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Wednesday, 23 Sivan, 5779
  |  June 26, 2019

    Try the ‘Shlichus’ Method to Tznius

    Response to Tznius debate: Why are we loving and accepting when it comes to non-frum people but act differently with our own? Full Story

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    School Holds a Tznius Runway

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    Well said
    Guest
    Well said

    Out of all the articles that COL LIVE has been posting.
    This one is Definitely the best.
    Very true.

    Thank you for this!

    Oy Vey, thank you!
    Guest
    Oy Vey, thank you!

    Your words are like soothing balm on an open wound, the Emes.

    beautiful!
    Guest
    beautiful!

    this is chabad! I totally agree with this article, we need compassion and acceptance!

    Brings tears...
    Guest
    Brings tears...

    So true.

    Bang on!
    Guest
    Bang on!

    Thanks for sharing . Your words are gold.

    Lubavitch almost everywhere is a big success,
    Guest
    Lubavitch almost everywhere is a big success,

    though Crown Heights seems to be coming a mess.

    OMG
    Guest
    OMG

    So well said. Someone finally understands me!!!

    Very well said
    Guest
    Very well said

    Thank you for this. The shlichus factor must be applied to our own first and foremost.

    simple answer
    Guest
    simple answer

    Chabad in crown heights isn’t learning from the shluchim in texas and Nepal. They are learning from other frum communities in Brooklyn. They feel bad they Chabad doesn’t look at frum as those other communities so they adopt their tactics.
    It is sad when I read of people who became BT through Chabad where everyone was loving and accepting, then come to Crown Heights and it is completely different

    Very good point  - BUT!!
    Guest
    Very good point - BUT!!

    But it will never happen unfortunately…

    The Mashpeim who run out moisois dont have that attitude…the shluchim do( hopefully most )

    WE NEED TO START WORKSHOPS AND SEMINARS ON HOW TO EDUCATE OUR EDUCATORS TO BRING UP HAPPY HEALTHY BALANCED YOUTH!!!

    If that doesnt happen nothing will change…

    And its compicated…the rebbe gave certian standards ..

    We definitely need more options where girls and boys can be more accepted and loved for being open minded…

    If they want to study science and technology lets give the the frum warm setting to do so..

    thats how I see it.

    Chana
    Guest
    Chana

    Very well said. Thank you.

    to #3
    Guest
    to #3

    ya this is chabad. And “THIS” is the problem. There has to be a line between tolerance and free for all. Right now we are past that line of tolerance and closer to the latter. As harsh as it might seem, something had to be said not only regarding the school, but as a general statement because quite honestly, the situation is out of hand and has been for a long time. And if it continues, it may just reach the point of no return. It should be a given for our holy women to know not to dress provocatively,… Read more »

    Right on
    Guest
    Right on

    Just cuz someone went through the system, doesn’t mean the system went through them. The notion that ” they are born and bred lubavich, they should know better” is so wrong, especially these days, michanichim need to realize this.

    this is so nice Rochie! thank you!!
    Guest
    this is so nice Rochie! thank you!!

    This is great Rochie!

    Each of us needs to connect and farbreng w people in crown heights, in whatever way we can. To take Personal interest in the people around us.

    And not leave it up to anyone else.

    So much shlichus to do here.

    Bnos Menachem High School teachers
    Guest
    Bnos Menachem High School teachers

    Invites their students many times over for shabbos meals on a constant basis
    Out of school farb
    And work super hard on nurturing a positive relationships with
    Their students
    I personally know many who truly love their students no matter where they are holding

    CH is great but not perfect
    Guest
    CH is great but not perfect

    BP is great but not Perfect Williamsbugh is Great but far from perfect. With the Kolel full of chasidishe guys learning and Ohelei Torah loaded and ULY packed. BH thousands of frum and Chasidishe bochurim. Sure some fall threw but everyone tries. We live in 2017. Everything is open and exposed and GURARY can try all he wants but when when trim their beards woman will wear short. The Rebbe never made strict Takonos. He never said if you have a TV thrown the kid out of yeshiva. He spoke about TV maybe a couple of times in 40 years.… Read more »

    Shlichus style doesn't mean accept
    Guest
    Shlichus style doesn't mean accept

    It means accepting those who don’t know better and teaching them with love the beauty and joy of fulfilling the mitzvos and halachos. I don’t see how a school can enforce a parents dress though, other than when they come to school. I just wonder why parents pay tens of thousands of dollars for their kids chinuch and then don’t support it by example. B”h my daughters are more tzniusduk than I am, and i am more careful because of it. (They went to out of town schools!)

    so so proud, ROCHIE! !!!!!!
    Guest
    so so proud, ROCHIE! !!!!!!

    With your golden heart and expressed the root of the problem, it’s guaranteed to have a positive effect! !!!! May you continue to go mchayil el choyil in all that you do and continue to give abundance of chassidish nachas to Hashem, the rebbeim, your parents, siblings and ENTIRE family!!!! Sending WARM regards

    I couldn't agree more
    Guest
    I couldn't agree more

    Rochie, you are spot on! Knowing something is an issue is only part of the solution. The world is constantly using new mediums to communicate with each other, and we need to adapt and find new ways to communicate with our kids. Love trumps hate – every time!

    Sruli Schochet

    Good vort
    Guest
    Good vort

    “Just cuz someone went through the system, doesn’t mean the system went through them.” I hope it’s OK if I borrow this!

    12 being makpid on someone's tznius
    Guest
    12 being makpid on someone's tznius

    I don’t think women who dress that way are thinking of attracting other men. They want to look good for themselves. They feel better about themselves. They are real people and shouldn’t just be seen as ‘examples’ Nothing good will result if you don’t treat them as real people.

    פעם החידוש היה "ישראל אף על פי שחטא - ישראל הוא"!
    Guest
    פעם החידוש היה "ישראל אף על פי שחטא - ישראל הוא"!

    היום, מה שצריך להבין, ולהפנים, הוא אשר “ישראל אף על פי שלא חטא ישראל הוא”….

    An educator
    Guest
    An educator

    Unfortunately a bigger problem is the parents not the educators. Teachers and mashpiim do everything they can to educate the youth and explain to themthe importance of everything (trust me. None of them are in it for the money) but if the kids go home and see just the opposite from their parents then educators are literally wasting their time. Unfortunately many parents believe they can do whatever they want at home and let their kids have every gadget with unfiltered internet and when their child doesn’t show an interest in chasidishkait or is lacking in tznius it’s all the… Read more »

    Bnos Menachem alumnus
    Guest
    Bnos Menachem alumnus

    #15 I was just going to say that. I went there I know those teachers. Our teachers invited us for shabbos meals , planned shabbatons with us and played basketball with us too. I and many of my classmates and friends are still close with them. They cared for us as people. teaching is not their job but their shlichus-their life.
    Thank you BM teachers for all that you did for us and continue to do for your students.

    #10
    Guest
    #10

    Why label all mashpeim as such?!
    I had a mashpia in OT mesivta who’s the greatest shliach out there, and has made such an impact on my life as well as many other bochrim. Right here in CH

    WELL SAID!
    Guest
    WELL SAID!

    Shlichus in Crown heights

    BH חבד
    Guest
    BH חבד

    From all the posts and op-ed you see one thing . its not really about tzinus only , its about fundamentally figuring out how to convey חבד רבי and ירש to our children and community with אהבה so that they internilize it . CH , has no structured community , not sure where you can find one . but I can tell you this , chabad anash only respect , if anyone Shluchim . Some how if Shluchim can join in some capacity with CH leaders mechancim etc and figure how to implement a hadracha to raise the community higher… Read more »

    Gurary is not a shliach
    Guest
    Gurary is not a shliach

    R’ Gurary may be an Orthodox Jew, but he is not a shliach, and thus lacks the sensitivity the Rebbe inculcated in us. Frankly, the first person he should criticize is himself — for not listening to the Rebbe’s call to become a shliach. Is he a good role model for his students? How can he expect them to become shluchos, when he himself has not done just that?! He may be a very frum businessman, and he certainly has a right to open up any school he likes with any standards he desires — but that is not Chabad.… Read more »

    U have a point
    Guest
    U have a point

    Yes the mechanchim should be more loving towards there students, I’m not sure how it is today but when i was in yeshiva if my rebbi saw me in the street or 770 they would totally ignore me , let alone invite me for shabbos !

    Preschool
    Guest
    Preschool

    Parents who are obsessed with chassidishkeit but don’t care about disfunction in classroom don’t understand how important self image is in all of this and that while chassidishkeit is important, social emotional health is just as important

    Machaneinu Kodosh
    Guest
    Machaneinu Kodosh

    There can be no compromise on Halocho
    The Torah is not ours to chop and change
    Oz VeHodor Levusho should be read daily like Chitas
    Then we will be an Am Kodosh and Machaneinu will be somewhere the Shechina will dwell

    anonymous
    Guest
    anonymous

    This is well said

    EVERYONE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN
    Guest
    EVERYONE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN

    srsly just calm down with is all u ppls problem??? he sent a letter to the families of his school. If you don’t like it, thats exactly why u don’t belong in his school

    Rebbeim's words
    Guest
    Rebbeim's words

    How about we establish a weekly farbreingen for ALL of ch, to sit together and create achdus. Maybe that’ll lead to a change and not just another article that’s a response on a response of a letter that wasn’t even directed at any of you. Let’s make the rebbe proud and UNITE as one!!!
    כל ישראל עריבים זה לזה!!

    Folie & Elkie
    Guest
    Folie & Elkie

    Great message…. Great article.

    To # 23
    That’s exactly why BM is dealing with the mothers tzinius.

    To # 28
    RMG might be a business man, but he truly has a chasideshe hergesh toward shiichus. His shlichus is being the vaad ruchnie.

    # 28
    Guest
    # 28

    Who are YOU ?
    A guy is moser nefesh with his “Meoidecho”
    And he is not a Sheliach?
    Is this where we have arrived at ?

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    Articulated well!

    boundraries
    Guest
    boundraries

    I think the more boundaries that you make, the more people will want to break them.

    Finally
    Guest
    Finally

    Someone got it right

    loss
    Guest
    loss

    We are losing our children everyday and all the people in charge can think about is how long my wig is or if my feet show. How about losing the judgments? how about remembering what the Rebbe stood for?

    many years too late
    Guest
    many years too late

    This approach which should always be followed has for many years, especially to kids off the derech. Either we keep our own kids away out of fear, or we try to reach out to them with love. But this is 23 years in the making. Have we addressed young married on birth control yet? Have we addressed bochur shtick of making money off of not kosher business deals? Have we addressed the not so chassidish looking shluchim yet? Etc Etc Etc. I myself attended a Bais Yaakov school. While I missed out on the eye opening concepts of chassidus, I… Read more »

    Tinuk Shanishbu
    Guest
    Tinuk Shanishbu

    We deal on Shlichus differently with Tinokim Shanishbu bein Hakim then born and bred.Are there kids who went through “The system” and are still in that category. Absolutely. But that is the exception and you need a Rov (usually in conjunction with Doctors and therapists) to pasken so.

    CH Homeowner
    Guest
    CH Homeowner

    This op-ed is well-written and concise. I agree completely with the author’s points. Yeshar Koach!!

    Amen
    Guest
    Amen

    I salute you!

    Well said
    Guest
    Well said

    I would just like to add: shluchim bring their Bal Habatim closer to Yiddishkeit and Halacha by speaking to them, interaction. If anyone actually wants to make a difference in their community, speak to the person in a nice way. Explain to him the beauty of the Torah etc. It will make a huge difference in him. (Even if you don’t see it right away)

    # 40
    Guest
    # 40

    The Rebbe stood for pure Halocho
    Nothing would compromise Halocho
    The Rebbe was always clear

    sensitivity and warmth
    Guest
    sensitivity and warmth

    Our children need to feel that they are loved and the hanhalah/teachers/mashpiim truly care about them. They need lots of warmth while enforcing the rules. The students need to be able to look up to them and respect them. And I find the opposite with my children. The schools/yeshivas are just making it harder for me because I need to fix the damage they are doing to my children. Yes, #3 it is often the treatment they receive in the schools/yeshivas that turn the kids off. They need to feel your love before they are admonished and sadly many do… Read more »

    Problem
    Guest
    Problem

    This article may be correct, however, what is apparent here is that if people in our community, officially a frum chassidishe community, have to be baby talked and can’t just be told (of course in a gentle and positive tone) this is the halacha and if you consider yourself a frum Jew then you have to keep it, then sadly this community has definitely changed immensely from what it used to be and should be. It’s sad that although once we were the ones softly trying to convince our not yet frum brtheren to keep Torah and Mitzvos, now we… Read more »

    PREACH
    Guest
    PREACH

    We are moving away from a time when people listen based on their intellect and logic.

    We are moving towards a time when people listen with their hearts.

    It’s a simple rule – if something is said in a palatable, kind and loving tone, it pierces through the listener and starts to resonate. (And the opposite unfortunately is true – when something is said in an authoritative, cold and harsh manner, it is dismissed and rejected, even it is 100% true).

    This writer has got it right. THANK YOU for sharing a simple yet fundamental insight.

    First Thought that Came to Mind
    Guest
    First Thought that Came to Mind

    Why not treat it like Shluchus?? Because the people going to the school actually know better. I’m sorry but most if not all of these women know that skirts above the knee are not tznius, or that the fashionable shirts that go down above the elbow are not tznius and necklines below the collar bones are not tznius and that stockings are required. Instead of asking the schools to change and whining and threatening to fry out, what about embracing the level you are on and say, you know what yes, I know I push the boundaries of Tznius and… Read more »

    Very very well said!!
    Guest
    Very very well said!!

    As a teenager, I completely agreee. Negativity will never be successful. Instead of judging and punishing, start teaching, and accepting. Stop knit picking on the small things (like wearing crew socks and leggings) and start focusing on the actual Halacha. (Like covering knees and collar bone.) Maybe then will girls feel motivated and happy to dress tzniusly with love.

    Inviting people in to your home
    Guest
    Inviting people in to your home

    The only reason I am an orthodox Jew today is because I had a rebbe in mesivta who invited me in to his home for shabbosim, and yomim tovim, and all other times, despite my rebellious behaviors and disillusion with yiddishkeit and never said a cross or critical word to me.

    Very good point!
    Guest
    Very good point!

    Yes I am a crown heightser….. I strive to live a chassidisher life style…. Most of my siblings are not frum, and this is because one of my teachers would invite me for shabbos meals…. I saw their beautiful shabbos table….. And the way they love yiddishkeit and the rebbes inyonim…. This inspired me and gradually I began to strengthen in yiddishkeit! I wish many more teachers did the same!

    Thank you! Words of wisdom!
    Guest
    Thank you! Words of wisdom!

    This is a very important article. How many times do “special” students who are on the verge of dropping everything get special treatment from teachers, but the majority of the girls toeing the line and walking the walk get ignored and taken for granted? Years ago, I worked in a CGI day camp just outside of a large Chabad community. Many children from Lubavitcher families joined the camp because the local Lubavitcher-run camp was a disaster. The shliach I worked for wisely said that today there is no difference between a frum kid and a non-frum kid and all must… Read more »

    Got it!
    Guest
    Got it!

    We need to make the 12 step program for tznius too.

    Hit the nail on the head
    Guest
    Hit the nail on the head

    Yep. This. 1000%.

    Very True. But here is the problem:
    Guest
    Very True. But here is the problem:

    The point about proactively ensuring we transmit Yiddishkeit effectively through real warmth and caring is critical. If that means that a school cannot and should not have standards which they expect students or parents to abide by, we have a catch-22: With all due respect and sensitivity to everyone, we need to recognize that the medicine for one is the poison for another. When we treat our entire community as a Shlichus, waiting for people to be inspired by our warmth and love, we are indeed helping those who need the support. But we are simultaneously weakening those who do… Read more »

    To #52
    Guest
    To #52

    Your right. But some schools have strict rules who can enter. Obviously Shluchim can’t do that. But here in CH we can make groups of elite. Not sure how this started it’s not the Rebbes way. But it is a reality. And if a school has rules well you gotta keep those rules or find a different more relaxed school

    Beautiful Article
    Guest
    Beautiful Article

    This is one hundred percent true!!!

    How far it goes
    Guest
    How far it goes

    Someone not in your community saw a rebbitizin wearing open toed shoes and with surrender, invested 100’s of dollars in healthful open toed shoes. Now to find out the investment was not correct as originally thought. People really do look at what you do and follow you. Good luck. 🙂

    IOW
    Guest
    IOW

    On shlichus we treat people, particularly women as human beings.
    In addition, show me a shliach who would consider sending out a list of tzniutz takonos to his mekurovim. He would loose their support overnight.

    U have a point
    Guest
    U have a point

    Yes the mechanchim should be more loving towards there students, I’m not sure how it is today but when i was in yeshiva if my rebbi saw me in the street or 770 they would totally ignore me , let alone invite me for shabbos !

     מלמד תשב"ר בשכונת רבינו
    Guest
    מלמד תשב"ר בשכונת רבינו

    כבר שנים רבות שמחנכי שכונתינו נוהגים כך ובפרט המחנכות החשובות של בנות מנחם כמובן וגם פשוט לכל מי שבשם מקושר מכונה
    אבל אין זה כלל וכלל סתירה לעשיית תקנות כנהוג בכל העולם כולו שלכל מוסד או חברה ישנם תקנות כפי ראות עיני המנהל ואין זה כלל וכלל סתירה להענין של אהבת ישראל ואין להאריך בדבר הפשוט

    article is not realistic!
    Guest
    article is not realistic!

    Ruchie, would you want your daughter to go to school where the girls consider themselves frum and dress improperly?! Which often means their thoughts are not in the right place etc. etc.and girls who are “modern” control the social scene – girls who dress tznius are mocked…

    beautiful article.
    Guest
    beautiful article.

    very well said.

    מספר 28
    Guest
    מספר 28

    You hit it on the (unpolished) nail. When the male messenger is dirty, i.e. speaks of women and their “tight” clothing and “red” polish etc. The message gets lost. We need a pure Jewish women to speak to these girls. Not a “chaisidshe man” and my other point is he opened a school that directly competes with the school the rebbe established. So perhaps he is worse than a frum yid who is in a girls school and is clearly viewing and being deeply harmed by tight clothing and red polish.

    its about the approach
    Guest
    its about the approach

    Rabbi Gurary is allowed to make rules in his school. But for a parent to come out publicly against it is totally wrong. Firstly, she is undermining the principle of the school in the eyes of her children. How do you expect children to respect the school and principle when parents act like this? @ndly, for a yiddishe froy to publicly speak against mivtza tznius is just shameful to see. 3ly, she is giving a good excuse to people who dont keep to it. The shlichus perspective is a total different conversation and not what we are trying to deal… Read more »

    to #10
    Guest
    to #10

    Klolei Chinuch V’hadrachah

    Make where you are Israel ....
    Guest
    Make where you are Israel ....

    Israeli chabad schools have had the same standards for years… A monther can’t even pick up her child from school with sunglasses perched on her sheitle…Just sayin’

    Very good but...
    Guest
    Very good but...

    If a girl is doing well in school , has good teachers as role models,and has good friends, she will more likely have the self-esteem to dress and act tznius .Also, if her parents can provide her with the money to buy tznius clothes and the clothes are available, she will not have to go to the mall or the internet to buy inexpensive non-tznius clothing. Times have changed. There were no or very little women wearing long shaitels, dark nail polish, and leggings twenty-six years ago. And there was no internet. The Bais Din of Crown Heights united against… Read more »

    So well written
    Guest
    So well written

    There is a reason why we say that Ahavas yisroel is a basis of the torah. It works for everyone! It worked for me and I’m an ffb! And as a teacher and community member , I see first hand how important it is to reach out with love and build relationships with those who are struggling spiritually. Then you automatic become a role model. Remember, we are all shluchim and can influence others through ahavas yisroel! As long as we remember that people are not projects but our brothers and sisters!

    Yes the Rebbe was strict on Halacha, but he wasn't strict on
    Guest
    Yes the Rebbe was strict on Halacha, but he wasn't strict on

    Yidden. He had the ability to understand and know what they needed to hear and do at that point in time. What would be truely best for them. I guess we don’t have it so much.

    to #12
    Guest
    to #12

    You sound like you care a lot. As you know the saying of the Baal Shem Tov, I’m sure there is nothing wrong in your tznius but you are seeing the wrong in others. Since you are seeing the wrong, the Baal Shem Tov says that you have the power to change it. Please do what Rochie Levin says- invite them over for a meal, etc. Get to know them. Use your G-d-given passion to make a change.

    The difference
    Guest
    The difference

    The difference is they are on the way up while we are on the way down

    agree
    Guest
    agree

    in the past few years you hear that its hard to find a place to move on shlichus. This is the answer: CH NEEDS shluchim!

    Big turn off
    Guest
    Big turn off

    This is spot on. This has played out so many different ways in my life. One very upsetting example that happened to me is that I went to a Chabad House minyan for Yom Kippur a few years ago and was inspired by the davening for the first time in a long time. I helped show people the place and was respectful etc. I decided that I would like to go there to daven because I never go to shul and had thought that I finally found a place where I could feel connected again. Anyway after that the shliach… Read more »

    a lost cause
    Guest
    a lost cause

    Chabad makes people frum, and then…. they are on their own. Some handle it well, others need a lot of support after their whole lives are turned upside down. It’s terrifying for Baalei Teshuvah. After they have integrated into Chabad, some have a very hard time. They see their FFB neighbor dash out to the trash sans ANY head covering. And they wonder… is this what I gave up my cheeseburgers for? A long time BT friend of mine has a very large family, no money & some genetic medical issues. She once told me she felt she was sold… Read more »

    Dear 28
    Guest
    Dear 28

    So the rest of us are worthless because we aren’t on shlichus? Who do you think supports you?

    To number 12
    Guest
    To number 12

    I cannot agree more, this issue is unfortunately notimited to dress and it’s really a chilul Lubavitch and a chillul Hashem. Every time I’m in CH or Miami, I feel revolted and sad. Let’s fix this plague, r”l, and bring back the kedusha and tahara Chabad was the example of in the old days…

    Ha Ha Ha
    Guest
    Ha Ha Ha

    Good points. Well written.

    I read through all the comments. Some very good ones.

    Maybe we should start rating the coments?!

    Why is raising our standards judgmental. I'm so sorry for those that don't have a self esteem!
    Guest
    Why is raising our standards judgmental. I'm so sorry for those that don't have a self esteem!

    Raising the level of tznius is only called “judgment” if we don’t want to grow. Let’s not be defending ourselves, have a little more confidence and self esteem and appreciate the challenge to do something hard and be a better person.

    Nice Article
    Guest
    Nice Article

    Though I may not agree 100%. In yeshivas it’s indeed a very important nekuda, Bochurim need warmth, love, caring. Yes.. even if they are 18,19… more so if they are younger and it could have a tremendous effect. The most I gained in my Yeshiva years was from a magid shiur in gemoro that was a very nice guy, (also smart) but most importantly caring and devoted. If only my other maggidei shiurim and mashpiim would be like that, it would be amazing . I’m still a so called Chassidishe bochur but I think I would be more into learning,… Read more »

    Bubi
    Guest
    Bubi

    Amen.

    Shliach is looking for gain
    Guest
    Shliach is looking for gain

    The shliach has an ulterior motive financial gain, new congregant etc. The teachers know they wont get anything from the student so unless they do it leshaim shamayim which is a lot harder it wont happen

    Tomchei
    Guest
    Tomchei

    It’s interesting that in lubavich tochei temimim if you had the wrong book )haskala(. One was chucked no questions asked no ״kiruv” there

    the Wall that Protects Klal Yisroel
    Guest
    the Wall that Protects Klal Yisroel

    *The Wall that Protects Klal Yisroel* Rabbi Shneur Zalman Gafni relates: Before traveling to the Rebbe for Tishrei 5730 (1969), my wife asked me to discuss with the Rebbe a tznius gathering which had taken place in Bnei Brak. The gathering was headed by the Rov, HaRav Yaakov Landau, and my wife was one of the organizers. I had many things to discuss with the Rebbe, but I added a few words about it at the end of my note. I was surprised when the Rebbe replied in short to all the other issues, and began speaking about this subject… Read more »

    product of a chabad house
    Guest
    product of a chabad house

    As a product of a Chabad house out west, now living many years in the frum community here, I can say I find the lack of tolerance shocking. It’s a real turn off to someone trying to fit in. There has grown up a culture of rebellion. I’m familiar with that. I went through it. But in a Chabad House, people were understanding and eventually I became totally znius. But never would have happened if I had been surrounded by judgemental rather than caring people!

    To number 78
    Guest
    To number 78

    The Rabbi never said anything about being worthless. That was a very nasty, insensitive statement and an example of a lot of insensitivity in the frum community.

    Finally!
    Guest
    Finally!

    The voice of reason. Not sill orange peel analogies. Not harsh rhetoric. Just straight up Chabad truth and approach. Thank you.

    Please stop blaming teachers!
    Guest
    Please stop blaming teachers!

    Most teachers put their heart and soul, the PROBLEM is the ADMINISTRATION!!!!! they are the really problem! Many of them just warm up their seat and live happily with their generous paycheck! But if the teachers had better support and guidance they would be able to do much more!

    I'ts much more complex!!
    Guest
    I'ts much more complex!!

    The crisis in our community as well as in many other frum communities is real. The issues are not just tznuis. It’s just that this is the most visible weakness in our community. Family life today is very complicated from a financial standpoint, from community pressures from unrealistic expectations in marriage and relationships and many other factors that are to complex to mention. Add on technology that has brought the world with all it’s garbage into our homes we are seriously in trouble. Every community is grappling with these challenges. The answers and solutions are also not simple. The issue… Read more »

    Is Shlichus the answer?
    Guest
    Is Shlichus the answer?

    Tznius is not the beginning of the problem. Chabad Kiruv from the top down, from America to Australia etc are bending the Halacha(Tznius and otherwise) big time! How many have all kinds of mixed events, socials,questionable speakers, , mixed swimming…..We, in CH, need to be very selective which Shliach we allow our children to help. Many issues with our own children have started out by helping shluchim. Giving space (abusing the concept of Ahavas Yisroel) is not necessarily the answer

    Excellent!
    Guest
    Excellent!

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They are inspiring and spot on.

    To #19
    Speaking of tznius; men should not address women by their first name. See Oz Vehadar Levusha for the numerous sources.

    Wishing all a chassidishe summer!

    Ignorance corrupts
    Guest
    Ignorance corrupts

    If anyone were to study the very many and delicate ways that kids become victims of sexual abuse, you will find that the way in which girls bodies are viewed – as is evident in this incredibly impassioned discussion- is a very strong factor in the victimization of girls. I attended a group that was led by someone in our community where we talked about your own experiences (all of us frum and tznius and lubavtch raised mothers) and finally giving voice to experiences and what we want for our own daughters. It was horrifying to hear how soem of… Read more »

    To # 82
    Guest
    To # 82

    I think you should write the name of the magid shiur.
    מצוה לפרסם עושי מצוה

    Gosh! Guess I am Not Original in My Sentiment...
    Guest
    Gosh! Guess I am Not Original in My Sentiment...

    as to why we have all of the patience and acceptance for a fellow Jew who knows nothing about Yiddishkeit, but find it so difficult to live up to: “V’ahavta l’Re-aycha-Komocha” ben adom l’chaveiro?

    Penina Metal

    All beautiful
    Guest
    All beautiful

    All true but doesn’t lessen the neccesity for tznius.

    Different treatment...
    Guest
    Different treatment...

    ….after being around for 40 years, I picked up a pattern: some shluchim are so nice to their mekuravim that they have no patience left for their own kids…these kids become resentful of the people their parents cater to…meanness is expressed towards the kids of those mekuravim and these kids SEE a very different picture their parents see about Chabad…they literally will do anything to dissociate from Chabad…

    BNOS MENACHEM
    Guest
    BNOS MENACHEM

    i am a student in bnos menachem high school and i can say that every single one of my teachers care! yes, they invite us to their houses for shabbos meals and yes they have one on one conversations with their students to see how they are and where they are holding. and our principal mrs,majesky is the kindest principal ever. i am so lucky to be in the best high school in crown heights with teachers who really care!

    VERY IMPORTANT REMINDER !!!!!!!
    Guest
    VERY IMPORTANT REMINDER !!!!!!!

    Ahavas yisroel and “shlichus attitude” also applies to people who we consider to be “kanoim” or too extreme.
    Thay too must be treated with love and sensitivity, and should be judged favorably.

    Love bcm
    Guest
    Love bcm

    If you send your daughter to bcm she’ll never end up like people in Brhs and bm

    to # 99 and others
    Guest
    to # 99 and others

    The writer of this article is not targeting your school, or any school or anyone in specific. She is just saying that there is a lack of love and real shlichus in chabad schools in general. That is all she is saying.

    LMHC
    Guest
    LMHC

    if you teach by example and act in a way in which you portray that you know hashem is always before you, no hypocrisy with a huge dose of caring for the student whether he can learn well or not you will have a much better chance of having frum children. Children want the truth and they want people who care enough to teach and portray that truth no matter what. Teach from within and not from preaching. preaching means nothing. by example is everything.

    Good Morning
    Guest
    Good Morning

    This is something the Aliyah Institute has been doing for years!

    teen
    Guest
    teen

    yes the loving way is how to go because I “went through the system” everyone feels I know it all I was never shown the true beauty of tznius and many in my class have not either I have taught myself and read stories and looked for people who I can look up to

    Please don't give up on your selves.
    Guest
    Please don't give up on your selves.

    Here are a few ideas: 1. Ask those of us who left and are now shomer torah and mitzvohs. We might have some good ideas. 2. Start talking and stop judging as in unconditional love. The shluchim might try that too with their own children. Don’t treat the students better than you treat your own children. 3. Let your children know that they are always welcome in your home. 4. If you don’t want your children to do drugs you should start by throwing out your mashkeh and only making kiddush on wine. 5. Bochurim in yeshiva should not be… Read more »

    #85 to Rabbi Gafni
    Guest
    #85 to Rabbi Gafni

    Thank you for restating the Rebbe’s extreme concern and clear position on the subject at hand. One should not claim to be a follower of the Rebbe, if one only wants to look for excuses not to follow the Rebbe. It is clearly stated that one cannot eat from the house of one who does not follow the halachos of tznius – i.e. one cannot trust the kashrus of such an individual. For just as one has ”adjusted” the halachos of tznius, it can be assumed that the same one has also ”adjusted” the halachos of kashrus. Yes, we are… Read more »

    Let's not forget !!!
    Guest
    Let's not forget !!!

    To 28, & ALL (including myself): let’s not attack gratuitously.
    Let’s not forget *how much* Ahavas & Achdus Yisroel & Nohagu Kovod Zeh Lozeh means to our Rebbe.
    He cares *immensely* about this — even more than the above-mentioned issues!

    This letter is the one!
    Guest
    This letter is the one!

    This is a letter that doesn’t openly harass others for their opinions (*Cough “Waldman”) and it’s a letter that is sensitive, yet tells everyone that the tznius DOES matter…thank you for writing this letter in a menchlich, kind, and emesdike way!

    X