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Saturday, 20 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 25, 2019

    And I Continued to Read…

    From the COLlive Inbox: "After a few names, I stopped and thought about the reality of it. I've dated and been there too many times." Full Story

    Siyum Hashas at the Farbrengen

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    Shimon Hershkowitz
    Guest
    Shimon Hershkowitz

    Nice post but a few points:

    -The Chabad message in yeshiva for boys is: Becoming a shliach is THE goal, if you dont end up a shliach then you are
    lost case.

    NO YESHIVA WILL ADMIT AND CHANGE. THEY JUST KEEP DRAINING THE BOYS GOVERNMENT GRANTS. WE NEED JUSTICE!!

    Nice!
    Guest
    Nice!

    Beautiful article! Made me cry, BUT…you seemed to leave out the shadchanim who work so hard to try and get everyone married.

    Wow
    Guest
    Wow

    A Masterpiece!
    Thank you, Author!

    Wow
    Guest
    Wow

    So beautifully written, and so true. So what is he’s a bit short? He may be a giant in midos tovos. She’s heavy, but do you think a size 2 kallah will still be tiny after several babies come along? Maybe the size 2 will become a16, and the 18 will lose weight running after the kids? Is that a reason to say no? Look at the yiras shomaim, the midos tovos, temperament, personality. If you like the person, as a person, then forget the little things. And remember, your not 💯% perfect, so don’t hold your date to perfection.… Read more »

    Beautiful!
    Guest
    Beautiful!

    This is so moving. Especially to someone in the ‘parsha’.

    ישר כח
    Guest
    ישר כח

    Heartwarming

    Sad and beautiful.
    Guest
    Sad and beautiful.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts, perspective outlook and feelings!!!!

    Ylg
    Guest
    Ylg

    So if this girl is still single and looking please forward my name to her thank you.

    Very nice
    Guest
    Very nice

    Problem is that there’s a reason why this is happening. Because the people who claim to take care of this just trade names like they are baseball cards, not putting much significant effort when they send you a name just hoping something catches your eye and they can cash in And of course like baseball cards name are worth money so if you pay more you get a better baseball card. It’s uteerly disgusting I have too many amazing amazing freinds hurt and frustrated at system that never gave them a chance and instead of months it takes years sometimes… Read more »

    Amen to that!
    Guest
    Amen to that!

    So true! Thanks for the real perspective that most of us are living through

    Amen
    Guest
    Amen

    Amen. Amen. Amen!!!

    miryam
    Guest
    miryam

    so incredible!!!!! is that YOU? i think so. the depth, the feeling, no words. May every tear turn to joy, may every tfilo turn to a connection, may every passion turn to an AHA moment. SO THATS’ WHAT I NEEDED TO WAIT FOR!

    So brave
    Guest
    So brave

    So Deep and so true! May you be zoyche to find your husband now! Along with the rest of our sisters and brothers. May we all be Soche and may it happen now to have the geulla and moshiach now!!!

    That's very sweet of you
    Guest
    That's very sweet of you

    You have a good heart

    Dear Your fellow sister.
    Guest
    Dear Your fellow sister.

    Beautifully written!

    Wow
    Guest
    Wow

    Amazing!!!

    Such a beautiful letter
    Guest
    Such a beautiful letter

    Than you for warmly expressing such hartzige sentiments in the spirit of true Ahavas Yisroel. May you and all of our children find their bashert quickly and painlessly and may we celebrate the ultimate wedding in Yerushalayim Habenuya

    all so true, however,
    Guest
    all so true, however,

    ” continue having a ball ” should more honestly have read “continue being optimistic.” nobody who is looking with all their heart for the right zivug is honestly having “a ball” or enjoying life to its fullest. while tracht guht veht zein guht is genuinely doable, or the Rebbe would surely not have told us to adopt such an attittude, in this case feigning “having a ball” adds no joy to life at all.

    A shadchante
    Guest
    A shadchante

    May all your tefillos,bakashos and brachos be mekuyam b’karov mamash!

    Thank You!
    Guest
    Thank You!

    That was so touching and heartfelt! Thank you for taking the time to write down and express your feelings. I’m sure they were shared by many.

    Thank you Mrs. Farro for arranging such a beautiful evening and planning every detail from the buses to the food to the pan klali.

    May all our tefillos be answered immediately with Moshiach now!

    WE are All One Family
    Guest
    WE are All One Family

    This poignant message I could identify so strongly as I wrote the following to my “fellow sisters and brothers”for whom I had made requests upon my return from the OHel on Cheshvan 9 of this year “I really prayed hard and with singular devotion for your request again this trip back to the Ohel and want to share with you my journey. Every time I go to the Ohel I think that I cannot exceed what experience I had the prior trip and so I viewed this recent trip on October 18 as the “stopover on the way to my… Read more »

    Gedalya Goomberg
    Guest
    Gedalya Goomberg

    Indeed, there’s always the other side of the story that we just don’t know about, and you really have to be a “dan Lekaf Zechus”

    wow
    Guest
    wow

    wow emotional!

    Wow
    Guest
    Wow

    What a kvittel. I’m a yid and a zeida from flatbush. I have been and seen the single scene years ago and have been divorced for quite a few years between my first and second marriage. My advice is to find a kind and easy going mate who values ruchnius. Not an easy task. But if we start with ourselves it’s fifty per cent of the task. In this era there are so may pressures and illusions of what is success. Marriage ca be a major struggle as we see the divorce rate climb. Of course we strive to have… Read more »

    Let’s do something about this...
    Guest
    Let’s do something about this...

    B”H

    So so true. I feel just like you. Let’s make a WhatsApp group to support each other and share ideas/learning with regards to Shidduchim. Only open to girls 30 and older, never married. No need to disclose age.

    Please email togetherwewilldoit@gmail.com. Gut Yom Tov & Besuros tovos bekorov! Moshiach NOW!

    A mother
    Guest
    A mother

    So beautiful. And may you be successful in everything in the zchus of caring about your fellow sisters!

    wasome
    Guest
    wasome

    well put! so meaningful

    Heartwarming
    Guest
    Heartwarming

    Beautifully written, thank you for sharing.
    May all your tefillos be answered (quickly 😉)

    So true
    Guest
    So true

    But I expected you’d say: I stopped and recognized all the names on the list, as I’ve been mentioning the same names over and over along the years and hardly any have gone off the list. Because that’s how I feel about it. I’ve been davening for so many singles for so many years and… most are still as single as before. And so am I. Trying to stay positive and keep that smile on my face, knowing that I’m doing the impossible and yet I continue, because it’s a נסיון and I’ll pass it בעז”ה! You’re talking about all… Read more »

    Take the leap to revisit names
    Guest
    Take the leap to revisit names

    There are times that people have gone out and for a number of reasons it could not work out at that time , due to personal issues that had to be resolved or exteral factors that were taking over at that time.
    Leave the judgement aside, you may never know the full story. If opportunity arises to revisit someone from the past, which seemed like there was potential, go for it. There are so many Shidduchim that came about in this manner.

    Guys
    Guest
    Guys

    Lol guys are sitting around as well… those ‘great’ ones. Waiting for princess to show up. Maybe that’s part of the issue.

    More openmindedness
    Guest
    More openmindedness

    Nice article.  Honest and sensitive. Yes, it’s good to remember that each name (on the brochos list) is “someone’s daughter, someone’s friend etc”;   and yes, that it’s really imperative for everyone involved in the shidduch process to remember and absorb the idea, that materialistic things shouldn’t be confused with more “ikur” things like – “Will it matter on your wedding day what car he picked you up in?”- but rather “will we be able to communicate properly? do our personalities seem compatible? Are we attracted to each other etc?” And that, yes sometimes the excuse of being late due the… Read more »

    wish i had time 2 read all the comments
    Guest
    wish i had time 2 read all the comments

    …So if someone said this already, …yeah. Amazing article. Glad I read it. only thing was what was written about our parents… I don’t think most of us should (feel the pressure to) make a choice like this because we have pity on our parents. If what the author means is NOT that but simply that us bochurim and girls should be extremely respectful, thankful, or even at the very least patient and tolerant with the efforts of our parents in this regard (in all areas if you ask me) the author is certainly correct and wise for pointing this… Read more »

    to number 1
    Guest
    to number 1

    im not sure if the derogatory term id like to use for you will be passed by col comment censorship so ill just say youre not very smart.
    I can personally attest I was in 3 different yeshivas all well known with a solid reputation and shlichus was taught as it is. YOUR shlichus YOUR misson. PERHAPS its to go out and inspire others. PERHAPS its just to do that by NOT going out…

    Amazing article
    Guest
    Amazing article

    How does a bocher not take such a talented girl. Im sure she has more to her besides her beautiful writing. We are all there together trying to get our girls engaged. why do we have to keep on waiting. What do the boys want that the girls don’t have? Maybe a bochur could let us know??

    To 33
    Guest
    To 33

    21 year old guy thinks he knows everything- ur a little ah lol move around a bit grow up and mature you will discover there is no lack of girls with toichen and maybe you will be a least a bit humbled guys today don’t have any more toichen then the toichendike girls

    Wow Wow Wow
    Guest
    Wow Wow Wow

    So beautiful that you truly thought of every person and not just rambling off the names.
    Every point you mentioned is so true.
    May we see many more chasunahs soon bezH

    lichvod mechaber number 1
    Guest
    lichvod mechaber number 1

    Its not the Yeshivos who made up shlichus – rather the Rebbe pushes it. For bochurim. And they should have nothing else in mind of what to d when they grow up

    We need more Ahavas Yisroel.
    Guest
    We need more Ahavas Yisroel.

    We need more Ahavas yisroel and we need to get off our high horses. As a mom who has BH married off several kids already, I think the problem boils down to two things: Expectations to have the top, the best, the prettiest, the smartest, the coolest, the greatest…everyone wants the Headcounselor type…as if that is what makes a good spouse. So the expectations are unreasonable. (myself and my close friends included) and not even helpful for a happy life. Just the opposite, the amazing, pretty, whatever one expects the world and will treat their spouse like that. Two, we… Read more »

    I wonder . . .
    Guest
    I wonder . . .

    I wonder if singles spoke to a good number of people who are married at least 5 years, and heard what are the real, real issues and challenges that occur in marriage (especially the ones you don’t discuss on websites, like irreconcilable differences, BIG differences, that you must learn to swallow and live with if you will stay married, and the horrid cliche “communication” helps zero, but after enough years you find happiness because you’ve been overlooking BIG differences for enough years, and, magic, you find that marriage has made you refine YOURSELF and THAT is why you can be… Read more »

    The Author
    Guest
    The Author

    Thank You all for the positive feedback. I`m happy many of you can relate to this. In reality WE ALL GO THROUGH THIS. YET, it is very hard to put our experiences into words. I hope, that if there is one girl or guy that felt heard and understood it was all worth it for me to share this. May we hear and share many simchos very soon! In response to some of the comments: #2 – The Shadchanim put in their heart and soul into helping us – Thank You! And When I daven I will daven that Hashem… Read more »

    3 points
    Guest
    3 points

    Amazing article; I have just 3 points to add here 1. How many times have a boy and girl gone out on several long dates, and then the boy says no, zero explanation or warning; fair enough, it isn’t for you, fine, but just a little mentchlechkeit, instead of just ending it cold turkey – no explanation. Yes, girls do do that also, but in all fairness, most of us can admit that 8 times out of 10, its the boy. 2. Mothers of boys, or actually boys themselves – if your son has gone out with a girl 2… Read more »

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