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Sunday, 14 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 19, 2019

    R’ Yonah’s Idea for Shidduch Crisis

    Shmuel Rabinowitz, who davened with R' Yonah Avtzon OBM, shares 2 insights he heard from him on solving the shidduch crisis. Full Story

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    So beautiful
    Guest
    So beautiful

    Reb Yonahs dedication was something very special
    Another suggestion to help shidduchim
    If borchorim would be willing to go out with a girl older then them
    After all Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was older then the Rebbe

    To number #1
    Guest
    To number #1

    What about girls willing to go out with bochurim older then them?

    Ylg
    Guest
    Ylg

    Omain i apreciated his efforts i saw his reaching out for me. Thank you all .

    Share your names
    Guest
    Share your names

    Reb Yona shared his list of names with everyone, not just one name, eager to make a shidduch. He didn’t give up on anyone. Shadchanim can follow Reb Yona in sharing their lists and continue to help regardless of how many suggestions they gave that were rejected.

    Bocher
    Guest
    Bocher

    To bochurim:
    Will it it make a difference in your life if a girl is a year or two older then you???

    Older woman
    Guest
    Older woman

    Most of the fFrierdiker Rebbe’s chasidim married women older than they. Perhaps today’s bochurim should not reject that idea.

    Beautiful article
    Guest
    Beautiful article

    Very good points!

    shadchan
    Guest
    shadchan

    he was a real shadchan straight to the point and very truthul very honest everybody should learn from him

    To # 2, that’s the usual
    Guest
    To # 2, that’s the usual

    Another possibility to consider is girls going out with bocherim several years older.

    In honor of R’ Yonah
    Guest
    In honor of R’ Yonah

    In honor of R’ Yonah and in appreciation of all is the shidduchim he worked on ( not only the ones that B”H ended in marriage), I have spent a half hour each week on making phone calls, trying to set people up, even the “picky” singles who seem to say no to every suggestion. Let others do the same and pick one or two names of singles you know and set aside a specific day and time each week to call around and see if anyone has any suggestions for this particular person. May we hear lots of good… Read more »

    Excellent idea
    Guest
    Excellent idea

    Don’t wait for this to be official
    I’d you know a young man and woman who possibly could be a good match then tell somebody or suggest they shiduch yourself.

    gitty  TO NO 10
    Guest
    gitty TO NO 10

    WHAT IS your contact details

    re shidduch

    attn #5
    Guest
    attn #5

    YES! If the Bochur is mid 30s and wants to have kids!

    Observant bachur
    Guest
    Observant bachur

    In my experience, girls don’t like going out with guys younger than them, thinking that they are automatically less mature. Which is partly true. Women mature faster than men emotionally etc. To the point where it’s common practice that they start shidduchim earlier. Kemuvan. However, perhaps if girls didn’t automatically dismiss a suggestion for a good fine boy etc. Just because he’s one or even two years younger than her, more people would find their shidduch in a more timely manner. Just a suggestion. Coming from personal experience…

    the shidduch crisis has nothing to do with a lack of shadchonim
    Guest
    the shidduch crisis has nothing to do with a lack of shadchonim

    if people were more flexible and open and weren’t looking for the most perfect person, when they themselves are far from perfect, a lot more people would be married

    Stop pointing out problems
    Guest
    Stop pointing out problems

    Why do we need to blame anyone? Let’s listen to what R Yonah told us and actually try to make shidduchim

    hire full-time shadchanim etc.
    Guest
    hire full-time shadchanim etc.

    This is a good idea but requires financial comittment. Could a charity be set up or does a charity already exist that could collect donations and fund this project? It would be a good way to continue R’ Yonah’s A’H work.

    Suggestion
    Guest
    Suggestion

    I think they should have singles events in crown heights for bochurim and girls to meet each other

    Part of the problem
    Guest
    Part of the problem

    Part of the issue is that all of the expenses are on the boy. They are expected to fly out, rent a car, find a place to stay, pay for everything on the date, etc. If it became more balanced maybe the boys would be more willing to fly out. If the boys felt like the girl was putting in even the slightest effort after getting dressed for the date, I think it would help.

    To #13 and #5
    Guest
    To #13 and #5

    …BUT only if the two people are truly compatible. Marriage is not only a “baby production” enterprise. And there are no guarantees at any age. Imagine the pain and unhappy pressure on a bride who soon realizes that her husband never really connected with HER, as a person, but only with her ovarian potential. While pru r’vu is a mitzvah of the man, it is not a vehicle to exclude compatibility being vital in a marriage. The Torah definitely does not encourage the distressing attitude that a Jewish woman be viewed as a commodity that has greater “worth” based on… Read more »

    Difference in times
    Guest
    Difference in times

    10, 20 years ago most people found their bashert within the first few people they met, and on average people got engaged after 6-9 dates. These days many chaissidshe boys and girls are dating many more people before they find the right one, and they are also dating for longer (before they say yes or no).

    Bigger issue than that
    Guest
    Bigger issue than that

    I was fortunate to get to know and work with R Avtzon over the years. He made my shidduch and helped me help others. IT IS NOT THIS SIMPLE. Sometimes it is what you mention – others outside, to help those in need. But there are many more complications with the people who are not married. I, for one, know firsthand of another issue altogether. I have suggested, I even made a few shidduchim, but I have also been met with resentment. Some people want it in theory but they don’t want to do what it takes to make it… Read more »

    To 21
    Guest
    To 21

    Why is that? I agree and am curious as to why.

    Really mad!!!
    Guest
    Really mad!!!

    In response to #19
    So true!!!
    So unfair!!
    The boy has way too much financial pressure!!

    A friend of mine told me that her daughter ( in California) had a bocher fly out to date her.
    After 10 minutes,……….. the girl excused herself,……… called her mother,……( my friend ) to say that the boy is not for her!!!!!!
    So terrible!!!!

    At least give him a chance after all he did!!

    TO #18 YOU ARE SO RIGHT
    Guest
    TO #18 YOU ARE SO RIGHT

    No one else commented on your suggestion..People are afraid it is not considered tznius. I personally think we are way way beyond that in this day and age and from what I see in Crown Heights. Singles are getting together anyway…and not in places we as parents like. I don’t want to say anything more because this is not the place. Why is it not kosher to set up a SUPERVISED event for singles to meet? Round robin.(every boy and girl meet for five minutes of talking and then move on to the next. Every single boy or girl I… Read more »

    THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM? NLACK OF DEVOTION AND PASSION TO THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE
    Guest
    THE FUNDAMENTAL PROBLEM? NLACK OF DEVOTION AND PASSION TO THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE

    When we’re DETERMINED to set up a business, /help our child/ complete our studies etc , We OVERLOOK all obstacles and ploughing ahead. In Shidfuchim many of our singles ( whom I’ve been coaching for several years) are distracted by the obstacles , real and imagined , so we need more chinuch on the value, the glory, the essentialness of marriage, . In addition to all the points mentioned above!

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