Monday, 10 Tishri, 5784
  |  September 25, 2023

Dear Dorm Counselor…

A Lubavitch mom sending her teenage son off to yeshiva has these words for his future dorm counselor. Full Story

FC Beneficiary Gives Back

Next Story »

Lubavitcher Front, Center at GOP

Notify of
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
to number 8
September 3, 2012 3:01 pm

as a bochur currently in the system and many years of experience let me tell you that there was frequent bullying from fellow bochurim and minimal if at all bullying from the DC also the drinks and food the DC has no achrayus over in most yeshivas thats up to the rabbis / menahel gashmi

zal bocher
August 31, 2012 2:41 pm

I had a zal dorm counselor last year who had basic necessary control over the dorm, allowed us to use his cell phone to call home, supplied internet access when it was neceassry for booking tickets etc and to top it off when we got back from mivtzoyim every friday he had cold OJ and fresh donuts waiting for us. Very possibly not his job, but the exrta mile means a lot to bochurim! Sorry #14.

i was a dorm counselor
August 31, 2012 11:03 am

my dorm counselors were mostly mean. i decided as a young bocher to be a dorm counselor one day and do the opposite. any how to make a long story short, the more you give tand he nicer you are its impossible to satisfy them they want you to break every rule for them and let them do whatever they want. so the truth is they will never be really happy

24 thank you
August 30, 2012 7:46 pm

Very well said.

A shliach once told me that he is g-d sales man not g-d police officer, with a drooped out rate we have this days I think we gotta be doing some more love, Be Chesed hu be Rachamim, This apply to the entire Hanalah, dont compromise on halacha yet at the same time make yiddikeit fun for this very young 14 to 16 years hold,

mesivta bachur
August 30, 2012 6:47 pm

I was in a American yeshiva in Israel and the dorm counselor was French and he was a big bully to me.. He favored certain kids and that made me homesick and hate yeshiva anyway i’m starting a new year this year it’s my last year in mesivta I hope we have good staff..

30 something 16 year year old bochurimin in a dorm ...
August 30, 2012 6:29 pm

and one dorm counselor whose only job is to get these bochurim to sleep and up on time…..wonder whose job I don’t envy! And the excuses as to why they can’t go to sleep…wonder whose job I don’t envy,,,,
All the rest of the article should be directed to the Rosh Yeahiva, Menahel gashmi etc…not the dorm counsellor who has a thank-less job!

August 30, 2012 2:53 pm


very well said THANK YOU!
August 30, 2012 1:20 pm

thank you for writing such a beautiful letter. my son has been to three different yishvos over the last few years some of the dorm counselors really made a difference. some of them still are in touch with him, they saw the positive in him and treated him like a mench in return he respected them and treated them with respect. AND then there was ONE dorm counselor that was only 2 years older and very immature a NIGHTMARE for my son. i should have pulled him out of that yeshiva just because of that dorm counselor. if your son… Read more »

August 30, 2012 12:51 pm

I am the mother who wrote this, and you are right on target…should be an op edon its own…

August 30, 2012 11:06 am

well said and should be an article for itself

August 30, 2012 10:27 am

This is not just regarding the shaliach and the dorm counsellor, it is the mashgach and the teacher (and every parent too). There has to be “love” – besides “keeping order” (being a “policeman”). The problem always comes when there is one without the other. If a shaliach or dorm counsellor (mashgiach or teacher etc) – is not sensitive on HOW to discipline, and is lacking in the aspect of – the “left hand pushes away and the right hand DRAWS NEAR (simultaneously)”… then this type of letter becomes necessary! To be able to straddle these two qualities (discipline but… Read more »

to # 14
August 30, 2012 9:17 am

you make me feel soo good about sendng my son away, where is your heart?
one day when you have a son to send away I hope he does not get a dorm counsler like you

Watch out for bullies
August 30, 2012 9:09 am

But that really deserves a letter on its own.

also, mom
August 30, 2012 8:46 am

#15 is right, and we always gave Chanukah gelt and if we felt the merit, a nice end of year gift. Although a dorm counsellors job may be minimal, our experience is that sometimes my sons did have relationships with some of them.

so easy to say......
August 30, 2012 8:20 am

It is so easy for us to give directions to the shluchim and tell them what we want. I agree with # 15. It is important to be in touch with a shalich, find out which shluchim are going to be there for the year. The yeshivos send it out on col. in middle of the summer. find one that you think your son will benefit from him. Talk to him and offer him $ to learn with him everyday when they have a break, a sicha and of course the will schmooze together and it will be a big… Read more »

August 30, 2012 8:05 am

hi i just dont inderstand why she right such letter once you send your son to yeshiva your son is not a little kids is 13or14 and dont expect cold drinks beside water maybe cold yeshiva dont have a lot of money on soft drinks etc, the gashmiyus of the yeshiva is not that greth if ther is no money beside the dorm canselor isjust paid for coming to the rooms and check it up if the kids are in there beds on time the dorm conselor is like a big brothers not like a mothers so if you expect… Read more »

to #14
August 30, 2012 6:51 am

Basically, you should be a mensh and not a jerk.

To 14
August 30, 2012 5:30 am

Sorry dude, lazy job

Dorm counselors, keep it up its really up to you!

#7 & # 14
August 30, 2012 2:56 am

on ” taaluchos” u r greeted with cold drinks so u can learn from them… dear former dorm counselor , the way u describe u job shows u love & care , show and do a little more than just that and maybe u,ll get better pay and who knows maybe even tips …

agree with 14
August 30, 2012 12:47 am

what you meant was “Dear Menahel Gashmi and Shluchim” the only thing a dorm counselor generally is looking at is whether your son is asleep. p.s. if you really want to get special treatment for your son the smartest thing to do is to contact the shluchim of the yeshiva and just introduce yourself to them as the parent of so-and-so and tell the shliach your child really appreciates warm guidance and caring, and offer to help the shluchim with a mivtzah or two. and then- boom! just like that your son will be getting noticed ten times more. the… Read more »

not the job of dorm counselors
August 30, 2012 12:21 am

As a yungerman who worked as a dorm counselor in a major Lubavitch Yeshivah Gedolah, I can tell you that the job of dorm counselors is merely to make sure the bochrim go to sleep on time, get up on time and don’t go out at night to grob places. The job description and pay was merely to be a supervisor for a short amount of time, not counselor and friend.

just spoke to my son
August 30, 2012 12:16 am

and after traveling for a big part of the day yes they all arrived later in the day there was no food when they arrived no hot cooked meal too bad they were greeted like this so upsetting

bed bugs
August 30, 2012 12:11 am

my son and his roommates got bed bugs on the first day! I hope head counselors are taking care of that too!

from 770
August 30, 2012 12:09 am

Mom beautiful job, very smart move to write this letter to make the shluchim responsible and not only taking advantage of.. shlichim we know that you all put our kids to work day and night!! still good, it helps to become a mature mentsch!!

wow that was alot
August 30, 2012 12:06 am

1-she sounds to over protective 2-y u speaking to the dorm counsler speak tot the menahel or menahel gashmi 3- like #4 said independence did not hurt any1 let him figure it out that’s the way we all grew up

no need to worry
August 30, 2012 12:02 am

If you sent your son to Yeshivas Beis Dovid Shlomo in New Haven, CT – he’s being well taken care of!

dorm counselor bullies bochurim
August 29, 2012 11:45 pm

didn’t find to much bullying amoung the boys to each other, but did find bullying from dorm counselor to boys

to #4
August 29, 2012 11:38 pm

is giving some cold drinks that big of a deal. even older bochurim need a drink after flying and driving.

To #4
August 29, 2012 11:10 pm

Not necessarily a “big” boy. He could, in fact, be only 13. And even if he’s 17( or even 19 or 21), so what? You must not have kids that you’ve sent away for the year to a strange place.

well said
August 29, 2012 11:08 pm

and let us also tell our sons to be sensitive, kind and respectful to the dorm counselors whose job I do not envy!

oh please
August 29, 2012 10:49 pm

Very nice not saying a dorm couns should NOT be nice but this mother sounds like she is sending her 4 year old away. This is a big boy who can find a fountain or even a sink if hes that thirsty. a little self sufficiency and independence never hurt anyone and Yeshiva is the perfect place to get a crash course in both. I think its a great growing experience for the boys.

August 29, 2012 10:07 pm

That was a short but to the point article that bought tears to my eyes.
I m sure dear mother that some 1 who has taken on being a dorm couselor qualifies for it will do his job well.
Lots of Nachus from your son.
He will Iyh call you to tell u he ”loves it there”
All the best.
I’m sure he will do his job well.

August 29, 2012 10:02 pm

And be trained to know sign of bullying and other abuse.

August 29, 2012 9:58 pm

and i hope he does