By Toby Lieder, Australia
When I was 14 I had a vision. Not the hocus pocus type of vision, but a very real future vision in my life ahead of me, how I saw myself many years later. I envisioned myself with a very large family with lots and lots of kids, at least ten, sitting around the big white Shabbos table, with lots of guests!
I love children. I looked forward to raising a beautiful, happy, very exciting large family of children. That was my vision as a very young girl.
After I got married and had 2 children, both born by caesarean a year and a half apart, my doctor told me, “your next child will definitely have to be a caesarean too!”
How many caesareans can one have? After all, back in those days (1980) they let you have one or 2 more maximum!
I became pregnant with my third child a year and a half later, and of course the doctors set a date for the third baby’s arrival, a caesarean was scheduled.
It suddenly dawned on me, “Hey, am I going to have just 3 kids, and that’s it?” I couldn’t believe it. “There’s got to be a way to break through this challenge,” I thought.
“I can’t let this happen to me!” I told my husband. “It was my dream to have lots of kids, a large Shabbos table laden with a beautiful white tablecloth, lots of Shabbos candles, and all my kids of all ages singing, laughing and playing.”
This was when I was 5 months pregnant, with 2 little kids at my side, in a red Peg Prego double stroller. I can still feel the heat of the day, both physically and emotionally, as if it were today, right now.
770 was overcrowded, and in order for the overflow of women to be able to hear the Rebbe addressing the women’s convention that very hot day in May, loudspeakers were hooked up outside 770 to enable over 100 women outside 770 to hear the Rebbe’s saintly words.
“Women should have at least a minyan of children around their table,” said the Rebbe.
This was a first. For the Rebbe, a Tzadik, so holy, to talk about women having children, and to have many children, and at least a minyan. We all thought this is unusual; we have a Rebbe that talks about such modern things. Oh, how we were all shocked. The Rebbe continued talking, about the kind of things that were never spoken in public before.
That night, I sat shaking back and forth on my brown recliner, at precisely 9:30 p.m.
The kids were sleeping peacefully, my husband was preparing for his next day’s lessons, when I suddenly took a paper and started writing a letter to the Rebbe.
“Dear Rebbe,” I wrote, “Today the Rebbe spoke so intensely and emotionally about the importance of women having large families. I know how wonderful that can be, but Rebbe, my doctor told me I must have another caesarean and that is shattering all my dreams, because, I’m with you Rebbe on this, I want a large family but cannot have one, due to the limitations of how many operations I can have!”
I literally shed tears, and told the Rebbe so. I said, “Rebbe, as I write to you now, there are hot tears coming down my face because I cannot have my dream, and the Rebbe says we should have this dream!”
I cried and said, “Rebbe, please bless me at this time, that I should give birth in a natural and healthy way.”
The letter went in that night, and the next morning I received an answer from the Rebbe. The answer said, “Many people gave birth natural after caesarean, speak to your doctor about it!”
And then the Rebbe added, “I will bless and pray for you at the ohel.” And the Rebbe gave me his blessings.
When I spoke to my doctor about it, he said, “Oh! If the Lubavitcher Rebbe said so, ok, let’s go for it!”
After less than 2 hours of labor, my beautiful daughter was born naturally! And 11 more children, naturally!
And now, I finally had my dream come true, my vision became alive, when I would have the zchus of sitting around my very large Shabbos table with all my 14 children k”h laughing, playing, singing, and most of all, just being there.
The fun begins, when all the kids bring home a friend – just one friend – and the table just expands like the Beis Hamikdosh… it just stretches for everyone to have a place in our home.
The Rebbe’s home!
That is my dream of having a big family that I have been waiting over 10 years and I finally got one baby girl. Then I found out that I was pregnant again and I was thrilled. All the suddenly, my baby went heaven. It broke my heart and I really pray for more miracles: more babies; I pray for unexpect miracles as triplets, quad, or quad triplets. Anything is possible. i need more prayers. Thank you for sharing your stories. God bless you and you have beautiful children that make me smile and give me more faith and hope… Read more »
In Yechiidus, we were told we would have many children, but when I had one csarean after the other, I, too, wondered how I could realize this Bracha. Toby, I read about you 25 years ago, after having 4 c/sections (vertical outside, horizontal inside). The Rebbe gave me a Bracha to “share good news!” during my 5th pregnancy and I went on to have two natural in the hospital and SIX successful home births!! and yes, I also consulted with doctors who were heads of hospitals before doing this. You probably never realized what powers you held when you wrote… Read more »
How does one afford tuition pray tell? Why are the administration of yeshivos & schools not sharing these values???
Please ladies listen to your doctor. Toby’s doctor agreed & she had the Rebbe’s Brocha.
Shop around, get different opinions but DO NOT RISK your life & that of your child.
I too have received a bracha from the Rebbe and was zoche to have a child after the doctors told me my chances were slim. There is G-d in the world who ultimately decides on that and we just have to do out part! Try and believe and daven.
I have been to the lieders countless times on many yomim Tovim and I always felt the love and the warmth and feeling accepted .. I now live in Jerusalem israel and I wish I could see some more of this kind of hachnosis orchim here. I sometimes spend shabbosim alone because I don’t get invited out or feel comfortable as I used to at the Lieders! They Are a one of a kind family and I wish them all the Brochos in the world!
such an optimistic woman, and with all the right values, kol hakavod, beautifull
So nice to see someone praising the inyan of a large family. At times it seems that these notions are not the given attitude amongst all Lubavitchers. I am sometimes shocked at people’s comments and outlook towards large families. Especially amongst the younger generation. We need to support each other and the Rebbe’s outlook on family size and bring to light the tremendous bracha and joy that goes hand in hand with staying in line with the Rebbe’s great vision and directives.
i just printed this to share w/someone w/turners syndrome and Dr.’s predict no children…
That table is in Sydney…. Come back!!
TOBY, YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAID BETTER!!! THE DOCTORS ARE THERE TO GUIDE/HELP US, NOT TELL US WHAT TO DO… AS THE REBBE POINTED OUT TO YOU: “Many people gave birth natural after caesarean, speak to your doctor about it!”
THANKS A TON FOR POSTING THIS!!! -IT WILL SURELY SAVE MANY WOMAN FROM UNNECESSARY CAESAREAN!!!
Reading Tobi’s article brings out the emes mamesh!!! Tobi’s story echoes mine!!!!!!!!!!!! How I cherish every moment with each and every one of our children, B”H! Her hiskashrus to the Rebbe is so very wonderful! Thank you Tobi for sharing. May you continue to experience true nachus, simchas, excellent parnoso, gezunt, and through your inspiration, may we greet the Rebbe NOW!
who says you can’t?
even my goyishe cleaning lady learned to stand in front of the Rebbe’s picture in my house and she tells the Rebbe all her troubles!
she actually witnessed many yeshuos!
have faith in the Rebbe!
I can relate to you via someone close to me who had B’H a baby after several years. They were basically told by doctors to forget it. But this is from Hashem and He is Hakol Yachol. I sincerely wish you simchas bekarov mamosh.
Beautiful story! As an only child, from generations of only children, I hope and pray that I will merit the family that I never had.
wow amazing!!!!! your rlly inspiring!!
I want to thanks you for sharing your letter. I have the same dream as you did, and I had 2 C’s . your letter gave a new hope for my dreaming coming thrue.
..not in a bad way…you are blessed with such a beautiful family and blessing but mostly that you have the right attitude as to what is precious in life…all I can say is woooowwww !!
may we all be blessed as you are and to have the MONEY as well to be able to provide baharchava..
Eliyahu from canada
I echo your brochah!
thanks for sharing amen v’amen
Amen!
Sydney is not the same without the Lieders.
Melbourne YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SPECIAL PEOPLE THE LIEDERS ARE. YOU HAVE JUST SCRATCHED THE SURFACE. You guys are LUCKY!! Cherish them!!
Toby and Yankel and Chaim WE MISS YOU!!
You make learning so. ntersting!! My son loves you. Thank you for making a diference in his life. Lots of success!
CS
I have bh 10 brothers and sisters and we all brought home friends. BH, our table also just “expanded” it was a wonderful time…..
An amazing family, with the most generous heart and spirit. May Hashem bless you 10 fold and more – from what you have given to others and continue to give. Only brochos and nachas from all the children & grandchildren.
Dear Rebbetzin Toby and Rabbi Yankel Lieder, When I was a small child, you had me over at your house for a couple of nights whilst my parents were on a trip. Until today I remember your hospitality and that long never-ending shabbos table full of guests and family. Now as a father of a few kids of my own I appreciate it ten-fold. May Hashem grant you nachas (be-einei bosor) from your children and grandchildren and great grand children ad sof kol hadoros. May you always be able to be Machnis Orach mitoch Oisher Vechavod! #10, I feel for… Read more »
Thankyou for sharing!
Miracouls! Wow, loved it!! Hope you write more… EEAW
The Lieders have brought so much to our community.
My son is finally enjoying learning with Rabbi Lieder as his Rebbi and Toby spoke so passionately about how to enrich our relationships in our marriage.
They are true Shluchim of our Rebbe.
These are the things that I want to read on col
Thank you. The thing that make the rebbe proud
BH i cant feel ur pain cuz im not in ur shoes, but the table full of guest might make u happier!!!
wanna share ur name so we can daven for you
Something to think about
I once said to my kids
“Imagine if our bubbly winter,s mother decided NOT to have her,where would all of us be? I mean hundreds and hundreds of people are in this world,frum,doing what hashem wants,all because of her mother having her!”
Just one soul,one Neshama can accomplish soooooooo much
It’s incredible! We are talking close to thousands of people alive and contributing to society today because of my bubbly,s mom,s decision!
thank you for posting great story
“((hug))”
beautiful story. thank you for sharing.
just cried while reading.
to #10. i feel you so much. i went true the same thing waiting for years to hold a baby in my harm. and b”h Hashem listened to our prayers. don’t be discourage.
don’t wait for the years to pass by. just do something about it. go to doctors to get help.
sometimes we need to make a keli for the brocho to come down.
May Hashem listen to your tfilos and make your heart happy.
i have been by that shabbso table that rebetzin leider dreamed of and i can tel you first hand its exactly how she dreamed, long many guests etc. dreams do come true!!
What is bc of a previous section (vertical) you MUST have csection?? there is no one to tell us now whther we should risk it (goes up every time) or not!! I want a clear answer!!!
tobi – you’re an amazing women and thanks for sharing. i too wanted a large family however it was not meant to be, as i had different problems then just a first born c-section. my other 2 were also normal births along with 2 miscarriaged and thats all.
i count my blessings and those the Rebbe gave as at 17 i was told my chances of having any children were slim to none
again, thank you for sharing
Thank You #12.
It is a beautiful story.
Not everyone has a minyan in the house.
If you dont or not even close please remember that there is nothing wrong with you but that H’ is in charge!!!!!
Just a reminder.
IY”H you will have a beautiful family!! Amen!!
In general, we all have nisyanos and to each person their nisayon is a challenge that is hard to overcome. I’m sure the author didn’t want c’v in any way anyone to be hurt by her article.
many people are in my shoes and wait years and still dont know when their first will be born and wait for brachas from the rebbe..and just wait and wait..i wish I could be in your shoes! Even one would make me happy..but my dream has also always been a big family…people in my shoes shed tears every time they come home from shul or an event where everyone there is present with children besides for themselves.
Thank for for sharing, as a women in Crown heights and going through a hard pregnancy my dream is also to IYH have a large family which my parents have blessed me with. I hope IYH with The Rebbes brochos my husband and I will be able to grow a big beautiful family as well 🙂
when will moshiach come, when will we again be able to see the Rebbe with our eyes!!!
With u on this one! Beautiful story!
I am moved by this – wow! So much faith. I wish we could talk to the rebbe so directly these days.
so inspiring! thank you for sharing!! May Hashem bless you with a lot of chassidishe nachas from all of them , u should all be healthy and happy!
be matzliach
Memenu Yiru Vechain Yashu! May people see from her and learn to follow this lesson with the Rebbe’s Brachos!
I have tears in my eyes. And I’m a man.
Thats a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing