By Rochel
It’s the best of times, and the worst of times.
For many families, this is the most enjoyable time of the year. Camp is over, and the school year hasn’t yet begun. Kids who are usually away at school return home for a few weeks of calm. They relax, reconnect with siblings, and enjoy a brief stretch without the usual pressures, no homework, no projects, no early mornings. It’s also time to shop for school supplies and clothes, and to prepare for the coming year.
For children who live in the United States, it’s a beautiful and well-timed break. A chance to come home after camp, before heading off again for school, seminary, or yeshivah.
But for those of us living overseas, this period can be incredibly challenging.
Our children, who spend the year studying in the U.S., have nowhere to go between camp and school. Home is far away, sometimes across oceans. They may have come home for Pesach just a few months ago, and flying them back again now simply isn’t practical. Dorms aren’t open yet, and the places where they might board don’t start operating until school begins. So where do these kids go?
As an overseas parent with children primarily in the U.S., this is the most challenging time of year. I hesitate to ask people to host my kids, especially when their homes are already full with their own children returning from camp.
But what choice do I have? Flying them home would cost thousands of dollars. Renting a basement or short-term apartment is also cost-prohibitive.
So I make the calls. I reach out to friends and relatives. “Do you have space for one, two, maybe even three of my kids for a few nights or a week?”
This isn’t a complaint. It’s simply our reality. And if anyone out there has a solution, I’d love to hear!
Give them a million dollars
Small loan of a million dollars
My friend, I understand you . Its is difficult time for many of us in the states as well. We need to go to work, the children are home with long unstructured days, waiting until school starts. Its not easy but you are not alone.
In what world is this period of time a wonderful relaxing time for US families?! It’s a time for stressing about the lack of childcare and overly-drawn-out school start schedules is what it is.
Completely out of touch. We’re working multiple jobs to pay our Crown Heights mortgages, stressing about babysitters that can’t be relied on because all teens are glued to their phones these days despite being hired to watch kids; we’re supposed to be working but our kids need supervision and entertainment this week, it’s the most DIFFICULT week for any CH working parent!
life isn’t about being entertained
it’s about Torah. kids should be learning Torah in their free time even if at their own home. it’s readily available on chabad’s website. but the website should remove all news articles from the site and all non-kid-friendly items from the front page.
Your kids are probably Nuero divergent
You’re suggesting screens as a babysitter. Many of us have stronger values than that and wont sacrifice our children’s minds to be entertained by screens regardless what the cause or purpose is. “right” did not mean entertained as in shows and nonsense, it simply means keeping kids constructively occupied WITHOUT devices. If everyone put their kids on devices there would be no issues this week. But thanks for being holier than the rest of us…
Agree
It’s interesting.. CH Tends to get “blamed” a lot…. This is our home… Needing to host all year long is not ez.
And this time of year is challenging for most families..
Yeshiva’s should open up,
Yeshiva would have to charge parents
Cheaper and safer
It doesn’t cost more to open the dorms… its easier for boys to find somewhere just to eat.
When I was a bochur in OT zal I was in the same boat. Overseas and absolutely no family in ch. OT graciously opened their dorm for us who needed it. We had to figure out food but sleeping was taken care of.
Schools and boarding places should learn a thing or 2 about OTs care for each individual bachur!
Plenty of effort has been made to shorten the unstructured time. The chabad overnight Camps have adjusted their schedules to match yeshiva and are still in session.
For those who are upstate, day camps are still in full swing all this week.
In every camp, there is exactly one week between when camp ends and school starts. That’s not this week that’s next week.
I’m in the same boat. I always wonder what all other Shluchim do.
I can’t bring them home for less than a week but I have no where for them to stay for these few days.
Very challenging!
it’s a chance to make them want to grow on their own! while watching from the sidelines. a tree when its small has bars on the side to help it grow. but some people took this mashul to mean that you stick a bar through a tree and kill it! either way its a great chance for real growth and connection!
Is abnormally long.
Its almost 10 weeks long.
Kids forget huge chunks of the skills they learned the year before and time is wasted at the beginning of the school year relearning.
The summer vacation should be shorter and there should be one or two normal mid year vacations, like in other countries. It makes much more sense from both a learning and behavioral perspective.
i think it’s what the Rebbe said. or not to have vacation at all. its so distroctive, but yet again for some kids most of their yiddishkeit is from camp… so!??
In Australia summer holidays is 6-7 weeks which is much more reasonable
But bh we have 3 other 2 week breaks during the year. School on Sunday only half day And another difference summer camp is only 1 week for grades 2-3 and then 2 weeks for grades 4 and up. Plus an additional optional week of madmidim camp only open to high school kids Yes we have a shorter summer. But so is camp Challenging at times true but people work it out and kids thrive in the down time We are also blessed every year with an incredible group of bochrum who are the most devoted school shluchim and yg… Read more »
Summer camp is a best place for working parents.
Day camps 9am -3pm – you can’t keep any normal job
Oholei torah allows the bochurim to start using the dorm when they return from camps and starts serving food I think the Wednesday before Yeshiva starts.
They charge for it…
This is not done as a chesed
Is the cost of renting a basement in ch for two weeks
As Crown Heights families, we host constantly throughout the year, and we’re now gearing up for the long, demanding weeks of Tishrei. Personally, I find it especially challenging to be asked, year after year, to host bochurim during the hectic week between camp and school. This is a week when we’re already stretched thin — juggling work, caring for our own children at home, and preparing for the new school year – endless lists of supplies, new shoes, uniforms everyone needs all while keeping kids of various ages busy during the day. When people ask, “Do you have a spare… Read more »
have some mesiras nefesh for the rebbes shluchim who sacrifice their lives for the rebbe
Nowadays, many shluchim do not host people. They refer you to a nearby hotel and offer meals for pay, ie catering or operate a restaurant.
It’s part of the budget of travel or sending your kids to school overseas.
Sane story with kids who go to Eretz Yisrael for Sem or Yeshiva and have Sukkos or Pesach off w a closed dorm.
Agree
If it comes at the cost of one’s children, then it’s a Mitzvah that comes with an Aveirah (which must be avoided).
Shluchim are just as human as crown heights families. How many shluchim are hosting people to sleep over week after week? Thats a uniquely crown heights mesiras Nefesh.
You don’t sacrifice your families lives as well. This comment was obviously written by a man/bochur, because it seems that you are unfamiliar with a woman’s role. The man’s job is to go out there and give his everything to his shlichus. A woman gives everything to her family and whatever she has left she gives to her shlichus. If you put your shlichus before your kids, you will be paying for their therapy later, guaranteed.
Crown heights families are truly amazing. The amount of hosting you do is tremendous. I don’t live in crown heights, so don’t host as often as you do, but i would find frying eggs and making food for people exhausting too. When people stay by me, I show them the kitchen and say please feel at home. Take whatever you want, make whatever you want, etc They are so happy to be in a welcoming heimish space, they truly take care of themselves. I cook supper for my family, so of course make enough of that for my guest, but… Read more »
Seema you haven’t hosted shy yeshiva bochurim. Your logic applies to families when there are adults to serve their kids. I host sleeping guest almost weekly – the article here is referring to teenagers before school starts and they absolutely need meals prepared or set out for them and invited to eat otherwise they’d rather starve in hibernation in their room… That takes a lot of headspace.
I’m one of those who’d rather hibernate than ask for, or take anything
but Just remember it counts most whhen it’s the toughist! (unless it would just be really unbearable!)
You make no mention of the exorbitant sums being demanded by Yeshivos, Seminaries and Camps.
Shame on the Moisdos for making the learning of Torah into a money grab. For shame.
The eltere Chasidim devoted their life to building the Moisdos of Lubavitch so that the younger generation should have where to grow in Torah and Chasidus. Some of the current administrators are only interested in the money, nothing else
Sadly, no one opens a Yeshiva, Seminary or camp for idealistic purposes. SAD.
I was a very fine boy who signed up to 2 out of town mesivtas, and was rejected from both! The 3rd one (which is a terrable mesivta) accepted me. i do’nt understand why anyone would send a kid out of town for mesivta!?
why send away a kid to waste 3 years ALONE? you should be with them on the journey! i would say the one exception is if it’s a really good yeshiva… Oholei Torah do very well. and Lubavitcher yeshiva also! however NOW i do’nt think crown heights is so safe but thats a diffrent story!
Guys please tell me how do you pay for all kids – it’s above one person average salary ..
Somehow my parents would always fly me back home just for a few weeks, even though I knew it wasn’t easy for them financially I’m glad they did that so I wouldn’t feel not belonging but learning overseas for years challenging in between times would make feel awkward but it taught me much maturity and self embracing and being positive about myself… beginning of a longer journey that who knows maybe helped me get married pretty early and start my own life…now I want my kids to also feel belonging and happy and be able to afford their tickets, with… Read more »
its very hard for me also but when a relative asks me i think to myself we live in a frum community with all the conveniences and they live in middle of nowhere sacrificing their could have been easy life so i go out of my way to be like them who don’t ask questions when they host which is nonstop and they open their home and their entire life and work endlessly to serve their community so i too even though i am a farmer😃 want to be like the shluchim and the least we could do is to… Read more »
As a son of one of those families who the Rebbe instructed to live in crown heights, I am ashamed that I ran away to “shlichus”. I’m glad to be a shliach but am jealous of those who have the mesirus nefesh like those children of families who were farmers in USA and came to the suburbs of NY to build Lubavitch. You use the expression farmers without realising it’s demeaning. It reminds me of the “orthodox rabbis” pre world war II who were threatened by the “unrecognized” chasidic rabonim who newly arrived in USA and took paid advertising against… Read more »
you are so right!
lets do our part
You’re bringing up a a good question. I think bringing it up is already a step in the right direction. You created an awareness that there is something needed and hopefully people who are in position to host, will reach out to their extended family and friends. I also think there are a few things that might be helpful to be aware of when you’re looking for a solution. 1) The majority of crown height families live in homes with less space per person than other places. Yes they might be able to put a mattress on the floor but… Read more »
Chers are always happy to host! But out of towners should appreciate the hosting that families do! From so many times a year to just shabbos meals for students learning in ch!
Many couples move out of ch because they can’t afford it or don’t want the headache but then expect the local ones to host their children without any thanks. Or even look down at the people hosting in ch!
A thank you goes a long way’ when being hosted bring something small for the family
And don’t pay their camps, it won’t be “not worth it” for just a week
People are asked to spend one week with their kids Why does it sound like so many people dread this time ? Even countries who have less vacation and more breaks throughout the year don’t have the option of day camp like here for so long. You had two months of camp and here you complain about a week… These people have their kids with them for weeks August is travel time, family time, you ever went on vacation? Parents and kids wait for vacation all year long just for this quality time they’ll get to spend together ! Some… Read more »
I know this might be shocking, but there are parents who actually work…
I think the complaint is the juggle of working with kids home.
A lot of countries where kids r home, most of the country is shut down, so family’s can do trips together
Thank you for sharing your novel and deep insight.
Your comment will improve everyone’s life.
My children had 6 full weeks of day camp and then are home for 3 weeks before school starts. If you have 2 parents who work full time, that’s very challenging.
Maybe they can go to friends that live out.of crown heights.
We don’t host as often as crown heights does, and tickets are more affordable than overseas, their friends. May not mind having them over
Monsey, New Haven, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Kingston, (PA), Toronto, Sharon (MA), and there are other towns and cities with many Lubavitchers.
The added advantage is that many more in these places have larger homes than the CH average.
I think that is a superb idea: a win-win for all!
They can get a job helping a shliach, a store etc so they can cover the costs
I would gladly host your child – but I can barley manage the weeks between camp and school. My husband and I both work and it’s difficult to find reliable childcare to keep my kids occupied.
I have a great idea. If your teen (or 2 of them even) offer to occupy my kids during my work hours and keep them safe… I’ll gladly host your teens for free plus meals for those weeks. They can have fun after work hours once we get home.
Love this idea 👏👏👏
Do you have credit cards? Use it to bring your child home. The rewards of the mitzva of kibud av v’em will be good for your children . Being with their own family will also better prepare them for their future life as parents. If someone came to your Chabad House and got stranded somehow and could not get home to his family, would you try to assist him get home? Do the same for your children. Let them come home and know their own family, even if it costs in the long run, it is worth it .
What age are we talking about? If they’re old enough to be away from home, they should have access to somewhere to stay otherwise it’s just irresponsible on all ends. Signed someone who lives overseas and was that overseas Teen but refuses to do the same to my children and they’ll stay at home until they’re old enough to be independent.
When my child goes to a town with a shliach and needs a meal I’m told he can purchase a sandwich with prices 5 times the price in a restaurants in ch! But when people show up in ch they expect 3 free meals a day from the host!
I think that is where the issue of hosting comes up. It seems like it is not reciprocated anymore. My parents had an open-door policy for better or worse. They are the typical old school shluchim; everything was sacrificed for their mission, even at the expense of their kids. Now shluchim are protecting their families and creating safer boundaries for themselves, which is in their prerogative to do so. IE, creating business model mini catering/restaurants, opening up boutique guest houses, Communal meals at shul, never in the home, designated Rabbi office hours. The new way of doing things is fine.… Read more »
It’s funny to me how everyone thinks the other has it easier than them.
everyone has their challenges.
You asked for practical suggestions….
Perhaps the Shluchim office can connect these bochurim with Shluchim who can use help for a week or two. They can fly them down and provide accommodations in return for help in the community etc.
The person who wrote this article mentioned the impossibility of renting a basement apartment, due to the expense. I will take the liberty to assume that they are referring to the ones that are rented per night, like an airbnb. Some of them charger $200+ per night, which really adds up. But I wouldn’t rule out basements that fast! As a young single adult who comes from elsewhere in the US but lives in CH during the year, I am very aware of how many young singles are desperately looking for someone to sublet their apartments during the summer months.… Read more »
Maybe one of the two parents can join their kids in the states for a few days. Especially if it’s a few kids, worth that 1 ticket. Book a cheap place to stay right outside new york , by the ohel etc and spend quality time together that you otherwise wouldn’t have .
I think out of town app can help to find a place to sleep and eat for the out of town boys or girls in exchange for babysitting, tutoring or family errands or even washing dishes/ organizing etc I understand your concerns and financial struggles, believe me not all CH families and kids went out for a summer vacation or will go somewhere during these few weeks gap between a day camp and school. Another way is to organize a soup kitchen chabad kosher meals on the wheels like in boropark that can feed all out of town yeshiva boys… Read more »
Sorry we can’t host we live large family in overcrowded place, and not going to summer vacations and this year not even to summer camps.
But we can sponsor one meal per your child in any local eatery/restaurant please tell us and will add money on his account.
I can’t see hungry boys or boys with not crispy white shirt that never been bleached as the mother is not local and they wash all clothes together…
Who asked