World-renowned author, counselor, lecturer and philosopher, Rabbi Manis Friedman uses ancient wisdom and modern wit as he captivates audiences around the country and around the world.
This new video series presented by 11213.org and COLlive.com features Rabbi Manis answering questions on matchmaking and marriage in the Chabad community.
Visit on Tuesdays to watch new episodes.
Even after doing the BEST RESEARCH humanly possible, it is still RIDICULOUS to assume that you are sufficiently capable (on your own) to make this life long decision (of who to marry) purely on your own judgment alone; We must recognize the limits of our pinhole perception, and our dependence on tapping Sayaata Dshmaya! In the past after all the research, a chossid would ask his/her Rebbe! Today we can still attract that same confidence of Sayaata Dshmaya by following the mechanism (the Rebbe directed us to consult), AKA to consult a Yedid Mavin (a caring and proven expert in… Read more »
http://www.aish.com/d/a/48905882.html
RE: The questions like… “How can I know that I am “objectively” ready enough to start Shiduchim?” “Do I have the ingredients (Middos? Maturity? Mindsets? Insight? Knowledge? necessary to go into marriage?” “How about Parnasa? Parenting skills? Relationship skills? Homemaking skills? Coping with the pressures and stressors of real life?” “Whom do I talk to guide me through the maze of Shiduchim and beyond?” “Is there step by step Manuel?” “Can a girls Tznius and language really be used to reveal if she is refined, secure, and a Yorei Shomayim?” “How far and thorough must the research on the Bochur… Read more »
I see no stira
That only one out of six people merit to marry their Soul-mate-bashert.
The rest it’s bashert (with Gd’s agreement) that due to a lack of refinement they not marry their “Bashert” (ideal match Soul-mate)
No need to debate! Eilu voEilu divrei elokim Chaim!
The word bashert has several possible connotations, 1. Your “SOUL MATE”, (ideal match provided decreed on-high 40 days prior…) it is possible for someone to marry one who is not their soul mate. (there are even halachos indicating such possibilities). 2. Bashert definition can also (in other contexts) be used to mean, G-d’s will has allowed the option for free choice, and even in this less than ideal choice, Hashem’s will has made room for this to ultimately be redeemed and thus compliment not usurp his ultimate Tachlis. (the punishment for suicide is death… vda”l, in each choice all available… Read more »
Here is an ultra-brief summary (NOT A COMPLETE SUMMATION) of the Rebbe’s instructions how to properly approach shiduchim for maximum sayaata dshmaya! RE: “What to look for?” …”What qualities indicate ones readiness for marriage?” Answer: Ikar #1. MidosTovos: = Respectful, Kind, Humble, Patient, Compassionate, Mature, Growth oriented, (aka Avoda). Includes basic mental-emotional functionality, -Lacking any of these is lacking an Ikar! Ikar #2. Yorei Shomayim: = Operates with the mindset that H’ is always watching, and you gain most in life (materially and spiritually) when you play by His rules. Ikar #3. Hamshochas Halev: = (an effortless discovery of) A… Read more »
Can someone post where r the rebbes haoros regarding what to look for. what sefer?
one more point.
To say that the only ones who know for sure if they’ve married their bashert is this or that is bordering on KFIRA mamosh. If you marry a person then it is bashert. How can you say that two people are married but HKB”H didn’t want them to?!?!
Asinine.
They say, A Naar Veizt Men Nisht Kein Halbeh Arbet.
Some of these coments are forgettign that this clip is one in a series. Don’t you think you should wait to see the rest before you start pontificating? Even if you are a mushpa of ben bagbag or whoever…..
whatever i shared is to his credit,
tp 13 agbag is his pen name, i know he prefers it that way!
can the author of 5 kindly do a follow up pohleez! better yet an oped! thx!
“What if you’re looking for these amazing qualities but don’t have them yourself?” Actually the Rebbe does not just guide us to seek these (success promoting) qualities in a match, but demands that WE TOO have middos toves etc (take a reselution to live al pi Torah and Chasidus) if someone is still rebelling/insecure/untznius etc or has unresolved character issues, they are best off doing the work first before they build a home on a less than solid foundation. these segulos/guidelines from the Rebbe have a direct positive impact on the success and prosperity of the new family. so for… Read more »
great questions! you wrote: “Those qualities that the Rebbe advocated seem to make a pretty high standard!” YES! they may be high standards in the sense that to integrate these qualities is not easy! and requires maturity, dedication to growth and self improvement! it is however essential that before u bring children into this world (aka start a family) that you be ready for that AWESOME RESPONSIBILITY! for if one lacks the maturity, emotional health or hashkafa needed to be a proper spouse, parent and living example for the next generation, then its best that such a person not impose… Read more »
Those qualities that the Rebbe advocated seem to make a pretty high standard. I’m curious about the person who doesn’t fit the bill? Someone is mean, not a yiras shamayim, insensitive, are these people supposed to get married too? What if you’re looking for these amazing qualities but don’t have them yourself?
HhHHaaahHA It’s impossible to recognize Mr or Mrs right just for going for a drink a few hours You never are going to see how he/she is going to react or be affected in short/ long terms with things that happen in life ( work ,Parnassa issues ,problems with kids, illness,etc) People are affected in different ways , also physically ( people change) level of frumkait ( one thing is to be on yeshivas Koillel seminary ) and something else is to be trying to make it in the world Main commitment is that husband and wife should work extremely… Read more »
Would you mind sharing what those 8 points are?
Thanks
Ur comment is very enlightning. & a great & shory guide to follow.please explain rules 2 3 4 5 6 7 & 8or where I can look them up..anyone plesse.as im looking 4 my daughter.
These guidelines really put things into perspective.
So well said, a lot to think about
thanks rabbi, much appreciated!
Question: When someone is going with someone else what should they be looking for, and why are they going out?
It wouldn’t be to see if it make sense to marry each other, after all it doesn’t make sense,no?
I enjoyed the humor, but i do not think dating was the same when he was on the “market”.
It is a diffrent ohlam, and chabad needs to figure out how to marry the men and women that do not get married at 18-21 and sometimes can be stuck
Finally the videos we have all been waiting for!
“The person you are supposed to marry, you will marry and no shadchan can stop that,” says Rabbi Manis Friedman … Ok! however, The only one who can be confident that they have truly found their BASHERT is one who either got a clear answer from a Baal Ruach Hakodesh (like a Rebbe). or Someone who has followed all the very specific instructions (publicized) from the Rebbe re Shiduchim and attracting Sayaata Dshmaya. the Rebbe is very clear re: 1. Who is or is not ready to date. 2. What qualities, Mindset and Character are essential (for a happy marriage)… Read more »
How true about shadchanim. They ain’t G-d even though they think they are.
thank you rabbi friedman
This was excellent, short, to the point and well presented.
Thank you Rabbi Friedman, you have made such a difference in my life, I feel very privileged to learn from you.
A little humor is healthy when frustration settles in.& everyones serching 4 mr right