An Open Letter About an “Open Secret” By Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Psy.D.
Last year I wrote an open letter about the countless frum boys who have shared their stories with me, relaying how they struggled mightily during their adolescence and subsequent years. The vast majority received their only “education” from indecent sources, were exposed to inappropriate stimuli, and grappled with their urges and the accompanying complex feelings without proper education, guidance, or support.
B”H in collaboration with numerous Gedolei Yisroel and with the help of the Guard Your Eyes (GYE) organization, we put out the groundbreaking and bestselling book “From Boys to Men: Guiding our sons and students in the ways of kedushah.” The book arms parents and educators with the necessary information to proactively educate their sons and students, before they encounter challenges, and help them properly deal with the developmentally normal struggles that occur prior to and throughout puberty. The book has been flying off shelves with three sold-out printings. Hundreds of individuals have shared how the information has been life-changing, and communities around the world are seeking more guidance on how to better educate their children regarding kedushah. We hope that with our education and prevention efforts combined with those of others trying to help address these issues before they intensify and a lot of Siyata Dishmaya, we will reduce the future numbers of people who unnecessarily struggle around the areas of Kedusha.
However, there is an open secret we do not like to address. The open secret is that we definitively know of tens of thousands of frum teenagers and adults who are currently struggling mightily regarding watching inappropriate material, and have other highly problematic lapses in areas of kedushah. My colleagues in the mental health professions and I are inundated by the community’s needs in these areas. While we are B”H in the process of growing the ranks of mental health professionals who are skilled at addressing these matters, I do not believe that we can properly meet the demands and needs of those struggling amongst us.
That is where the outstanding GYE organization plays a critical role. Utilizing cutting-edge technology, they are able to provide Torah-based, research-informed, scalable, and anonymous tools to help frum individuals access the education, support, and strategies necessary to wean themselves from these undesirable behaviors. GYE is also able to help people transition from solitude, secrecy, and toxic shame to connection, openness, and worthiness.
Current psychological research tells us that “the opposite of addiction is not sobriety; it is human connection.” GYE is the only platform we have that connects frum individuals around the world in their efforts to increase kedushah while simultaneously allowing them to remain anonymous.
For far too long we’ve been fostering this “open secret,” and we must address the reality. Hakadosh Baruch Hu is issuing a clarion call for us to individually and collectively do our utmost to combat the enormous challenges to kedushah that we are bombarded with.
By supporting GYE during their annual Aseres Yimei Teshuvah campaign, we all partner in their incredible efforts and share the zechusim of helping Klal Yisroel meet its mandate of kedoshim tihyu.
In the zechus of helping to fight the battle of our generation, being there for our struggling brothers and sisters, and increasing kedushah in this world, may we all merit a G’mar Chasimah Tova!
Sincerely,
Dr. Shloimie Zimmerman, Psy.D.
