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Monday, 23 Tevet, 5780
  |  January 20, 2020

Rabbi Manis Decries “Dating Lifestyle”

Watch: In an interview on The Larry Gordon Show in the Five Towns, Chabad Shliach and renowned Chassidic philosopher Rabbi Manis Friedman discusses relationships in our generation and decries what he calls the current "dating lifestyle" among single frum men and women. Video

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What we feel but can’t say
Guest
What we feel but can’t say

Many of us singles are not enamored by the relationships we see in the previous generation. For them, marriage was mostly about building a family. It wasn’t about falling in love. So a handful of dates worked. We want more than that from our relationships. That’s what Rabbi Manis and his generation have such a hard time understanding. So they call us silly, and that we don’t know what we are doing, and so on. They are welcome to their contempt. They are correct about one thing – yes, they don’t understand us. And that’s fine.

The point...
Guest
The point...

Marriage is no romance novel. Just find someone who you think is normal and gets your sense of humor, and the rest is effort and sacrifice.

Response
Guest
Response

The first comment written above was written very eloquently. it is posted first, and is written very professionally. Problem is: Such comments, impress young readers that it is okay not to accept guidance from their elders. Instead of recognizing a variation from morality for what it is – they are unwittingly impressed to dismiss the guidance as irrelevant. This is clearly unjustified. In chassidus, one who cools down inspiration, has a name. Furthemore, the fact that this is being allowed (and possibly even supported) by the redactors of a public platform – is not just unjustified, but tragic: cultivating the… Read more »

Missing the point
Guest
Missing the point

If all you’re looking for Love, why do you have to get married? And if you do want to get married, should it really be all based on a finicky emotion? In today’s today and age, we are constantly bombarded by all of modern media including books, movies, tv shows, magazines etc. which are all putting love as the end goal. But Hashem wants something else for you. Something better. Hashem doesn’t want you to just be in love or to just have a passionate romance. Hashem wants you to be in a deeply emotionally and spiritually fulfilling marriage that… Read more »

okay,
Guest
okay,

I hear your point,and you also might not know how hard real life is. Not a bad or entitled hard, just a fact. When you do have a family together whenever it is, real daily life is hard. Also good and rewarding, but hard. The love that you have for each other will be the base and support in which you can survive. It will not be what you imagine when you are dating. That is not real life. Those who have been married actually might know what they’re talking about.

ish oyn
Guest
ish oyn

on reading your article it’s clear that you re assert your suppositions about the concepts of lo’ve and marriage, and completely ignore precisely what rabbi Friedman explained. the whole purpose of his stance is to acknowledge the modern assumptions about love and challenge them. instead you completely gloss over his arguments and repeat exactly what he refuted. kinda silly.

Response to "what we feel but can't say"
Guest
Response to "what we feel but can't say"

First off let me thank you for your honesty and for being vulnerable in sharing your honest truth. And let me also be clear that I am not a major fan of Rabbi Friedman. So I think I can speak without much bias. I am a millennial and felt compelled to respond to your comment. Yes, we do look at things differently than our parent’s generation. And just as they don’t understand us, we don’t understand them. So what can any of us do? We can take a step back and look at what “I” want versus what Hashem wants.… Read more »

Lshem Shamayim
Guest
Lshem Shamayim

Marriage is a commitment that requires Emunah and Bitachon. Singles these days want to know and feel everything before committing. It’s impossible to feel emotionally, physically and spiritually connected when dating the kosher way. When you see that most things your looking for in each other match up then you should take the leap of faith as they call it. Don’t be foolish and let something good slip through your fingers just because you don’t feel everything straight up.

Open minded
Guest
Open minded

Being open minded means to Trust the process and timing. Just because it didn’t work out the first time you dated, don’t close yourself to the idea of revisiting. Singles need to realize they can have their zivug right in front of them and not want to give it another chance. Bashert 2 halves of the same Neshama.♡

Fight or Flight
Guest
Fight or Flight

Ask anyone whose relationship you ARE enamored by and they’ll tell you the same thing: Relationships don’t happen to you, you build them. And the work is in one’s own nature to flee rather than fight to make it what you want. Perpetual dating is just people trying out the very immature phases of a relationship over and over. Doesn’t take much character, just just hormones.

Love or marriage
Guest
Love or marriage

From this discussion (and my understanding of judaic texts, laws and live folks like Manis) it seems first one has to define what love means and then if it is possible in the structured system of ortho/chassidic/judaism, and if not (and per my definitions of love, and that of many contemporary singles) then choose whether to pursue love or choose marriage which might never have or evolve to the love one seeks. This might touch on a general divide between ortho/chassidic life and a contemporary focus on the self and self-fulfillment. And only if you agree that what’s in customs… Read more »

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