By: Hindel Schwartz Swerdlov
There’s something about the shoes.
It’s been ten years and I can’t seem to throw out the last of Shula’s shoes. Sitting on her little shelf remains only a pair of pink Uggs, shiny patent leather Shabbos shoes, maroon suede booties, dumb pink Crocs, and heart rain boots.
I’m not sure why so many of us are attached to shoes. We each own a pair for every occasion and then more for every sub-occasion. I used to have tons of shoes for myself but I live on the cobblestone streets of Jerusalem and am now on the more practical side of 44 (My 45th Hebrew bday is next week). I’ve limited my shoe closet to about 20 pairs. No joke. In 2019, that’s a modest collection.
In the “Olden days”, people wore leaves and branches on their feet to protect their soles. As they got savvier, the generations went through a metamorphosis of shoe culture which included leather tarps, cotton sacks, and continued all the way to the horrible rubber Crocs that we have today.
There’s also a whole “Shoe Quote” craze. We can all quote the more popular and applicable ones.
“Until you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes…”
“He’s got big shoes to fill…”
“If the shoe fits, wear it.”
“Don’t wait for the other shoe to drop.”
What’s all the drama surrounding shoes? Understandably, in the Holocaust, owning a pair of shoes meant the difference between life and death. And seeing piles of the victims’ shoes is always the most gut-wrenching. But why such emphasis still today on such a mundane item? Case in point – did you know that the shoe industry today is one of the highest profitable markets in fashion? What’s the underlying meaning of shoes!?
Somehow, shoes are a point of significant human presentation.
Throughout our Torah, there are laws and references to shoes. How to put them on, tie them, when to buy them (in regards to precedence- if you’re short on cash), when to wear them, when to remove them (kohanim, mourners, certain fast days, etc.). There is even an entire concept of the Chalitza shoe.
What the Torah doesn’t mention, which is simply on the circuit of the bereaved Mom’s Yenta Hotline, (i.e.- my what’s app chats with respective moms missing their kids), is that throwing out our deceased loved one’s shoes is super difficult.
It’s a raw and sensitive place to be when looking in on that shelf of old and used and unworn shoes.
There’s a story with every pair of shoes we purchased for our child. Each pair is associated with memories and represents a life well-lived, however short.
Shula’s sandals remind me of the strewn pair near the Lag B’Omer moon bounce. Her Crocs remind me of the Sheraton pool and swim lessons. Her pink Uggs remind me of Boston and the aquarium there with cousins. Her winter booties remind me of shopping the sale Upstate and feeding the ducks at Woodbourne pond. Her rain boots remind me of running to her school while she jumped in every puddle with her wonderful raspy giggle.
I can’t seem to throw these out. They are a substantially loud testament to her very existence.
I’ve gotten rid of almost all of Shula’s clothing by now. Over the years, I’ve taken to standing in front of her closet and holding each item up. One by one, I would reminisce whatever memory the item conjured up, and I would ceremoniously bring them to Yossi and ask if he was ready to say goodbye. And then we would dump it.
Her entire wardrobe (minus two sentimental dresses) was dumped in this type of ceremony aside for her last five pairs of shoes. Neither Yossi nor I can yet say goodbye to them although we’ve tried.
Interestingly, when a person passes away, someone else can wear their clothing. But halachically, no one is allowed to wear the deceased person’s shoes.
And I get it.
Kabbalists describe the body as a “shoe of the soul”. It protects us as we take steps in our voyage that is Life’s Adventures.
I guess it makes sense that I’m attached to her shoes.
Today, Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan marks ten years since Shula’s passing.
Do a Mitzvah and say a prayer in her memory.
Alta Shula Bas Yosef Yitzchok
An event marking Shula’s yartzeit will take place tonight, Wednesday in Jerusalem, featuring guest speaker Rabbi Shmuel Lew.
Thank you for sharing your feelings about Shula! What a touching writeup and a lesson for us to nurture our kids and cherish the little things.
I am tearful
Shula will forever be in our hearts
Thanks for sharing
Just to point out, the halacha mentioned of not wearing shoes a deceased person only applies to the shoes worn by the deceased at the time of his/her passing, not to any other shoes that belong to the deceased.
Moshiach NOW !!!!
I want to thank COL for posting this event for us. Rabbi Lew did an incredible job of pulling in a diverse Jerusalem neighborhood, and uniting them all through inspiration and Chassidishe stories. Having a personal connection to our family, it is bashert that Rabbi Lew represented the evening in a manner that only his authentic and generous and pious self can. Lucky us. Lucky Shula. Lucky family and friends who shared the evening with us. Moshiach now!
Thank you.
Hindel.
May Hashem quickly ‘shoo’ away this golus and bring back your beautiful daughter, as we wear our ‘dancing shoes’ while we welcome Moshiach and all the special neshamos b’gufim, right now mamash!!