Create Account
ב"ה
Tuesday, 15 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 18, 2019

    Women Educated About Abuse

    Hundreds of women packed the Oholei Torah ballroom in Crown Heights for an evening of education and awareness on domestic abuse in the frum community. Full Story

    Viznitzer Rebbe Tours 770 Shul

    Next Story »

    How Well Do You Know Chabad?

    41
    Opinions and Comments

    To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
    avatar
      Subscribe  
    newest oldest most voted
    Notify of
    Very important
    Guest
    Very important

    How do I get recording of event

    Incredible!
    Guest
    Incredible!

    Incredible event and article gives wonderful recap of the topics discussed.

    Ain chacham kbaal hanisayon.

    Lisa twerski really knows her stuff.

    Thank you to all who made this happen. We can become a more supportive and kind community with such knowledge.

    Sigh
    Guest
    Sigh

    I wish they were around years ago before all the damage was done. Please women those out there who are being abused dont be a martyr and stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids the damage of STAYING is far worse than divorce…….Unless your spouse realizes he has a problem and works on himself. Please use these resources. Hatzlocha. May Hashem protect all of you.

    I missed it
    Guest
    I missed it

    Is there anyway to view it online?

    I remember
    Guest
    I remember

    I remember Dr L G Twersky before she was married and all the noble efforts she undertook to help abused women and trying to get abusers proper therapy in conjunction with the DAs office and many times being very successful.
    I’m a man that has an abusive wife controls where I go whom I befriend my and many times becoming very aggressive and violent. Is there any help for me?
    BTW my wife is a very respected person in our community (not CH). And FYI there are many suffering abused men!

    Makes it sound like men are missiles and woman are kittens
    Guest
    Makes it sound like men are missiles and woman are kittens

    We aren’t all bad, and believe when I say there are plenty of abusive woman out there too

    BTW
    Guest
    BTW

    There are many MEN out there being abused by their WIVES as well.

    To poster 5
    Guest
    To poster 5

    I believe there are men too. I think from day one we should be learning respect and middos not only chitas n rambam

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    The evening was excellent
    I got new insights I did not know before
    Thank you to the organizers

    Hmmmm....
    Guest
    Hmmmm....

    I skipped through the article, it is to painful for me to read it fully, but I read some of the things I lived through and remember so many people telling me to be a better wife…..

    PSA
    Guest
    PSA

    When one says women are suffering from Domestic Abuse, let’s do something about it, this does not mean that they are saying Men are not suffering as well. You can focus on one without denying the other exists. If anyone feels that the problem of Men suffering from DA needs to be addressed, they are welcome to organize an event. Why is there this need to continually invalidate all programs addressing women who suffer from DA unless they also discuss men. I just don’t get it.

    wow, very informative
    Guest
    wow, very informative

    Unfortunately I was not able to attend the event, but thank you so much for this informative article. The descriptions of abuse are truly chilling. I hope that anyone who reads this and needs help will reach out and get the help they need.
    Kol hakavod to the organizers for shining a light on this important topic.

    What about?
    Guest
    What about?

    I know a few cases of domestic abuse where despite the abuse the women were worn down to such an extent that they couldn’t survive divorced because they lost all their self esteem. It’s not so simple. And if they did leave they could lose their kids. Once you have kids you are bound to your spouse in that they must give their consent for you to take the kids out of state or out of the country or you are considered a kidnapper and could lose all rights.

    was excellent!
    Guest
    was excellent!

    i was there. I felt validated and so did many women who went thru DA. Thank you to all the organizers it was super well done.
    I would add to the list of 10 things why women don’t leave, financial constraints, how will she manage, feed, clothe and pay tuition, cause abusive men continue their control after divorce too.
    Having lived with an abusive controlling person, the event just made me feel i’m so glad i left, but i don’t blame people who stay. Its a big decision and you need a ton of support

    To #11
    Guest
    To #11

    There are many, many organizations and events dedicated to helping female victims of domestic abuse. There are basically zero such organizations for males.

    Men are seen as individuals who cannot possibly be abused by women, since they are usually bigger and stronger.

    For every one household where there is a female victim of abuse, there are fifty households of male victims of abuse. Since abuse is only understood as punching and kicking, and not as blackmail, verbal abuse and harassment, men cannot possibly ever be abused.

    kol hakavod
    Guest
    kol hakavod

    the event definitely brought up the importance of this matter.
    even though it is far from being the majority of relationships, each story is one too many. and abuse should have a no tolerance policy.
    besides,as mentioned before, prevention programs for all to learn
    1) how to respect others and discuss different opinions peacefully.
    2) how to respect oneself to understand proper boundaries and self dignity
    can only be helpful to all, at all ages, at all stages of life.

    Adai Ad
    Guest
    Adai Ad

    How to Recognizing Controlling Behaviors During Dating. An article on http://www.AdaiAd.org

    https://adaiad.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/recognizing-controlling-behaviors-while-dating/

    This was me
    Guest
    This was me

    I lived this for most of my 36 years of marriage the shalom task force was helpful thank you and now I am no longer living with my abuser

    BH a great beginning
    Guest
    BH a great beginning

    But when will our “naive” Rabbonim / mashpiim have a session with Rabbi Twersky and his video ?? The damage caused by these guys fooling everyone with their Tzadik act lasts for generations. Yes it is important to know if the chicken is kosher but equally important to know if the zeir frum Father’s behavior behind closed doors is kosher. Yasher koach to the brave committed organizers – but who will start educating our Rabbis / Beth dinim ?

    Dear  #10
    Guest
    Dear #10

    I’m so sorry you suffered double the abuse. Ignorance about abuse,in all it’s forms, has caused tremendous suffering. May Hashem give you strength and healing.

    I went through abusive marriage
    Guest
    I went through abusive marriage

    Reading this article is painfull. However, it also gives me a tremendous chisuk that so many women came out to educate themselves on this issue.

    to #13
    Guest
    to #13

    Real abusers have serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. Because of these issues,many will refuse to understand or accept that they need help.

    Awareness
    Guest
    Awareness

    Spreading awareness it so important! Kol hakavod to all involved!

    aspergers, mindblindness it's more comman than you think
    Guest
    aspergers, mindblindness it's more comman than you think

    l’m living with this for 33 years,l cannot even begin to stress what aspergers thinks,you are abuse when the guy cannot for the life of me to understand that what he thinks isn’t abuse,l’ll give you a few examples,teaching children borders is abuse to him,anything l say that truthfull is full of stories,other words,l’m the bad guy,a thief,liar,the list is endless,everything from a to z,we went to people,but l saw no matter what we did,nothing got through to his mind,truthfully his step father was abuse to his mother,what did she do,she just kept her mouth shut,l do the same thing,that’s… Read more »

    so happy the community has woken up
    Guest
    so happy the community has woken up

    Abusers are bullies, they manipulate and calculate, they gather people up, and they kid the people they are friends. They are called narcissists. and they teach their kids to be the same. When they have had enough of their friends, they drop them from a huge height. This is where the children learn how to bully at school. and then, it continues through the life, and they bully and induce terrible fear into their partners. Theres families all around the jewish world that are like this I’m afraid. I know.I was a victim. Don’t be fooled people, see narcissists for… Read more »

    too much!
    Guest
    too much!

    I think alot of this hype is abusing people who are actually innocent. Who protects the “accused” that are not guilty and cannot afford a good lawyer???

    Thanks for the article
    Guest
    Thanks for the article

    Lisa was superb.She was articulate and focused.We need more lectures like this here.Hopefully this will be the beginning of the very much needed enlightenment in CH.Kudos to the organizers of this event. On to the follow up symposiums and seminars.

    Rabbanim
    Guest
    Rabbanim

    I am thrilled to see this event was a success!
    I am living with DA and the hardest is when i decided to ask for help from the rabbinic who were not at all aware or educated enough in this field to deal with it properly!it made the suffering so much worse and still is!
    Please make the rabbinic more aware of how to detect abuse and guide effectively!!!!!

    DA means...
    Guest
    DA means...

    DA generically means that either spouse can be the perpetrator. Was that brought up at all?

    They cannot be helped
    Guest
    They cannot be helped

    Although as a frum yid I would like to believe there is no such thing as a list casr, the number of abusers who have actually been helped is statistically irrelevant.
    Therefore there is practically no hope that they will ever change, the only one you can change is yourself, empower yourself and leave the situation
    A survivor

    Abusers are wicked and very sly
    Guest
    Abusers are wicked and very sly

    If a person tells you they are being abused run to help

    To #5
    Guest
    To #5

    Abuse is serious
    Marriage is serious
    Kids are important

    We must remember and live with the Rebbe’s instruction that you can FIX anything and people can improve and the most important thing is to do whatever it takes to fix the marriage NOT break it.

    The attitude of the Rebbe, the shver, is “I am committed to saving the marriage, the question is not if i will save the marriage but HOW

    Just saying
    Guest
    Just saying

    If you didn’t go through it you will never understand!!!

    #32
    Guest
    #32

    This kind of comment and attitude is the most dangerous of all! Mrs. Shaffer was very clear to point out that when there are sholom bayis issues that is something to work out in a marriage but that DA is NOT an issue of shalom bayis! Yes, many women stay married, and what happens is that their children become victims of abuse or become abusers t hemselves. Also rabbonim who insist that she should just be ‘nicer’ to him are suffering under this delusion that an abuser can be ‘changed’ by the wife’s ‘good’ behaviour. Don’t ever think that for… Read more »

    News flash: The psychiatrist doesn't have Dayanus and the Rav doesn't  have an M.D.
    Guest
    News flash: The psychiatrist doesn't have Dayanus and the Rav doesn't have an M.D.

    Great appreciation is owed to the many brave people blazing a progressive trail in our community. There is power in knowledge, and learning is the essential first step. When it comes to abuse, there is often an underlying mental health issue at hand. ONLY a competent professional is capable of determining the particulars, NOT a well meaning Rabbi, Mashpia, Life Coach (or well read friend). It is downright DANGEROUS to trust those who lack the skills/context/expertise of mental health professionals. Ideally, a TEAM of experts can determine the best course of action for a couple in crisis. A G-d fearing… Read more »

    to no 32
    Guest
    to no 32

    ARE YOU C R A Z Y You have to leave an abusive situation for your own good. A person cannot sacrifice their lives for a wicked abuser and the children live with the fear all their lives. They see their mothers totally destroyed and the trauma of living with an abuser destroys any childs chances to live happily. Get off your high horse and get in the real world. Thats why GETs exist, so that people can get out of a marriage thats doomed. Seems theres a lot of crazy people around here, they turn away when they hear… Read more »

    good job!
    Guest
    good job!

    I’m so happy that there was a whole program for something like this. a lot of people don’t even realize that there is domestic abuse going on, and if they do realize, they don’t know how to stop it. this was helpful for men and women alike.

    To #26 and other abused ppl
    Guest
    To #26 and other abused ppl

    Every abused person shouldn’t be afraid and pls make police reports. Keep a log with dates and incidents. Record what’s going on (ofcourse without the abuses knowledge)
    It hurts my heart to read your comment. As someone that was abused I don’t believe someone can make these stuff up! My X goes around saying I’m a liar. BH I have proof. Police reports. Recordings. And more. . I regret it took me so long to stand up for myself and have backup for the pain I was living through.

    #32
    Guest
    #32

    You should really learn the Rebbe’s Torah before you misquote the Rebbe like that. There are letter’s where the Rebbe writes that just like it is important to do everything to save a marriage, sometimes it is important to do everything to BREAK it QUICKLY (Igros Kodesh vol. 15 page 10)

    Kudos to Bronya Shaffer
    Guest
    Kudos to Bronya Shaffer

    For this event & all that she does “behind the scenes.” Proof that ONE person can actually change the world ….

    women are as worthy as men.
    Guest
    women are as worthy as men.

    Until all women force the leading rabbis to make a new law. If a women files for divorce,and the husband refuses to grant her a gett, the local base din grants her one. Women!! Wake up and take control of your destiny.Youre equal to men and were created to assist and inspire. Not to be owned by men,but to betheir equal.

    X