How can a person build a relationship? How can he or she reach out to others and be recognized in response? The Avner Institute presents a letter and a story – one, the Rebbe’s advice to a British Jew on dealing with the individual in a focused and sensitive manner; the other, the Rebbe’s ability, as told by Rabbi Yehusiel Farkash, to discern and draw out within each Chassid an intimate bond.
In loving memory of Hadassah Lebovic A”h
“With Firmness and Sincerity”
By the Grace of G-d
8 Tishrei 5722
Brooklyn, NY
Mr. Aron Dov Sufrin
26 Linthorpe Rd.
London, N. 16
Greeting and Blessing:
With further reference to your correspondence and your efforts to help others in their religious and spiritual life, I am enclosing my letter to Mr. ——-. If further elaboration is necessary, I trust you will give it to him.
With regard to the question of how best to influence certain people with whom you come in contact, the answer depends on the character of those persons and sometimes also on other factors relating to family, background, and environment. Therefore, the best thing when such a problem arises is to consult with local friends who are more or less familiar with the circumstances.
However, I can make a general observation, namely, that the approach should be that of friendliness and cordiality, but at the same time with firmness and sincerity. This means that when one is up against a difficulty, the way is not to give up the effort, but rather to try another approach which might be more suitable for the particular person. An approach which may have to be either direct or indirect, but in a way that would find the person more responsive.
The list of pidyonos (requests) included in your letter of the 9th of Elul were duly received and were read at the holy resting place before Rosh Hashanah.
With reference to your last paragraph in your letter of the 4th of Elul, needless to say, there is no basis at all for thinking along those lines, and may G-d grant that you and your wife will bring up your children to a life of Torah, chuppah, and good deeds, in good health and to a ripe and happy old age.
Wishing you and all your family a chasima ugmar chiasma toiva [be sealed for a good New Year],
With blessing,
[signature]
“I Exist for that Man”
Rabbi Yekusiel Farkash relates:
I’ve spent many a memorable Tishrei with the Rebbe. But I’ll never forget one night, Shimini Atzeres, when we had to fight to get a place for hakafos, the dancing around the Ark, opposite the Rebbe’s platform.
Behind me stood a thin young man who looked like a typical Chassid – black hat, coat, gartel [sash]. An Israeli, he was chatting with a landsman, a distinguished Lubavitcher from Jerusalem. I couldn’t help overhearing his conversation – and the young man’s bitter tone of voice.
“I’ve been here for over a month already,” he complained. “I arrived on Chai [18] Elul, and honestly, I don’t know whether I exist for that man.” He was referring, of course, to the Rebbe.
His frustration was understandable. In Chabad one doesn’t simply greet the Rebbe or receive a greeting. The only time the Rebbe can really be seen was when he came in for prayer services or farbrengens. Personal contact is almost nil. This distance creates a lack of personal recognition, difficult for someone unaccustomed to local protocol.
The Chassid for Jerusalem tried to reassure him. “There’s no need to feel ignored. The Rebbe knows what is going on with everyone. It’s just hard to see from far away.”
But the man was not convinced. He remained in a sullen mood.
Triumph & Ecstasy
That year, the crowd teemed, as usual, and the fervor was palpable. The Rebbe danced in triumph with the Torah scroll, giving over a sicha, a discourse, before each of the seven hakafot, which corresponded to the seven sefirot, the mystical spheres of Kabbalah. At the end of each one, he announced, “Those who wish to join in this hakafa – rabbanim, melamdim, and the like – please do so!”
You might think Chassidim there would kill for this opportunity. In actuality, aside from those were already standing near the platform around the Torah scrolls, very few took it up. The hakafa would end up a “one-way ticket” whereby the men there might lose the coveted spot they fought, often literally, to get. So most remained rooted.
However, at the fourth hakafa, which corresponds to netzach, victory, the Rebbe, standing on the platform, announced, “Whoever served in the Israeli army, whether on a regular basis or in the reserves, should come forth!”
Suddenly, the Rebbe’s arm pointed in the direction of the thin young man. The Rebbe motioned, as if to say, “Why are you standing in your place when you belong here?”
The young man slowly advanced. And during his dance with the Rebbe and the holy Torah, the young man beamed with triumph and ecstasy.
It turned out that this Chassid, a driver for the Egged bus service, was in the reserves!
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