From the COLlive Inbox:
I am 22 year old bochur from a good family. OK, almost 23. I learned well through all my years in yeshiva, I was part of the head staff in camp, I did some interesting shlichus work in exotic countries, and I just got smicha. I am told that I am fun to be with, responsible and great with kids.
Just last week, my mother called me for a “serious conversation”. I was expecting that it might be the Shidduch talk, but I was not expecting what she actually said – a shiduch offer!
She told me about this wonderful girl. She said something like: “She is frum, and tznius and dresses well.” My mother went on about how she comes from a really good family, went to seminary in Tsfas and that we seem to have similar likes and personalities.
My mother already checked into her and she heard so many good things about her. That is why she really thinks that it is ‘worth it’ to try. And lastly: “You’re 23 already and it is time to start.” My parents really believe that ‘she really might be the one for me.’ My mother is more excited than I have seen her in a long time.
But, I don’t feel that I am ready. I had plans to do Shlichus work for another few months with some friends. I so did not even start thinking about shiduchim and marriage. After all, I have a few more things I want to do before I get married. On the other hand, my mother knows what it is best for me and what I need in a wife (at least I think so). Maybe it is a good idea, maybe worth a try…
I have so many questions. I’m confused. I don’t even know what to think. Should I grab this opportunity? I’m still so young, why should I rush into marriage? I am not ready for all that responsibility! I have never even spoke to a girl. I don’t know anything about marriage – besides what the bochurim joke about, and my one brother’s experiences. I spoke to my older brother and my mashpia. But their responses are just confusing me more, just random bits of advice that don’t make so much sense to me. I don’t know what to do so I’m writing on COLLive to get input from the many married people out there. Thanks!