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Wednesday, 14 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 17, 2019

    What Kallahs Want

    Shidduchim SOS: While you bake Challah in that Bosch, chop salad on that cutting board with matching knives, and serve your husband roasted potatoes, you forget who helped set up the apartment. Full Story

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    I'm sorry....
    Guest
    I'm sorry....

    You sound a highly selfish person who can only think about herself, like so many of my single friends….

    What do you think will happen when you will be engaged IY”H? who will buy presents and come to the lchaim if not us – you married and single friends…

    Thats how the world works.. its a cycle and your turn will come IY”H…

    ???
    Guest
    ???

    what makes u think married girls don’t care enough to sit and listen to your dating horror stories? or that we don’t sit and discuss guy/girl names with our husbands? i’m not sure i get this article…as much as i became busy with my married life, my single friends stayed away just the same-feeling out of place and unimportant…i’m sorry you’re going through all this and it seems like it’s taking so long for girls and guys to get married…it comes eventually and i just think awareness is good, but bitterness..overrated!

    me!
    Guest
    me!

    I couldnt agree more, thsi article actually made me laugh at first b/c of how accurate the write is! Just so the author knows……not all ‘kallahs’ are that bad, I’m not, i did, was and am still in touch with all my single friends and have set them up numerious of times! I never had not one single matching set of anything in my house, i was grateful for what I had!I set up my lchaim, i baked for it, why people make friends do it-ill never understand! im sorry u have been hurt by obviously someone close to you,… Read more »

    to the married ppl who commented
    Guest
    to the married ppl who commented

    you forget that at the moment you are the lucky ones… having already found your bashert and not ‘waiting’…. I can’t believe you’ve got the nerve of feeling ‘offended’ by this article, instead of secretly davening to hashem and saying thankyou for all he’s done for you !

    amazing
    Guest
    amazing

    wow this is crazy……you are 100% right!!! my husband and i do compare friends all the time but it is hard as anything…(we are married 6 months no matches yet and we disscuss this daily) but yes i have many friends that are married and do not disscuss with there husbands i think its wrong becouse i was set up by a friend and her man(i am so thankful) anyways i am always spending time with my single friends still and so is my husband with his friends and i think its so important to show them we still care… Read more »

    very nice indeed
    Guest
    very nice indeed

    The big Problem is some of us never get that far ! The singles themselves may be partly to blame but in my opinion it is at least 70% The Shadchanim who are too lazy or use any excuse including who your landlord/lady might be if you’re divorced (even without children) & you’re not “shpitz chabad” or even regular chabad you are persona non grata.25% I attribute to the parents who mix in way too much where their noses etc. are un needed.(by the way according to Leibel Groner sheyichye The Rebbe said parents should not pressure & mix in… Read more »

    u chazar
    Guest
    u chazar

    i see ur point..
    but that is THE CYCLEEE OF LIFEEE..

    where have we come to???
    Guest
    where have we come to???

    youve got the wrong friends if they expect YOU to set them up. i believe that’s a mothers job

    to #6 and anyone else
    Guest
    to #6 and anyone else

    Who are those shadchanim that have price tags attached to help? names and prices? Its like recommending a dress shop!
    I think this should be posted so people can know who the official local shadchanim are.
    I only get to hear of some names of shadchanim through the grape vine….and each one says ‘I am not an official shadchan’ !

    Resident
    Guest
    Resident

    fact is the younger you get married the more friends and more gifts from friends you will have at your wedding and the more exciting it will be for you and your friends after a while the married ones dont care to show up (or for the boys cant travel) and they already had their time of dancing at their own wedding, so if they do show up its for 5 minutes to show their face and then go back home!!

    Att
    Guest
    Att

    She’s right! In general that’s how it is, there are a few exceptions where married friends are still normal after they get married! I hope they take a lesson from this article and start asking their husbands for names for their single friends and same for the husband. Who knows them better than the friends themselves!!

    Another Side- from someone married
    Guest
    Another Side- from someone married

    To the author, I’m quite sorry . I B”h got married a couple of years ago and am blessed with amazing friends who were there for me through and through and threw me the best shower anyone could ask for. If it’s any consolation, there are many newly married girls who very much appreciate their single friends and are working hard at trying to find them shidduchim. If not in the physical sense (by calling Shadachnim ), then in the spiritual sense. I hope that this year you will find your shidduch and your friends will be able to put… Read more »

    ili
    Guest
    ili

    i hear what you’re saying… and it sounds like “boo hoo, boo hoo”

    To #10
    Guest
    To #10

    Sooooo True!!!

    duh
    Guest
    duh

    to comment number 2

    obviously you’ll say the bitterness is overrated….are you going through it? NO so how do you know how much bitterness is involved?!! Try to take a step out of your comfortable and happy life and think of others and what they are probably going through….

    and when ur married??
    Guest
    and when ur married??

    when u get married i would love to see you spend ur time talking to nebach, single friends instead of spending quality time with ur husband!

    16
    Guest
    16

    To # 16 nebach single girls – first of all u were once a nebach urself if that’s what u think single is- secondly your husband wants to spend time with u – u were once nebach – thirdly single girls r not nebach they have more than u think ….

    hahaha
    Guest
    hahaha

    funny good stuff here good stuff

    feh
    Guest
    feh

    y get married anyhow, its completely overrated

    another twist
    Guest
    another twist

    Heres another point to the the shower making… I am 25 and single and most of my friends got married at 20. For all those friends I made them beautiful showers, collected money for it, donated plenty of it myself…one of them I set up her entire kitchen and bathroom because her parents couldnt…I did this all happily and knowing that when I get married, they will be too busy with married life (and now kids) to pull anything close to the showers i threw. We are all still in contact despite our busy lives. We talk on the phone,… Read more »

    hilarious!
    Guest
    hilarious!

    So funny and so true. Great read!

    so true!!
    Guest
    so true!!

    Thanks for posting! I hope this brings awareness to all married friends and for friends who are expecting a shower- dont expect…just be grateful for all the gifts u get!

    LOL!
    Guest
    LOL!

    Best Shidduch article yet! I think this hit a truth nerve and upset some readers. We all act selfish some times. Dont take offence, acknowledge it and lets better ourselves. Great article.

    Blah Blah Blah
    Guest
    Blah Blah Blah

    This sounds like you wanted to vent so you wrote an article to COL. What is your point? Is it that single girls shouldn’t make showers? That married girls shouldn’t be too busy for you? No one decided that these this should happen it’s just facts of life. In real life you don’t have tons and tons of real friends you have a small circle of good friends and an even smaller circle of (1-3) true friends who will always be there for you. What I get from your article is a sense that in our community many live their… Read more »

    Thousands agree!
    Guest
    Thousands agree!

    WOW!! I am sure there are thousands of girls that an write this exact article word for word and feel the same!!
    THEY BECOME SELFISH!!!!!!!

    get real friends!
    Guest
    get real friends!

    Don’t give out of obligation and don’t expect to get back.
    if you are a true friend be happy for them when they get engaged.
    I was the last girl on my class to get married, all my friends were t my wedding beacuse they are my friends and care. They made me a beautifull shower and were always in touch with me even after they got married.
    what is it you want? you want your friend to tell you every day: i am thinking about you and trying to match you up together with my husband? are you dating now?
    serously,

    uhu
    Guest
    uhu

    this phenomenon of single girls collecting money for each other is new to me. In most places ladies from the community get together and buy gifts for the kalla. its a community party. it doesnt fall on a couple girls and you dont go to peoples houses to pick up the 20 dollars their donating. unfortunately there is no “community” here in crown heights to fill that need and its nice thatfriends step in. kol hakovod. 🙂

    HAHA!
    Guest
    HAHA!

    Well said!

    chabadofopinions.blogspot.com
    Guest
    chabadofopinions.blogspot.com

    It may come as a surprise to some that the word op-ed is in fact an abbreviation for the term: opposite editorial. The phrase was coined in 1970 and they were opinion articles that were usually found next to the newspapers editorial. Much has transpired since 1970, and those that manage the highly informative Chabad orientated websites have given the Op- Ed a new and important lease on life. The letter ‘O’ followed by a ‘p’ and then a dash and an ‘ed’, is a multi purpose symbol on Chabad websites to symbolize somebody who has something that he wishes… Read more »

    Frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Guest
    Frustrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am a single guy, 26 years old. I am Just wondering about the married guys who sit in koilel officially learning, (while not on their iphones checking the latest news and sports scores) why can’t they think of how to set up their friends for shidduchim, just because boys dont have showers doesnt mean that they cant think of their single friends and who they can set them up with. Just letting out a lot of frustration, the shadchanim dont care and the married friends are too busy understandably, but why do you forget your friends just because you… Read more »

    TODAY- Think of 5 NAMES!!!
    Guest
    TODAY- Think of 5 NAMES!!!

    Please ask your spouse for 5 names of their close friends and set them up with 5 of your good friends. HELP OUT! It’s such a big Mitzvah to set up a new Bayis Biyisrael! A binyan adei Ad! Do it for the zechus. Do it because you care! Just tell your friend or her/his parent the name if you don’t want to follow through.

    to 24
    Guest
    to 24

    well said. I didn’t yet have time to post a comment, but I was planning on writing a similar comment.

    ur desprate
    Guest
    ur desprate

    no guy wants a girl who is so desperate to get married ….it all happens at the right time …have some faith

    why
    Guest
    why

    why is it that we always say cooking is for a girl i would like to cook for my wife

    Sad
    Guest
    Sad

    Sorry to hear you look at it with such negativity. Most girls make showers for their friends happily and most kallahs don’t expect an abundance of gifts. Many of us actually do brainstorm over dinner when their is a quiet moment and most of us make ourselves readily available as references when shadchanim call us – sometimes even closing the door to a room during dinner time while our kids are calling for us because we DO realize how important it is!!!! Wishing you much luck in finding your beshert soon.

    to #35
    Guest
    to #35

    Do the guys in kollel really sit on their iphones checking the latest news and scores instead of learning? I dont believe it.

    Half  "joke" Half not
    Guest
    Half "joke" Half not

    From all my friends who got married i organized all the showers i don’t expect any of it back b/c i know i won’t have it! This is pointless! shower or no shower. And another thing: you don’t have time to help your friends find a shidduch?! who cares?!?! right?!?!But have the decency to respect me!!! Have the decency to think that you’ve been there, you have been single once! remember?! Always when i sit with my married friends, all they talk about is married life!!! Pregnancy and babies and husbands and cooking and cleaning…HELLO I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE!!! Can… Read more »

    from comment #36 to #35
    Guest
    from comment #36 to #35

    didnt mean to bash #35 i meant to ask 30 is its true that the guys in kollel really sit on their iphones and blackberries instead of learning?
    Good yom tov

    to duh-#15
    Guest
    to duh-#15

    as if married life is honey and cake and all sweet all the time…it’s hard…there are ups and downs, even when thank G-d a person finds their right match…im just saying- the grass is always greener on the other side. yeh, we all need to do our share, think of a name, or go on dates blah blah but at the end of the day, put a smile on ur face, accept where ur at and move on…married or not! u think ur engaged friend is too demanding, then dont do it! noones holding a knife to ur head to… Read more »

    DON'T BE SO SUPERFICIEL!!!
    Guest
    DON'T BE SO SUPERFICIEL!!!

    I recall my grandmother (considered a beautiful woman BTW) A”H telling me that she wanted to marry an ugly man. I said, “But you didn’t!” She admitted that her husband had been a handsome man, but he, nevertheless, had the qualities she wanted (which, I am certain, included intelligence) without the negatives sometimes to be found in people conscious of good looks. I brought this up in my comment to Mother in Israel’s post with regard to Bad4Shidduchim, which you can see here. She shidduch requirements read as follows: •Facial Structure •Body Build •Politeness •Social Grace •Cleanliness •Kindness •Attitude •Intelligence… Read more »

    wow
    Guest
    wow

    wow! boys and girls are so difrent! the only thing that would get under my skin is if my buddy got 2 tickets to a big playoff game and he takes his wife over me!

    I am so sorry you didn't choose good friends!
    Guest
    I am so sorry you didn't choose good friends!

    Thank G-d I am blessed, I am still in contact with my good true friends. Married as well. They call me, listen to me, think of people for me… Remember – whatever station you find yourself in life, you will be waiting. There is always another stop, something else to look forward to. There will always be something you are waiting for. It can be hard and devastatingly painful. However, you can utilize this time, and enjoy it. Oh, and by the way, this isn’t coming from a married, or newly entering the shidduch scene. I have been there, and… Read more »

    to #30 we need your resume
    Guest
    to #30 we need your resume

    lets get cracking
    im always trying to set up my single friends i may just have a girl 4 u!

    to # 25
    Guest
    to # 25

    you must no be married because if you were you would know that girls dont become selfish after they are married … they prioritize !!!!! When you are single your friends are a priority when you get married that priority shifts to your husband. if you are a newly wed and are spending more time with friends than with your new found life partner… YOU HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM AND NEED MARRIAGE COUNSELING! you will see when you get married iyh that you will be acting just like them because those married girls were not trying to be mean… they… Read more »

    to #43
    Guest
    to #43

    you can email me and i will send u my resume, my email address is [email protected]

    A-MEN
    Guest
    A-MEN

    You are so right.

    Just one thing to consider, often your friends do try and it doesn’t get too far, but they really did try.

    But because you don’t hear about it, then you think your married friends don’t care and don’t try.

    So married friends, even when unsuccessful should let you know that they did try something and won’t give up.

    But for the main part you are right, your married friends don’t care that much and are so so so busy now.

    You are not bitter, just being realistic.

    Best of luck, from a guy.

    to all commentator. go writer!
    Guest
    to all commentator. go writer!

    to all commentators who are clearly too obtuse when it comes to reading comprehension:
    1. this writer does not sound bitter
    2. nor does she sound selfish, she clearly writes she is happy for her friend
    3. who said she isn’t enjoying life?!
    4. she’s making an extrememly valid suggesting instead of whining about “the shidduch crisis.” so many out there just sigh and say “poor girls/boys.” someone here has there head straight.
    it’s amazing/terrifying to see to what extremems ppl will go to to vindicate themselves and bash innocent others.
    an amazed dude.

    ???????????????????
    Guest
    ???????????????????

    I am an older single guy I am Just wondering about the married guys who sit in koilel officially learning, (while on their iphones checking the latest news and sports scores) why can’t they think of how to set up their friends for shidduchim??? Just because boys dont have showers doesnt mean that they cant think of their single friends and who they can set them up with. Just letting out a lot of frustration, the shadchanim dont care and the married friends are too busy understandably, but why do you forget your friends just because you dont have so… Read more »

    to be married or single?
    Guest
    to be married or single?

    i can sympathise with this author, in the town that i live there are very few lubavitch girls my age, so when my best friend got engaged i went straight into it with all my heart helping her get evrything from shopping for her engagement to helping he rbuy her chossen shirts and ties!! not only did i do that but i planned, prepared and paid for all the chassuna shticks and her shower party (the other single friends in town werent too bothered with it and i didnt want ur wedding to look diff then any one elses) after… Read more »

    'I am not an official shadchan'
    Guest
    'I am not an official shadchan'

    Says who!!!? Anyone can be a shadchan if they really try hard, and care enough! And if we are to emulate the Abishters ways, well then this is the first middah we should start with. After all if He who is busy running the worlds can make the time, then so can we . Take 15 minutes of your computer time or etc.. and work on a shidduch possibility for someone who is having a really hard time. You’ll never know what your interest and kindness will mean to someone who is not gettiing any calls back from the official… Read more »

    what'll happen when you get married?
    Guest
    what'll happen when you get married?

    never judge someone until you are in their place….

    now someones getting the point!
    Guest
    now someones getting the point!

    whats tachlis here???
    #43 to #30!!! NIICE GOING!
    now this is the lesson to be learned from OP-EDs!
    just make shidduchim! amen 🙂

    so true!!!!
    Guest
    so true!!!!
    X