Create Account
ב"ה
Saturday, 23 Av, 5779
  |  August 24, 2019
    < >

    5 Tips for Starting Pesach Chumros

    Devora Krasnianski gives 5 tips for young couples facing the option of introducing the Pesach stringencies of a spouse's family. Full Story

    “The Rebbe Told Me: Sing!”

    Next Story »

    Eco-Friendly School to be Accredited

    21
    Opinions and Comments

    To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
    avatar
      Subscribe  
    newest oldest most voted
    Notify of
    Love it
    Guest
    Love it

    And it doesn’t only apply to pesach

    one better !
    Guest
    one better !

    just discussing this with my 20 yr old daughter yesterday !
    Told her , if when iyh she gets married , her husband is more stringent then we are on pesach , she can go to her inlaws every year and come to us for sukkos ! sholom al yisroel 🙂

    Good job
    Guest
    Good job

    Many families have one or more members who have more or different chumrahs. If you can appreciate their desire and they dont force the chumrah on you it can be very workable.
    Love and respect will go a long way.
    And remember its only 8 days. Be glad you can eat carrots. Belzer chassidim don’t.

    thank you r.heller
    Guest
    thank you r.heller

    what a pleasure to have normal thinking rabbi in our community, may he be bless

    To number 5
    Guest
    To number 5

    Great comment,chumbros are important but
    Not more important than the haloches , everyone should have ahavas isroel and sholem bais, and a gut yom tov

    To # 2
    Guest
    To # 2

    Your idea may seem nice, but in my opinion it’s awful. People seem to forget what the author wrote. These are chumros or minhag of some sort NOT halacha.
    Simchas Yom Tov is a mitzvah and being with family is really, really important, more important than boiling sugar, or not eating chocolate.
    What message would you be sending to your grandchildren that they cannot be with you for pesach because you don’t boil the sugar, or you buy Tropicana? An awful one in my opinion.

    to # 5 there are people like that
    Guest
    to # 5 there are people like that

    there are those who don’t care, it’s truff

    Thank you!
    Guest
    Thank you!

    Agree with number 4, rabbi Heller is a tremendous blessing for this community. Thank you collive for making this available, and thank you to the writer for taking the time to write, and i’m assuming TRANSLATE, this!

    Disagree
    Guest
    Disagree

    My apologies to the author, but I respectfully disagree.

    When it comes to food and food preparation, the husband should follow the customs of the wife — end of story.

    A man should never introduce new chumros upon his wife. Even if his wife agrees in the beginning in order to make him happy, it will eventually lead to resentment.

    I say this as a man who acted foolishly in this way, and then gave it up after speaking with a well known Rov.

    Trips? Work?
    Guest
    Trips? Work?

    What chumros are there in connection with Chol Ha’Moed trips and working on Chol Ha’Moed?

    As far as I know, there are halachos about Chol Ha’Moed such as you must wear bigdei Yom Tov and work-melacha is greatly restricted.

    So if you can’t wear bigdei Yom Tov while paintballing, then paintpalling is not a Chol Ha’Moed activity. Ditto for horseback riding, biking and amusement parks.

    Pirkei Avos 3:11 “Rabbi Elazar of Modi’in would say: One who … degrades the Festivals … although he may possess Torah knowledge and good deeds, he has no share in the World to Come.”

    Great ideas - disagree with the separate dishes
    Guest
    Great ideas - disagree with the separate dishes

    I would faster suggest using plastic plates (there are quite nice ones available) than having a separate set of dishes for one spouse. Imagine the reaction if the less stringent mistakenly used the wrong set of dishes…..
    Otherwise, compromise and respect is always a great idea!
    good yom tov

    to #9
    Guest
    to #9

    If i could guess, there were other issues in the relationship besides the adding of chumros. The author wrote to discuss together and take it on as a family. Not to impose to guilt the other into ‘doing it to make the other one happy’.

    from #2 To #5
    Guest
    from #2 To #5

    I still think my idea is best . its called being generous and not being controlling! why should my future son in law lessen his chumros because i can’t be bothered with shmultz? my grandchildren will be with me sukkos remember ?? they will have another set of grandparents who will want to enjoy them too… so why not let them go where they are fully comfortable and besides what stops my husband and i from joining them in their home for pesach?! can’t wait for all my kids to marry ppl who still use shmultz so my husband and… Read more »

    To #12
    Guest
    To #12

    Incorrect assumption. Issues were related to Pesach and Pesach food preparation.

    I disagree with the author’s notion that it should be “discussed together” to add chumros. If she didn’t grow up with a chumra, leave her alone. Don’t discuss anything. It’s a chumra, not a halacha.

    Agree with #5
    Guest
    Agree with #5

    When I first got married I took on all of my husbands chumros and a made literally everything from scratch! I did this for 5 years and was miserable, I started to dread pesach and I used to love it pre-marriage because of all the family time. However since my family was more lenient we could never go home for Pesach. My husbands family was beyond stringent and their children’s took on even more chumros that none of them would eat at each others houses for pesach, so we were always on our own. Eventually I finally got comfortable enough… Read more »

    asey lecha rav
    Guest
    asey lecha rav

    find a rav, when things are challenging we follow our Rabbani.

    to # 9 #14
    Guest
    to # 9 #14

    You should know the following.
    1.
    family minhogim hold a place in Halocho.
    2.
    a woman is obligated to accept her husbands Minhogim when she agrees to marry him.

    #17
    Guest
    #17

    In your opinion what’s more important minhog or shalom bayis?

    There’s an entire community of disinfranchised youth out there who have been turned off with the stringencies of chumro who rather not celebrate since they only have bad memories.

    Maybe leniency is called for when one rather keep pesach according to ONLY Halacha? Rather then making it harder to stay in the community let’s accept that not all chumros are easy or healthy for all.

    It may be right for you but everyone

    to # 9 #14
    Guest
    to # 9 #14

    You should know the following.
    1.
    family minhogim hold a place in Halocho.
    2.
    a woman is obligated to accept her husbands Minhogim when she agrees to marry him.

    #18
    Guest
    #18

    Every case and every Chumro must be judged on its own independent basis.

    I was responding however to the sweeping statements, which while being in tandem with current liberal understanding, is not exactly a clear Torah approach to things.

    Maning i was taking issue with the statement.

    In regards to your question, the answer can only be answered in a case by case basis.

    Freedom
    Guest
    Freedom

    As if there aren’t enough chumrot already probably leading to even more contention around Seder tables – and you want to ‘quietly’ encourage even more!?

    X