When to Try an ‘Alternative Yeshiva’

Dear Rabbi,

I don’t know what to do about my son. He’s 18 years old and has spent his school years in a mainstream yeshiva. He outwardly presents himself as religiously observant, hangs around good people, and in general wants to do the right thing. However, he is not happy where he is, he does not feel confident in his learning abilities, and he is losing drive and motivation. Yeshiva feels too overwhelming and not satisfying. We have been discussing the possibility of going to an alternative yeshiva, but we are concerned because it seems that what’s available are yeshivas that mainly focus on teenagers who have had a fallout with religion and have more emotional struggles, and thus the environment may be detrimental for my son. What should I do?

Rabbi Mendel Zirkind Replies:

This is a question I’m often asked before the beginning of the new school year, and my initial response is that this is a growing problem for today’s teenagers. In many cases, the parents are not fully aware of the true nature of their child’s struggles. He may have deep, negative feelings about religion that he has suppressed so as not to upset his parents. I would therefore suggest having the child try out the alternative yeshiva, as it may be a safe environment where the child can “open up” and uncover what truly troubles him. These yeshivas provide the tools and knowledge for students to overcome their challenges and create a more healthy, positive relationship with themselves and religion.

However, with that said, there are still many teenagers who do identify with the standards and expectations of our religious system, and what’s missing is the individual nurturing that in mainstream yeshivas is difficult to provide. Many times the child feels inferior, as he is not able to learn on the level expected. In many cases, this is not due to a lack of intelligence or mental ability, but rather a lack of skills, which the child was not able to pick up during the time he was in yeshiva. Likewise, many teenagers lack an appreciation for what is expected from them religiously, as this unfortunately may have been missing from their yeshiva education.

JETS is pleased to announce the Next Level, an advanced program designed to further the development and progress of able students who want to take the next step in their education. Its main objective is to create a more mature environment with a higher standard of learning, in which our students’ personal (mental, spiritual, and psychological) growth is the main focus.

We believe that true success for our students depends on a productive and positively energized environment where the students are being nurtured on all levels. On an academic level, students learn how to process, comprehend and analyze information while gaining and creating new knowledge. On an emotional level, they learn how to cope with emotional and psychological struggles and gain the skills to reaffirm positive self-worth and confidence.

JETS is committed to facilitating this project with the help of very capable and dedicated staff who have the knowledge and experience necessary to ensure our students’ success. In addition, we are committed to providing our students with a feeling of maturity and responsibility, by allowing our students more independence and privilege. It is our belief that a student with more independence generates more commitment and responsibility; likewise, more privilege begets more effort and accomplishment.

Our hope is to provide a place of learning and growth for teenagers who have been “treading water” in the mainstream yeshivas and who deserve the chance to prove themselves and enable their G-d-given abilities.

As we move still deeper into the age of smartphones, social media, etc., the forces of evil and self-destruction are all around waiting to take captive their next victim. Don’t let that be your child.

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Rabbi Mendel Zirkind is Director of Judaic Development at JETS in Los Angeles, CA. To book a complimentary consultation call with JETS staff, visit: https://www.jetsschool.org/book-a-consultation. Learn more about JETS by visiting https://www.jetsyeshiva.org