TRUTH – by a bochur
Lately, I’ve been thinking,
Why is it that I feel no one cares for me ?
Why do I feel like the world is against me ?
Why do I carry such a big chip on my shoulder ?
Why am I constantly looking over my back ?
Why am I convincing myself,
That the people closest to me,
Are the ones out to get me ?
Why am I always chasing ?
Chasing friends ?
Chasing care ?
Chasing love ?
Chasing hope ?
Chasing validation ?
Why can’t I just open my eyes and realize,
That it is all right here,
It is all right in front of me,
It is all readily accessible,
If I just let go,
If I just actually be myself,
If I stop pretending to be someone I am not,
If I start valuing and nurturing the relationships I already have,
If I start owning up to myself,
If I stop running away from reality,
If I just come to the realization that I have it all wrong,
And maybe,
Just maybe,
Someone else is right,
Maybe this time,
Just this time,
Give it a chance,
Let things settle,
And if I don’t move now,
If I don’t change,
Don’t be real,
And I just keep fighting myself,
One day,
It will hit me,
Hard,
And it will hit heavy,
With intensity I can’t even imagine,
My life will spiral out of control,
My friends will leave me,
My family will watch,
And I’ll be left alone,
Crying,
Sobbing,
Aching,
Hurting,
Painfully regretting,
And most of all,
Wallowing In my own mud,
I’m sitting here,
Day by day,
Slowly digging my own pit,
Which to it,
There will be no way out,
I will be trapped,
My life will be one big contradiction,
Alive on the outside dead on the inside,
Happy on the outside depressed on the inside,
Smiling on the outside crying on the inside,
Real on the outside fake on the inside,
True on the outside false on the inside,
A man on the outside a wimp on the inside,
A success on the outside a fail on the inside,
Confident on the outside self-conscious on the inside,
Unabashed on the outside ashamed on the inside,
Whole on the outside shattered on the inside,
Human on the outside and a monster on the inside,
But most of all,
My life will be,
One long,
Never ending,
Painful reality,
And suicide,
Is NOT an option,
And I’m gonna have to live it out,
Fighting day by day,
To keep afloat,
Or,
I can go out,
Stop,
Stop being afraid,
Afraid of myself,
Afraid of others,
Afraid of the world,
Stop trying,
Stop trying to be someone else,
The next real person,
The next cool person,
The next fun person,
The next nice person,
The next caring person,
And just be,
My own person,
BE,
MYSELF,
And you know what,
For being real,
For being true,
I will have a lot of haters,
I will have a lot of doubters,
A lot of non believers,
I might lose a lot of friends I thought I had,
But I will have real relationships,
Real friendships,
Real experiences,
Real meaning,
Real purpose,
Real desire,
To live,
A real life,
Teen,
Accept it,
Accept the fact,
You’ve been hit with the truth,
Stop,
Stop hiding,
Stop denying,
Stop trying,
Stop fighting,
Just let be,
Just let go,
Just let the world,
Let your friends,
Let your family,
Care,
Love,
And most of all,
Be there,
And if there’s one thing,
One thing,
That you should take for the rest of your life,
It is that,
Family is real,
Life is important,
Friends are a blessing,
So go,
Go,
Be real,
Be honest,
Be kind,
And most of all,
JUST.
BE.
YOURSELF.
I can totally relate
Thank you for sharing
im pretty sure Judaism is about serving g-d. not about getting married and having diplomas etc. etc. (maybe try learning some chasiddus).
There are so many going through the same thing as you. It will get better. Sadly, so many teens are struggling. Parents, please look out out for signs that your child is suffering and give them the support and love they need!
Dear writer,
The little bit that I read and what I understood, makes my heart grow warm. You are so special. You are special for being able to share your feelings with so many people, brave enough to do your thing, without listening to others scorn. I think you’re so special. Wow, I can’t get over it. Continue spreading your light, and just being you!
Love, me
Was about to say something along those lines, you are a good friend, and what you said is truth.
To the author, you ARE an amazing young man, I bet you become aware of that fact now, mamesh and go from strength to strength .
This post must also be actually a PSA to all the #25’s in our circles!
This poem really hit me hard. It’s one of the many thoughts I battle on an every day basis. As a crown heights born and raised teenager, I have to shamefully say that as parents, friends, schools, teachers, as a community, we are very good at reaching out to help others, but we lack to help those sitting right next to us.
The young man shows not just above average intellect, but strength in the ability to question and choose his own path. There is strength in being an individual and listening to advice but choosing one’s path. How many of the Machers in town, sell out the community? How many others do not have the strength to call out the corrupt with their conflict of interests that turns into greed and corruption? There is a reason no one runs for CHJCC. They are scared of the economic and social consequences for disagreeing with the Machers. How many speak out against those… Read more »
thats amazing 🙂
I also write to express certain feelings and I think this is almost an answering/reflection poem to one of mine
thank u
I know him personally and I can testify that he DOES have a Mashpiah who he is very close to and speaks with on a constant basis.
#25 The problem is that you see expressing oneself and being honest as a sign of weakness and a need for help. Perhaps you should consider where you stand and begin to be honest with YOURself.
I would have never guessed that someone your age could do such a
superb job. Just make sure that you align yourself with your Neshamah – the real you, through qualified Mashpiim, role-models, and anyone with expertise to get you to where you’ll truly be happy and real to your purpose in life
This sounds like a serious cry for help. Why does it sound like trying to be yourself is a contradiction of how you have been raised. Maybe you are not in touch with your true and inner self. Dear writer, find yourself some professsional help, and perhaps you will see that being at one with your soul will bring you inner peace and the ability to be your true self.
Lubavitch Bochurim have no goals of what they are to accomplish in Yeshiva and when they are to enter the world of action.
Non-Lubavitchers have goals in Yeshiva as to finish a Maseches, get accredited as a Rav or Dayan. etc.
Non-Lubavitchers enter the world of action by marrying at the age of 18.
Lowering the age of marriage in Chabad, and setting goals of learning with true diplomas will change the sadness in warming the bench in Yeshiva by Bochurim for a decade!
Your feelings are very well expressed! Your a light Just starting to shine!!! I would like to remind you to please allow yourself to be loved and to enjoy the ride! Also remember that after the intense emotions of teenage years…you will gain more and more insight into yourself and the world and the intensity will fade….there is MUCH light at the end of the tunnel…A happy loving and bright future awaits you! So breath deep and try to dance as often as you can!
I know who wrote this and I just want to say that you have an amazing talent and I’m so happy you decided to share this with people! Keep being the incredible, real person you are!!
That’s pretty much my life…though when ppl don’t give you a place to be who you are ..it’s quite tough
Every single word is bold and accurate. Thank you for sharing!
Deer teen, that’s very very inspiring and i respect you for expressing yourself you have the talents to inspire others – continue growing you will be a fantastic Shliach of the Rebbe!
Beautiful
you sir, need a mashpia….practically speaking, none of this actually helps a given situation. just saying be yourself doesnt mean anything, because it doesnt provide the required help. Seems as though, that posting these things online are like putting a bandaid on a cut that needs stitches. Better would be to speak to someone and not pose as someone trying to show other people how to be real.
As a teen, I also feel what you felt. Thank you so much for your letter. It really inspired me to live life being who I AM and not someone else. Thank you for showing me the reality and for showing me the better path.
…and I am not 16!! I have to read this every day and I am s mom with a big family !!
Wow! That was so well written. Kudos to you for expressing yourself in such an honest and creative way. The points you make are true and very inspiring!
Please continue to use your special poetic talents for more and more holy causes!
Very intense but love the way it is expressed!
Wow. Incredibly written!!
You are a very talented truthful young man and wise beyond your years. Keep growing and inspiring yourself and others!!! Hatzlochoh Rabboh you can
And will reach great heights iyh!
B”H
This is a real skill to write like this but it lacks real vulnerability. The writer didn’t sign his name but I am sure, that those who do know who wrote this and even the writer himself knows that he didn’t really share his struggles.
Dear writer: You are loved and can be loved even more deeply. Open up to those who you can trust and trust a few more people than you currently do.
Perhaps every mashpia ever rov. Every community leader every activist. Should read and reread this. Stop the BS stop the ambiguity stop the faking. Stop the political falshkiet. Let’s get real. Every parent every R’H every mashpia should vision this as one and every single of theirs No exceptions.
Thank you young man whoever you are. That was powerful message which was very needed for us olders/elders. Bless you sir for your courage despite your discretion.
Intense. Painful. Painfully true.
So well expressed!! Wishing you — and all of us — much hatzlacha at the most important thing: just being yourself!!
Just a piece of advice get a Mashpia.
That is so true so honest and really relatable I’m sure this will help many whoever this 16 year old is you have a real talent and keep it up don’t stop writing it’s a gift from Hashem that you can write your emotions down into words
this is so powerful. thank you for sharing
Try to rap the article over a 3/4 beat. You’d be pleasantly surprised how good it sounds
So vulnerable and honest! Thanks for sharing
Yasher Koach