By Toby Lieder for COLlive.com
1. Shidduch at first sight
I saw her from a distance standing tall and seeming shy. I have an eye for young singles who look eligible for marriage, just like a car salesman notices every car brand and style. Being a matchmaker, I cannot help myself from identifying every possible single I encounter. I had never seen her before and asked my hostess, “Who is this young lady?” She replied matter of fact, “She is my eldest daughter.”
I must have scanned her for about 7 seconds, without even asking her name, I exclaimed, “Maybe she’d be a good match for so and so”? She then looked me over briefly and replied, “Who knows? maybe?” I said. “I have this gut feeling it’s a good idea”. Hashem just gave me this idea. Lo and behold, a few weeks later they were excitedly engaged!
You may ask, “Toby, how did you know?” Well, I didn’t. She was a complete stranger. Hashem put the idea into my head. I am a big believer that once we decide to be partners with Hashem in the field of matchmaking, Hashem actually puts these ideas into our heads! It’s true.
I feel so privileged that Hashem has chosen me to be His messenger to bring couples together, building future generations! What an honor, can you imagine! Partnering with Hashem!
2. Shutdown didn’t stop the match
Two mothers, one of a boy from New York, and the other of a girl from Canada were in touch with me every two weeks on exactly the same day reminding me that their child was still available. One day, I got this gut feeling, when I saw their message again the same day, same time, I thought to myself, “These two singles, may just be a possible match! Hashem, you did it again!”
I had interviewed both of them a while ago and looked in-depth what their 5 deal breakers were. They were both looking for the exact same values. I contacted both mothers and suggested they exchange profiles. It was agreed they should meet.
Just as she was about to get on a plane to New York from Canada, the borders were shut because of coronavirus. This couple dated on Zoom for about 18 times over 2 months. When the borders reopened, they finally met in person for the first time and were engaged soon thereafter and are now ready for their wedding.
I honestly didn’t consider them being a match until Hashem made it look so obvious to me. Hashem planted the idea in my head since they were both sending me the words “available?” every two weeks consistently, on the same day until it clicked with me. Hashem has His wondrous ways of getting the right couple together at the right time.
3. My friend for his friend
My husband and I were passing 770 one day when a friend of his passed by. My husband turned to me and said, “Toby, do you know a nice girl for my good friend?” I had never met this friend before, nor knew his name.
But just as my husband said those words, I saw a friend of my own strolling on the parkway. Ss I glanced in her direction to wave, I said to my husband, “Maybe her?”.
He replied, “Why not?”
We set them up and lo and behold, it is now 41 years later, they have married off their 8 children, and I still have the beautiful blue china serving plate they bought for us for a gift.
When Hashem needs a match to happen, He looks around and says, “Who is involved in the matchmaking these days? Oh, there you are, Toby! Now is the ripe time for these two souls to meet to get married! Let’s go, here’s an idea.”
I believe that when that gut feeling arrives, I am privileged to be Hashem’s partner to carry out these important holy missions. What an honor to be part of bringing more generations into this world! As the Rebbe would always say, “Moshiach cannot come until all the souls waiting to come to this world would come down”.
4. The answer is sometimes nearby
My daughter was living in New York for a few years and was in search of her soulmate. Right in the middle of the night, down under in Australia, that gut feeling screamed out to me so loudly, that I woke my husband and said, “Wake up, I have an idea! Her soulmate is right here! He’s living just around the corner from us!”
I jumped out of bed like I had won the lottery and said, “He’s the one! We must bring her back from New York right now!” Hashem decided now was their time to meet. Hashem gave me that gut feeling, and I couldn’t deny it. It was so genuine and real. A few weeks later we had a beautiful Mazel Tov! She was engaged.
Hashem designed and prearranged the exact time and place for each soulmate to meet each other. It won’t happen one minute before or after that designated time. We have full faith and trust in Hashem and His plans. Hashem is only good. So, it must be good whatever our journey is. We know Hashem has it all worked out for us. We just need to strengthen our Emunah.
5. Timing is everything
My husband came home one Shabbos morning in Sydney. He said to me, “Toby, do you have an idea for this person? He is a very fine young man. He is available for dating now.” I said, “I haven’t got a clue who he is.” My husband answered, “Nu! He just needs a very refined smart girl.”
The day before, my brother in New York happened to mention to me that his daughter was now ready for dating. I said, “Why not my niece?” When Hashem decides it’s time, it is! We made the calls, a few weeks later, lo and behold, they were engaged!
I am witness time and time again, to how Hashem is really running the show, and we are just His messengers! I see miracles like this all the time! Who wouldn’t want to do His holy work? By the way, anyone can be a matchmaker! You can too.
6. Shidduch ideas aren’t silly
My sister sent me this girl’s profile (knowing that I had interviewed her a few months before) with a suggestion. She said, “Here’s a profile of a guy that I want you to suggest for her.” I called her, and she declined, saying it wasn’t for her.
Meanwhile, I glanced at this boy’s profile, (without knowing a thing about him at all, since I only interviewed her, not him!) and my gut (Hashem) was saying, “Hey! Maybe him for that girl you interviewed last Tuesday?” I laughed thinking to myself, “Toby, you don’t know him from a bar of soap!” (Why is that a saying, I do not know!)
I went ahead and listened to my gut and called to present this idea. “I am suggesting a boy, (that I never heard of or met), for your daughter.” They looked into it, and a few weeks later, yes, it’s true, they became engaged!
This couple just got happily married 2 weeks ago. It was an absolutely beautiful wedding during the pandemic.
7. Match made by computer
I was receiving suggestions a couple of years ago from the computer. Honestly, the computer was fed all the information (the girls’ and boys’ profiles) and it produced suggestions based on the information it was given. Because my name was on the bottom of the profile of a girl, representing her as her matchmaker, I got a suggestion that the computer thinks is a good match.
I sent this over to the mother of the girl, who lives in Australia. The boy lives in Canada. She shows it to her husband. “The computer thinks they’re a match!” she told him.
The mother of the girl said to me, “Would you believe it, my husband went to school 35 years ago with his father! We like the idea! Let’s do it. Ask them.”
I asked the boy’s side. They thought it was ridiculous but eventually finally agreed. They met, and a few weeks later were happily engaged and are now happily married!
How wondrous and mysterious are the ways of Hashem! He even gets computers to do the work for Him! When it has to happen, and the time is ripe it can come in the most interesting ways.
8. Not the one you planned (and that’s a good thing)
I was suggested a name of a boy for one of my (9) daughters. I call up someone for his opinion since he knew the boy well. He said, “Nah! Why bother with him? He’s not the best boy in town, why don’t you try this one (suggesting another name).”
I answered him, “I am not looking for other names, I just want your opinion on the one I originally asked you.”
He replied with such a conviction and said, “Toby, listen, I never met your daughter, I don’t know a thing about her but, the one I am suggesting, Ah Mechaya! He’s such a geshmakah boy! Trust me, he’s awesome. He has everything you would want. Here’s his profile, look into him, forget the other guy!”
He actually convinced me, and I did my research on this new guy, and it turned out to be my daughter’s bashert!
You see, Hashem in His incredible ways, led me to this particular person, to talk me out of being interested in the first boy, and convinced me his idea was the real bashert for my daughter!
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Hashem has it all worked out and will make a shidduch happen precisely when it will need to be, with whom and where! Trust in Hashem is the keyword here! Hashem is Kol Tuv. All good.
Hashem always shows up with the goods! He is Kol Yochol, He can do anything. We just need to do our part to make the effort and He will do His part!
Although I believe going about matchmaking by compatibility, and knowing our core values, and at the same time I also believe in Hashgocha Protis, our gut feeling, that everything is really in the hands of Hashem.
May we hear good news from everyone that you find your soulmate in the right time and in the right place! We all get there at the end. Hold on! Just a little longer. It will definitely happen to you too!
–Toby Lieder leads a dating coach and matchmaking service. She can be reached via WhatsApp +61470173916 or email [email protected]
Thanks
She was on a Tehilim group, not knowing at the time much about who specifically it was for.It was actually for my brother Chaim Levi Goldstein, who miraculously survived the dreadful corona. I desperately wanted my brother to survive, and thought of ways to do mitzvohs in his merit. One such idea was to offer complimentary Coaching/Interviews ($) as a merit for his recovery. All allotted appointments were taken when I received one more request from this girl I knew from a few years ago. Rabbi Tenenbaum from Ohel Chana would ask my husband and I every year to farbreng… Read more »
Hey Toby,use those Goldstein genes to have a short video with those folks.
Le Chaim,you dont drink.
Love this stuff. Thanks for everything you do for our boys and girls
Toby leaves no stone unturned
She can turn around the whole situation by working thru the obstacles holding my hand through the dating process
Well I’m now preparing for my wedding I think back without Toby guidance I would not have been engaged To my wonderful Chosson
She help me think straight Thank you 🙏 Toby
She just made my son’s Shidduch. She was a joy to work with, Toby works hard and thorough and tries to work things thru…helped my son from preparing for his date right thru tips on proposing….It was fascinating watching her at work. She is not just a Shadchan…she really puts her soul into her work. She kept me in the loop the whole time….
Toby just made our daughters Shidduch. She really cares. Thats all I can say. She doesnt just suggets a list of names…she interviewed my daughter and got to know her…called me 3 days later with an idea….her wedding is this week. TOBY YOU’RE THE BEST
But I just want to say: The shadchan described a shidduch situation above: “I called up someone since he knew the boy well. He said, Nah! Why bother with him? He’s not the best boy in town, why don’t you try this (other) one?” I just want to say that it dosn’t sound so good to the ear, to publicly, (or not publicly) “deride” a Jewish bochur – even if he’s not the top candidate at all – and even if we don’t know who he is. I feel one should be “loyal” to any person – even if they… Read more »
Toby’s methodology is very unique and its amazing that she
is able to operate from Down Under.
Even though she is so far away- you feel she’s holding your hand and
is right beside you throughout the process.
She’s thorough , helps you look at yourself, helps you prepare and understand
what you really need and are looking for
I feel I found a unique precious Gem
Rochel Cohen
Meeting with Mrs Lieder was the highlight of my day yesterday, I felt like a character in the Netflix show, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Talking about what I’m looking for and my past, really helped to create clarity. Although, having a match-maker has been around for decades, Mrs Lieder is very contemporary and understanding. She genuinely wants to help single people find true and realistic love. I walked away feeling much clearer about who I am looking for. Writing my 5 non-negotiables was an excellent exercise and she has already referred me to three men in less than 24-hours!”
– L.G. Australia