Thursday, 6 Tishri, 5784
  |  September 21, 2023

Rabbi Manis, something wrong?

Rabbi Manis Friedman is concerned with the state of today's post-Yeshiva bochurim. In a conversation with COLlive Editor Yehuda Ceitlin, he explains why and what he's doing about it. Full Story

Girls Choir to Debut in LA

Next Story »

Rejecting Kids Because Tuition?

Notify of
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Screen it live or playback - I'll pay my $5 now
May 25, 2010 6:52 pm

Where to send the money to?

to all
May 23, 2010 10:25 am

Its good to see recognition to a problem that needs adjusting. All parents and mechanchim, we need to readjust. While it is certainly true what R’Friedman suggests, If you walk in to a restaurant after a very long hungry day expecting to be content- and the waiter says ‘we have a problem with main course but we can give you as much dessert /ice-cream /cream cakes as you want’ and you eat all of that- you can be sick. You have to balance it with Torah knowledge, Chumash, Halacha, Gemora. We must bring back the Chayus in learning. I learnt… Read more »

May 21, 2010 5:44 am

you hit the botten

Adding to 23
May 20, 2010 4:14 pm

There is a sicha about shavuos that the Rebe explains the difference between the father and the mother in chinuch. The mother gives the food ready, she makes sure the child is living whit what s/he learned. (Hossofos chelek beis Likutei Sichos) But the father just pays the melamed…

#52 well said
May 18, 2010 3:42 am

Although I’m now a shliach, it wasn’t untli I left OT that I began practicing hisbonenus… until then I’m not even sure I knew exactly what it meant. I certainly didn’t know how to be misbonen (not that I do now, but I try…)

Reading instructions
May 17, 2010 4:40 pm

After being in the Yeshiva Gedoda system for about 9 years, receiving a few Smichas and Dayanus (9 years ago), the following has become clear. Does any Yeshiva teach us to follow the instructions of Tanya or the Rebbe Rashabs Kuntres Avoda/Tefila like we follow Shulchan Aruch or even like any business plan? If we do not follow the instructions how do we expect to get results. How many short exercises are there in Tanya? Ask any Mashpiya, do they know? How many short to-do’s are there in Tanya? Only 12. Here is one of them- What are you supposed… Read more »

was there
May 17, 2010 7:54 am

it was great just the kind of stuff we need to know

to 29
May 17, 2010 5:13 am

Being led by the Rebbes hand is wonderfull and from a certain perspective easy as well. But that means that you are a follower wich to a certain point is fine. what chassidus wants from us as expressed by the last maamer we received from the Rebbe “veato tetzave” is that we shuld come to the realization of who we are and what is expected from us and that it should be internalized, and not as something over imposed on us. This is our avoda, and this is part of will grant us the zchus , not only meaning merit… Read more »

May 17, 2010 4:19 am

same to mine

to #36
May 17, 2010 3:39 am

i’ll try to make it

May 17, 2010 1:48 am

Hats off to you. WE too strive to fill in the gaps when a Rebbi or Morah takes the negative route to punishment/knasim when the positive would be so much more effective. I think the hanhalas need to feel the need to upgrade their own chinuch to avail themselves of the multitudes of alternative options available today and understanding of the nature of the children. Of interest might be a book by Leonard Sax called Boys Adrift. Excellent and enlightening about the teva of boys. Gives lots of direction.

How true!!!
May 17, 2010 1:39 am

I never grasped chassidus in yeshiva, it felt so lofty.I feel I get more when I read the english Pirkei Avos, its clear,concise, and straight to the point!!!

I was there
May 17, 2010 1:08 am

And i was siting there for more there 3 and half hours and I was fascinated.
Thank you very much Rabbi freedman you helped us yesterday to open our eyes !
Please make more lectures we need it!

May 16, 2010 6:43 pm

You are really funny. You know whats really non-toichendik, is commenting on this site. With the amount of utter brilliance that takes place within the confines of these comment strings, you’d think that something would actually get done, but apparently arguing wether Rabbi Jacobson, Friedman, or Paltiel is better is clearly making this place a much better place t live in, a real dira betachtoinim, I’m sure all of you would make the Rebbe proud! Get off the stupid computer and go to a shiur or something, volunteer your time at an old age home, go do mivtzoim, I hope… Read more »

a concerned mother
May 16, 2010 6:27 pm

There are many mesivta and zal age boys who are still boruch hashem in the system, but struggling with why they are doing all of this. They aren’t feeling satisfied, motivated or excited but are too scared too step out of the box. These age boys need qualified mashpiim, understanding, empathy and guidance BIGTIME NOW! Programs like this are needed at all age levels and those in charge, really need to rethink why all these boys are sleeping in, instead of being in seder.

was there
May 16, 2010 5:39 pm

great lecture!
will definatley make sure to be there if their is a follow up.

May 16, 2010 4:25 pm

I hope COL will take many of the comments into consideration and put a video of the event online, even if it is no tlive.
I think it is fine to put a fee on it, just that a lot more people would watch it if it is free…

Any one in the Beis Rivkah Administration
May 16, 2010 3:46 pm

Ever ask rabbi firiedman to give once a month classes to the entire Hogh school? Class by class?

May 16, 2010 3:02 pm

a chossid cannot be a chossid without a Rebbe. a person cannot impart chassidus unless he himself IS a chossid. a Rebbe is a Rebbe, not a figurehead. A Rebbe does NOT conform to the stereotype the chossid placed him in, but, rather, the chossid shapes and arranges his life and his goals and activities in such a way that it completely resonates with the Rebbe he is a chossid of. The problems with our youth today {yungeleit & bochurim) is that they are confused by the lack of yiras shomaiyim – not only from thier peers, but from thier… Read more »

Local Shliach
May 16, 2010 1:27 pm

I think it’s time for Manis to return to Crown Heights and help make a difference in the community. Perhaps even be nominated and elected as the third Rov!? I’m not joking! He knows how to relate to our youth, married and unmarried, and I’m sure he knows how to paskan a shaaloh as well.. I will be the first to vote for him!

married people should be the main focus
May 16, 2010 12:48 pm

i think the confusion and the lack of passion for pretty much anything we have learned in yeshiva fades away (at least for too many of us) after we get married.. When being a bochur it’s the easiest time to live the way you are told in farbrengen etc. because you are still into it and you don’t know any other way.. So if you find it difficult (just like the majority of them out there..) then wait until you get married. you will find yourself living your “chabad” life like a robot. just observe the typical lubavitcher guy in… Read more »

My Future Husband
May 16, 2010 12:05 pm

You better be there.
Girls want boys with toychen.
It’s not cool to be an empty vessel.

To #29
May 16, 2010 10:28 am

Sounds like you would definitely benefit from a class like tonite’s. You’ve missed something along the way.

Great Program!!!
May 16, 2010 8:43 am

Lol, I like how he says that “shidduchim may come up” – I most definitely hope that the topic will!! It’s just funny how, u make a girls event – write “shidduchim” on it, and they come running (most of them anyway). If you did that for bochurim – they’d also run – the other way! So you gotta make the program sound like something else, that they will come to, and once they’re there – Rabbi Friedman, please go strong at it! Last week he spoke by nightlife for us girls – the room was packed, he spoke amazingly,… Read more »

May 16, 2010 8:29 am

This is a real issue because of the issues of the internet and not being popular because you want to do the right thing it is about time some one addresed the issues

the real problem, from a bachur in zal
May 16, 2010 8:24 am

Rabbi Friedman, yasher koach for this wonderful initiative. but I would like to point out that what you’re doing is a bit backwards. It’s better than nothing, and I’m happy at least someone is doing something, but instead of taking care of the problem, you’re just patching it up a little here and there. I don’t expect you to take care of the problem, and the solution is probably out of your reach. But for the record, let me state: Rabbi Friedman’s initiative is not taking care of the problem, the way to take care of the problem would be… Read more »

Rabbi Yossi Paltiel
May 16, 2010 8:04 am

He is awesome. Bochurim (and everyone) should tap into his teachings more as well. http://www.insidechassidus.org

Inreach needed, for ALL of us!
May 16, 2010 7:34 am

When I was first learning Yiddishkeit at the Chabad Houses as a not-yet-committed-to-frumkeit adult, no question was looked at as inappropriate, or obnoxious, or chutzpahdik. Once I moved to CH, I soon experienced that things are different. Believe me, I always ask questions respectfully, and only at the proper time at a shiur. But I see what the young people mean, when they say they are often won’t ask questions because they are afraid of being treated as disrespectful. I’ve experienced that here — being made embarrassed by a teacher, in front of the class (!) for asking the “wrong”… Read more »

t s
May 16, 2010 7:23 am

this is a good effort in the right direction, but what is chassidus? only tanya? isn’t it as then molded to the generation by the generation’s rebbe? can you have lubavitcher chassidus in a meaningful way post 3tammuz? is it possibe that the problems which freidman is highlighting in crown heights are simply most evident here because physically the void is the greatest here? and is it possible this problem is also seeded everywhere? and is it possible that all problems in lubavitch today are rooted in the fact that lubavitch without a breathing rebbe is a paradox which -due… Read more »

May 16, 2010 7:16 am

yes… but bais chana isnt geared towards the rundown lubavitch teenage girl from a frum backround… and nightlife is for ages 19+
what about giving high school girls the education they deserve and are not either receiving!?

Another great resource
May 16, 2010 6:32 am
May 16, 2010 5:51 am

there is night life that hosts Rabbi Friedman often

and there is Bais Chana

but good job looking that up before you complained……..

maaseh hu haiker
May 16, 2010 5:27 am

wow! at least an effort to reach those, that people just dont know how to respond to. This was very much needed. I hope the bochurim take advantage.

May 16, 2010 5:03 am

wow! I can’t believe I’m reading this.For years I saw the lack of “connecting” between bochurim and chassidus.From my own boys to shabbos /bochurim/guests,very rare was it to find a bochur who”got it”As a mother I tried to bring it up many times,that we need to show/teach our children,including our daughters the warmth that we get ,the energy and sense of purpose from chassidus instead of the intimidation of a knas or angering a rebbe by asking one too many questions,I was told time and time again “it not your place as a woman to change the system”So we did… Read more »

To number 4
May 16, 2010 5:00 am

Rabbi Friedman was not blaming the yeshivos. He explained yeshiva is just not enough. And that is true with all/any education. I believe it’s the parents responsibility until the child is old enough to make sure that they are the ones raising they’re children. School teach them they don’t raise them for you. -I’m a 22 regular lubavitch girl and grew up out of twn. Living here in Ch for a year and a half now and I see this misconception everywhere. Which brought me to appriciate my amazing parents and siblings who guided me til now. Parents: please raise… Read more »

sounds great
May 16, 2010 4:58 am

but what about the girls???dont they need this too?

May 16, 2010 4:49 am

it is a real shame that our yeshivos don’t know how to relate to the bochrim of course you have good bochrim but for the amount of boys hanging around in the streets etc,etc. you could say that the yeshivos are a total failure of course everybody is going to jump on this article how dare you but that is the fact and of course they will blame the parents but the parents are the same product of these yeshivos that didn’t relate to them so how do you expect them to be good parents we can go on and… Read more »

agree with #4
May 16, 2010 4:48 am

Particularly that at the most vulnerable ages our boys are meant to spend most, if not all of their time in yeshiva and the ones who are struggling with keeping such a full rigid seder and perhaps are not feeling the proper chayus are just looked down at even though they are often very good boys who just need some varemkeit, attention and understanding from hanhala anyway!!!

To #4
May 16, 2010 4:45 am

you’re a negative kvetch.

you made a few good points but they could have been made better using positivity!!!!

One of the few yeshivos that excells in reaching non-cookie-cutter buchurim is the one run by manis’ sons. you think they don’t get his guidence at every turn?

don’t be such a nudnik. be positive. give credit where it’s due – everywhere its due. and lastly, another thing sorely lacking in CH is respect. your comment demonstrates it clearly. you’re part of the problem my friend.

and to COL – please, please, please broadcast it!!

A real Example
May 16, 2010 3:45 am

Rabbi Friedman is someone who practices what he preaches. He is not just out there for everyone else but He has a great relationship with each of his children and B’H they are all Chassidish. It’s not just talk.

Out Of Town!
May 16, 2010 3:29 am

There are many of us Bouchrim out here who really want to take part!
Please have this important event broadcast and available for us on Shlichus out of town!

can't wait
May 16, 2010 3:24 am

i’ll be there iy”h
thanks to the organizers

bochrim all over the world need it!
May 16, 2010 3:23 am

Yes, all bochrim over the world need it, not only CH. Please screen it! The girls expect from the bochrim being more “chassidishe”. And this is the main reason for disappointments in the marriages. If we do more of this education, it can help save the marriages!

to #10
May 16, 2010 3:20 am

It is amazing to see how selfish and stingy people are when it comes to religion.

Did you ever tell your doctor ‘Don’t charge for the appointment. Let it be l’shem mitzva.’?

Did you ever tell your barber ‘Don’t charge for the cut. Let it be l’shem mitzva.’?

Did you ever tell your restaurant waiter ‘Don’t charge for the meal. Let it be l’shem mitzva’?

Why only a rabbi’s work must be free and ‘l’shem mitzva’?

Not Just for Bochurim
May 16, 2010 3:18 am

Absoluterly screen it This is not just for bochurim

May 16, 2010 3:10 am

A lot of buchrim won’t be able to attend for various reasons learning in yeshiva or already are doing something at that time so can collive or someone record the talk please

We need more pple like him in the world!
May 16, 2010 2:55 am

Rabbi M Freidman makes Chassidus ‘attractive’ to the crowd, youngsters etc. It’s good to know and ‘cool to be good.’ He needs to spread himself thin though, perhaps, in addition to all his much appreciated work with the youth, there are others who can help him with this message.

Maybe he can try to teach his method to the educators!!

YES, put it on-line the next day, (at least)...
May 16, 2010 2:53 am

ok, edit (out) the bochur’s face/question, but keep the Rabbi’s main lecture and answers in the Q & A. Don’t charge for the down-load, tho. Let it be l’shem mitzva.

Hit the masses - we are hungry
May 16, 2010 2:41 am

YeS, screen it

Why not screen it live on col?
May 16, 2010 2:30 am
Hearing it in English
May 16, 2010 1:53 am

I find that in the Lubavitcher schools/yeshivos, too many ‘assumptions’ are made. It is assumed that because you’re going through Lubavitcher system, you have a good knowledge of Chassidus etc. What people don’t realise is, that children are being taught concepts before they are capable of making them applicable, or feeling they are relevant. Therefore, what these children have learnt, remains in the realm of a ‘concept’ through their continuation into adulthood – whithout ever become a reality. When students reach a certain age, they need to be re-exposed to the basics in a relevant way, so that it can… Read more »

From a Shliach
May 16, 2010 1:10 am

I’ve been a shliach now for a the majority of a decade. I can tell you that it wasn’t until I started listening to Manis Friedman , Simon Jacobson, and others, that Chassidus began to click in. And I was someone who studied Chassidus almost never missing a z’man in Yeshiva and attending weekly farbrengens. The Yeshiva systems need the best teachers and those teachers need to address real time issues bochurim have – movies, desire for male/female relationships, music, how to control hormonal urges, questions about faith and belief, and everything else – w/o the bochurim feeling that they… Read more »

sounds good
May 16, 2010 12:29 am

I can’t believe I’m going to miss this…sounds like it will be interesting…

The answer is simple. The solution is difficult!!!
May 15, 2010 9:03 pm

How can someone learn Chassidus and not be inspired? Where is the missing link? When you teach Chassidus to people who never learned it – they come alive, they ‘get it.’ In Crown Heights, bochurim don’t seem to respond. That is a very simplistic approach. Someone who never learned it will lap it up because it is emes like they’ve never experienced before. In CH bochurim are exposed to so much politics and shluchim who do not walk the talk bein odom lechaveiro / to a fellow chossid/or to an Anash member. Where is the Chassidus from those who did… Read more »

May 15, 2010 8:24 pm

FANTASTIC. My school lessons were always missing ‘daat’- making the things i learnt practical so I would be able to implement them in my life.

We learnt the chachma (basic concept) and the binah (the whole idea of somethingi) but never the daat -the HOW to.

Teachers like Rabbi Friedman, Rabbi Leibal Wolf and the like show you how to use chassidus to enhance your life and your avodah..

Yshar Koach
May 15, 2010 8:19 pm

Long overdue
Every word of yours is so true. Unzere kinder are at loss and need direction

May 15, 2010 8:19 pm

What’s time on Sunday?