“Hey ChatGPT, how can I write an OP-ED about the Shidduch crisis without sounding repetitive or critical?”
Scratch that. I’ve decided to write from the heart.
I’m Chaya. Single and 28 years old.
The summer is over and I may be one of the very few people who are extremely happy about that. The last three months have been some of the loneliest months of my life.
The summer was long and hot, and I was in Crown Heights the entire time. My friends and relatives traveled, went camping, dated, got married, gave birth, and I could not do any of those things.
I’ve accepted that Hashem didn’t want me in those places and instead wanted me working, helping, and hosting at home. And I’m grateful because I have a job and a home and some people don’t.
What I haven’t (yet) accepted is being single in this community. I cannot accept the fact that there are so many older singles like myself in this community and no one is doing anything about it. (You can disagree but this is my living experience that many of my peers relate to.)
The fact is that once we reach age twenty-five, we are pushed to the bottom of the pile and often forgotten about.
The fact that people think we don’t want to get married or that we’re picky.
The fact that there are no programs or events to help make things happen for us.
What is going on?!
I’m not bitter. I’m sad. I’m tired. I’m frustrated. I’m in pain.
*
“Free Coaching for Teachers”,
“Shluchim Unite to Bring Their Singles to the Chuppah”,
“A New Tuition Scholarship”,
“A New Summer Community for Pennsylvania Families”,
“Affordable Housing for Large Families”,
“New Shluchim to Orlando/Campus/Tampa/Paraguay”
All very important causes were posted about on COLlive.com over the last week. None focused on our singles.
So, I’m turning to the wonderful Chabad community, in which I have lived my entire life, to see what the solution is.
Next week, Chabad is hosting the largest-ever dating event for Chabad house singles, but can’t figure out something for the local singles?
What is going on? Why is this happening?
What are we doing to help OUR OWN build their Binyan Adei Ad?
Being an older single is one of the hardest stages of life to navigate. It’s the loneliest, most difficult, and most helpless stage. We sit by and watch our friends (and their younger siblings!) get married, build a home together, have children and raise them, celebrate their milestones, take them to school, and plan a Bar Mitzvah! etc., while our lives remain stagnant. We support them and attend their Smachot, and play with their kids, and also cry on the inside. Because we want that for ourselves too.
We’re looking for support. We’re looking for Shidduch suggestions. Shabbos meals. Dating events. Shadchanim remembering us. Events to support us (think of Bonei Olam). Family to reach out to us. Mentors. Rabbis. Teachers.
Where are you?
Signed,
The truth. Painful. Important.
A wake up call is needed.
This is probably one of the biggest crisis in the community.
just quit. stop being a shadchan. you know who you are. especially you who match the 18-21 year old girls and don’t ever match the older girls.
Why do I know so many singles that aren’t on chabadmatch.
I think part of the problem is there isn’t one spot that you can find everyone, so while some people go to one shadchan and some to another, they never ended getting suggested to each other.
Met at chabad is a place where they should all sign up on. It’s the future of shiduchim
Met at Chabad is for the same mekuravim mentioned above who meet at Chabad houses.
I recently attended a met at chabad speed dating event. Great event, no complaints. But I tried signing up for the premium service, one that offers a shadchan assigned specifically for you. I had an initial interview, no hiccups there. I was told they’d evaluate my application and notify me within the next two weeks. Two days later I get an email that said “Thank you for your interest in the Met@Chaya Vaisfiche Premium program. Currently, we are working with a select group of applicants, and unfortunately, we are unable to accept you at this time.” I can’t think of… Read more »
Woops. When I copied the email text it get messed up. Here is the text again…
Thank you for your interest in the Met@Chaya Vaisfiche premium program. Currently, we are working with a select group of applicants, and unfortunately, we are unable to accept you at this time.
…Met at chabad premium program…
Hasn’t helped me one bit.
When i got engaged they called me trying to figure out if the shadchan might have seen my profile on chabad match. (I’m assuming it was to get a cut from the shadchanus gelt) the shidduch was made by a friend.
Awesome!
Maybe because the people you imagine it helping don’t see value in it. It’s an old crappy system that hasn’t been updated and seems to have lots of people convinced it’s something magical that we all need to buy into. It’s one guys idea, it’s a nice one, but he is the sole decision maker which means it’s designed as a business not as an organization that is of the community. I have nothing against it being a business, let’s just be real about it. Right now it seems to have a monopoly so there is no motivation to grow… Read more »
You obviously haven’t checked it out recently, its just a database, not a dating platform, it does what it’s supposed to do.
So real and raw, very courageous to write this. I hope you find your bashert very soon!
Amen to that !
https://chafetzchayim.org/wp-content/single/SeferGederOlam_2020-07-01_03-36-49/SeferGederOlam_2020-07-01_03-36-49.html
Most chabad shadchanim are in it because they are looking for someone for their kids, not because this is their career and are good at it.
Someone need to make a paid service, where there are full-time qualified shadchanim
It’s about time our community leadership make a system where shadchanim get a salary and do this full time!
did you know sephardim don’t even pay shadchan even if the couple gets married? and that’s WISDOM right there.
even if one is frustrated
the most obnoxious, disgusting, worst thing i’ve ever seen in the entire frum community is the way a lot of them look at singles who aren’t FFB. including your comment about “mekuravim singles” who are JEWS, not “mekuravim singles.” many of them more frum than FFB jews.
what one person finds offensive, another person does not
not everything is personal
calling someone Lubavitcher single, for example, and not a Jewish single, specifically when looking for a Shidduch, is actually what will help a person actually find someone who is a more true match to the life they want
It has nothing to do with their level of frumkeit. These singles dont have parents who can help them, so Shluchim feel responsible and are actually helping. Many FFBs are left on their own cuz people expect their parents to take care of them but the parents are not able to help or support…
The mekuravim singles are better off in this situation so im not sure what you’re getting angry about.
The singles that were born and raised in CH are DIFFERENT than the singles that show up to Chabad houses to learn about Yiddishket. No one is saying either is better or worse or more holier. Just DIFFERENT.
You well know that baalei teshuva are viewed and treated as 2nd class citizens, even after being married in tbe community. People always assume they aren’t really frum, they are treated like garbage. That’s a topic for another day.
I’m sorry you have some negative experiences around this. It’s not the truth. You might shift the energy if you Question your thoughts and beliefs. My favorite people are baalei teshuva and im an ffb.
BH I got married a few years ago at age 28. I don’t know if I agree that nothing is being done. It’s a really tough nisayon, but throughout my single years I got countless Shidduch suggestions, and many people tried to help. It’ll happen exactly in the time that Hashem decides, and not a second before. I’d love to hear some serious, concrete suggestions of things that “people in the community” can do.
You read the last paragraph
just because you got countless suggestions, doesn’t mean other singles are
I hear you so loud and clear. And I’m sorry ❤️🩹
circles. the rest of society does not consider someone old until theyre over 40, 50s.
30s are considered young still. frum society needs to wake up. Stop marrying 18 year old girls off until the ones above them are married.
So we can have even more older singles? Sounds brilliant.
We’re not generally the ones getting married while still in Yeshivah or Seminary. Please keep your disgusting thoughts and comments to yourself.
Also, no one has to wait for anybody. If age is just a number and 30, 40, 50 is still young, it shouldn’t matter if someone younger gets married earlier than someone older. The hypocrisy of your statement is astounding.
The world may think that but not the torah
What we do is correct not the rest of the world
The rest of the world is also silently grappling with the reality that not considering 30s and 40s old leaves many of them involuntarily childless since by the time many get married and decide to have kids they’re past childbearing years or worse they never get married at all.
your comment doesn’t even have to do with the original comment.
I can only speak for myself. I put in hours upon hours of suggesting names…all of this time is unpaid…without even a small offer ( besides a select few special people) to many, many, many , many 28-30 year olds…and I get told no, no, no , no. I am living here over 45 years and I feel comfortable suggesting these names…meaning they make a living, no issues, frum..yet no one is ever good enough. We do try…but you all need to try to find a way…find a Mashpia with clear vision…to help you …and may we truly help all… Read more »
Share your name
Who’s wife is chabad and she has the chabad singles, I told him can a singles event be arranged? There is the orthodox frum world with zoom dates for a hour and even the chassidish world just came up with a get to together singles event WITH shatchanim AND therapists present so its run in a respectable and kosher matter, not a club atmosphere. Why cant we have this in chabad? He said if I want something to happen I have to do it. So there is your answer. Btw as a single myself in my high 30s, I do… Read more »
I was told by a well-known CH Shadchanit that our Rabbanim won’t allow them to make speed dating events
Wow so In these things they have a opinion and we listen to them? But taking control of 770 they don’t
The Rabbis are married. They have no idea the pain we live with.
We could have kosher events instead of relying on a volunteer shadchan
Ok, so what do our Rabbanim suggest? They can’t nix things without offering alternatives.
So met at chabad recent dating event was endorsed by rabbanim but not their own? If other communities can do it in a kosher fashion so can chabad. Just like social media that other communities disagree and yet The Rebbe taught his chassidim how to use it and make it kosher.
You’re not understanding that BT single are viewed as less than and any shadchan would only set them up with the ones no one else wants. So…doing speed dating is viewed as ok for them since the gold standard is using a shadchan. Never mind that people lie to the shadchan about plenty of things.
I feel you. I see you.
Sending you so much love. ❤️
May you be blessed with an abundance of goodness!
I think it’s the actually most repulsive, worst thing ever that they created a separate website, for those what you call “mekurivim” singles (who are not actually mekurivim singles because there’s no such thing as that label), instead of just having 1 website for all frum jews.
Even so ,it still shows the neglect of events for singles in crown heights.
Every jew is a jew! Why create labels frum and frei? You understand they are different, right? Same goes for a mushky who grew up in BR with farbengens on yud tes kislev and yud shvat as opposed to dorothy who calls herself elisheva yentel dvosha now based on the name engraved on her greatgrandmother’s matzeiva in mt zion cemetery who celebrated thanksgiving with uncle brian and attended high holiday services in temple beth emanuel. They are DIFFERENT. Mushky needs a mendy who went to oholei torah. Elisheva yentel dvosha needs a yokanan who used to be Bill who went… Read more »
You sure love labeling and stereotyping people!
Maybe that’s why people are struggling in shidduchim due to these ridiculous boxes we put people in and can’t marry anyone outside these narrow hagbalos
your job today.
They are not “mekuravim” — they aren’t frum (yet).
But as usual, chabad takes better care of them than our own kids.
‘Living chassidus’ Crown heights helps singles, makes a community. Has events geared towards singles and they try to set people up when they have an idea. Very frum and tzniusly of course.
The Weiss family are the shluchim for living chassidus
They are amazing
Just like its not your fault you aren’t married, its not Crown Heights’ fault either.
I think you might be missing the point here. This is a really tough time, and what she needs now is support, understanding and patience. Please reconsider your words and try to be more sensitive.
May she be blessed with revealed good and may she find her other half very soon.
It’s a community responsibility. It’s just not apparent in Crown Heights because the community is too large and doesn’t have any leaders. If we’re taught to avoid the opposite gender until marriage, whose responsibility is it to help us?
It’s a broken system. The shadchan is busy with her life and family. We’re so segregated that we can’t find someone on our own and then we get no help either. Pain. Pain. Pain.
Thank you, thank you , thank you! Literally on point. It’s so true
My heart is with U as a parent who has a 29 year old daughter looking for a shidduch
This year hashem should send all the singles there partners
Met at chabad programming and chabad young professionals in general needs to open in crown heights, so many adults I know who are not necessarily the most chasidish/frum are craving and searching for this!
Why do our kids need to go a music festivals to look for this!
Mendy Kotlasky, Beryl Frankel, Yakkov Berman please do it!
Why can’t our community get together, give money and make this happen!!
Ad masei!
I see that the same organization – Chabad young professionals who made the dating event also makes trips for chabad house people in shiduchim. Maybe there’s a kosher way they can start doing this also for frum people looking to meet in a organic way?
For years teens/young adults have been begging for programs to include crown heights also.
Why is there no Cteen community, CYP community in crown heights!?
Our kids go before any other fry community!
Very sad
-Reb Michael
Chevra Ahavas Yisroel is launching this now. Their first event was on 8/21
Comes a point that singles become so frustrated by mismatched suggestions that they snap at anyone who mentions anything.
So people stop suggesting, assuming they the singles are already aware of each other’s existence and are not interested for whatever reason.
By mid 30s it seems everyone has already dated everyone so what’s the use of suggesting just for the person to get insulted?
It’s like this with a lot of issues in CH. The shoemakers kids go without shoes!
So many aren’t on chabadmatch! If your parents didn’t register you do it yourself. Make your photo and details visible to others searching. Join the many shidduch WhatsApp groups to share your resume and pic. When you do get a date don’t drop the person after 1 or 2 dates!! Many are terrible first time daters and need more time. Girls be open to shorter boys (they also make good spouses) . If you’re over 25 stop letting mommy do everything. You decide who you want her to look into she may have different priorities and dismissed people who were… Read more »
I’m in the same boat as the author and I’m:
On chabadmatch
On the whatsapp groups
Open to second dates
Open to shorter guys
Handle shidduchim myself vs my mother
Open to relocating
As a shadchan in another country the biggest issues are the following: 1. Both men and women do not want to relocate which makes things difficult. 2. Often older girls are not open to someone married before either divorced or a widow. 3. The above point goes for men as well. 4. FFB won’t consider Baal Teshuva people. I find it frustrating that people in CH are narrow minded and not willing to leave their comfort zone. Part of the shidduch crises is that the girls don’t want to leave their families. Also people only want Americans and are not… Read more »
Were you always open to relocating? Did you go on chabadmatch at 20 and all the WhatsApp groups? Often people only do that late in the game not when starting out. Open to second dates?? How about third and forth? I’m saying this as a mother who’s married off many children. Without my encouragement and coaching several wouldn’t have gotten married but dropped after date 2. I’ve had girl after girl drop after 2 dates for silly superficial reasons who are still single many years later while my sons have a brood of kids. I’ve seen parents do crazy things… Read more »
What’s bothering me is how this needs to be so rushed (it does ) or you just won’t get married. I feel like you are sometimes feeling “forced” to marry someone you don’t entirely like so much because you’re scared there won’t be anyone else, and that is a problem. There is so much girls that held back from talking to boys, hanging out , having boyfriends etc as a teen because they wanted to save themselves for marrige but imagine how unfair it is when they can’t even get or even have time to find the man they truly… Read more »
Thank you for being brave enough to say it
I’m a healthy young man with many accomplishment to my name. I have a decent paying job, and lots of friends. I started off in shidduchim doing all the right things. I let the shadchanim ask me all kinds of questions, told them which middos i was looking for. I told them what standards I was looking for. The suggestions I got were people with physical disabilities, and mental illnesses. This is what I got because I said chitzoinius doesn’t matter. These suggestions were insulting, they let me know that I’m not being seen for who I am. The only… Read more »
This is what IVE been trying to say I feel like the shidduch system is in a way holding some or a lot of people back. You should have control over who you choose to date it makes so much more sense. It doesn’t even have to be specifically mixed shabbos meals it’s just the idea of this instead of only dating who a random lady suggests to you
love it. Can you share any info on the meals?
I’m 38 and gave up around 30.
I have no problem living single and keep shabbos learn alot of torah and do plenty of חסד.
From what I have seen alot of married people are miserable anyway.
Just be yourself if you walk alone so be it.
I have redt him to many girls in their late 20’s, even 30’s. He is 31. He wants a wife who will be a true partner in establishing a Chabad home. He is open to meeting a nice Jewish girl from any background. I feel for Chaya and all the other older singles. But here’s what most girls say: his job isn’t choshev enough. He is a mashgiach, a fantastic chef, finishing smicha, and has dreams of being in business. He works very hard, makes good money, is extremely generous and kind, a true mentsch. And no – we are… Read more »
Take all information below with a grain of salt: If you are okay with struggling financially, than there isn’t a Shidduch problem. If you are looking for the instagram lifestyle and you are not the kind of girl those guys are looking for you will probably remain single. Also with the popularity of AI taking jobs in most sectors. Are you ready to work through having one or both of you out of a job trying to navigate life together? Now for the guys. If you cannot keep a stable job, career, or are not visibly wealthy (we need the… Read more »
And where should I meet these people?
I totally agree. When I saw about this event I was like why isn’t there one inviting Chabad frum singles?
your comment is so stupid
I hope this is a lesson to all parents to start listening to shidduchim for your when your girls are 18- young and not complicated yet. When you wait to start shidduchim at 22, they are already old and complicated and wishing you lots of luck!
I was way more complicated and mixed up at 18. And stop all these reasons and blame why someone isn’t married just because you’re lucky to be….Some humility …
This is so true. I do shidduchim and the young ones often go smoothly but the older singles make it so complicated. Most of them have anxiety and fear of commitment. They will often date numerous times and then back out over silly reasons. Nobody should want to work with older singles since they usually just end up wasting so much of shadchanim’s time. The only reason we do help, or at least I do, is because as complicated as they are, my heart does go out to them and I cannot in good conscience ignore them. I really do… Read more »
My mother started when I was 18 and I eventually took over… still single. Not 1 phone call from any shatchan! It was always my mother doing the calls and eventually me. Not 1! So the blame finger is back at shatchanim.
The fact that girls and boys are so separated for their whole life and then is excepted to find a boy QUICK as soon as they hit 20 is not normal and not fair. Parents SHOULD start looking out from a younger age. Or (I’m not saying this for everyone) but if someone is the type of girl who has more of struggle talking with boys or stuff like that as a teen , with the help of their parents instead of just messing around with boys in a way that won’t get you anywhere instead they should look at… Read more »
Many single men and women today remain unmarried because they are unsure of what they truly want, and they are often unwilling to put in the effort or make compromises.
For example, one woman was recently dating a genuinely good man, but she rejected him simply because his income was low. The irony is that she herself is not wealthy. In her mind, she feels entitled to someone already more “accomplished,” rather than appreciating a partner who is ready to build a family with her and grow together.
Like I mentioned already I will say it again there is so much girls who held themselves back as teenagers JUST for their husband. And yes they deserve the fullest and the best they can get. Don’t belittle this girl for wanting her husband to be financially stable. Especially if she came from a family that didnt have much money it makes sense that she would want to marry someone that has money. It’s so frustrating that girls / boys have to marry the bare minimum because there isn’t a lot of options. This is why I don’t like the… Read more »
Yes so my family doesn’t have the highest income. Why do I deserve to not get a boy with higher income? I’m willing to grow with him- I wouldn’t say I saw my parents fight, but I felt the strain of not having extra money. As I got older and older, I got more stressed and more stressed. Can you blame me for not wanting my kids to grow up that way?
Which Rav gives a Heter for dating events?
It is totally Osur!!!!
Where is the source????????
Shluchim got kicked out for it!
Tu Bav existed. It’s not against hahaha. There are kosher ways to do this.
We’ve been restricted to the point that we are alone, not married, not having children. Looking from the outside trying to get in. It’s a searing pain.
We need dating events! The old shidduch system isn’t working, they need new methods! And please, as if the Rabbonim cared about the singles.
To the author I am not a Shadchan but have made shidduchim
Please feel free to call me I am happy to give you some advice and try to help and then you can share it with others 305-4396552 . This is what we should do for another
Totally feel you. Sorry for your pain and suffering. Keep yourself strong by remembering that salvation comes from Hashem, not from people. Learn Torah, read, develop your talents, and build a strong connection with Hashem. That being said, yes, the pain could be made to be felt double or triple when it’s not being helped by others, rather ignored. A shadchan once told me that the shadchanim dont want to work with older singles caus theyre impossible. how lovely to say, but even worse, what a thing to think and believe. i hope this article triggers some good ideas of… Read more »
Hi, I read your heartful article with pain and relatability, and want to thank you for coming out and sharing your thoughts. Being in the game for some time myself, I can honestly say that I know EXACTLY how you feel (contrary to our peers that may say that but got married to the first person they dated). Although I have no advice to offer, the only thing I can say is that we have to remain strong and daven that the right one comes our way, and we have to do everything in our capability to create the Keilim… Read more »
As a young lubavitch couple my husband and I spend lots of time thinking a suggesting names to our single friends and relatives. However just to get someone to go on a date and give it a chance it like pulling teeth it is so discouraging.
Also the editor is commenting that she didn’t travel or camp during the summer I’m not sure what that has to do with being single…
Too old for camp
Not everyone is OK traveling with strangers…which would be her situation since her friends are married
Try not to judge- don’t look to criticize. Just be kind – it goes so much farther.
it’s to echo her loneliness. Not only is she single but she also didn’t have friends to surround herself with this summer
Just like you wouldn’t settle on an average lawyer, don’t settle on an average husband.
These things take time.
During the summer, week after week, going to The Marketplace on Friday afternoon and seeing the number of singles buying shabbos food for themselves, because their “regular” hosts (family, friends, etc) are in the country.
All you’d have to do was open your eyes, and you’d see it. As an older single, I was one of them.
I’m glad it’s over as well. OP, thank you for your heartfelt article, and I hope you find your bashert very soon, with much clarity.
– Older single bochur
I understand your pain. I was single for a long time before I got married. While some blame is okay, the most important thing is to look inside yourself and ask what YOU could be doing differently. Are you working on yourself? Are you exercising? Eating healthy? If people are saying no to you, how can you show up differently on dates? How can you improve your life so that you’ll be more desirable? If you are saying no to guys, have you really looked at why you are really saying no? Is it fear of commitment? Have you really… Read more »
Too old for camp, and not everyone wants to travel alone or with complete strangers, which would be her situation because her friends are married.
Try not to find the negative, to sit in judgement – we are llLubavitchers – let’s just be loving and embracing.
i am 67. married 3 times. have 7 wonderfull children. Have been through the singles dating scene alot. So here is my suggestion: firstly. There must be a matchmaker and specialized shidduch service for people at different ages. Not all matchmakers work for all. When u get to a certain age you must be involved with those who can truly help. 2. The correct way to find mr or mrs right is by zeroing in to what you personally truly seek….e.g. if you go the simgles events that are dizzying you cause same people come time and again.. but nothing… Read more »
Collive.com need to add who the shadchan is in every engagement post.
Why are shadchanim ashamed?
On a email list that goes out daily of chabad singles, that I made the current shidduch and not one person called. I think people have to stop complaining and start doing. No call – no shidduch. Simple. And singles who do call and shatchanim dont answer then the shatchanim have to give up their job as a shatchan or answer the calls.
How do I get on there?
Who said they’re ashamed?
They should get the credit they deserve.
you didn’t do ANYTHING
HASHEM MAKES MATCHES
Let’s say it wasn’t necessarily a shadchan..I feel like there is a lot and can be a lot of marriages without a shadchan making it 🤷♀️
What if lubavitch had one centralized address ( maybe a part of Merkos 302) where every lubavitch single sent their profile/resume. You could pick a category ( shlichus, working, modern Chabad, not Frum etc) and a couple made a base salary working full time on shiduchim. With a minimum of one suggestion per month per person or something like that?
I’m sorry you are going through this! It’s really hard. And yes we need a change in the system. Check out Rivkah Krinsky, she’s like the only one i see who is actually networking, and attends singles events and gets to know singles.
I believe she mainly works with non-Chabad and non-orthodox singles.
If you see someone at the coffee shop or grocery store, look approachable and say hello. It’s that simple.
While in most cases I don’t think anyone is at fault for people having difficulty finding their bashert, I know how painful and difficult it is. Time and again, you reach out to shadchanim, get some names (if you are lucky) make calls , back and forth between your child. The other side and you both agree to give it a try. Then calling Dor Yeshorim. Setting up the dates and your child meeting the other person. Sometimes only after one date or after a few it’s a no and you are back to square one. Trying to crawl back… Read more »
Thank you for bringing this to attention as it’s a real crisis. I can understand how difficult it is to be an older single and not get enough help and support and seeing headlines with so much other support happening. I just want to bring it to your attention, as someone with lots of friends who are members of a chabad house but not the lubavitch community. They are getting do much less support. It’s so awful to watch. There are no friends or parents helping them. The chabad house are small and the shluchim are so busy and don’t… Read more »
your not alone and your not forgotten. im married and im very thankful to gd. i know a young sfardi chabad couple. thank gd they are great together. its not mars and earth. im working on making a mish of all the shadchanim that they will begin comparing notes.
I agree with this article and I don’t personally know older singles, but I hear you. There has to be a better way than the current system, to make shidduchim. Clearly, our system is not working so well anymore. Someone needs to step up and do something. I wish I had an idea of what can be done
Continue belittling the shadchanim – this way no normal person will want to become a shadchan!!
Continue paying a shadchan $1000 for a shidduch. And nothing for suggestions. Why would anyone in their right mind want to become a part time shadchan let alone a full time one?
Minimal payment
Maximum pressure
Make enemies
Mocked at every opportunity
ETC.
I’m in Los Angeles where we have amazing single post seminary girls and Bachurim . Because I care I am writing in to suggest networking with 2-3 representatives from major cities like Los Angeles , Montreal , Monsey , Chicago , Miami …….. to mention and describe the singles in their city . I’m sure there is at least 1-2 people in every that would like to help make shidduchim happen .
כתיבה וחתימה טובה
That’s it. Enough of the bemoaning. We will take action:
This Friday at 1pm, all older singles from the age of 25‐30, will meet for a small get to know you at House of Glatt.
Tell your friends. Don’t be late. Come as you’d like to be seen.
See you there!
they are young singles. the definition of “older” doesn’t even START until at LEAST 40 or older. and the definition of OLD doesn’t even begin until at LEAST like 50 or somewhere around then. RIDICULOUS
What about 30+?
There’s this amazingly successful approach, utilizing both practical &
Spiritual tools! Best of all, IT WORKS!!
You can read about it in, “The Best
Recipe for Shidduchim,” available on Amazon.
Why is it that if I shadchan a divorced or widowed person to a single (over the age of 35) I never hear back from that single individual? Is the divorced or single individual a ” criminal”?
It’s not a crime to be divorced
get someone who hasn’t either
So many comments on this shidduch post. It got me thinking what if collive had a shidduch section where ppl can post about themselves and also look for potential matches. Collive?
Please
We are in galus, a state of existence which by definition means we have no place to rely on anything other than hashem. Countless gems have been cast into the trash by a system that is a pathetic joke. People looking to but useless restraints on singles from actually walking in the ways of the torah which is to approach a woman in a natural setting and begin to converse. We are forced to submit to people pretending to play hashem’s role and tell us only they can find us a match, all in the name of their real g-d,… Read more »
As a Lubavitcher not a thing should be done intil you ask the Rebbe!
The Rebbe is totaly opposed to such events!
It isn’t even ok for Shluchim to arrange either!
I hear you, and I’m so sorry.
The pain can feel unbearable sometimes (all the time) no matter your age.
When you dream of getting married, building a home, raising children, going on shlichus… the waiting is tremendously painful.
I truly understand you. I hear you.
May you merit to get married this year iyH!
כן יהי רצון
I think singles have already experienced so much pain, and they don’t need more things that trigger them. What they truly need is to feel seen and supported. Loneliness is incredibly painful—and it’s no one’s fault, definitely not the singles and not the community. It’s a nisayon that won’t be solved by placing blame. I would love to see more events and spaces for singles that aren’t centered around shidduchim, but rather on fostering connection and support. And b’ezras Hashem, everyone should find their bashert very soon—because ultimately, Hashem is the One in charge.
so much loneliness
It’s time for a singles mixers event in CH
It would probably help if Mothers would allow their children to meet people outside of Crown Heights. How many mothers are keeping their children from meeting amazing people from other countries and all that is happening is the Basherts are not meeting each other.
If this changes I have no doubt there will be Mandy many many more Shidduchim.
I wish I knew not to wait on shadchanim and other people earlier. There’s no system taking care of you. Only you have to live with the outcome of staying single.
Take matters into your own hands. Go out and meet people. Get on dating apps. Try to do your own research. If you wait around you might be waiting a long time
My friend actually emailed her. He offered her exactly what she claimed she wanted: a singles meal. Informal, friendly, bring a friend if you like. Problem solved.
Her reply? “Unfortunately, not available this week.”
That is it. No, “Please invite me next time.” No, “Here’s my number, add me to the group.” No, “I’d love to come another week.” Nothing. Just a polite brush-off.
What more can we do if they don’t accept our help?
They’re in their mid 30s and still not attending singles events…
Would you like to be mid 30s and still attending “singles events”? Have some compassion.
As another older single, I feel your pain and understand your frustration about the Shidduch system. You’re not alone. I’m older than you and it’s been rough. The feeling of watching everyone; friends and younger siblings marry and start families while remaining the single one is painful. Being the best aunt but feeling the emptiness deep inside hurts and it’s a very isolating experience. Although life may feel doomed, it helps to keep busy with hobbies that bring you joy; whether it’s music, going to the gym, pursuing a degree, joining all-girls travel groups etc.. I receive frequent emails from… Read more »
If life is feeling stagnant, then do something about it. You don’t need a husband or wife to travel, volunteer, get an education or do literally anything else with your life than stay home and worry