By Bas Leah
When I read the recent disturbing story on COLlive about the Lebanese man claiming to be Jewish and going on to marry a Jewish woman, I feel compelled to put pen to paper and publicize the following account of what happened, one Shabbos, in our home, and then, subsequently, in our wider community.
We are a Chabad family based in London. Two of our adult children were still living at home at the time. As I love having guests, I sign up our family on Shabbat.com as willing to host for a Shabbos meal, and, if necessary, to sleep over.
It did not take long before we had a response.
I’ll call her Sarah. On her profile, she listed as a reference a rabbi and also included two photos of herself, one wearing sunglasses and the other with her back to the camera. Both photos, I thought, were strange.
Sarah sent us a message with a request if she could come and spend a certain Shabbos with us.
The Website did/does suggest that you, as a host, should do your research and check up with any references given. So that is exactly what I did.
I called the Rabbi on Sarah’s profile and he assured me that she was Jewish and he knew her.
So Sarah came but it did not take long for me to start suspecting there was something not quite right. The more we spoke and I probed her the more doubtful and suspicious I became that she was telling the truth. For example, she claimed to come from a Belz family, she wore thick black tights but the rest of her clothes and other parts of her story did not match and add up.
I was sure something was very wrong when I came into the dining room and she was “davening” but facing the wrong way, her back to Mizrach. Now, what is the first question a guest in a strange house asks, frum or baal teshuva, if they want to daven? The first question they ask is “where is Mizrach?”
My kids and husband thought I was imagining it all, they told me to stop and they were not worried.
During Shabbos, she said she had met this boy and he would be coming and that they would be going out together. When he did come to fetch her I realized that I, in fact, knew him from when he was a little boy.
Sarah stayed Motzei Shabbos and left early Sunday morning.
I straight away, again, called the Rabbi asking if he was sure that she was Jewish because she said, and did things, that caused me to distrust her authenticity. He claimed she was Jewish. I asked how did he know for sure. He said she had shown him some documentation.
I let the matter go and put it out of my mind.
Some time went by. Then we heard that Sarah had gotten engaged to the boy. She even invited us to the engagement party and everyone thought how sweet she was.
The truth was not long in coming and proved my intuition had been correct.
A young man, in another European town, had heard who this Chossen’s “Kallah” was and he immediately informed the family that Sarah was, in fact, NOT JEWISH, and that she had done the same thing to him and soon after getting engaged her true identity was discovered
After hearing this, I again called the Rabbi to let him know the truth, that Sarah was in fact not Jewish and that most probably any documentation she had presented to him must have been fraudulent.
This whole incident happened some years ago and now that, unfortunately, this subject is in the Jewish world’s news, it shows how much extreme care must be taken to protect our community from imposters.
As for hosting strangers for Shabbos, I deleted our online open invitation.
We unfortunately have a similar story in our community. The women pretended she was Jewish and was even acting frum. She met a recent baal teshuva in our chabad house. Her story didn’t add up and when they got more serious it was discovered that she is in fact is not Jewish. However, he is already in love with her and won’t break it up. He is on denial and believes her story that she is jew. No rabbi will marry them. However, He would never have gone out with her if he knew that she wasn’t Jewish. At the… Read more »
I’m wondering why such people don’t convert. If they want to live as a frum Jew, thten it seems the logical thing to do is go through a proper Orthodox conversion.
You don’t seem to get it. They are either wacky, or have bad intentions.
They like the good feeling they get when they are doing all these Jewish things, but they aren’t interested in keeping our Laws and Way of Life, they just like the goodies.
They aren’t truly committed.
They like the frosting
When someone converts, it not just a nice thing. They convert because their souls is really Jewish and they feel a pull to be Jewish. These people just want to enjoy the good but don’t really care to be Jewish because they don’t have a Jewish soul
They may have asked to convert and werent accepted or dont want to be jewish, just want to marry a jew
We were naive, innocent, do gooders. There was the guy sent to us by Tzach who said he was single but wore a talis. He admitted on Sunday, after spending Shabbos with us that he was married but hadn’t had kids after several years, so he had come to Crown Heights to see if he could find a ‘newer model!’ There was a young man sent to us by an acquaintance for the seder. We already had a young woman staying by us, who told us that she was going to leave the next day. The Rav told us that… Read more »
Thank you for sharing your experience with everyone, it’s very important for everyone to know the difference between hospitality and endangering your family and friends. When you invite someone into your home, 1 make sure they are safe for your family don’t ever assume. Check references and make sure that those references are people that you can trust. 2 once they were accepted in your home everyone else in your community assumes that if you know them and invite them then they are safe . 3 Daven
That G h ashen protects us !
BH
BSD
Here we see good kind people doing kindnesses….that have had experiences that preclude them from continuing..those kindnesses….CONTINUE DOING THE KINDNESSES YOU DO…
PASS THE TEST
What exactly is the lesson from all these stories?? That we shouldn’t have shabbos guest?
As far as the wine is concerned you shouldn’t have non-mevushal wine if you have guest who are Jewish but don’t keep shabbos.
How about honesty from all the people who happily sent us orchim without taking proper responsibility? Or lied about the competency of their mekuravim, even when asked directly? The young woman was a last minute guest. All of the wine had already been purchased for Pesach. We actually had known the young man for a few years but had been told that he was a Yid. He deceived Morristown Yeshiva for a couple of years. Not sure if they ever found out. Our acquaintance should’ve been straight with us. We never thought it was a question. We have continued to… Read more »
Just we need to be careful and keep a eye out , although I am not sure how you would really be able to tell the difference between a non Jew and a non religious Jew , it seems a bit challenging on a practical level , all of this is because of assemilation and because many in the religious world years ago did not listen or even made fun of the rebbe’s war on mihu Yehudi , so takeh it is a bit of a challenge to even tell who is and who isn’t Jewish
But not only with guests whom you don’t know anything about, how about people in your community, that you think you know, who are Jewish. They can also be wolves in sheep’s clothing. No one really knows anyone 100%. Be careful but not overly judgmental. People speak of leaving their non-mevushal wine out, what about your precious children? Achnasat Orchim is very important however keep you eyes open.
I think the advice from our Chachomim in regards to guests is to “respect but suspect.” Have guests, treat them kindly, but keep your guard up and trust your instincts.
These stories happen all the time in many chabad houses
In any business there is a risk , if you invite people to mekarev them , you are open to this all the time
How many people from far foreign countries , you have. No idea how to find out if they are Jewish or not , you are not marrying them , you are not a Beis Din
Don’t stop inviting peopple , just let them have a good time ,just don’t offer shidduchim until you really know
Yiddishkeit is not a business and innocent, genuine Jews ARE falling for these deceivers. They have gotten as far as engaged and now this case in the news – the poor woman has gone through an actual wedding. Imagine if that had been your child. Chas Vesholom, if this situation is brushed under the carpet and not taken seriously but people have a “this happens all the time” attitude then we will come to a stage where we will not know MI HU YEHUDI!!!!!
What happened to the notion of the pintele yid? No one knows what this guy has been going through. Who are we to call him a deceiver? He was living a Jewish life. I just don’t know why he didn’t approach a Beis Din in Texas, where he lived for so long. Or maybe we do – fear of rejection, being judged and chased away. Maybe he got in too deep and couldn’t turn around & let the truth out. I hope someone reaches out to him from a community and talks to him.
The family was told by the the Chabad Rabbis that he did not live like a Jew, although he sometimes attended. So what pinteleh yid ?!!
What about people that are Jewish, coming from unknown background and can be dangerous? Eyes should be opened at all time. The reason I say that is because of an incident that happened in our house years ago. Adults and younger kids were all around the table with a certain guy that had came for shabbes, because we were registered on list to host tourist or person in need. The guy kept his eyes on one of my sister and when she left the table to get her dvar Torah from her bag in the second floor he followed her,… Read more »