By Devora Krasnianski – Founder and Director of Adai Ad Institute
Some shiduchim are set up by shadchanim. A larger number come about in the most ‘random’ of ways.
One Simchas Torah, I met a classmate from back in high school; she doesn’t live in NY these days, but was in Crown Heights for the Yomim Tovim. We got to catching up, and she mentioned her wonderful daughter. I introduced her to another friend of mine who has made a number of shiduchim. And she did have a nice idea for her daughter. BH, they are married.
Really, it took just a few minutes of my time. It was easy. And I do feel good that I was part of bringing them together.
Another friend tells of when she was at a meal during Yom Tov, the hostess mentioned that she has a sister looking for a shidduch. The guest had a brother. They shared and compared their personalities and life values, and saw they really were compatible. And the shidduch happened.
And a similar story: It was a large meal with lots of participants from all backgrounds and from cities around the world. The conversation was lively and engaging. One young woman there really enjoyed the perspectives and personality of the woman sitting across from her, and thought that her own brother would really appreciate her unique qualities. And the shidduch happened.
And just one more from another classmate: Z was given a shiduch suggestion for her son. Among the references who were provided to her was another classmate M. She felt most comfortable talking to someone she knew, so she called M. After chatting about that prospective shidduch, M realized that Z’s son was just what her own daughter was looking for. They discussed the possibility, and they realized that they had similar ideals and compatible personalities. And that shidduch happened.
All these shidduchim. All through seemingly random encounters.
These next weeks of the Yomim Tovim provide lots of opportunity to meet people and to network with people you might not see that often. Additionally, there might be guests to your city that you really would not know if they had not come to your city.
You really never know where that next shidduch might come from: a conversation at a Yom Tov meal where you are a guest, at your own Yom Tov meal, during the Shul Kiddush, waiting outside Shul, during Hakafos, at Simchas Bais Hashoeva, family gatherings, (but never during davening J)
You can wait to see what might conversations come up during these times. Or you might pre-plan to proactively network on behalf of someone or yourself. You might even bring some pictures and notes of details with you. Or organize with a group to share ideas during the shul Kiddush, or during breaks in shul, or during hakafos when the men are dancing.
To singles: Yomim Tovim are a great time to introduce yourself to others who may just know the someone for you. You don’t have to walk over to strangers and blurt out that you are looking for a shiduch. Rather, at meals or in shul, get to know the people around you. Help them get to know you, so they can network on your behalf.
The Adai Ad Institute’s programs provide the necessary tools and insights for a strong and successful marriage – starting with pre-shiduchim, continuing through the shiduch process and into the marriage itself. www.adaiad.org
to #12
I feel the tribulations you are going through, I myself come form a prominent so-called ‘gezsh’ family and can say first hand that we both suffer from the same problem regardless of our backgrounds, but now is not the time to feel sad or helpless. Now is the time of year to daven for everything you need.
While you may not be aware, but your statements go directly against gemoros rishoinim and the shulchan oruch.
Of considireable interest, it would be more proper to check the following sources before you spout your comments:
see siman chof alef in even ho’zer.
To get used to women is not the problem. To be out in a ” trap” to choose a partner for life is NOT CONSIDERATE if not told in advance.
You mean to say it’s a bad thing that single bochurim and single girls feel it’s inappropriate to mingle in a non date setting?
Hayetochen, those are the ones keeping Lubavitch alive today and give us all the strength and emuna to believe it is not all lost.
this method of making shidduchim is literally the second most common way of matchmaking (second the the common shadchan way) so being that there are more people in new york for tishray it makes most arithmetical sense that tishray is the best time for shidduchim. im not sure what the authors objective of this article is.
I agree with your point, hosts should be considerate of their guests and not make them uncomfortable. Having said that, as someone a bit older I would say it’s time to grow up. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin. As an adult in the real world you’ll learn that women are people too and you’ll need to get used to it.
Is that not a sad state of affairs
Where are we heading to
When each gender perceive the other
With “uncomfort”
I am a single 24 yr old bochur, while I do enjoy the yom tov festivities every year, i feel that my non-chabad bal tshuva background has left me at a disadvantage towards other bochurim my age from more prominent CH families.
I have to agree with #9
For those young people that are ok with it, well they are. But we should be considerate to bochurim and girls that may NOT be, and should notify them beforehand
I am not aware of all the issues, but with regard to the article you mentioned about picking up the girl:
Any arrangements you agree on are fine, I was struck by the fact that the girl was upset, and his reaction was to roll his eyes, and write an article. Not sensitive to her feelings, whether she was justified or not
Just if I may throw in my own two cents as a recent Bochur by many of these very settings of Yom Tov meals with girls there as well – not getting into whether it’s right or wrong, etc – but one thing common sense that the host\hostess should tell the boys and girls before that there will be of the other gender there. Lots of boys and girls are uncomfortable in such a setting ESPECIALLY when they weren’t told about it before. Please be considerate to your guests…
Get it straight, this article is about bringing a awareness to you, don’t get stuck in the details DO SOMETHING – ANYTHING to bring a single closer to marriage.
Thank you Devorah K for going out there to help and make a difference.
With Love!
A single who u inspired.
Inspiring to what? Distraction from what?
If you are aspiring to be a munk then yes. If your goal is to raise a family and be a part of a frum society how is celebrating yom tov with other like minded frum Jews a distraction?
– #2
Spot on !!!
שכל
All I can say is good luck in this avoyda sweet new year.
For the bochur, the yomim tovim are a time for growth and inspiration to take oneself throughout the whole year. While shiduchim are very important to bring a bunch of bochrim and girls together by a meal is really an unnecessary distraction.
And why at 31 im single and will never marry chabad.
So maybe this works for chasidish etc people.. but with the many articles being posted, apparently it does not.
The article about the guy picking up the girls is really the foundation to this, that the first dates are ridiculous because the most odd and random matches are attempted.
That’s a great idea but what if, instead of it being a great time to meet people who might bring up in conversation that they may know someone who might possibly be someone you might be interested in. Then, they’ll have to do all the ground work of “selling” the shiduch to both parties and making arrangements. What if yom tov was a great time for people to invite various friends whom they know to their tables including single bochurim and young ladies. Then they may meet someone they’d be interested in dating. And, if it’s not for them they… Read more »
Everyone ,young and old should be involved in Shidduchim! make an effort! What goes around comes around! help make shidduchim!