By COLlive reporter
The announcement of veteran wedding photographer Mendel Meyers offering to professionally photograph single Chabad women in Crown Heights for use on shidduch resumes has sparked a heated discussion in the comments on COLlive.com.
Ahead of the photo-shoot, COLlive.com followed up with Meyers with a few questions.
Why did you start this project?
I went through the shidduch process with 3 of my children Baruch Hashem, and have dealt with numerous shadchanim. I’ve heard time and time again about their disappointment and frustration when a girl is rejected after giving in a bad picture. I thought to myself, how many more girls will be given a chance to go out if only they submitted a better picture? I decided to help make this happen.
Do you personally feel that the boy should see a picture of the girl before they go out?
My opinion on that is irrelevant. I’m not the one to lecture to people what to do. Each person can discuss that with their Rov or Mashpia. However, I do feel that if a person is going to give in a picture anyway, it may as well be a good one.
Is it misrepresenting the girl by showing their best side on a professional image?
I leave that decision up to each individual. I personally think that if Hashem gave us the talent to present someone in a positive light, then we should do it if it helps people. If someone would apply for a job they would represent themselves in the best possible way.
What is the feedback that you are getting?
I am overwhelmed by the warm and positive feedback. Only today I received calls from Monsey, Lakewood, Teaneck, and Greatneck, asking me to do it there as well. I replied that I plan on doing that in the near future as soon as I can work out the logistics in terms of a setup location, etc. I can’t, however, deny the fact that I have seen some negative comments online. My father OBM taught me that whenever you do something good, expect some negative feedback.
Can you give us an example of a positive response you got?
This is just one email among many personal messages I received just today: “Regardless of whether or not you decide to extend your offer to the boys, I just wanted to express my deep respect for your humanity and your response in this incredibly generous offer and in offering solutions to the stalemated shidduch landscape; which is exacerbated by our present matzav. In this zechus may we see all our young people find their bashert and Hashem repay you and all your generations with abundance in health, parnassa and nachas always.”
Comments have been asking why the boys don’t need pictures?
Yes. So many have asked that question. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe it’s more important for girls. I do, however, plan on announcing a separate date, time and location for bochurim.
Should the girls be worried about their privacy?
We will NOT show any of these images to anyone. Each girl will be able to download their own images with a password where no one else will be able to see the images or have access to them. Separate timeslots are scheduled, as well, to prevent people from showing up at once and help with social distancing.
Why are you not charging?
I want to help people make this important step and feel that they will come faster if it’s not a business trying to make a couple of dollars. At the same time, I feel that it is important for people to pay in order to respect the product and support these amazing organizations that help people without asking questions!
Have a lot of people signed up so far?
I actually had pretty high expectations, but surprisingly, the number of 50 girls that signed up way surpassed my expectations. I, therefore, decided to start earlier to accommodate more girls.
When are you doing it and how can people sign up?
I have a few more spots available if anyone would still like to sign up. It will be this Sunday in Crown Heights starting at 2:00 PM. Sign up at http://www.mendelmeyers.com/contact.html
what about the guys?
I agree. He isn’t telling people if they should or should not send photos. But if you are sending a picture, it should be a high quality one.
No one is forced, whoever wants it can do it.
I’m not sure this will work for boys. Like it or not, boys will be looked down on for posing for shidduch photos. There are too many expectations on Bochurim already.
Expectation? Please. It’s a guys world put there and they know it well and good! I cannot remember Dating a boy where My needs or opinions were met if the guy didn’t agree. My schedule had to revolve around them. The girls need this way more. Bochurim can also use this, but it’s not as detrimental for them and besides, they don’t hav to pose. Stand straight, look at the photographer at the angle he wants you too, and your good to go.
I’m a Bochur who is dating and I have a sister is also dating. Every part of my day from 7am until at least 10pm, sometimes later is planned out for me. In fact I needed to get permission from Hanholo just to date. My sister spends 3 hours a day teaching and has the rest of the day to do as she wants, and she tells me that most of her friends have a similar schedules. So if you’re wondering why things revolve around the Bochur’s schedule, I think that explains it. Also, just going to an event like… Read more »
Bro, I’m a bochur who is dating as well, (from 770, up until this whole situation…) And for you to say that ” your whole day is planned out for you and you have no free time” is absolute garbage. Stop trying to justify things being leaned more to the bochur than to the girl when it comes to scheduling, and make it seem like it’s cuz you’re learning so hard. It’s more because the bochur has to travel, the bochur has to rent a car, the bochur usually has to plan the date. I agree that the bochurs schedule… Read more »
My Shadchan kept asking me for more pictures. She was worried I would be offended but I Realized and appreciated that she was really looking out for me and wanted what was best for me and thought I can get a better picture. I sent in about 5or 6 pictures until she was finally satisfied. I guess she knows how important a good picture is.
Are the pictures taken in his studio or outside?
I’m a married woman who rejected plenty of resumes based on poor pictures, but ok.
We must ALWAYS put our best foot forward and try to make first best impressions – both in person and in things that represent us. Humans are visual. We like food that looks good. We but products that appeal to us in their appearance. No one will buy a dining room set or a couch that isn’t visually appealing even though it is of fantastic quality.
I suggest that Mendel Meyers expand his skills also into shidduchim. He will meet lots of girls. He will meet lots of boys. Maybe he can connect a few of them!
Very kind gesture!
So good of him to offer this!
It takes a very kind and sensitive person to take such an initiative! We all need to be so thankful for such an incredible gesture. Kol hakovod!!
I am in favor of what your motive is, to help shidduchim happen in a less painful way.
Our shadchan also asked for better pictures of our son, and lo and behold different suggestions came in that were more appropriate.
Clothes, hat, beard, girth, smile all count towards making the right impression
Grab this opportunity! Mendel Meyers is the best photographer around! He did my wedding, and it couldn’t be better.
Many shadchanim will only agree to assist you in shidduchim if you provide them a picture so even though you may be extremely against it you still end up having to give it. In my humble opinion I don’t think pictures are beneficial to the shidduch process. People often say no just based on the picture or have a certain mindset when approaching a person because of it.
people say no to a lot of things based on pictures but having no picture will only increase those odds
Thank you so much for doing this!
So sad this became normal and accepted,even necessary. Another blow to sensitivities regarding tzneeus.
Too bad I have quarantine weight. Maybe in a few months
Am I the only one who doesn’t get why people old enough to date and marry are called girls and boys?
My daughter doesn’t consider men who refuse to show pictures of themselves. Many women care what men look like. If that makes us superficial, it seems we’re in good company.
Thank you Mendel Meyers
Pictures…ugh, what a stupid idea. People should drop them altogether. You cannot judge a person from a picture.
But I just want to say that every girl should photo shop her picture!! Better make yourself better than you are than you are and get married!!