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Wednesday, 18 Elul, 5779
  |  September 18, 2019

Women Educated About Abuse

Hundreds of women packed the Oholei Torah ballroom in Crown Heights for an evening of education and awareness on domestic abuse in the frum community. Full Story

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Very important
Guest
Very important

How do I get recording of event

Incredible!
Guest
Incredible!

Incredible event and article gives wonderful recap of the topics discussed.

Ain chacham kbaal hanisayon.

Lisa twerski really knows her stuff.

Thank you to all who made this happen. We can become a more supportive and kind community with such knowledge.

Sigh
Guest
Sigh

I wish they were around years ago before all the damage was done. Please women those out there who are being abused dont be a martyr and stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids the damage of STAYING is far worse than divorce…….Unless your spouse realizes he has a problem and works on himself. Please use these resources. Hatzlocha. May Hashem protect all of you.

I missed it
Guest
I missed it

Is there anyway to view it online?

I remember
Guest
I remember

I remember Dr L G Twersky before she was married and all the noble efforts she undertook to help abused women and trying to get abusers proper therapy in conjunction with the DAs office and many times being very successful.
I’m a man that has an abusive wife controls where I go whom I befriend my and many times becoming very aggressive and violent. Is there any help for me?
BTW my wife is a very respected person in our community (not CH). And FYI there are many suffering abused men!

Makes it sound like men are missiles and woman are kittens
Guest
Makes it sound like men are missiles and woman are kittens

We aren’t all bad, and believe when I say there are plenty of abusive woman out there too

BTW
Guest
BTW

There are many MEN out there being abused by their WIVES as well.

To poster 5
Guest
To poster 5

I believe there are men too. I think from day one we should be learning respect and middos not only chitas n rambam

Thank you
Guest
Thank you

The evening was excellent
I got new insights I did not know before
Thank you to the organizers

Hmmmm....
Guest
Hmmmm....

I skipped through the article, it is to painful for me to read it fully, but I read some of the things I lived through and remember so many people telling me to be a better wife…..

PSA
Guest
PSA

When one says women are suffering from Domestic Abuse, let’s do something about it, this does not mean that they are saying Men are not suffering as well. You can focus on one without denying the other exists. If anyone feels that the problem of Men suffering from DA needs to be addressed, they are welcome to organize an event. Why is there this need to continually invalidate all programs addressing women who suffer from DA unless they also discuss men. I just don’t get it.

wow, very informative
Guest
wow, very informative

Unfortunately I was not able to attend the event, but thank you so much for this informative article. The descriptions of abuse are truly chilling. I hope that anyone who reads this and needs help will reach out and get the help they need.
Kol hakavod to the organizers for shining a light on this important topic.

What about?
Guest
What about?

I know a few cases of domestic abuse where despite the abuse the women were worn down to such an extent that they couldn’t survive divorced because they lost all their self esteem. It’s not so simple. And if they did leave they could lose their kids. Once you have kids you are bound to your spouse in that they must give their consent for you to take the kids out of state or out of the country or you are considered a kidnapper and could lose all rights.

was excellent!
Guest
was excellent!

i was there. I felt validated and so did many women who went thru DA. Thank you to all the organizers it was super well done.
I would add to the list of 10 things why women don’t leave, financial constraints, how will she manage, feed, clothe and pay tuition, cause abusive men continue their control after divorce too.
Having lived with an abusive controlling person, the event just made me feel i’m so glad i left, but i don’t blame people who stay. Its a big decision and you need a ton of support

To #11
Guest
To #11

There are many, many organizations and events dedicated to helping female victims of domestic abuse. There are basically zero such organizations for males.

Men are seen as individuals who cannot possibly be abused by women, since they are usually bigger and stronger.

For every one household where there is a female victim of abuse, there are fifty households of male victims of abuse. Since abuse is only understood as punching and kicking, and not as blackmail, verbal abuse and harassment, men cannot possibly ever be abused.

kol hakavod
Guest
kol hakavod

the event definitely brought up the importance of this matter.
even though it is far from being the majority of relationships, each story is one too many. and abuse should have a no tolerance policy.
besides,as mentioned before, prevention programs for all to learn
1) how to respect others and discuss different opinions peacefully.
2) how to respect oneself to understand proper boundaries and self dignity
can only be helpful to all, at all ages, at all stages of life.

Adai Ad
Guest
Adai Ad

How to Recognizing Controlling Behaviors During Dating. An article on http://www.AdaiAd.org

https://adaiad.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/recognizing-controlling-behaviors-while-dating/

This was me
Guest
This was me

I lived this for most of my 36 years of marriage the shalom task force was helpful thank you and now I am no longer living with my abuser

BH a great beginning
Guest
BH a great beginning

But when will our “naive” Rabbonim / mashpiim have a session with Rabbi Twersky and his video ?? The damage caused by these guys fooling everyone with their Tzadik act lasts for generations. Yes it is important to know if the chicken is kosher but equally important to know if the zeir frum Father’s behavior behind closed doors is kosher. Yasher koach to the brave committed organizers – but who will start educating our Rabbis / Beth dinim ?

Dear  #10
Guest
Dear #10

I’m so sorry you suffered double the abuse. Ignorance about abuse,in all it’s forms, has caused tremendous suffering. May Hashem give you strength and healing.

I went through abusive marriage
Guest
I went through abusive marriage

Reading this article is painfull. However, it also gives me a tremendous chisuk that so many women came out to educate themselves on this issue.

to #13
Guest
to #13

Real abusers have serious mental health issues that need to be addressed. Because of these issues,many will refuse to understand or accept that they need help.

Awareness
Guest
Awareness

Spreading awareness it so important! Kol hakavod to all involved!

aspergers, mindblindness it's more comman than you think
Guest
aspergers, mindblindness it's more comman than you think

l’m living with this for 33 years,l cannot even begin to stress what aspergers thinks,you are abuse when the guy cannot for the life of me to understand that what he thinks isn’t abuse,l’ll give you a few examples,teaching children borders is abuse to him,anything l say that truthfull is full of stories,other words,l’m the bad guy,a thief,liar,the list is endless,everything from a to z,we went to people,but l saw no matter what we did,nothing got through to his mind,truthfully his step father was abuse to his mother,what did she do,she just kept her mouth shut,l do the same thing,that’s… Read more »

so happy the community has woken up
Guest
so happy the community has woken up

Abusers are bullies, they manipulate and calculate, they gather people up, and they kid the people they are friends. They are called narcissists. and they teach their kids to be the same. When they have had enough of their friends, they drop them from a huge height. This is where the children learn how to bully at school. and then, it continues through the life, and they bully and induce terrible fear into their partners. Theres families all around the jewish world that are like this I’m afraid. I know.I was a victim. Don’t be fooled people, see narcissists for… Read more »

too much!
Guest
too much!

I think alot of this hype is abusing people who are actually innocent. Who protects the “accused” that are not guilty and cannot afford a good lawyer???

Thanks for the article
Guest
Thanks for the article

Lisa was superb.She was articulate and focused.We need more lectures like this here.Hopefully this will be the beginning of the very much needed enlightenment in CH.Kudos to the organizers of this event. On to the follow up symposiums and seminars.

Rabbanim
Guest
Rabbanim

I am thrilled to see this event was a success!
I am living with DA and the hardest is when i decided to ask for help from the rabbinic who were not at all aware or educated enough in this field to deal with it properly!it made the suffering so much worse and still is!
Please make the rabbinic more aware of how to detect abuse and guide effectively!!!!!

DA means...
Guest
DA means...

DA generically means that either spouse can be the perpetrator. Was that brought up at all?

They cannot be helped
Guest
They cannot be helped

Although as a frum yid I would like to believe there is no such thing as a list casr, the number of abusers who have actually been helped is statistically irrelevant.
Therefore there is practically no hope that they will ever change, the only one you can change is yourself, empower yourself and leave the situation
A survivor

Abusers are wicked and very sly
Guest
Abusers are wicked and very sly

If a person tells you they are being abused run to help

To #5
Guest
To #5

Abuse is serious
Marriage is serious
Kids are important

We must remember and live with the Rebbe’s instruction that you can FIX anything and people can improve and the most important thing is to do whatever it takes to fix the marriage NOT break it.

The attitude of the Rebbe, the shver, is “I am committed to saving the marriage, the question is not if i will save the marriage but HOW

Just saying
Guest
Just saying

If you didn’t go through it you will never understand!!!

#32
Guest
#32

This kind of comment and attitude is the most dangerous of all! Mrs. Shaffer was very clear to point out that when there are sholom bayis issues that is something to work out in a marriage but that DA is NOT an issue of shalom bayis! Yes, many women stay married, and what happens is that their children become victims of abuse or become abusers t hemselves. Also rabbonim who insist that she should just be ‘nicer’ to him are suffering under this delusion that an abuser can be ‘changed’ by the wife’s ‘good’ behaviour. Don’t ever think that for… Read more »

News flash: The psychiatrist doesn't have Dayanus and the Rav doesn't  have an M.D.
Guest
News flash: The psychiatrist doesn't have Dayanus and the Rav doesn't have an M.D.

Great appreciation is owed to the many brave people blazing a progressive trail in our community. There is power in knowledge, and learning is the essential first step. When it comes to abuse, there is often an underlying mental health issue at hand. ONLY a competent professional is capable of determining the particulars, NOT a well meaning Rabbi, Mashpia, Life Coach (or well read friend). It is downright DANGEROUS to trust those who lack the skills/context/expertise of mental health professionals. Ideally, a TEAM of experts can determine the best course of action for a couple in crisis. A G-d fearing… Read more »

to no 32
Guest
to no 32

ARE YOU C R A Z Y You have to leave an abusive situation for your own good. A person cannot sacrifice their lives for a wicked abuser and the children live with the fear all their lives. They see their mothers totally destroyed and the trauma of living with an abuser destroys any childs chances to live happily. Get off your high horse and get in the real world. Thats why GETs exist, so that people can get out of a marriage thats doomed. Seems theres a lot of crazy people around here, they turn away when they hear… Read more »

good job!
Guest
good job!

I’m so happy that there was a whole program for something like this. a lot of people don’t even realize that there is domestic abuse going on, and if they do realize, they don’t know how to stop it. this was helpful for men and women alike.

To #26 and other abused ppl
Guest
To #26 and other abused ppl

Every abused person shouldn’t be afraid and pls make police reports. Keep a log with dates and incidents. Record what’s going on (ofcourse without the abuses knowledge)
It hurts my heart to read your comment. As someone that was abused I don’t believe someone can make these stuff up! My X goes around saying I’m a liar. BH I have proof. Police reports. Recordings. And more. . I regret it took me so long to stand up for myself and have backup for the pain I was living through.

#32
Guest
#32

You should really learn the Rebbe’s Torah before you misquote the Rebbe like that. There are letter’s where the Rebbe writes that just like it is important to do everything to save a marriage, sometimes it is important to do everything to BREAK it QUICKLY (Igros Kodesh vol. 15 page 10)

Kudos to Bronya Shaffer
Guest
Kudos to Bronya Shaffer

For this event & all that she does “behind the scenes.” Proof that ONE person can actually change the world ….

women are as worthy as men.
Guest
women are as worthy as men.

Until all women force the leading rabbis to make a new law. If a women files for divorce,and the husband refuses to grant her a gett, the local base din grants her one. Women!! Wake up and take control of your destiny.Youre equal to men and were created to assist and inspire. Not to be owned by men,but to betheir equal.

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