To My Nava Ruth on Her Yartzeit

By Hadassah Chen

I lost a daughter.

I found an ocean of love, of light, of opportunities, and of inspiration.

You are the ones who inspire us, you are the ones who have opened your hearts and your arms and embraced us and surrounded us with love and strength. You have shown us through your dedication to us, through the connection you started creating with us, to feel with us what is life and so now we feel committed to you. We feel we can’t let you down, we need to keep inspiring and creating and spreading light for you are the ones who have shown us the way first.

Before Navi left us, we were living our little life in our own little world, with our own little normal average dreams.

When Navi got sick I suddenly felt the only way I could get through the pain and fear was through writing what I felt.

Every time I ached, instead of surfing the net looking for weirder and more disastrous explanations to what my daughter had, I started putting into writing what my crazy head was going through, baring it all, no shame.

The real me, with all its pain and glory.

And suddenly, I started getting incredible feedback, people I didn’t even know were writing to me, sharing their pain, thanking me for telling my difficult journey, wishing me, encouraging me…

How amazing! I thought to myself, every time more surprised when I went on my computer. There are good humans out there, the world is a good place. Even though when I came back from the children’s oncology unit, I felt I was ready to give up, you, the strangers who wrote to me, picked me up and pushed me to stand, to write more, to fight and to be.

To be!

To be a new person. Stronger, focused, passionate and determined.

To my dear Navi:

That, my dear Navi, is the story of what you, my sweet girl, have done since that horrible Jan 1, 2012, rainy day when I was told you had a tumor. Through the darkness, you literally showered us with light.

This year we held a beautiful event at our house where Rabbi Benny Zippel, Shliach of the Rebbe in Utah, gave a beautiful speech on love and its real meaning explained from a Chassidic point of view.

How the initials of your name “Nava Ruth bat Yosef,” spell the words “ner bi” – “A candle within me.”

Each one of us has a candle, a light full of potentials, ready to illuminate the world in its own unique way.

You definitely ignited ours.

Every day you whisper in my ear… helloooo get up and do more, don’t let me down, you can conquer the world.

As I look down to your Kever (grave), I think of those incredible 7 years without you and how much you have changed our lives for the good, how much you have changed me. The last time I kissed your lips feel like 100 years ago, because the last time I kissed you I was a child, you were the grown-up, I was almost hanging on to you to give me strength, too scared to suffer. Now I have matured, I have a responsibility towards you and towards the people that have shown us so much love and support throughout this journey and cannot let them down.

I beg you to keep shining and inspiring me every day, shout at me, push me, whisper in my ear and keep guiding us.

We love you so much.

Aba and Mami – Hadassah Chen

p.s. Keren Nava Ruth is soon coming out with an incredible show. Stay tuned and look out for us.

More By Hadassah Chen:
+ I Choose Life After Death
+The Last Date Before The Right One
+I Promised I’ll Never Go Back…