Mushky is a nice girl that went to the best seminaries and is popular amongst her friends. She has a wonderful resume with great references and a “snapshot” of her taken by her brother’s Bar Mitzvah. She, seemingly, has everything going for her, so why does every shidduch that is “redt” to her end in a resounding No?
Right or wrong, important or not, it’s just the reality. We live in a world where a girl’s physical characteristics have a huge effect on her shidduchim. When a boy or his mother sees a picture of a prospective girl, it’s only natural that her appearance leaves an impression, whether positive or negative.
Unfortunately, many people use unprofessional photographs, which can significantly ruin a girl’s image. Every girl is a “Yefas Toar”, yet it’s necessary for a photograph to have the proper lighting and photographer to bring it out. Seeing an unappealing picture, affects the one viewing the picture, even if only subconsciously, and can cause him/her to have a “bad feeling” about the idea. Consequently, the boy’s side can say no without even giving the girl a chance by going out.
This is an issue that we are grappling within many communities. People are rejecting others just because of a photograph that they’ve seen, causing singles to date less. We are all human and this is only natural, however, it’s still a challenge that we have to deal with.
For this reason, it is imperative for every Shidduch-aged individual, especially girls, to have a proper professional photograph taken for shidduchim purposes. A professional photograph doesn’t only display a girl’s physical beauty, but it brings out her positive attributes, as well, whether her spunk or her chein. If girls have proper portraits, boys will say yes to them faster, and there will be more people going out. This will hopefully result in more engagements.
Proper professional photographs are necessary for every girl in “The parsha”, however, they can be costly or inconvenient to arrange. Therefore, Mendel Meyers came up with a simple solution that’ll help singles and simultaneously will aid organizations in our community.
On Sunday, May 10, 2020, sought-after wedding photographer Mendel Meyers will be taking professional portraits for single girls in Crown Heights. All single girls over the age of 19 are eligible to sign up.
The cost? A suggested donation of $18 to Hachnosas Kallah (either KSCVK or Ten Yad).
Advance registration is required. Sign up at mendelmeyers.com/contact.html or on WhatsApp 718.771.9240.
Thank you Mendel Meyers for being so generous and making a difference.
What about photos of men?
As a 24 year old male currently in the ‘parsha’, I’m triggered by this.
I want a head shot too!
Great idea and nice of you to do this as a charity. It’s a win win for everyone!
Which Mushky is it talking about? Can I have her resume, I think I have a shidduch for her.
“For this reason, it is imperative for every Shidduch-aged individual, especially girls, to have a proper professional photograph taken for shidduchim purposes.”
Why ESPECIALLY girls???? I do not understand
Because girls aren’t judged by if they daven with a minyan 3x/day, learn 15 hours a day, have a gemoro kop, have smicha, daven b’arichus, go on mivtzoyim, walk around with a hat and jacket, farbreng all night etc.
There are so many more expectations of boys, that a photo is not as important.
A professional photograph doesn’t only display a boy’s physical beauty, but it brings out his positive attributes, as well, whether his spunk or his chein.
If boys have proper portraits, girls will say yes to them faster, and there will be more people going out. This will hopefully result in more engagements.
Doesn’t sound right too?
There are ample female photogs today that would be better suited for this. Im sorry its come to the point that this isnt obvious. Kudos to COL for publishing this comment despite my hiding behind initials.
MYC
U Right
He’s volunteering his own time. You want him to pay a female photographer? Or are you wondering why be female photographers have offered to volunteer (hint: it’s a ton of work, and they can use the parnasa)
Now this shows a real mensch! and someone who has been there for the community.
I don’t think this is appropriate at all
And also why is this offer only for girls?
I remember when i went out when no resume or photo was used.you just met in person. In those days there were not so many people unmarried because they didnt write a good resume or were not beautifulin a photo. Looks are not all that matters. The old ways of meeting were much more tznius and made people meet before they rejected someone based on chitzonius
so, so right. Sheker hachain V’hevel hayofi…..
Yes!!! Superficial attitudes ruin your chances of getting married, and we moan about the shidduch crisis. How about we check our own behavior and see how we got here!!!
That’s really nice of you!
Wonderful gesture!!! Great idea!!!
Please reserve another date to do the same for bochurim, it’s equally as important !!!
Girls also take a “first impression” from guys photos.
Either way, thanks for the initiative. It is nice to see someone do something concrete to help singles.
What about the bochurim? You think they are judjed by their pictures? Please fix this
As a single woman I can tell you I’ve rejected quite a number of names because of a picture. I’m not sure why in 2020 we’re still pushing the female beauty narrative when men also need to be just as presentable. I’m not alone in this as I know many friends who feel the same. Great initiative but perhaps this should be extended to men as well?
If there were pictures passed around before dating when I was in the parsha, I most likely would have rejected my husband over his picture. When I see him now, I see his kindness and caring, much deeper than his physical looks. Don’t reject someone over their picture!
If you have rejected a number of names because of a picture, I don’t like your chances…
Are you meshuga all of you??? dont you realize why your getting so geklapped with this mageifa more then any other jewish community? its because of your corrupt hashkfos. you think the rebba would have approved of this? did you even bother to ask him thru the likutei sichos or toras menachem? you guys still dont get it, the mageifa CAME TO YOU MORE THEN ANY OTHER COMMUNITY RATIO WISE BECUASE HASHEM IS SENDING YOU A CLEAR MESSAGE TO THE PEOPLE IN CROWN HEIGHTS TODAY HES MUNNING LACK OF TZNIUS , am haaretzus that is very prevalent in the community… Read more »
How can you know that that is the reason? The Rebbe was very against using wording like this to try to explain things like this.
It is clear and simple- golus must end right away! Moshiach now!
As a single girl who is in ‘The Parsha’ I find this hurtful that so much emphasis is put on the photo. Is this not the antithesis of the values that we have been taught. Secondly,
Why is this only targeted at girl? Don’t boys also need a good portrait? I’m struggling to keep faith in the shidduch system.
Please advise.
I know it is very sad how the process is going something gotta change ASAP
As a single girl in ‘the Parsha’ I find this hurtful. Is this not the antithesis of the values that we have been taught. Why is it oy focused on girls? Don’t bochurim need good portraits as well. These type of mindsets further alienate as girls and make us feel sad and misunderstood. Please advise.
This article make me wonder how single girls will respond to this.
Is this not objectifying women?
To answer your question in simple terms, no. As a single bochur, I find it to be very helpful when there is a good picture as it is the only physical element of the person from which we can base that side of the equation so why wouldn’t one want to present themselves in the best light. The issue is why this is this only for girls not are we objectifying them.
Yeah so it doesn’t look nice that the girls pictures were taken at their brothers bar mitzvahs, but what about the men? My shidduch picture is me at my bar mitzvah!
What happened to שקר החן והבל היופי? I guess when there’s no אשה יראת ה׳, the Koch becomes in the חן and יופי
if you ask a girl to list the 10 things she is looking for in order of preference, good looks will usually not be at the top of the list, but if you ask a boy it will usually be no.1 before anything else. Through no fault of their own, just the way Hashem made them. Therefore in my opinion, a boy should not see a photo because he might reject a girl who is perfect for him but if he meets her first, he might be pleasantly surprised. But, i think it is very important for his parents to… Read more »
#1 for girls is confidence, confidence makes the guy look alot more attractive.
hi there,
this is a really hurtful and outdated narrative. women DO care about looks, and to state otherwise is untrue. if you are a man who wrote that comment, you have no place to be speaking for women. and if you are a woman who feels looks are not important, you have no place to be speaking on behalf and making generalizations for all women.
It’s usually the mother of the boy who rejects the girl based on looks!
With a talented photographer the picture can be better than the original.
Beautiful to see someone doing something for the community at no personal charge. Like the idea of donating to hachnasas kallah, thank you!
Will he fly abroad?
Thank you Mr Meyers for your sincerity. However, single pictures of both boys and girls are solely meant for Shadchanim and mothers to see if the shidduch “Ken gein”. Beyond that, how chetzonius and shallow are we?
do we need pictures in the first place? so that a bochur can be metamei his mind, and possibly turn down a shiddusch because of preconceived notions because of the way a pictureturned out (no matter how good it is)
I never held from picture as a parent but I can tell you that they do make a difference. I am surprised at the pictures that I get, usually cropped out of a photo with others that are totally not clear. I am a mother of boys and girls in the shiduch scene and it’s so important to take a professional picture for shiduchim! It’s worth the effort and the expense.
Unfortunately, we are in a generation where the people ask for the picture before the profile so whether it’s right or wrong, a good picture is always helpful! Thank you for doing something to try and help the Shidduch crisis and hopefully you can do a bochurim shoot as well.
its not chasidish to deny reality. even the gemara says “ein eesha elo leyofi”. There is a difference between men and women.
Yofi isn’t kind, smart or sweet. Yofi doesn’t cook or clean!
Yofi is often skin deep!
They are looking at the general style and how she carries herself.
This is really special! Thank you for this opportunity!
it may be sad that our generation came to this point that looks are so important, but since people do care and judge, we need good pictures. THANK YOU MENDEL MEYERS!!!!
I’m so thankful that bh am Married and have met the right one, but from my long haul in shidduchim, I can tell you how important this is. I wish something like this was around when I was in the parsha. Thank you Mendel Meyers. He did my wedding and I have gorgeous pictures. Couldn’t have been happier. These girls are so lucky
Thank you MM for this idea and the tremendous selflessness and chessed put in to this for the cause of your fellow Anash, truly. I also wonder why this article published is so obviously condescending to young women. To me it made young women sound as though they are at the mercy of men agreeing to a date with them. There are many, many, wonderful available men and women and they both say “no” to each other all the time. The truth of the matter I understand, the reality is real, no doubt, and I fully advocate for young women… Read more »
I dare any brochure or girl to go out without seeing a picture at all. Watch how many shidduchim will happen!
You just made my day! I feel like most people would just scoff at this idea, but it’s really profound!
Mendel Meyers took my wedding pictures,every picture he takes is totally kosher
This will have the opposite affect. More bochurim will reject girls because now they can see all her flaws in HD. A person’s personality usually changes how you look at them. Not giving a girl a chance simply because her picture wasn’t taken professionally is very shallow. The fact that there’s a double standard is even more disappointing. I’ve seen pictures of buchorim that are so blurry or taken from miles away, you can’t even tell if he’s wearing a yarmulke.
I have been a shadchan for over 20 years. When I first started, some people didn’t even ask for pictures and if they did, it was usually after they researched. It is only the last few years where people stated asking for pictures even before asking about the person’s midos. At first, I was so turned off, I felt like vomiting. How someone can be so into looks is one thing, but not to be embarrassed and to ask for a picture even before inquiring about the person was a whole new level. Unfortunately, this has become a norm. At… Read more »
A beautiful thoughtful gesture!
Kudos to you!
Why are ppl always blaming the crises on the women -just as much as looks matter to boys they matter just as much to girls .done and. Stop focusing on the chitzonius
B”H Sadly I agree, the old days were better. However the world has changed, not necessarily for the better. Today we have the Internet, social media, and garbage sites like Instagram. So everyone lives on their phones looking at pictures for hours and hours, while driving, crossing the street, in the bathroom, etc. so it seems most people won’t budge on a shidduch without a picture. It’s very sad, but it seems the only solution will be after Moshiach comes and untangles the mess we’ve created here. In the meantime shidduchim must continue in whatever way will work that’s reasonably… Read more »
Just do a shidduch without one on either side and everyone will be happier. It’s also not tznius for bochrim to be looking at pictures of girls. The rabbonim should come out against it!
Most בחורים are on the internet anyway.
It’s a TOTALLY different generation.
And when they go on the date the בחור sees the girl in real life השם ישמור.
And if the girl is dressed צניעות in the picture there is no problem.
Remember ט”ו באב the girls used to dance in the vineyard!!!!!
אסור לקדש אישה בלי לראותה מצד ואהבת לרעיך כמוך