The ‘Jewish Harry Potter’

CHAPTER 15: THE FINAL SOLUTION

If they had had the choice to erase just one day in their life or the possibility to press the del-button on the computer and delete the memory of just one incident, the Ministers of the government would have unanimously agreed to eradicate that Tuesday morning in the second month after the winter of the 24th year of the reign of Ramses II.

It all began calmly. Two weeks before a casual meeting of the monarch with his heads of state was called in the Hall of the Elders. The subject of the convocation was the Jewish Problem. That morning, at three sand hours after daybreak, twenty-four ministers took their seats around the rectangular table awaiting the entrance of the Star of Periscules, Father of the Nile, his Holiness, Ramses II. The windows of the hall of the Elders were opened wide to let in the cool morning breeze. The copper and clay busts of Ramses` ancestors that cluttered the room glistened in the morning sun after being thoroughly scrubbed and washed. Fresh fruits and beverages were brought to the table by the Sudanese valets and arranged decoratively in colored porcelain vessels.

The king entered the Hall of the Elders accompanied by two consultants, prompting all the assembled to rise on their feet. After the king settled in his throne-like chair and laid his three kilogram pure-gold, snake-head scepter on the table, the Minister of Interior affairs began to review the Jewish Problem.

“The Jews are increasing at an unprecedented pace,” he began. “The birth rate has reached over 160 per 1000. The Jewish population numbers today almost one million five hundred thousands of whom more than 445,000 men are employed on our behalf while about 55,000 are either clergy or priests which are exempt from work as dictated by Egyptian law.”

“According to our demographers, the Jewish people will outnumber us in twenty-five years from today,” the Minister of the Interior stated worriedly.

“Why not get rid of them now”, the king interjected. “Let us find a neat way to wipe them out from the face of this earth.”

The minister of Labor responded: “It is not so simple, Your Highness. We need them.  As you know, there are almost 154 projects under construction all over the country. These projects demand a task force of 200,000 men. Take for example, the Pyramid at Kurfu.  In order to complete this edifice in 20 years as Your Highness has ordered, 340 blocks of limestone and granite must be brought to the site daily.  This necessitates 1200 men to cut and polish, 2000 men to deliver and another 3000 to push, pull, drag and set in place at the site. Altogether 6,200 men are required for one project alone.

The king questioned: “Why not invade Sudan as we did ten years ago and take a 100,000 prisoners-of-war and have them build those pyramids instead of the Jews?”

The Minister of Labor answered: “Your Holiness, the Jews are not just another people.  They are artisans, masons, contractors, polishers, planners and we need artisans, masons polishers and planners. The Sudanese are a primitive people who have limited talents.  The Jews are astute, talented and hard working. The Sudanese are lazy.

“Two weeks ago, I jailed one of my officers at the Aswan Quarry for killing a group of Jewish artisans that attempted to escape. They were superb masons.  We will pay dearly in less than perfect work for their extermination.”

The Minister of Health stood up: “There is another reason why we would prefer to employ the Jews. The Sudanese are a sick people, carrying many types of diseases of different degrees of lethality. Their personal hygiene is utterly unsatisfactory. They eat wild rodents and other creatures.”

“On the other hand, the Jews are very clean people. Constantly washing before eating and after eating, when they wake and they sleep.  They believe in the spiritual cleansing power of the universal solvent and use it copiously in their religious services.  Even the ladies, dip once a month in the pure waters of our Nile River in order to purify themselves for their families. They eat only kosher food, which means they indulge only in certain types of birds and mammals and then only after slaughtering and removal of their blood, by salting and rinsing.”

“Your Highness certainly remembers it was the bath filled with Jewish blood, as Doctor Mahanduz had suggested, that cleansed and remedied his Highness of the sickness that almost, may the gods forbid, took from us the life of our King.”

The Minister of Science was the third to eulogize the Jewish people. He said: “The head offices in Cairo that plans and manages the 154 projects are ran by competent professionals: mathematicians, astrologists, architects and civil engineers. Although I personally detest the Jews, it is proper to mention that most of the professionals in our head office are Jews.  They are actually brilliant people versed in the driving forces acting on the planets and stars in the heaven and the attractive forces that emanate from the center of our globe and pull all bodies together.  They have established the fundaments of algebra, trigonometry and calculus, for us and the generations-to-come, claiming that it all issues from their holy Torah…”

“Ramses stopped him: “We have enough of them. They are growing too fast.  I have decreed that all the males that are born should be killed immediately! By the way, why were the girls exempt from this decree?” Ramses failed to remember the legislation he had signed himself.

The Minister of Astrology replied: “Your Highness, I will explain. According to our celestial observations and calculations, there will be an eclipse of the moon over the sun as the planet Saturn passes through the five-star configuration of the seventh constellation in eighty years and six months from to-day.  This means that a male leader of the Jews will overwhelm our country, prey havoc and release his brethren from bondage.  It is for that reason that we have we proclaimed the law against the boys.”

“Since the leader will be a male, we have decided to permit the girls to live on, in order to incorporate them into our civilization, especially since they have such fine complexions and other tantalizing attributes,” he added with a roguish smile.

“Is my decree being enforced to the letter?” Ramses asked.

A tense silence filled the room. None of the ministers volunteered to answer the question.

That was sufficient to kindle Ramses` notorious temper and activate his second personality. He picked up one of the porcelain glasses and flinted it in the direction of the Minister of Intelligence just missing his head. The glass broke up into a thousand pieces as it hit the polished marble floor.

The minister of Intelligence got the cue and stood up. His feet were trembling.

“I am afraid to say, Your Highness, that your decree is not being fully applied.  Although the hospital in Goshen has been closed down, we have reason to believe that its operations are continuing clandestine somewhere else.

“The ringleaders are the midwifes, Shifra and Peuah, the wife and daughter of their leader, the ones that you summoned to the palace over a year ago and warned them that their lives are in danger.  They are continuing to protect the babies without any apprehension.

Now the Minister of Intelligence made a dreadful mistake. He would pay dearly for the following comment:

“I would like you to know, my Emperor, that your daughter, the princess Hadrianna, is confiding with those midwifes…”

Ramses did not permit the Minister to terminate the sentence. He stood up, grabbed the end of the scepter on the table and began swinging it around his head, faster and faster.  When the scepter accumulated sufficient inertia, he approached the seat of the Minister of Intelligence and thrust the three kilogram gold stick in the direction of his head.  Though the first throw missed, the second one hit the upper part of his skull, flinging the Minister to the ground together with his chair. A pool of blood heaped up around the open wound, defacing the spotless floor.

Ramses was raging: “A friend of my enemies?!  How could he dare to accuse my precious daughter of treachery? She is the most talented lady in the world! She is the most loyal person a human being can have!”

The ministers were terrified. They were in the midst of a violent terror attack.

The Minister of Health began shoving his chair nonchalantly in the direction of the exit.  Ramses discerned his intentions immediately and without delay threw a large enamel jug in the direction of the astonished Minister.  Although the vessel did not hit him directly, it broke up on the table sending scores of splinters into the faces of three or four Ministers sitting nearby like a grenade blowing up in the midst of innocent citizens.

Once again I will curtail my story at this point.  Although the violence lasted another eleven and a half minutes, I will not nauseate my readers with the details.

Let us just say that the outcome of this meeting that took place on that bright Tuesday morning in the second month after the winter of the 24th year of the reign of Ramses II was that the government was abruptly reduced from 24 to 16 members.

מתוך הספר: HADRIANNA, PRINCESS OF EGYPT

המחבר (שם עט): Jonathan Zakai

e-mail: [email protected]