity to let us all know how full her schedule book is, how the whole world depends on her and her alone for a shiduch, what a burden her never ending good deeds are to her, and just how ungracious she can be. H-shem has many ways to send his bounty, when we decide to be his agent… Read more »

Shadchanim and Lashon Harah
Guest
Shadchanim and Lashon Harah

Shadchanim, although some believe themselves to be the best and only baalei chesed, can also cause the most serious damage. Some shadchanim need a serious lesson in not quoting people incorrectly, not saying things which are untrue, not passing on false messages to stop or start a shiduch in which they have their own vested interest. It is impossible to emphasize enough the responsibility a shadchan has of BEING CAREFUL WITH WORDS.

hatzlacha rabba to all
Guest
hatzlacha rabba to all

everyone needs to help the crisis you mention.
while living in CH years ago, we helped our friends, now we all have to help each other for our own kids.
don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and mention to your friends and relatives about your son or daughter. may we have only good news to share!!!

to 53
Guest
to 53

if you think its such a good idea get up and find some of these baal habatim you speak of and arrange who do you trhink is gonna do the work??????

We're sorry you're cold but..
Guest
We're sorry you're cold but..

”Standing on my frosty porch (did I mention, without a coat).”
But can’t resist answering her phone. Then uses that as part of a whining session about inconsiderate people who call at the wrong time. Is that an adult writing?

married friends
Guest
married friends

help your single friends!!!

Mother
Guest
Mother

It’s so easy to put the blame on someone else. Your child is not married so why not? Blame the shadchan! It’s your child and your responsibility to marry her/him off. The shadchan is only doing a service and giving of her/his time to try and help you. But it is so easy to blame the shadchan!

Yaakov
Guest
Yaakov

When I read many of the above comments , I find it
hard to believe they are from frum people , let alone
Lubavitchers. They are so biting and critical. If this is
the way you talk in front of your children….

Fellow Shadchan
Guest
Fellow Shadchan

B”H
I feel you! To all those who think she’s not cut out for the job, please be on call 24/7/365 and get paid for almost none of it.

parenting
Guest
parenting

How about this to help your erev shabbos stress:
Why don’t you teach your ’18 year old’ son how to help around the house? It’s really not that difficult to turn down the stove and prevent a fire starting.

what your number
Guest
what your number

what your number, Shabbos is going be be thish week in NY about 4:?? when should I call like 4:00 ?

Agree with #13
Guest
Agree with #13

From a CH Shadchan

sure doesn't make me want to continue
Guest
sure doesn't make me want to continue

I’ve been a volunteer shadchan for maybe seven years. I have never charged an interview or registration fee, but sincerely try to provide a service. If what I read here is the prevailing attitude, why should i want to continue? I’m burnt out enough as it is from the constant ringing of the phone when I’m trying to cook dinner or we’re trying to eat. I’m just about ready to tell my callers that I don’t make shidduchim any longer. You don’t like how the shadchanim handle things? Then go do it yourself!

to #32 and anyone interested in a segulah
Guest
to #32 and anyone interested in a segulah

my sister did Perek Shira for 40 days and got two of her daughters married shortly after each time, try it… hatzlocho to everyone!!!!

To number 86 from a fellow shadchan
Guest
To number 86 from a fellow shadchan

Yes it is very hard but please realize that the comments are from a minute percentage of the lubavitch population
Please don’t get discouraged..
(.although we are doing one of
the most discouraging job out there )
We have to be nice to everyone
EVERY SINGLE deserves an equal chance.

a solution requires funding
Guest
a solution requires funding

We tried to make a solution in Montreal with a powerful very costly website to organize and anlyze the information and profiles and with a staff of VOLUNTEER matchmakers so we can be assured that everyone met a quality matchmaker face to face and references could be checked. We were affiliated with dozens of other dating websites. We were amazed by the response of profiles we received. The first problem we encountered was many singles were really not ready to get married (this site was also available to secular Jews) So we decided that coaching of singles was necessary (for… Read more »

to both mothers and shadchans
Guest
to both mothers and shadchans

do you really think you can spoil a potential match if you stick to sociable hours. If its waited since 40 days before birth, it can wait a few more hours so you both get a good nights sleep and no food is burnt.

part-time shadchan
Guest
part-time shadchan

Some people don’t understand that phone calls can be a big imposition. Email overcomes that. Personally, I always explain my boundaries and hope that people will respect them. Most do. When I put in hours of time to help facilitate a shidduch, I believe that I should be paid fairly. Most do. Tthe biggest reward is at the end when you see the joy of a successful shidduch.There are impolite people in all walks of life; we have the option to help the ones who make the most positive impression. I, for one, would love to be paid by the… Read more »

Keep going
Guest
Keep going

Clearly you are one of those that actually picks up the phone.

The point of your article is for people to be considerate when calling shadchanim.

That’s it You do what you can, it’s a hard job. Keep it up.

Age-Gap one problem & one solution
Guest
Age-Gap one problem & one solution

Lubavith & Litvish (at least one thing in common) have the same problem. 10% of the girls never get married. The reason is because boys start shidduchim @ 23 & girls at 19. Frum yidden have boruch hashem kain yirbu a population increase. Lets take an easy # of 5%. 1000 born this year,1050 next year ,1100, 1150, 1200, & on. Therefore 1000 23 year old boys have 1200 girls to choose from.(200 r”l would have to stay single.) The US census reports 5% more males are born in the us yearly. Therefore 1000 boys have only 1150 girls. Another… Read more »

YOUR children are YOUR responsibility!
Guest
YOUR children are YOUR responsibility!

As a former shadchan, where MOST of my efforts for OTHERS and THEIR children went by unnoticed and unappreciated, I realized at this stage of my life, having dependant children still living at home, that my only priority is THEIR well being and happiness! Which meant me being there for them one hundred percent of the time-knowing they had my FULL attencion at all times which I couldnt easily do while being on the phone discussing the needs of OTHER peoples children! i gave it up years ago and have never been happier! Most of thee callers weere strangers to… Read more »

Number 89 is the MOST sensible comment here!
Guest
Number 89 is the MOST sensible comment here!

As a former shadchan, I certainty would have stayed with this if number 89 project came to pass! Normal working hours! Paid! Boundaries! And MY children always being first! Well said!

X