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Sunday, 18 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 21, 2019

    In Town, Out of Touch

    From the COLlive inbox: A teenage girl far from home tells what it's like for her and fellow classmates who are from 'out of town' and are left lonely. Full Story

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    OH YEAH!!!!
    Guest
    OH YEAH!!!!

    I agreee!!!!
    As an out of towner, it’s always difficult to find places to eat for Shabbos meals.
    Baruch Hashem I have lots of friends and families to depend on but there are many of my friends who don’t know too many people…
    It’s not rare for a girl to not have anywhere to eat and just head back home after davening…

    Wow! very well written!!
    Guest
    Wow! very well written!!
    ex aussie
    Guest
    ex aussie

    Shame on you, Nevel. What we read about in this article is just plain unaustralian.

    The parent of young children...
    Guest
    The parent of young children...

    Why are the hanhalas of the schools not making sure these children have places for shabbos meals? If they are boarding with a relative, they should be eating with a relative. If they are in a dormitory the madricha must be responsible for finding places for these girls. And honestly I would happily have these girls as shabbos guests if I knew who to call…

    PINPOINT
    Guest
    PINPOINT

    You got it on the ball my dear

    To all the Nevels of the world
    Guest
    To all the Nevels of the world

    I feel your words! Been there too.. There should be an out of towners support group (Internationally -because there are many nevels in the world)

    a message to ex aussie
    Guest
    a message to ex aussie

    yes they prepare a beautiful spread.please dont knock CH hospitality where inviting a guest means inviting them to share allyour ammenities not only your cordon bleu salads. How much easier to prepare for guest when you have a definite number.
    I have experienced CH and Aussie hospitality and i am grateful to both.

    A suggested job for the G.O.of the girls school. Ensure every girl has an invite by midweek and even girls living with grandparents would appreiciate sharing a shabbos with a younger family.

    hi and I'm over fifty and still be ignored, some things never change.
    Guest
    hi and I'm over fifty and still be ignored, some things never change.

    Just wanted to say there is a certain meanness that permeates our community knowingly or unknowingly. I am an adult who has lived here well over thirty years and such hurts continue on even after high school…I am lonely and im tired of all those clicky people out there that could not care less about you. and how bout those gezhe families who have come around collecting and our money was good enough but to do a shidduch with us was simply unheard of. People in the community and in the schools seem to be so narrowminded that I could… Read more »

    curious Onlooker
    Guest
    curious Onlooker

    I think you have a point
    in high school in toronto, canada, i had no one i knew like relatives or friends but i think YOU are a litlle exaggerating
    No offense, 🙂

    Not impressed with the tone
    Guest
    Not impressed with the tone

    I am a proud bais Rivka parent of in-towners. I hear from my daughters about the amazing and constant special programs that bais rivka has for out of towners. Why not show some appreciation for that? Every child is different. Some adjust more easily than others to the same set of circumstances. To be sure, being an out of towner is challenging. But stop lookin for people to blame. I was an out of towner myself in high school and have many nieces and nephews who are now in the same boat. They and their parents do their best to… Read more »

    chicago
    Guest
    chicago

    They take excellent care of the out of town boys at the mesivta in Chicago.I’m extremely impressed!!!

    take it easy
    Guest
    take it easy

    number 8 take a chill pill. im a crownheightser and proud of it!

    Make a system
    Guest
    Make a system

    Pretty easy job for every school to k now who their out of tow ners are and have Bnos Chabad out of town committee making sure their needs are being met begashmius emotionally and beruchnius. is it that hard to coordinate?!

    come to our chabad house for shabbos
    Guest
    come to our chabad house for shabbos

    if high school wants to get a list of close by chabad houses that would love to host these girls for shabbos wed love to get on the list and have some high school girls over
    we would provide transportation as our children go to school in crown heights

    Would be nice...
    Guest
    Would be nice...

    If people actually knew that there were out-of-town kids studying in the schools. I live in Melbourne and never knew there were out-of-towners. Also, the parents should ask some families to make a kesher with their kid so that they feel there are a few fmailies who ‘have their back’.
    it’s not only the community’s fault – sometimes people don’t even know that there are students who need invitations – ESPECIALLY a community who is just starting to have out-of-towners graduate from their school.

    to ex aussie
    Guest
    to ex aussie

    sorry, having learnt in australia, counting the amount of lonely shabbosim in yg, you’re just as guilty

    "Nevel"ignores any out of towner/outsider
    Guest
    "Nevel"ignores any out of towner/outsider

    “Nevel” ignores any kind of “out of towner”/outsider–be it of geographical or social in origin.

    To curious onlooker
    Guest
    To curious onlooker

    Was ur experience in Toronto good?

    to ex aussie and all aussies
    Guest
    to ex aussie and all aussies

    Then why are Australians being so unAustralian? Why do we have to call up people before Shabbos to beg (at least thats what it feels like for us) to be “invited” for a meal?? How many times have my friends and I eaten bread and tuna for Shabbos lunch to avoid the shame of “begging”??
    To clarify: I’m experiencing this in Australia!

    mother of out of towners and ex out of towner herself
    Guest
    mother of out of towners and ex out of towner herself

    There are hundreds of single girls never mind boys, who live in basements around CH. Many many do not have places for shabbos meals. Some eat alone in their basements or with friends in basements. Some even have many relatives, who don’t always remember to invite them. Perhaps there should be a place where the girls can go to eat on Shabbos, even for pay, like the bochrim can always eat in the yeshiva, so they don’t have to be alone. Some wonderful families have open door policies and the girls (and boys) feel totally welcome going anytime. Thank you… Read more »

    curious onlooker
    Guest
    curious onlooker

    Perhaps walk in the same shoes this writer did and THEN say that the writer is exaggerating. Did you attend the same school? Live in the same community?

     Agree with # 4
    Guest
    Agree with # 4

    The school or Bnos leaders or Madrichos who are with the girls should arrange their Shabbos hosts by midweek. Some girls are very shy and cannot make arrangements themselves and end up in lonely basements by themselves! Not a very great way to spend Shabbos.

    Post sem
    Guest
    Post sem

    So true! Girls come from out of town , to live/ work in ch, and many times u don’t have a place to go for shabbos , even though many ppl know you, as u r the kids teacher, or friend , think maybe she needs a place for a shabbos meal , sometimes we just crave a feeling for home.

    hello
    Guest
    hello

    wouldn’t mind having you over anytime, supper or shabbos or sunday afternoon, who should i call? what grade are you in? school?

    The kinnus is not the only time to recognize shluchim
    Guest
    The kinnus is not the only time to recognize shluchim

    I agree with what you wrote but from a different perspective. Another way that those on shlichus are made to feel not good enough is when it comes to shidduchim. Isn’t there enough of a crisis without mothers of boys saying they will only consider North Americans? The Rebbe sent out these couples on shlichus… Why are their daughters not good enough for your sons?

    Its hard
    Guest
    Its hard

    To take it, but thats life… For some is easyer than for others, and that makes you grow…

    someone who knows
    Guest
    someone who knows

    i have heard of locals being ignored by their shluchim when students or out of towners come for shabbos they get red carpet service and the locals after being frum or just being in the community get ignored after a while so take things in perspective

    To #9
    Guest
    To #9

    I was there too and sorry, she isn’t exaggerating at all…in fact she’s quite downplaying the situation. I could tell you stories that would make your hair stand on end – and that was just of the first few years.

    not from Nevel
    Guest
    not from Nevel

    I have no family in “Nevel”. I do have some friends there, but they are more like acquaintances. They are often very generous offering a place to stay for myself or members of my families who are in town. But for times like Gimel Tamuz or during a kinus, their homes are filled with out of town family. There is a hospitality house for shluchim from out of town or out of the country. These shluchim have no family in Nevel and nowhere else to stay. Why isn’t there a hospitality house for those of us who are not shluchim… Read more »

    Nevel? Not in my book
    Guest
    Nevel? Not in my book

    In my book “Nevel” is the source of the ADHD drunken individuals who curse you out at a farbrangen – then kiss you the next day.

    oc melbourne
    Guest
    oc melbourne

    sorry, but when I went to oc in Melbourne, we always had invitaions. In fact, we had weeks in advance bookings. we had a social secretary who arranged that every girl had a place to eat. The Hilton Mooltan is a fine example of a home that is never empty of guests from around the world for days at a time. shluchim, extended wedding families or shluchim collecting tzedaka, sem girls etc .My experience is way different when I studied in Aussie. there is an eim habayis there to this day. please clarify which city you are not talking about

    Incredible Australian hospitality
    Guest
    Incredible Australian hospitality

    I have experienced first hand the truly amazing hospitality in Melbourne, unmatched in all my travels!

    out of towner
    Guest
    out of towner

    How responsible is it of parents to send young, unsupervised children to New York! There are very good schools in Pittsburgh, Chicago, Toronto, Florida, etc, with smaller commu nities small enough for younger children to get that care. Chicago schools, as mentioned above bend over backwards for their out of town students, which unfortunately have negative outcomes for the local students.
    And parents- if there is a problem the first year, why are you sending your child back the following year?!

    to 27
    Guest
    to 27

    no everything is so black and white you said it yourself take things in perspective

    Parents responsibility
    Guest
    Parents responsibility

    As an out of town parent, I think BR has done an outstanding job with the out of town program they have. Also I think it is the responsibility of the parents to insure that thier child has a place to eat every shabbos. I grew up in crown heights and I remember when an out of town classmates mother called my mother to ask if her daughter could join us on the shabbosim that she had no where to be. Sending off your child is your responsibility not the community! Your responsibility does not end with the plane ticket!

    Horrible article!!!!
    Guest
    Horrible article!!!!

    I am a proud girl that grew up in the heart of crown heights!! I attended bais Rivka my entire life… Looking back ALL MY FRIENDS are out of towners! They would walk home with me from school, come over for supper, come every shabbos without an invitation. I must say my family is not different thEn any other typical crown heights family’! The nerve of someone to write such an article is beyond disgusting! If you are having your own personal issues take care of it! Ask any of my friends and they will tell you about the amazing… Read more »

    to everyone talking about Melbourne
    Guest
    to everyone talking about Melbourne

    Its very Unaustralian to not invite, those that are in melbourne and aren’t being invited, you still gotta make yourselves known a bit, but once you are, you’ll be invited every week, by the locals in YG, or the locals in OC, or the locals in YC(gotta love the acronyms! AUSSIE!!). Ppl can’t invite you if they don’t know about you!
    i’m a local, and theres an open invitation to my house every single week, everyone knows that!
    Melbourne doesn’t have a name for being hospitable for nothing!

    Perspective
    Guest
    Perspective

    It seems that the writer of this article is simply trying to bring to everyone’s attention the sensitivity that members of the community should have towards out of town students who do not have direct families of their own within the community. As a parent of such students, I beleive that this sesitivity should come from the top, principals and hanholoh members should be reading this to ensure that in the future the pastoral needs of these students are catered for. Thank you “teenage girl from far from home” for expressing your sentiments for the benefit of others!

    to all those that extend an open invitation...
    Guest
    to all those that extend an open invitation...

    YOUR MISSING THE POINT.
    You live in a community, and its about time you communicated. Every week I see bochrim stuck in the yeshivah dining room, some because they like it, but in genneral they are either neglected or too shy to request an invite (to all those that have not experienced begging its quite embarrassing)
    It’s about time people took a little initiative.

    Open invitations
    Guest
    Open invitations

    Please understand that giving an open invitation to a child is just that, open and not filled. Please be specific, so a shy child will actually come the week you say, and keep repeating specific weeks to them.

    to 37 (and 31)
    Guest
    to 37 (and 31)

    I guess smicha is in a different Melbourne…

    I was there
    Guest
    I was there

    As an out of towner in …. For 8 years and in all the years i was never invited for a shabbos meal to any of my friends houses. I use to hang out by them after school. Bh i had family. At the time i did not think of it strange, it was just the way it was. Now living myself on shlichus and hosting MANY of my friends children, i wonder… Time to look around, nevel…

    @I was there
    Guest
    @I was there

    You are correct. Strange it is. Having family is good, but school is about fitting in socially, having a sense of belonging, especially when your immediate family aren’t around.
    Parents encourage your children to invite an out of towner once a month either Shabbos or Sundays when children away from home are so lonely.

    I totally agree with #40
    Guest
    I totally agree with #40

    When I lived in crown heights, pple use to give me also “open invitations” for Shabbas. They would see us randomly and say, ” u know u can come any Shabbas u want, why don’t we ever see u”. Being very shy, I never got a specific invitation from these pple, as in, come this Friday night, and was always shy to just call and say, “is this Shabbas ok to come ?” So many a time , had a very lonely Shabbas in my basement. One week I did gain the guts to call this “open invitation ” family,… Read more »

    This is not the way to go about it
    Guest
    This is not the way to go about it

    Parents in Crown Heights have large loads… They can’t be expected to proactively address these types of needs. There’s no way to know who needs more attention and who would prefer to be left alone. We can’t even tell an out of towner from a local, the community is so large B”H. This isn’t a hard thing to do. The institutions who bring in children from out of town need to connect their charges with willing and able providers. All they’d need to do is create a list of families who would like to participate and ‘send’ students to them.… Read more »

    #39
    Guest
    #39

    It is your attitude that gives credence to the thrust of the article author’s perception.

    34 and was an out of towner at age 10 in OT
    Guest
    34 and was an out of towner at age 10 in OT

    i was sent away from home at age 10 and was living by a family that was very harsh to me a nd made my stay very hard i used to go to the bathroom and cry many nights.. BUT i did have some friends and they did invite me to their house for shabbos meals and for that i am very great full.

    I do agree with this article 100%.

    missing the point...
    Guest
    missing the point...

    to people like #36.. she isnt talk,ing abut a community like ch and beis rivkah! yes, i know many out of towners who went to beis rivkah and had and AMAZING time and were well taken care of. She isnt talking about a dorm, etc. where the dorm counselor can be in charge of your care and meals, she is talking about a smaller communitty type school where you board and have to basically take care of yourself as there are no dorm counselors looking after you…. thats the issue i beleive she is referring to. Such a community has… Read more »

    Why does everything have to be about CH??
    Guest
    Why does everything have to be about CH??

    Who said anything about CH? Maybe there is another Lubavitch city that the author is talking about… And yes, I agree with ‘perspective’ – shabbosim are a MINOR part of living away from home. Schools that don’t take an interest in their out-of-town students are probably the main problem for these kids because that is where they spend majority of their day. And schools have a responsibility to their students.

    Effort takes two sides!
    Guest
    Effort takes two sides!

    It’s easy for you to brush this off by saying that parents should make an effort. Perhaps this is the result of many an effort being thrown back in their face. I know from personal experience that you can try and try and receive a complete silence in return…

    A yeshiva Bachor
    Guest
    A yeshiva Bachor

    I couldn’t agree more!
    I am a out of towner yeshiva Bachor, I think everything ou just said applies to yeshiva bachrim as well!
    It may seem as if bochrim are doing well and enjoying yeshiva, but when it comes to finding a place for shabbos etc… It’s so hard, and when we bochrim don’t have a place and need to be in yeshiva for shabbos, maybe yeshiva should provide some normal and foods.

    Crown Heights
    Guest
    Crown Heights

    Important Points are being brought up. Consideration on all sides is imperative for a good solution,
    Please keep the following in mind, While some families might be in the position to further extend themselves many are not due to personal circumstances. Please dont pass resentful judgement on to the whole community.
    Many Crown Heights families are overloaded,
    *with a lot of out of town family and friends as guests and drop ins.
    *Difficulties in parnassah making it difficult to sometimes extend themselves even further
    *Tight living quarters, Due to rising real estate costs more and more families are living in extremely tight quarters

    oh nevel
    Guest
    oh nevel

    I guess you also have to know that like times when the kinnus is around the locals in one nevel are made to feel like oh u…your not one of us! So I guess it goes both ways!

    to #36 that's y she said everone has a shlichus
    Guest
    to #36 that's y she said everone has a shlichus

    You say that ch is constantly hosting. You ever considered what shluchim do day in day out. Most people have children that will many times in their life need the help of a far flong shliach. Do THEY owe you anything. You should be happy that you have a chance to pay them back when its not too difficult

    Coral Springs
    Guest
    Coral Springs

    As a former student of the girls school there, i an say that i remember not being invited anywhere for shabbos meals. When we had an ‘in shabbos’, the dorm counselors had to arrange groups of girls to go to a family’s house. We were never really invited personally. And, one of the few times i WAS invited, i was told by the administration that i was not allowed to stay at this girl’s house, almost being left with nowhere to stay. Baruch hashem, there was one teacher who was extremely kind and invited me to her house. Though i… Read more »

    appreciative
    Guest
    appreciative

    My daughter spent time both in CH and Melbourne. I have no family or connections in either place. I am not Gezhe, don’t have a big name or alot of gelt. However, she always had multiple invitations on shabbos and yom tov. She always raved about the warmth and hospitatlity of Crown Heights and Melboourne. I don’t think it is fair to generalize. I think that the hanhola and the parents need to assist these kids if they need placement and ensure that everyone is taken care of.

    To #54
    Guest
    To #54

    I am #36 and I am a shlucha myself! I know exactly what shluchim do day in day out!

    You poor pathetic chicken
    Guest
    You poor pathetic chicken

    I noticed, long ago, that New York slash CrownHeights was where Jewry is at, and that’s why I chose to marry and live here. If you live out of town and have problems, whose fault is that ? You can live here just as easily as I do. I also came from out of town. I also didn’t know anyone. If you choose to raise your kids in a place with a big house and 2 cars, you already have more luxuries that we do. You can’t have everything! You want to live out of town, you are gonna be… Read more »

    Let's Be Practical
    Guest
    Let's Be Practical

    Many CH families would be more than happy with Shabbos guests, and CH hospitality is famous worldwide. People simply do not know who needs a place. With the internet at our fingertips, maybe someone can set up a site to match hosts and guests. It is already done in other non-Chabad communities.

    Just to clarify...
    Guest
    Just to clarify...

    This is Melbourne, Australia she is talking about, and NOT being part of Ohel Chana, which may be wonderful, but being a student in Beth Rivkah Ladies College or Yeshivah College. Both of which schools at many times appear to have entirely forgotten the presence of their out-of-town students at all.

    people inch very burdend?
    Guest
    people inch very burdend?

    you think you guys are different then anywhere else in the world everyone is human and it all depends on how you handle the situation. it is no excuse to not to be friendly and those you choose not too ultimately lose out for themselves. about out-of-towners being socially awkward who sets the status. i happen to in-towners are quite socially awkward. did you ever see them on mivtzoim or interacting in general. we are not talking about being rude and nasty but basic middos toives.

    grow up
    Guest
    grow up

    whats the big deal how old are you

    shlucha and out of town parent
    Guest
    shlucha and out of town parent

    a special THANK YOU to all the wonderful families (some related some not) who have welcomed my children in their homes in crown heights. my list would be long too mention them all. let us focus on the good and bring have an ayin tov on another yid. maybe some the incredibly hospitable families can post good points of how to make young people feel welcome in their homes and how to make it manageable. maybe some of the people needing places can post what is the most comfortable and practical way to invite and make our wonderful young teenagers/adults… Read more »

    she is right
    Guest
    she is right

    We need dorms for elementary through high school out of town girls. I have already seen a child go completely of the derech from being forced to grow up way too early as she boards by someone’s house as her parents parent by phone. I am sick of the Cain attitude. We spend $$$ to help people become frum – we should spend at least $$ to help them also. It is not the child’s fault that they have to grow up as young as eight years old. The parent’s choice is to leave shluchus, send their kids to public… Read more »

    Non-selfish
    Guest
    Non-selfish

    As an out of towner myself, it’s nice to see that the author is trying to make people aware – an on behalf of us all. It’s not a personal complaint to cause a commotion.

    to #14
    Guest
    to #14

    ..which Chabad House r u referring to?..would like to connect with u

    spot on...
    Guest
    spot on...

    i can see why post sem girls are complaining but the bigger problem is young out of towners who are still in cheder. a kid living in a lonely house with his grandparents for a few years can leave him with social problems for the rest of his life!!!
    PARENTS: ask your child if he has a friend like this and reach out to them!!!

    To #36
    Guest
    To #36

    Maybe you and your family are welcoming to all those girls thank you. What about the Bochrim who HAVE to stay in yeshiva for shabbos, and a lot of us bochrim don’t get invited to people. We end up having the worse food, I’m talking from being in a few yeshivas, and no one could think twice about them! I’m sorry but it’s time for yeshivas to start arraigning meals in houses, and maybe making once a month something for all the bochrim. Or just get catered food. We do pay turition, and it’s not right that we get most… Read more »

    Open invotation.
    Guest
    Open invotation.

    Since I am on shlichus i know that if you give an open invitation to a student or a shul member or even a member of your city that is Jewish then usually or maybe some times they will not come. They do not like open invitations. Every week text, whatsap or phone them asking if they would like to come to your home for Shabbos. B/c if they have an open invitation they feel like they are a pity or charity case and that if she/he has no where to go can come to your home. Thank you for… Read more »

    seriously
    Guest
    seriously

    whats that mean “its about time you make us feel it” who are you to be demanding things and deciding what chabad is, i never heard the rebbe comparing chabad to coke. and dont mess around with the kinus let the shluchim do what there doing and dont mess around with there holy work

    70...
    Guest
    70...

    Wow, seriously chill out. Maybe you should go back to school to learn what a ‘metaphor’ is.

    I Know!!
    Guest
    I Know!!

    I grew up in a Melbourne home- i hav seen first hand how my “out of town’ friends have had to spend most of there shabbos and yom tov meals at my house or “crash” because they had no were else to go. i loved having them every single time but how i wished they could hav experienced other homes as well. its just a shame that they were never invited anywere else and practically had to live off my shabbos table food! They are really strong individuals and i admire them

    to #9
    Guest
    to #9

    you are assuming the writer is exaggerating? have you not heard of ‘al tadin es chavercha…’?! Perhaps YOU did not feel what this writer has experienced, perhaps you experienced the same things but are just a little more thick skinned in general (hopefully in a good way, if not, you may want to work on your sense of self and file it down), but just because this person expresses such pain/hurt at what they endured, does not in any way mean they exaggerated. In fact, if anything, it could be said that you need to work on and exaggerate your… Read more »

    To #55
    Guest
    To #55

    Thank you for mentioning this. I was thinking of sending our daughter who is almost in 9th grade to there, and now I see how it really is, my husband and i will definitely consider another school.
    -Fellow shluchim.

    36 a little message
    Guest
    36 a little message

    Seems like you need to go to some serious English comprehension classes, and fast! You will find yourself jumping down peoples throats if you don’t learn how to read and UNDERSTAND what you have read or heard.

    does anyone care?
    Guest
    does anyone care?

    yes, my daughter was a 9th grader that i sent away for a jewish educa at age 14.she had never been away for months at a time and the in-towner girls clung together and their parents knew who was from far.You think she got invites for a shabbos, not even to eat, but just to visit???NOOOOOOO.She happened to be quiet and unassuming and would never impose herself. So she was so lonely and would cry.That was for the first 2 yrs or so. Come on people- stop pretending and stop looking the other way.I had to listen to the lonely… Read more »

    yes #  55
    Guest
    yes # 55

    Yes you are so right. I did not want to say the name but coral springs is like that.No one seems to care that much about the out-of-towners and they would sit and cry in the dorm.You do not want to complain and whine and act like an unwanted girl but the intowners have their own deal. Sorry to name the place but it was true.Thanks for having the guts to tell it like it is.

    omg
    Guest
    omg

    Who is talking about CH here???we are talking about general communities and maybe smaller ones and there’s the saying”macht zich nisht vissen”when you see girls and KNOW they are far from home and are young!You know she may not be your daughter’s close friend but she is still a school mate or classmate and you could encourage your intowner daughter to invite her even for tea. You know it.No one should have to ask a family if they can come over.I’m talking a Friday eve or shabbos. Please stop acting like “huh” and “oh” when you know who is from… Read more »

    nevel
    Guest
    nevel

    i like how you called it nevel, it shows a lot.
    you are smart, and this is in the past, but uve totally got it!
    having been an oot myself i get a lot of what u r saying and u rock!!

    Grunfeld
    Guest
    Grunfeld

    Myy time in Nevelbourne was as post sem and I never went a shabbos alone because I called people and asked to come. I networked to ensure that I wouldn’t be lonely. I was really appalled at this article, not just because it’s so un-strayan and un-frum to not make the out of towners welcome but because of the circumstance this child seems to be in. As a parent, I would make it my duty to network FOR my child and make sure he/she had contacts and places to stay if he/she had to be sent away from home for… Read more »

    wow!
    Guest
    wow!

    well written.

    Not about Crown Heights
    Guest
    Not about Crown Heights

    Clearly, this article is not about crown heights, both from the physical description stated in the article as well as the fact that Crown Heights schools happen to have a dorm and phenomenal out of town programming. But the reason why so many assume it is about Crown Heights is because of the picture on the top of the article…(even though there is a disclaimer).

    Attn collive: can you please remove and replace the picture? It creates an automatic association

    Thank you montreal
    Guest
    Thank you montreal

    As a mother of a bochur in the lubavitch yeshivah in montreal, i would like to thank the lubavitch community for opening their homes to my son every single shabbos. It is a very warm and open community. Thank you for a wonderful year. Mrs. Brook

    out of towner
    Guest
    out of towner

    I have been at out of towner for the past 5 years. This year i am in Bais Rivka seminary in ch, i would like to thank all those families that have me over for shabbos meals. I find ch to be such a welcoming community always willing to have guest. Thanks for making my year so enjoyable.

    LETS DO SOMETHING
    Guest
    LETS DO SOMETHING

    As someone who definitely went thru this a Bochur I totally feel exactly what you are writing So here is a suggestion We create a fb page -something like Shabbos in The Heights Or whatever ( obviously separate for girls and boys) And out of towners “like ” the page thus they get updates Families who want to invite post their availability And what ages they are willing to host And then people can contact them directly If fb is not ok..then I am sure there are other ways Even a google group of emails Basically a Craig’s list for… Read more »

    oooookayyyyy......
    Guest
    oooookayyyyy......

    okay, sorry to be a liitle blunt, but someone has got to set you straight. first of all, i see for myself that all of the out of towners are well taken care of. And there are only 1% of the out of towners who dont have a place. Sorry, kiddo, i geuss you were put in that unfortunate group. and i know, i know, that is a very sad thing, for a bit of klal yisroel to be uncared for. So i’d like to make an announcement to ch: you guys are spoiled. since you are kept so together,… Read more »

    to # 60
    Guest
    to # 60

    You’re so sure the writer is referring to Melbourne Australia?!? How so? Let’s just say I know Melbourne/Aust intimately, the community, and spent several years studying there, and unless something has very recently changed, there was hardly such a thing as out of town students coming to study in the Melbourne school. And the few times that there were, they lived by local families where they were essentially a part of that family. It sounds a whole lot more likely that the letter is referring to the likes of places like Toronto, Chicago, or Pittsburgh, perhaps, cities that are known… Read more »

    lets focus on the solution.
    Guest
    lets focus on the solution.

    the article obviously expresses alot of pain and lonliness and its tone is somewhat negetive.
    Any one who is tec savvy can set up a website where students and families can be matched. or each school or institiution can set up such a phone in service where kids and famlies can phone in…….

    each school has gotten a wake up call and needs to act to address this oversight.

    may we hear better tidings.

    Grunfeld
    Guest
    Grunfeld

    So happy for you!
    How about speaking to a parent of children away from home. Week in week out the mother would be at a loss where her child would stay and eat even to the point of mid day Friday. Did she network? Did she try? Of course she did! Did she beg, cry was she pro-active? Where is your empathy? Don’t accuse before you know all the facts.
    Oh Yes the Menahel, Menahelet knew and still know…

    Rabbi minsky
    Guest
    Rabbi minsky

    Menahel of chovevei mesivta has an open door policy to all the dorm students!

    Coral S #74
    Guest
    Coral S #74

    That school is great and it’s a nice smaller place and established.To miss out on a great place with a nice dorm just because someone was lonely? You are mistaken. My daughter loved it there and had a great experience.Don’t be silly and take the word of some 1-2 people.

    To #87
    Guest
    To #87

    Sorry, but she IS talking about Melbourne (I was there too!!) and your lack of knowledge about the out-of-towner situation just shows on how little Melbourne cares about these kids!!

    Did your ‘intimate’ knowledge of Melbourne include the streets Tantram, Glen Eira, Inkerman, Sidwell, Orrong, Hotham, Goathlands, Balaclava or Lambert? Because that’s where just 2 of said kids stayed in their high school experience. Can’t speak for them, but can’t imagine they felt too settled.

    u go!
    Guest
    u go!

    This is amazing!! 🙂

    aussie
    Guest
    aussie

    The only connection I see from the article to Melbourne is in the opening paragraph ‘There is a city far away, across the sea, nestled within a sunburnt country and unique wildlife.’ Other than that the article could not be referring to Melbourne. Let me share with you my experience as a bochur learning in Montreal over 30 yrs ago. I actually enjoyed once in a while to eat in the dormitory. I recall on one Leil Shabbos I was the only bochur eating in the dormitory. I actually was happy the plan was to eat quickly and go back… Read more »

    Personal concern
    Guest
    Personal concern

    82 crown heights has a dorm that only fills the need of about 20 percent of the out of towers. The rest board wherever, stay at families who have no room but can’t say no…. So much of the article does apply to crown heights.
    Teachers in particular should be aware and invite students for shabbos occasionally. I sent numerous children away over the last 15 years and they have NEVER been invited to a teachers home or shown any type of PERSONAL concern by teachers or hanhala.

    OPEN INVITATIONS ARE NOT AN INVITATION
    Guest
    OPEN INVITATIONS ARE NOT AN INVITATION

    I am NOT LUBAVITCH, and yes-from out of town…Sorry people, but an open invitation is NOT an invitation. If you are truly thinking about inviting someone, you will give a personal call, or send a text saying “Hi __________ how are you? We’d love to have you this shabbos” An open invite is like saying You can come when it’s good for me (the host) when I’m up to it, and I understand it. Some people are not the type to be able to host every week or supper which is understandable….so don’t say anything, just don’t offer. But If… Read more »

    solution
    Guest
    solution

    many kids/teens/bochurim wont feel comfortable inviting themselves to other’s houses, so you be the one to invite them! you be the one to make them feel at home! I am a Crown Heightser and i think this is the least we can do to help Shluchim that dedicate their lives every day

    to # 92
    Guest
    to # 92

    My knowledge is more intimate than you can imagine. I not only know every one of those streets but probably know 90% of their inhabitants, too. But tachlis, not competition over here. If she is talking about Melbourne, I am shocked, and yes, I have not lived there for a few years, so if (surprisingly) the ‘out-of-towner’ school students has somehow blossomed into a significant number, then I guess Melbourne is a contender here, only because of how the writer describes the place in her opening lines. As for how “little Melbourne cares about these kids” – I completely disagree… Read more »

    To #98
    Guest
    To #98

    Funny that, I probably know all those people too…but for the sake of clarification, the number of out-of-towners is still small, and that’s precisely the problem- do they have to be a huge pressure group to get attention? I appreciate your defending a city that I also hold very dear, but we must also face the facts. Having the unique privilege of being an insider yet not personally affected, I can say that it is talking about high school kids, yes boarding, since there is no dormitory, but for various reasons the boarding families are not adequately caring for these… Read more »

    It's in the phrasing
    Guest
    It's in the phrasing

    Thanks for writing this. CH definitely needs a dorm for girls.
    When I boarded in a different city in h.s., I did get invited by a teacher—once. But she said, “Let me know when you can come.” Didn’t she know I was too shy to do this? What if she had said, “You are coming to me this week, I hope–right?”

    Thank you to the boarding families
    Guest
    Thank you to the boarding families

    Yes, the families that take in the kids are wonderful and generous. But it’s more than that. It’s these high schools that penalise their out-of-towners academically and excuse every child from a problematic family situation – BOARDERS ARE NOT BOARDERS BY CHOICE – and – MAYBE THE PARENTS ALSO DON’T HAVE A CHOICE – other than to go bankrupt sending their kids somewhere else, or leave their shlichus. THAT would be a sad reality considering it’s only the result of the school ignoring the pleas of their students and parents. Schools need to realise their responsibility and realise how much… Read more »

    @98
    Guest
    @98

    Does it have to be a significant number to be taken seriously!
    Who said that children boarding in homes needs to be jail time for the child. Who said that the child is 100% happy there, and if there is no other option, imagine having to spend all your time ALONE in your room so you don’t become an imposition to your host family?
    And please don’t tell a young child to grow up and be mature! t’s hard eeough being away from home, and regular home comforts.

    Hey number 20
    Guest
    Hey number 20

    Hey number 20, who are you? I’m a rotter, would love to know which one of our guests you were? So touching to hear you remembered us. Who are you?

    Tried and True
    Guest
    Tried and True

    As a Post sem girl living in CH, every Shabbos I think about all the young people without families who were not invited to a Shabbos meal. I who have many relatives and friend in the neighborhood hardly get a call inviting me to a meal, Kal Vichomer the so many other who do not have as many relatives and friends as I do. An’open invitation’ doesn’t mean anything unless the ‘invitee’ feels welcome as if your home is their home. REMEMEBR- out of towners are living without their own home and family…. it is not easy. Extend a hand… Read more »

    Helps in life
    Guest
    Helps in life

    Then, when ur gonna get married, open your house to the whole seminary that is in your town every shabbos when ursemf have no money to go proper meat shopping lichvod shabat!! I dont judge
    But we’ll see you in few years 😉

    to #98
    Guest
    to #98

    You obviously don’t have that much”intimate knowledge” of Melbourne in the last 6 or so years. Did you ever hear of Adelaide or Brisbane? Do you know that they both have growing Shluchim families? They’ve sent away at least 6 kids over the last 6 years!!

    105
    Guest
    105

    Lol – which wealthy family even invites a whole seminary. You have such a generous heart but don’t get too carried away with yourself. It’s not a whole community that’s struggling to buy meat.

    chicago
    Guest
    chicago

    chicago is the awesomest place in the world!!! best girls, best buchrim come out of here… the issue is with pathetic ch who is too bussy and big to care abt anyone physically and spiritually….lack of leadership and just plain pathetic…
    get ur act together srsly. i dunno why there is such a place in the first place btw??

    an out of town parent
    Guest
    an out of town parent

    i agree w/ comment 78

    a teacher
    Guest
    a teacher

    i think i have a kind heart i tend to invite my out of town students all the time, and they live it at my house. i think people can really learn from me and not be snobby and selfish where ever you live and make sure that the out of towners are comfortable. i am a great role model

    Sad situation
    Guest
    Sad situation

    Sorry to say but I saw this with Baal teshuvas in ch as well-treated like royalty for a couple of months and then completely forgotten about. they are too focused on the system in ch and forget about students individuality-they try to put everyone in a box. This is almost all the schools-and is the opposite of Chassidus-oh by the way-they need to get off heir high horse of geza and yichus-from the majority of people who’s stem from chasidic “yichus” it only adds to their arrogance and pompness-also the opposite of yichus-if you want to know the true meaning… Read more »

    to 111
    Guest
    to 111

    Can you tell me what it says there?

    to #58
    Guest
    to #58

    that is completely irrational! you cant just pick up from your shlichus and move to NY! and some people choose to move on shlichus but why does it have to be at the cost of their children? people like you can be welcoming instead of saying “it was their choice to move on shlichus y should I help? they can move to NY if they rly want”

    it's Melbourne
    Guest
    it's Melbourne

    Without a doubt it is Melbourne that is being talked about, and yes, there are out-of-towners that board in homes here, when there are homes available to them. life is tough for these kids so far from home in a town not used to it. melbourne has a very high level of hachnasas orchim to its friends, and to its visitors, and to its yeshivah and sem students. but somehow, we don’t yet know how to take in a child that needs a home, and show them some love and caring. it’s not always possible for every family to take… Read more »

    @98
    Guest
    @98

    I don’t know what you’re talking about, that Sydney doesn’t have OOTs. There is currently a shlucha here, and in the past there have been more than just one.

    Host family
    Guest
    Host family

    We were very lucky with our experience of hosting an out of towner in a place like Nevel. We have had a high school student live us for many years and the experience from both host and guest families was positive. Our boarder was and is a part of our family. Just as we adopted her, she adopted our family and made it her own. It is not easy to take on boarders, but Chabad families need to open their homes to the children of shluchim. It is so hard for those that have no school locally, to have to… Read more »

    Sorry for not acting
    Guest
    Sorry for not acting

    I think I am aware of who these out of town kids are and want to ask your forgiveness for noticing you and not inviting you. I wish I could go back in time. At least I will do things differently in the future. It sounds like it was very lonely for you and perhaps your siblings and I’m sorry. I hope it helps shape you in to a stronger person.

    Numbers 80 & 116 - WELL SAID
    Guest
    Numbers 80 & 116 - WELL SAID

    Everyone who posted here should read/rerad 80 & 116

    chicago!
    Guest
    chicago!

    They take excellent care of the out of town girls at the high school, LGHS, in chicago.I’m extremely impressed!!!

    X