ב"ה
Sunday, 19 Heshvan, 5780
  |  November 17, 2019

Where were you last night?

From the COLlive Inbox: I sat at the lecture about protecting our children against abuse. And I saw the faces of those who were not there: The principals and Mashpiim of Crown Heights. Full Story

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very powerful words
Guest
very powerful words

it is time we ask those teachers with problems to find a new profession

Where can we see or read up on what was said at this lecture?!
Guest
Where can we see or read up on what was said at this lecture?!
I feel your pain
Guest
I feel your pain

It was a good first step but not one child deserves to suffer as you did and for that to happen the rabbi’s and leaders must take away the stigma by publicly speaking about molestation.

Amen!
Guest
Amen!

A very well written letter!

the benefit of the doubt
Guest
the benefit of the doubt

We should give any Yid the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they weren’t present because they learned about it in private or because special sessions are held for Mashpiim and community leaders, or some other reasons. I’m not saying that they necessarily have an excuse for not coming, but because we don’t know why they didn’t come, let’s give them the benefit of the doubt.

From one survivor to another.
Guest
From one survivor to another.

Protect our children, that’s all we can really do…

Non Crown heightser
Guest
Non Crown heightser

How many people were there? did any educators come?

mendel
Guest
mendel

And watch for people that we bring in our Homes that need help and they violate you, and theas pepole end up becoming so called askonim and no Rov will touch them

G-d bless you
Guest
G-d bless you

You sound like a strong person, if your abuser is still out there I and anybody i know would support you if you expose them.

100% agree
Guest
100% agree

i cant believe we pay an enormous amount of money to send our kids to religious schools and they have pathetic excuses for teachers. teachers who dont have a clue about children’s needs. teachers who use harsh words to kids. teachers who are just teachers because they are rabbanim. being a rabbi doesnt make you a teacher.
having gone through seminary doesnt make you a teacher.
but of course who cares? nobody cares enough about the future of lubavitch.
and then people wonder why there are so many bums in this generation…the mistake is yours my dear.

mendel
Guest
mendel

If we truly believe, then lets the Rabbonim Hear us out if we believe a very serious offence has been committed, These Rabbonim will set up an agreement with the authorities’ that if the Rabbonim truly believe on a Safer Torah that they will deal with things, and if they can not then they will call in the authorities’. and if you think I’m nuts, ask a Rov . We need serious help now, we need guidance now, we want to respect The Botei Din, but you can’t demand respect, stop this modern money making machines and get Klall Yisroel… Read more »

sad and angry
Guest
sad and angry

To #1 – I couldn’t agree more. Let them be shochtim. That way they can kill chickens instead of our precious kinderlach. I couldn’t attend as I live 6000 miles away from NY but there’s very little that makes me as furious as the helplessness of innocent children at the hands of murderers- whoever they may be – and you don’t have to use guns to kill either. COL – will you please post a link to this lecture? There are sadly more people who need to see and learn from what must have been a very emotionally charged evening.

very well written.
Guest
very well written.

this is very well written. I wasn’t at the event as I am not a CH member but I would like to say whoever wrote this is 100% courages and 100% correct.
WELL DONE!!!

I don't get it.
Guest
I don't get it.

Why is there such a weak response from those in charge of our educational institutions? what do they stand to gain?

I think in the year 5771 it is no longer tabo to talk about molestation and I’m sure they also want whats best for our kids.

ignorant article!!!!!
Guest
ignorant article!!!!!

whoever wrote thi article is ignorant to the fact that teachers and administrators are privy to such talks in private settings (i.e-chinuch conferences and teacher’s meetings, there is BH a good awareness amongst principals and administrators and many such talks have been given to them, this talk was targetting PARENTS who are the most likely ones to pick up on signs of abuse AND BTW MUCH OF THE ABUSE IN THE FRUM COMMUNITY HAPPENS BY PEOPLE CLOSE TO THE CHILD (USUALLY A RELATIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) it’s time to stop bashing educators who work extremely hard and are not appreciated, maybe if the… Read more »

Take it easy
Guest
Take it easy

Perhaps they felt that the lecturer wasn’t much more educated then they are about this issue or perhaps they’ve heard what they have to say.
Don’t rush to judgement.

Blah Blah Blah
Guest
Blah Blah Blah

Impressive how a depressed soul can take a good event and find the negative in it. Get a life.

p.s. If your purpose was to vent – then I hope you feel better now.

many more parents would've liked to go
Guest
many more parents would've liked to go

I really wanted to go, but could not make it. Is there a tape available?

to 1
Guest
to 1

We dont ask teachers who molest little children to get new jobs, we turn them over to the police, testify them in court, expose and shame them to the whole world and hope they rot in prison for as long as they leave.

my two cents
Guest
my two cents

we shouldnt get too hung up on this being a problem with the teachers, abuse can come from a camp staff member, uncle, grandfather, next door neighbor, rabbi, etc. and in the worst cases a parent.

well said
Guest
well said

thanks for saying what needs to be said. Hope it will be listened to!

I WAS THERE
Guest
I WAS THERE

although I have thank G-d never felt the pain of abuse, nor do I know anybody personally who did….I was still there.
I young children and I CARE ABOUT THEM like crazy. The least I can do is be informed. My question was……where were all of the other young parents???

People have no idea.
Guest
People have no idea.

i’ts so frustrating that a lot of parents are not aware of this great danger.

Abuse can destroy your child’s life. period.

to 15
Guest
to 15

WOW! i have no idea what to tell you, this writer who indicates that they are a survivor of childhood physical abuse has probably been through more trauma then you can even imagine.

She/he is expressing her/his pain here, please try to have a heart.

To #17
Guest
To #17

To #17: I think you should check your yichus. You seem to be severely lacking in the Rachmonim department at least, perhaps the other two as well…. Until you know the pain and frustration of a victim, and I hope you never do, you should think twice about speaking so callously. And regarding the actual article: As mentioned in some comments above, it is quite likely that the educators of our community and our Mosdos do receive training and workshops for detecting and reporting abuse. However the question still remains, why weren’t more parents there? Don’t you care about your… Read more »

Berl
Guest
Berl

To #15.

I’m a teacher. Attended the Kinus Hamechanchim run by Nachum Kaplan. Never heard a word about abuse or molestation there.

The only place I did hear it addressed was at a chinch session organized by a not Lubavitch organization.

The harsh reality is that we are not yet dealing with this issue.

I applaud the organizers of this event. Awareness is the #1 tool to prevention. Hopefully our schools will learn from your example and follow suit.

thursday night?
Guest
thursday night?

A great event and these talks must take place more often. Perhaps Thursday, Erev Shabbos, is a hard night for people, especially women, to get out. Try for earlier in the week next time.

out of town
Guest
out of town

while I live over 2 1/2 hours away I came with my husband as the topic is very important and am aware of a few cases While the organizers publicly said they were happy with the turnout, I was shocked at the low turnout (especially as we came from so far and had so many arrangements to make for the kids etc.to get there) Bottom line is that people care only when it affects them personally and that is the problem–our children are all potential victims and there are monsters in our community that need to be stopped Please if… Read more »

rosh yeshiva
Guest
rosh yeshiva

a certain rosh yeshiva beat up a bochur when i was learning there.
he also hit another bochur in public

…all out of rage

the real 2 cent
Guest
the real 2 cent

hey #20, dont steal my identity 😉

Abuse is HORRIBLE.. I know women that were raped and abused as kids / teens etc.. its infuriating…

Whats infuriating too is my sister’s lack of comprehension.. they refuse to carry mace!! sense of denial “oh it cant happen to me”

My father always warned us as we grew up against anyone touching us improperly.

Abuse is unacceptable… may G-d have mercy if I ever caught someone at it

change of date
Guest
change of date

truthfully ,thursday nite is a hard nite considering that it’s before shabbos and there was a fast on friday,more through should have gone into deciding the day and it was freezing cold,this week is suppose to be warmer

no point in bashing
Guest
no point in bashing

as an educator in a religious institutions- we do attend such classes, and abusers are not only in school settings- they are often relatives, neighbors, friends, etc, so its really not fair to keep on pointing the finger at teachers when many work tirelessly on behalf of your child.

An Educator
Guest
An Educator

I am also an educator – 20 years…
Regardless of how many conferences that we’ve attended as teachers and Administrators, it is our RESPONSIBILITY to attend every community event such as this one. I would not necessarily go there to learn something new, but to publicly show my support that this is TOP priority in Chinuch and safety today !!

Had I been a NY educator (I’m “out-of-town”), I would have been there, and I certainly hope that at ALL future events like this there will be a much better showing from all Mechanchim, Mechanchos, and Administrators !

There are trainings for professionals
Guest
There are trainings for professionals

About 5 years ago I attended an outstanding event organized by NCFJE’s Michoel Behrman. It was a full day of workshops for teachers and other mental health professionals on abuse and its effects. The speakers included pediatrician, Dr. Susan Shulman, Shea Hecht who has lots of experience in these cases, and a therapist. I think tapes of that symposium are still available through NCFJE. Professionals, whether they are teachers, principals or mental health people, should definitely attend trainings on these issues. As a matter of fact, there is a New York State law that certain types of mental health agencies… Read more »

Defending the guilty.
Guest
Defending the guilty.

How often when news comes out against molestors do ppl stand to protect them. It’s not just about going to lectures but dealing with the molestors and supporting the parents of victims…. this way we protect our own.

To all the negative comments:
Guest
To all the negative comments:

I think u should be banned from col. In short words u are saying that abussing kids is fine. This person is pouring out her/his soul and the least u can do is mock him/her?!?!?!!??
U get a life.

An important event! Thank you Bais Rivkah
Guest
An important event! Thank you Bais Rivkah

Thanks to BR for hosting. I hear that this was the first in what will be ongoing sessions to address and hopefully fix this problem. May Hashem bless our community and all our brothers and sisters with peace and all good things.

To #5
Guest
To #5

I don’t think that benefit of doubt needs to be given to principals who HIRE these molestors and don’t give a hoot about it, to the point where “insiders” feel threatened they’ll lose their job if they expose someone…

(see the article announcing the event https://collive.com/show_news.rtx?id=12137&alias=tonight-stopping-child-abuse , and comment #5)

Even if they do have sessions in private, they can come to show their support — this is a VERY big IMPORTANT issue.

An idea
Guest
An idea

Our school gives out ‘no homewrok passes’ to the parents to give to their children, if they attend a lecture the school deems neccessary. The kids pressure their parents to go because they want the passes,and attendance is usually vey high at these events.

give benefit of the doubt
Guest
give benefit of the doubt

how dare u say where were u? It was NOT advertised anywhere. I happened to see it on col at 8pm and i had a whole night ahead of me but i made an effort to come even though i only got there after 9. I even asked my neighbor to come and she said she wishes i would’ve told her earlier cos she would have made arrangements but when i told her about it it was too late to make any arrangements. Maybe the Rebbes and Hanhalla also saw it so late but had other commitments that night. Please… Read more »

this was not the first lecture
Guest
this was not the first lecture

this was not the first time such a lecture was held in crown heights. Dr. Pelcovitz came to crown heights a few years ago and spoke about the same topic as well as some other professionals. that could be why not as many people turned up because they have already been educated.

so horrified
Guest
so horrified

The mashpiim and principals needed to be there as a statement. Abuse can come from anywhere- true- but the fact is that the teachers have a very easy opportunity Cv”S to abuse our kids in many ways and circumstances as we have learned of too many times. Whoever posted comments against this writer should be ashamed of themselves and I hope someone else is protecting your kids!

#15 and author callous individuals
Guest
#15 and author callous individuals

The author is expressing his/her feelings – their sense of isolation. Victims feel tremendous support when parents and educators come together and show their support publicly. What goes on behind closed doors is separate issue.

#15
Guest
#15

What the heck is wrong with you, even if this article was to vent, if things that are posted on this site effects you so much its sad. As for always looking for the negative, that is your job, you ought to worry about yourself.

Great Idea
Guest
Great Idea

Great Idea #39

wake up to reality
Guest
wake up to reality

Unfortunately, this subject is taboo round here, yet we all know it goes on. Maybe not so frequently, but it’s here. It will continue to be a problem until Principals stop burying their heads in the sand and acknowledge the issue of abuse exists. It will continue as long as principals & teachers don’t believe our children, or don’t make them selves available either physically or emotionally to talk to the students. A strong word of warning: although the chance of a girl being molested by a female teacher is less likely, it does happen. Don’t think it doesn’t, I’ve… Read more »

Important
Guest
Important

I am an educator, and attended a school seminar about this. I, together with all the school educators, learned of the importance of having a system, and a back-up and safety-net system, to ensure the physical, mental, emotional, and psychological respect of each student. This has been implemented B’H (at least in out school). Unfortunately, according to the information presented, it might be our legal obligation to report what the children repeat from the home. It gets to be a sticky situation. It seems there needs to be a graduated system of response according to what happened. Hashem should help… Read more »

...
Guest
...

when these posts are put up, I dont know how many of youactually have in mind that there are people out there reading this that are teenagers and kids that were abused or molested. They have lots to say. Myself included. But do you really want to hear from the victims? or just jump to conclusions about what the victims feel? Sometimes i read some comments and i laugh. no. i would never tell my parents i was molested. and the greatest nightmares i had after it happened was that id have to go and give a full detailed report… Read more »

I agree
Guest
I agree

Dear Writer, I agree with you that leaders, and Robonim of our community should have come at this event. Their absence made a big statement to the community that they are not ready to face reality, support and protect our children. A lot of them actually cover it up and protect the offender from being reported…That’s why they don’t show up to such event. I believe there are a lot of children and teenagers who are victims of abuse in our commnunity and are helpless… Well as it says in the Tora when the people in charge don’t do their… Read more »

Someone thought of this before hand........
Guest
Someone thought of this before hand........

In the article about the lecture someone commented this…..
“…..And most of all where is that infamous Vaad of Principles
of Crown Heights to ensure that NO mosad in our community harbors a child molester??? Can anyone answer that?????”
This clearly shows that someone was thinking ahead. From my own experience, i find, that I, a non principle etc, mother, is always doing the carpooling, the gift for teacher after having babies. I think that these people need to step up a bit in their role to the community.

Abuse
Guest
Abuse

Once a pedifile always a pedfile it is rarely that they ever get cured. They abuse in one community get caught and move on to molest in another people may know about the situation and just sweep it under the rug. Abuse comes in many forms physical and verbal which are teachers, rabayim are all very capable of doing to our children, Teachers who have no control of a classroom who verbally abuse children threaten children, do not belong teaching our pure precious souls but yet they are still employed why ?????? because no one else wants to work in… Read more »

out of towner
Guest
out of towner

i personally think that even though teachers and principals might actually attend private seminars about these things etc.., it is important for them to attend these kind of things, just to show that they SUPPORT what is being said

the problems of chinnuch in this day and age
Guest
the problems of chinnuch in this day and age

now a days, this generation staying on the derech is a very sensative issue and anything can trigger it. but being that teenagers these days are so sensative and the world out there is very enticing. many teens turn to “a life of excitement and acceptance” a big cause of this is the way they are raised or how they are dealt with in school. parenting and education these days need to be different because our children have different needs. based on my own experience, i have seen how children in big schools get swallowed up, there is no attention… Read more »

not just relatives
Guest
not just relatives

Sometimes it’s bunk mates at camp, dorm roommates in yeshivas- don’t kid yourselves when you send your boys away, they are at risk. I know.

benshak
Guest
benshak

There is bashing in this letter, but it needs to be understood in context. The victim, or the family that suffered, is greatly pained. There is tremendous shame, and there is a hopeless feeling because perpetrators often walk away with perceived innocence – only to repeat their crime. True, most molestation involves non-mechanchim. But the yeshiva and school has a responsibility to insure their mosdos are 100% free of victimizers, and they are also in a golden position to detect symptoms that warrant additional investigation or assessment if the child was chas veshalom victimized elsewhere. Yes, I believe the absence… Read more »

something I found interesting
Guest
something I found interesting

that was mentioned at the lecture was that today a Rebbi or principal or Rav who is aware of any specific case of molestation and chooses to “sweep it under the rug” allowing it to continue, can be successfully sued not only for the mosads assets but for all their personal assets as well!

this event was not well advertised...
Guest
this event was not well advertised...

i am a parent, and a teacher who would have loved to be there-but only found out about it too late- so please dont point the finger at anyone.

Worried
Guest
Worried

Which yeshiva has the molester?????I need to know. I have little innocent boys. I am ready to take them out!

to #29
Guest
to #29

Please tell us where so we don’t send our sons there!

Next time
Guest
Next time

can someone provide a email listing we can sign up for, so that next time there is such an event it will come straight to our inbox?

Bad teachers not molesters
Guest
Bad teachers not molesters

Just because you may have issues with teachers does not mean they are molesters. Victims have a right to feel and need support, and a showing of educators would have given that support. Let’s not teacher bash and give empathy and agreement that educators belong at such events. Many teachers give their heart and soul to teach, and because some teachers shouldn’t be teaching, doesn’t mean all teachers are bad, let alone abusive. A parent who’s been there, and still can be greatful to the devoted ones

to 58
Guest
to 58

There is no way of knowing, thats why you gotta talk to your boy.

DANGER ZONE
Guest
DANGER ZONE

The Mikva has been the ground zero of molestation for years now, I am 100 percent against allowing a boy under 15 go to the Mikva alone.

Parents - educate you children!
Guest
Parents - educate you children!

Parents have an obligation to educate their children from a very young age about all the above. You can even explain this to a child even from as young as 4 years old. Obviously it should be done in a way so not to scare them but to EDUCATE them & encourage them to talk to you about it! Every parent should go to lectures like these, so they could know what to tell their child!

Worried sick
Guest
Worried sick

As parents we do help our sons by informing them what is wrong…and to always come and tell us no matter what happens……but that isn’t enough. Some boys are shy and not outspoken children..so please enough beating around the bush and expose names and schools . Please!

Thanks COL for providing this forum for this much needed topic
Guest
Thanks COL for providing this forum for this much needed topic

number 28 – Halevai that should be the case. But thank you for being so supportive. Victims need a support system to be able to pick themselves up again and the lack of one, having people shun you away or start avoiding you because they know the ‘baggage’ you come with, is almost worse then dealing with the actual abuse. To deal with this very common issue within our communities we must ALL STAND TOGETHER to fight it!!!!!!! Until that day the victims are fighting it alone and its a long, lonesome and scary road. Stop putting all the blame… Read more »

#66
Guest
#66

Victims need a support system to be able to pick themselves up again and the lack of one, having people shun you away or start avoiding you because they know the ‘baggage’ you come with, is almost worse then dealing with the actual abuse. To deal with this very common issue within our communities we must ALL STAND TOGETHER to fight it!!!!!!! Until that day the victims are fighting it alone and its a long, lonesome and scary road. the situation is exactly what we are going through so-much -so, a friend even told us that she is supporting the… Read more »

Not advertised
Guest
Not advertised

Anyone who works for the State of new York who comes in any contact wth children ,teacher,bus driver ,custodian .. have mandatory child abuse training. Any faculty associated with Yeled V”yalda ..OholieTorah kindergarten. and Mosdos Day Care received this training.

not just boys
Guest
not just boys

all the comments are about protecting boys, girls get molested too, a lot more frequently than boys. statistically one out of every 6 boys is a victim, and one out of every 3 girls is a victim. educate ALL of your children!!

THEY GET TRAINING ON SITE!!!
Guest
THEY GET TRAINING ON SITE!!!

pathetic to vent about teachers and principals. they get their training in school, and there is a different program for them. how narrow-minded can you be.

Rishe Deitsch
Guest
Rishe Deitsch

I have the distinction of being the first and only person to sign her name to a comment on this topic. All 74 comments regarding the event and all 66 comments here are anonymous.
To #2 – the event will be described IYH in the Pesach issue of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter.

good article, just the beginning
Guest
good article, just the beginning

One way to fight this is to have a well planned, well advertised follow up event very soon. We also need to devise a way to allow those who have been abused to come forward and speak up. Obviously, this would have to be done without the schools and principles involved, without the community council involved, it would have to be a honest grassroots effort by concerned parents. The community and mosdos leaders have let down kids for decades, just as they have let everyone else down, they are part of the problem (cover up), not the solution. Please don’t… Read more »

Let the kid speak!!
Guest
Let the kid speak!!

I don’t believe what I’m reading! The entire child abuse plague that has effected CH for a long while, is due to the children not having a voice. Get it? The victims are gagged, they are unable, or too scared or embaressed to talk to the police or to the public. They have no voice! And here, in this article, a precious survivor, one of dozens in our bleeding community, manages with great effort to actually raise a voice – a VOICE! – in public… and people are trying to shut the survivor’s voice! How painful! That is why they… Read more »

can we have another lecture?
Guest
can we have another lecture?

can COL possibly advertise a tentative date for another lecture and people will comment if they are coming or not….basically, if 70 people comment that they are coming then its enough to get Dr Pelcowitz back in town.
I personally know of 20 people that would come.

to Rishe
Guest
to Rishe

We must wait till pesach? You know how many children will be …
till pesach??

Comments
Guest
more info from the organizers:
Guest
more info from the organizers:

The event was videoed and will be available some time next week.

YES IT IS TRUE
Guest
YES IT IS TRUE

The Crown Hts principals all met with Dr. Pelcovitz and these vital issues were discussed at length. The principals do know and understand their obligations. They are not trying to avoid them – they are doing nothing wrong.

I agree with #15
Guest
I agree with #15

Why are so many commenter’s bashing #15? The author wrote an article bashing our Moisdos, Principals, Mashpim etc -he/she if fair game for criticism.

This was not a positive article – it was negative (calling our leaders cowards). The author set the tone for the response he/she received.

education begins at home
Guest
education begins at home

The single most important person to protect a child is the mother. That doesn’t mean no one else is responsible for the child’s protection…it means that the single most important person, the number one slot.. is the mother. This is what the research has shown. It’s indeed crucial that parents, especially mothers (again, not to the exclusion of fathers) educate themselves in workshops, discussions, reading, etc. about how/what to say to their children at any age, starting with pre-schoolers. And it’s not a one-time discussion; it’s an ongoing process with discussions taking place as the child grows and develops. Having… Read more »

To Rishe
Guest
To Rishe

All very nice you can sign your name as there is no substance to your comment.
It seems many of the comments here are from victims off abuse who sadly are still unable to voice their abuse and opinions with their name, probably for reasons involving the reactions of their communities.
Sad yet true in 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schools can do their part
Guest
Schools can do their part

Why don’t the schools publicly thank those teachers that attendend? It is the strongest message they can send as to where they stand on this front.

Whilst we are on this topic, I am not a big fan of BR for many reasons, but we as a community must recognize and thank them publicly that they spearheaded this event.

Beis Rivkah kudos to you for doing this and all the CH moisdos can learn from you.

Its hard to believe...................
Guest
Its hard to believe...................

That teachers that speak so strongly for the Rebbe, stress Moshiach’s coming , can be doing such things, taping childrens mouths,brushing their mouths out with their own toothbrush in the kids mouths, putting them in garbage pails.screaming, hitting, embarrassing , speaking to them in a sarcastic and deragatory manner…. not to mention the mocking that is done at one or more students cost infront of a whole class so that the kids pick up on it and carry on with it. The whole bullying and hitting thing that is ignored by a teacher or a staff because it is someone… Read more »

AWARENESS starts with you
Guest
AWARENESS starts with you

Do you know how many rapists and childmolesters are now HAPPILY MARRIED to unsuspecting innocent wives?

Do you know if the guy you are going on a date with molested his sister before he went off to Yeshiva?

Do you know if the father of your perspective date abused his child – boy or girl?

It’s happened. I know its happened, and i know men who are married now with children, and may be doing it to their children as well.

a senior educator
Guest
a senior educator

i always look fwd to such events, that educate me more and more.
i did not attend. Why? simply because i did not see ANY advertisements about it.

regarding bullying
Guest
regarding bullying

There will be an evening specific to dealing with bullying this coming Wednesday night at Oholei Torah. This is an event sponsored by OT PTA.

to 84
Guest
to 84

You took the words out of my mouth! Men married with children, their wives don’t know they are molesters, and who knows how safe their kids are?

in response to #84
Guest
in response to #84

Let’s keep things in perspective. Yes, we need to be aware of risks; but we need also be careful to not live with constant suspicion of everyone. The point of educating oneself is not to feel danger at every turn; the point of educating oneself is to be aware of possible risks. Let’s not turn t his into a communal frenzy of suspicion. Let’s be intelligent and reasonable – we will educate and raise awareness and live normally.

allt he deniers....
Guest
allt he deniers....

are hiding s/t:) e/o get a life!

#84,87,88
Guest
#84,87,88

and what if the wife know’s and chooses to ignore it, and has gone as far as to verbally abuse one of her husbands victims

and what if one of your children where friendly with a child of such a person, would you want to know ??

I am sorry but we do have to suspect everyone, we have no choice, these stories are starting to come out from every walks of life

Educated on Abuse
Guest
Educated on Abuse

Contrary to several comments above, there HAVE been several talks in the community on abuse and protecting our children. Parents who have taken the time in the past to go to those meetings, don’t NEED to attend EVERY talk or lecture on the topic to show that they are caring and loving parents!! To think that a small turn-out means that parents are turning a blind eye to abuse, or don’t care enough about their children is a naiive and irrational way of making judgement! Since the subject of abuse is more spoken about and no longer taboo, there will… Read more »

What a nerve!!
Guest
What a nerve!!

What a nerve to have the insensitivity to criticize a victim of abuse! If you can’t writ e something supportive then don’t write at all. No one can imagine the pain this person carries; myself included.

If you don't "OUT" an abuser, YOU are partially responsible!!
Guest
If you don't "OUT" an abuser, YOU are partially responsible!!

To those of you that talk about people you know that have abused, it is YOUR OBLIGATION to expose the abusers. You can find out the statues of limitations of the crimes. It is not loshon horah to expose someone that you know for a fact abused or is abusing children!!! By you not telling authorities or people of the community makes you partially responsible for the actions of the abuser who is most likely continuously abusing innocent children!! Take some responsibility instead of being a hater! Venting here is not going to stop that person. If you know facts… Read more »

from the triangle gang
Guest
from the triangle gang

first i want to thank you collive for being honest and allowing this discussion to happen on this website since usually these topics are discussed only behind closed doors and whispers. I am not writing just for myself. We are a group of three crown heightsers who are part of ‘of the derech’ crowd. Regular lubavitcher kids from lifer and bt familys. Therefore this is a collective email. All our storys are not the same but one thing is the same. In elimentery school and till we finished the ‘system’ we were bomborded no goyishe music or goyishe books or… Read more »

to 94
Guest
to 94

how can other victims join?

Trianglegang
Guest
Trianglegang

Where can we join ?????
We all need such a support system.

to number 93 I tried and am continusly trying to tell people and Rabbonim yet am being bashed for spreading Loshon Hora or destroying a frum family. Go figure.

If you don't "OUT" an abuser, YOU are partially responsible!!
Guest
If you don't "OUT" an abuser, YOU are partially responsible!!

To #96
Keep trying, you just haven’t found the right person who will listen and help you take the right actions against the person who abused you or abused someone you know.

Try contacting the professionals that spoke at the event at Bais Rivkah. Or you can contact Mrs. Witkes who also educates against abuse. Don’t stop until you have found the right person who can help you and bring your abuser to justice!

Contact info
Guest
Contact info

Does anyone have contact information for any of the event organizers or someone else that educates on this topic?

Contact information
Guest
Contact information

Anyone can contact Mrs. Bronya Schafer for more information or to arrange future educational workshops or lectures.

Hotline
Guest
Hotline

Victims should have a known person who deals with this that they know is safe to ‘out’ their story. There should be a person responsible for dealing with the victims. At the moment the victims don’t have a place that they know is safe for them to turn to.

Hotline
Guest
Hotline

Kol Tzedek has a hotline. They are in the DA’s office, and work with frum psychologists, rabbonim, etc. The contact person is either Henna White or Chana Widawski. Anyone can call that number anonymously, discuss the situation as much or as little as they please, and they will be given guidance and direction. They will work with the caller for as long as needed, and will not require any identification of either the caller or the abuser until and unless the caller is ready and willing to disclose it. For more information about this you can also call Mrs. Shaffer.

student
Guest
student

teachers might not physically abuse children but they can verbally abuse them which sometimes can be worst

abuse
Guest
abuse

There’s all sorts of abuse that can be very damaging to children (and adults). This particular evening was meant to raise awareness of a specific type of abuse – the molestation of young children – and how to prevent that from happening.
Education is the key to everything – we need to be educated about how to limit all kinds of harm, to make this world a better and nicer and safer place b’chlal.
The lecture at Oholei Torah tonight, on b ullying, is one more step towards accomplishing that.

A cure?
Guest
A cure?

I have a sincere question, which I hope I won’t be jumped on for. I ask for respectful, reasonable answers. Baruch Hashem, I don’t personally know anyone who was abused; yet, I have read and heard about the horrors of it and am as concerned as any parent about protecting my children. At the same time, I do wonder–is there any cure for molesters? Are they doomed to this? Could it be that hashem implanted this crazy desire in someone and there is NO hope for them? Additionally, statistics show that often abused children grow up to abuse others. Does… Read more »

echo comment  #104
Guest
echo comment #104

These are important questions.Does anyone have proven answers that aren’t just personal conjectures? If yes, please post.

Women abuse too
Guest
Women abuse too

Its not just the men who are the abusers, its all stigmatized but women abuse too. I am a personal victim of physical abuse from a woman teacher. The woman is married now and has 3 kids. I know of one other person she has done this to as well. It is about time something like this is being brought out into the open, it happens way too often. To # 104…. As a survivor I have had the same question myself about the perpetrators. I believe Molesting someone is a choice that they choose to make, they are sick… Read more »

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