Zaidy, Oh My Zaidy!

By Rabbi Yisroel Cotlar, Director of Chabad of Cary NC

Let me tell you about the last conversation I had with my Zaidy Herson.  It was just hours after the Shiva for his wife concluded and he suddenly gave us a call.  He knew we were planning a major Groundbreaking ceremony for our new building and was concerned for our health and energy.  He was sending over a very generous check to us for one specific reason – for us to hire some more help!  He wanted to make sure we would be able to delegate various components of the event to others and that we’d be able to focus our energies on our shlichus, family, and health…

Somehow, this too was on his mind at this time!

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Much will be written about Rabbi Moshe Herson in the coming days.

His remarkable life story – how a 15 year old orphaned boy from Brazil arrived in NY and was immediately showered with fatherly love from our Rebbe, guiding him throughout his extraordinary life…

His vision & leadership – leading the Rabbinical College of America into the beautiful (inside & out!) flagship school of Chabad, educating thousands of the Jewish leaders alive in the world today. The Yeshiva is also unique in that it also serves as the “capital” for the more than 70 New Jersey Chabad Houses he helped launch. Rabbi Herson “wore the hat” of both Yeshiva Dean and Head Shliach.

His Dedication to the Rebbe – One of the last living Chassidim to have been present at the Rebbe’s inaugural address in 1951, he lived every moment with a sense of duty and mission. He didn’t take days off, truly “Ba Bayamim”, filling every day with purpose for some seven decades.

And the tributes will come pouring in. On the dynasty he and his Rebbetzin created, the powerful convictions he radiated, the heartfelt stories and melodies he would share, and the many students he allowed to come to the Yeshiva free of charge when their parents couldn’t afford tuition…

Even in the first 23 years of my life, I was aware that he was a special Chossid. I remember noticing his warmth and authenticity during my summers as a staff member in YSP, always enjoying his impactful words or even just listening to the way he would lein a Haftorah.

But after I got married, “Rabbi Herson” suddenly became Zaidy.

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I was named after one of my grandfathers and lost my other “Zaidy” as a child. And so, getting this new Zaidy in my 20’s was the ultimate wedding gift! It was like having the “childlike” innocent experience of a new “Zaidy” combined with the maturity to properly soak in these memories and appreciate how extraordinarily fortunate I was to have this close relationship into my 40’s.

Perhaps I was spoiled because I married his oldest granddaughter.

Perhaps it was because he appreciated the challenges of our leaving NJ and serving as shluchim in a smaller town in NC.

Perhaps it was because our dear son Mendel left home at tender age of 9 to live with my in-laws and merited to spend almost every Shabbos meal with him for 5 years!

Or perhaps (and most likely) is that what I’m describing is what all of his “grandchildren-in-law” feel in this same way!

But here are some of the blessings I received from Zaidy these last 17 years:

Thank you Zaidy for showering our family with so much love and care. Even at age 90, you always wanted to know exactly what was going on in our life, helping in way you could with encouragement, generosity, and wisdom. I remember the time we were overwhelmed by certain aspects of our shlichus some 4 years ago and you sat us down and gave us a practical solution that literally impacts our life until today. During the difficult times, it was you who we turned to for chizzuk!

Thank you Zaidy for showing me a hiskashrus that is relatable and attainable. Your “old school” connection to the Rebbe was without gimmicks, fanfare, or externalities. You kept it simple — a wholehearted commitment to fulfill the Rebbe’s directives, living with a constant a sense of mission and duty as if you were standing in front of the commander-in-chief.

You’d write to the Rebbe before any decision and give detailed reports after any event. I vividly remember the words you shared at my son’s Bar Mitzvah in Morristown, so simple yet so to the point. “Before doing anything just ask yourself, “Is this something that would make the Rebbe happy or not…”

Thank you Zaidy for sharing your memories and stories with us at every possible opportunity. Having been an (albeit, older) child at the time of Gimmel Tammuz, my recollections from that period are limited. I can honestly say that the closest I’ve felt to experiencing a Farbrengen or Yomtov with the Rebbe was around the table with you as you shared your memories, with warmth and sincerity and without embellishment.

Thank you Zaidy for showing me what it means to believe in your mission and be bold and confident. You never slowed down, always dreamed big, and encouraged us to do the same. At your 90th birthday, after just completing a gorgeous new building for the yeshiva, you announced how you still had another building you wanted to build! And we always think of the words you told us, time and time again, that Hashem would send us “malachim” to allow us to dream big and build a beautiful Chabad House here in Cary, NC.

Thank you Zaidy for showing me how you can be strong and fearless at work, yet warm, funny, and deeply loving at home. You are the heart of our extended family and I cannot imagine a Shabbos or Yomtov meal in Morristown without you. I am sad for my younger children who won’t have these memories.

Not long ago you shared with the family how you really believed you would live to see Moshiach. We believed so too.

Until then, we know one thing – You will be doing everything you can from above to bring Moshiach. Because Zaidy, when you put your mind to something…it always, always gets done.
As for us, I can hear you saying those words you’d always tell us: “Stay the course”, “Stay the course.”

PS. I had begun writing a slightly different version of this message a few weeks ago, planning on sending it to Zaidy. Sadly. the message was still in my drafts when Zaidy fell ill and I am now editing this message on the flight home from the Levaya. Please use this as a reminder to not wait until after 120 to share with the people who touched you just how much they mean to you…