Dear COLlive readers,
A 20-year old American Lubavitcher girl married a 21 year-old Israeli Sephardic bochur who turned out to be terribly abusive (physically and emotionally) husband.
While she lived in America following her marriage, her husband was actually arrested for physical abuse and released because she dropped the charges.
At that point they moved to Israel because he was deported by immigration following the release. She moved with him (as most abused women will), and with their infant daughter because he promised to seek counseling and swore to never harm her again.
Two-and-a-half months ago she was served papers by the Israeli Rabbinate stating that he wanted a divorce. She was shocked as she is the one who is getting abused. The papers contained a list of complaints against her, including a claim that she doesn’t care for her daughter properly. At that point she hired a lawyer.
When she showed up at the Rabbinate the police stopped her at the entrance and took her in to the station for questioning. The husband claimed she was an abusive mother and said he had videos as proof. Her lawyer sent a professional to check their apartment, and he found cameras set up all over the apartment, hooked up to a computer system.
At the next hearing she was awarded temporary custody of the baby, which would remain in effect as long as she stayed in a shelter. The lawyer demanded and received the videos from the husband, and sent them for professional evaluation. They were found to be edited. Movements were sped up, voices were taken out or made louder and dates were changed.
There is no question that she is and will be found innocent in court, but her lawyer will not work without being paid. She was forced to quit her job when she moved into the shelter, so currently she has no income at all.
Her siblings who all live in the USA managed to raise several thousand dollars for her to pay the lawyer for his work until now, but at this point the lawyer will do no more. We need to come up with $20,000 so that her lawyer will continue to represent her. $5,000 is needed immediately for her upcoming court hearing.
She has not had a chance to cultivate social relationships in Israel, as her husband prevented her from doing so. Her parents are unable to help her cover all the expenses involved. She is selling all her jewelry and household goods, but it will not bring in nearly enough to cover legal fees. She wants only to gain full custody of her child so that she can return to the USA, because her husband cannot return to the states, and start her life anew. Please open your hearts and help her out.
The assistance this young woman needs is desperate, it is literally Pikuach Nefesh. Her life and the life of her child is at stake (literally). Until she is granted custody of her infant, she cannot leave Israel.
Donations can be made through the following methods:
PayPal: [email protected]
Direct Deposit:
Janet Esther Kidekel Routing/ABA# 267083763 Account # 0064182403
Please send your tax-deductible checks to:
Chabad Miami Lakes/NW Dade
16800 NW 83rd Place
Miami Lakes Fl 33016
Many local Rabbonim and International Rabbonim are aware of this situation as well. The non lubavitch community is raising money for her situation as well and can be sent to:
Ner Israel Charity Fund c/o Freidman
415 Yeshiva Lane
Baltimore MD 21208
omg i feel so bad! I think that the lawer doesnt have to pay so much! If i worked as a lawer and saw someone in that situation i would give a discount.
What will the Israeli court do and what kind of compensation will be given to this young, beautiful woman who lost several months of her life living in a government run shelter, her great job and her apartment, after the Judge based his evidence on the edited videos that were handed to him by the authorities? Will the court prosecute the husband or more funds will be needed for lawyers? She has been under constant supervision, while the husband’s side has been prosecuting her under evidence that is a lie. The husband and his mother especially have caused her such… Read more »
I completely agree with you! I think I can understand the situation of this woman, or at least, her feelings. I pray for salvation of all women who suffer including me because I can’t ask that from anyone else to do it for me. Reason- no one would believe me. Only G-d can. And IF He wants it. The worst thing in situations like this is when one agrees to suffer and gets used to pain and accepts it as normal by the time, but, the first step to getting free of abusing is to admit and accept that it… Read more »
My heart cries out for this poor woman!! Hashem! Please! Ad Massai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Many victims leave their abusers, only to return. Research has shown that a major factor in helping a victim to establish lasting independence from the abusive partner is her or his ability to get legal assistance. Economists at the Brennan Center for Justice analyzed Bureau of Justice Statistics data to determine what accounted for the nationwide reduction in reported abuse. Their findings revealed that one significant factor was the availability of legal services to assist abuse victims. Another major study by economists at Colgate University and the University of Arkansas flatly stated that the only public service that reduces domestic… Read more »
Please get a letter from a Lubavitcher Rov; SPECIFICALLY: a well known “Moire Hoiro’oh Bepoi’el” – this will make a tremendous difference!!!
Paypal email is [email protected] you can also donate securely online by going to http://www.chabadmiamilakes.com and clicking on the donate link to make your Donation. Please make sure you leave a memo in the message section. RE: Girl who needs assistance. Once again if you do know this girl, and I’m sure her friends In America do, please keep her name from being publicized over the internet. It is extremely dangerous(Pikuach Nefesh) and can be used against her. Thank You to everyone who has been helping. Please continue to give whatever you can even $5( and don’t go to starbucks today).… Read more »
“Accepted” culturally?? Talk about stereotypes! Abuse is not accepted in any culture. Hitting is not accepted in any culture. Emotional abuse is not accepted in any culture. We are Jews remember? Not Arabs. And even in the Arab culture the woman don’t “accept” it. They have no choice.
This is a horrific story. BE”H we and the communities around the world will be able to adequately assist her to receive the help she needs. HOWEVER, I don’t see the relevance of the Sefardi information is this well concealed and information free article. The anonymity of the article is necessary and doesn’t change her needs. What I do take offense to is that the article subliminally implies that all Americans are Ashkenaz and all Israelis are abusive Sefardim. Read the article again. It does not mention the girl’s ethnicity. Don’t forget whom Hashem chose to bring the Torah to… Read more »
Okay, so far we can’t mention that the abuser is Sephardi or male. Lubavitch? Jewish? Human?
Ask any abused woman why they would do that…because they feel they love their husband and want to make it work… why do you think her family needs her back in America, so he cant come after her and manipulate her…
if things were so bad why on earth did she move to Israel away from her family who could protect her, to go live with him? and to #59, if men are getting abused, let them come out in the open about it, if they are embarrased thats not a good reason, and it is a general fact that men abuse women more… its just a fact.
Its amazing how everyone thinks or could care less that there are men who walk around this community who are abused physically and emotionally by woman, and they watch their children get abused by the mothers. you people make it out as if it as if its only woman who gets abused by men, well let me tell you a dirty little secret, there are plenty of men who are too embarrassed to admit it, and would never lay a hand on a woman. but the woman think its ok to hit a man. because no one will believe him… Read more »
you should definetly look for help. it doesnt matter that there is lots of other woman like you. all of u should seek help. if you make up a fake happy face, no one will now you need help. i know its hard, but its extrimely importatnt!! good luck!!!
1)LOGIN TO PAYPAL.COM
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IF YOU STILL NEED MORE HELP PLEASE EMAIL PRIVATELY [email protected]
we really have to do something to help this woman and her daughter.this article really got to the point.everyone please you must donate!!!
do i email [email protected] with my credit card information? not so sure what to do. is there a number that i can call to donate? please let me know!
I Know the situation very well! Please do all that you can! she really needs our help! Chay Amar
This story really shook me and what made it different then all the other letters we get in the mail pleading for help? The author really expressed the pain the mom and baby were going through. I sometimes get letters in the mail saying all they need to pay for etc. But this one got right down to the point and I felt the pain and donated.
When someone asks for tzedaka you give, with no cheshbons….. why argue over it? its a cry for help
SO FAR OVER 2K HAS BEEN RAISED…IT REALLY SHOWS AHAVAS YISROEL, ESPECIALLY FOR SOMEONE YOU DON’T KNOW.ALL THE $18’S, $36, REALLY ADD UP…THANK YOU, THIS IS TO HARD FOR US TO BEAR ALONE…
29 donations so far and a little over $1300. Thanks to those who gave and continue to help. The family greatly appreciates as they really need all the help they can get.
paypal again to [email protected]
I feel bad for her and yes, everyone help her, but what is gained by mentioning the husband is a Sefardi? This (false) stereotype is why 70% of Lubavitch rejects Sefardi shidduchim without even researching the boy. As a Sefardi Lubavitcher myself, I’m deeply offended.
Many people tend to blame the victim as an enabler. These abusers are very charming to the world and they may be good people in other areas. They were probably abused themselves at some point and are continuing the chain…. With that said, you do not need to be the next “korbon”. Do something for yourself. You deserve better!
What makes you think that everyone who is in an abusive relationship does nothing about it? Yes, some people will stay in such a relationship because they do not have the support they need.I like how everyone says they should just leave. Where are they supposed to go? Lots of people say they need to get out and they support these women. Really? Where is the support? These women need money for a lawyer. They can’t just get a cheap one because most abusive spouses arent stupid, so a good lawyer is needed to help obtain a divorce andCUSTODY on… Read more »
my email address is [email protected]
$20,000 is not alot for a case like this – yes, even in Israel. Especially since this is a double case. It’s not just divorce, it’s also criminal. I have a friend who went through something similar and she paid much more. Let’s hope this case doesn’t become more than this. Everyone, open your hearts and donate! Let’s help this young woman who just barely began her life!
does anyone know how i can reach her family or any ppl involved? id love to try and help.
It’s nice to know how you tried helping other woman in the past and yes most woman naturally go back to their husbands who drag them back in because of a womans vulnerability. But not everyone woman does and they Will Do the most that they can to protect themselves. This young woman obviously needs our help and there is almost a obvious reason people are asking for someone to help her. So lets stop talking about how much we have already done and lets Do something!
May u get out of this situation fast!! #39 id also like to know how shachanim can do that..??
People involved in shidduchim have to be more honest about the character of the men they are describing when asked.
I tried to use Paypal to make a dontion – I couldn’t get it to go through – Please give clear step by step instructions on how and what one must do / fill in
Who makes these shidduchs?!?!?!?!??!! VERY VERY scary and dangerous!! My heart goes out to the abused girl in the story and to #12 and to ALL the young and older women out there who are stuck in abusive situations. It MUST be stopped. These women can not live with painted false smiles on their faces just to “look” happy and pretend that all is okay. Society must help. I will do what I can.
Before they moved to Israel, her husband and his parents planned the divorce….(imagine the evil, they planned to divorce her nad take the baby long before they actually did and he was still living with her) he had her and the baby become israeli citizen’s therefore number 30…she can’t leave or take the baby with her yet…
How can we reach out if you’re trying to show the world a “happy face”? We aren’t mind-readers! Women in abusive situations must reach out. They only have to do it once, there will be overwhelming support for you. Having said that, do you know that I have offered my home (with my husband’s full support) to abused women & their children to escape to? NOT ONE ever left her abusive husband. So what can WE do? Even if we gave $$, who is to say that would help? As long as this girl stays in the same home she… Read more »
$20,000 for a divorce?? Wow, either I had a really cheap lawyer or prices have gone up drastically since I went through my divorce (yes, in Israel) almost 10 years ago.
I feel for you.If there are more women you know that need help, encourage them to get out of this mess! it’s not them it’s their spouse!
Maybe you could post an email address so #12 could contact you….You could even make one up, and you would be saving a life! Number 12 It’s not your fault at all, you got into this.. Stay strong! and pull yourself out of this… you deserve to be happy with a normal husband… Chazak!
maybe you don’t seem to realize, but lawyers cost a loooooooooooot of money.
especially in sever cases like these
Cant she get a pro bono lawyer
To #28…you know nothing about this case and why a real professional lawyer is needed….no fishy business here, the fishiness lies with HIS family and the evil they have done! YOU have no clue…..try to imagine a spouse hiding 11 cameras in your apartment…EVERYWHERE…defiling your privacy and then say such comments as the ones you made….Any lawyer that would do it pro bono might not be good enough….this girls life and daughter are on the line….think before you write!
I think this story is crazy!!! She is american, her baby is american and i dont understand why she cant just pick up and leave!!! Plus why is the lawyer charging soo much money?!?!
there r two lawyers involved one who is a divorce lawyer for the legal proceedings and one who is a prosecutor to make sure husband can’t touch her again and make sure she can leave legally…dont talk if you don’t know facts..ok her family(us ), all with growing famuilies of our own have done everything possible for this not to become a “community” issue or put anyone under stress. we have borne and will continue to bear the majority of the burden. Do you know what it’s like to hear a family member crying and begging for help and being… Read more »
Um … why not just find a lawyer in Israel who will take on the case pro bono publico? Sorry to say it, but something sounds fishy … 20,000 US dollars is more than a lot of people live on in Israel for a year …
think positive and give her brachas. She is young, and she got out of it early. May she go on with her life to do many mitzvos and raise child l’Torah, ulchuppah u l’maasim toivim.
I am hoping that all these comments to you will give you chizuk to find the help you deserve!!! I was in an abusive marriage with very little ones, and I got out. You deserve to get out, you deserve to be happy and you DON”T deserve to be in an abusive marriage.
I’ve been there: take the plunge, call shalom task force, (or a local shelter) let them help you, do it for your self ( and for your kids).
I wish there was a way that I could give you my name for chizuk and support.
Be strong.
take the first step now by involving family or/and Rabbis but please don’t stay with this abuse.
Can I donate with a credit card?
iF YOU have several children I can understand you but if you have one or two young ones you don’t need to enlargen your family with your abuser. Don’t you have anyone that you can open your heart to who can help you get to shelter. They would help you out once you are there. Even if you have a bigger family, once your family gets too large you won’t be able to move so act now. Good Luck Hashem should give you the strength and guidance!!
http://[email protected] i just donated and it worked fine
I only meant well. It’s all in the way you read the comment. Hope #12 is getting help.
#13
the email adress for the paypal isnt working??
i feel very bad
I am trying to get out. But theres hundreds of women in this situation, suffering silently, crying, and trying to show the world a happy face.
Reach out to those you know who may be suffering. You never know, you might save a life.
Is that the way to write to someone who is obviously going through great difficulty? Are YOU okay?
You must get help no matter what. Take big unthinkable steps if necessary to get out and get help. No-one matters but you. The time to act is right now. You have our deepest blessings. Salvation and safety are attainable goals – as you will see.
i will donate now.
Well not everyone is lucky like u ,lol…
“far more dangerously abusive situation” – are you okay?
I would love to help, except I am in a far more dangerously abusive situation and have not a penny extra to my name.
Good Luck.
if you know other jewish sites please post this everywhere..it is bound to leak out within his community….EVENTUALLY..
It’s not necessary to mention that he’s Sephardi. It only fuels stereotypes. Although it may be more “accepted” culturally within pockets of the Sephardi communities, spousal abuse — physical or emotional — is not limited, by any means, to the Sephardi community. It is colorblind, religious-blind, ethnic-blind, etc.
That’s very noble of you! I’m sure you’d like to know her name, it’s hashgocho protis that you are comment NUMBER TWO, it signifies the consistency of you brain.
noone should ever feel so helpless and hopeless…please open your hears and help..
May hashem have rachmonus on all of us… Why are thease things happening? We need moshiach to come once and for all!!! Ad mosai? Ad mosai? Ad mosai?
I know who this girl is…its so sad. i used to go to school with her. shes such a sweet girl. shame….
Terrible story, but why mention the fact that he is Sfardi?
PS I am an Ashkan happily married to a Sfardi.
If you know who she is do not put her name on the internet as its for safety. Her Husband will eventually get whats coming .
obviously to protect HER privacy…..
Why not expose him, and he is sure to meet a fellow bully on the street sometime soon, where the man will feel what it means to be at the mercy of an abuser.
OMG. This is a crazy story…