By Devora Krasnianski – Founder and Director of Adai Ad Institute
Some shiduchim are set up by shadchanim. A larger number come about in the most ‘random’ of ways.
One Simchas Torah, I met a classmate from back in high school; she doesn’t live in NY these days, but was in Crown Heights for the Yomim Tovim. We got to catching up, and she mentioned her wonderful daughter. I introduced her to another friend of mine who has made a number of shiduchim. And she did have a nice idea for her daughter. BH, they are married.
Really, it took just a few minutes of my time. It was easy. And I do feel good that I was part of bringing them together.
Another friend tells of when she was at a meal during Yom Tov, the hostess mentioned that she has a sister looking for a shidduch. The guest had a brother. They shared and compared their personalities and life values, and saw they really were compatible. And the shidduch happened.
And a similar story: It was a large meal with lots of participants from all backgrounds and from cities around the world. The conversation was lively and engaging. One young woman there really enjoyed the perspectives and personality of the woman sitting across from her, and thought that her own brother would really appreciate her unique qualities. And the shidduch happened.
And just one more from another classmate: Z was given a shiduch suggestion for her son. Among the references who were provided to her was another classmate M. She felt most comfortable talking to someone she knew, so she called M. After chatting about that prospective shidduch, M realized that Z’s son was just what her own daughter was looking for. They discussed the possibility, and they realized that they had similar ideals and compatible personalities. And that shidduch happened.
All these shidduchim. All through seemingly random encounters.
These next weeks of the Yomim Tovim provide lots of opportunity to meet people and to network with people you might not see that often. Additionally, there might be guests to your city that you really would not know if they had not come to your city.
You really never know where that next shidduch might come from: a conversation at a Yom Tov meal where you are a guest, at your own Yom Tov meal, during the Shul Kiddush, waiting outside Shul, during Hakafos, at Simchas Bais Hashoeva, family gatherings, (but never during davening J)
You can wait to see what might conversations come up during these times. Or you might pre-plan to proactively network on behalf of someone or yourself. You might even bring some pictures and notes of details with you. Or organize with a group to share ideas during the shul Kiddush, or during breaks in shul, or during hakafos when the men are dancing.
To singles: Yomim Tovim are a great time to introduce yourself to others who may just know the someone for you. You don’t have to walk over to strangers and blurt out that you are looking for a shiduch. Rather, at meals or in shul, get to know the people around you. Help them get to know you, so they can network on your behalf.
The Adai Ad Institute’s programs provide the necessary tools and insights for a strong and successful marriage – starting with pre-shiduchim, continuing through the shiduch process and into the marriage itself. www.adaiad.org