An App Designer’s Confession: Escaping the Trap I Helped Create

By Shaul Nemtzov

Here’s something that might surprise you: I design apps for a living and it wasn’t until last year that I realized I was trapped by the very technology I helped create. Even with the best intentions, my phone had gone from being a useful tool to being my boss – always demanding attention, pulling me away from the people in my very presence and from what really matters. You know the feeling – that subtle urge to check notifications, that unconscious reach for your phone even when you’re with family. It’s a daily struggle and our kids are watching us navigate this challenge.

I know I’m not alone in this: The average teenager now spends more than 6 hours a day looking at screens (not counting school work). And despite all this “connecting” online, more than half of teens say they actually feel more lonely because of social media.

Let me be honest with you: As someone who designs apps, I’m privy to a secret that most people aren’t. The billion dollar social media companies aren’t just hoping you’ll use their apps – they’re specifically designing them to capture more and more of your attention. It’s no coincidence that we find ourselves repeatedly scrolling through TikTok or constantly checking Instagram. WhatsApp statuses and groups are no less addictive. These apps are intentionally designed to keep you coming back, the more often the better for them. That enables them to sell ads at increasingly higher rates. The apps are free to use and they help us stay connected and accomplish so much – all with the mere tap of a finger. Yet, we have to be aware of the cost.

Last year, I attended the ProTECHtion event in Crown Heights while my wife stayed home with our kids. Like many parents, we had always been conscious about screen time and tried our best to limit it. We knew intuitively that too much technology wasn’t good for our family, and we made efforts to keep it in check. But despite our best intentions, we still felt that screens had more presence in our lives than we would have liked.

That event helped us go to the next level. When I came home that night, buzzing with new insights and ideas, my wife added some more of her own. She had always wanted our family to have a healthy balance with technology, and now we felt inspired to do this together.

One of the most valuable aspects of the event was discovering their collection of “offline” products – stickers, coloring books, and arts and crafts – that flooded the hallways of Bais Rivkah. I practically bought them out, eager to bring these alternatives home to our children. These simple purchases helped strengthen the trend in our home, celebrating creativity and brain-building activities instead of mind-numbing screen time. Another “offline” activity that we enrolled our children in was weekly soccer and gymnastics, which was also presented at the event.

Since then, we’ve made changes that made a big difference.We now try to limit screen time for our kids about once or twice a week, and we carefully provide the content for them to watch. More importantly, my wife and I now put our phones away more than before when we’re with our children. And even when we use our phones, we’re more intentional about it. For example, instead of paying for a YouTube subscription to stream music, we got a 24six subscription. The feeling of knowing that nothing on there is a concern was such a relief and a huge upgrade to our family standards.

It’s a little scary but research shows that just having a phone sitting on the table during a conversation makes people feel less connected to each other. Even when we’re not using our phones, their mere presence robs you of your most basic human connection.

As a frum family that tries to live according to the Rebbe’s teachings, we’ve found that limiting technology helps us live so more in line with our values. Instead of feeling constantly distracted, we’re more present with each other. The best part is we’re teaching our children that real connections matter more than digital, vanity metrics.

This year’s ProTECHtion event is coming up, and I can’t tell you enough about it. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by technology (and let’s be honest, who isn’t?), this is your chance to take back control. You’ll get practical tips, hear from experts, be introduced to “offline” products and activities, and meet other people who are dealing with the same challenges.

One year after attending ProTECHtion, I can tell you this: change is possible. You don’t have to feel guilty about your screen time or worried about how technology is affecting you and your family. You can use technology on your own terms.

The choice is yours. Will you let your phone keep controlling your life, or are you ready to take back control? Come to this year’s ProTECHtion event and learn how to create a healthier relationship with technology while staying connected to what really matters – your family, your friends, your community, and HaShem. You owe it to yourself. Thank me at next year’s ProTECHtion event.

– Shaul Nemtzov is a User Experience Designer and father of four children under 6, living in Crown Heights, Brooklyn together with his wife.