ב"ה
Tuesday, 16 Tishri, 5780
  |  October 15, 2019

Why Wasn’t Mendy at the Ohel

From the COLlive inbox: This year, my 14 year old son is not going to the Ohel on Gimmel Tammuz. Full Story

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I feel the same way
Guest
I feel the same way

In the same vein, carpool rides that fall apart last minute when you are vulnerable after a baby ,fatigued and dizzy,
and cannot drive your child yourself….without a warning, and without an “I’m sorry”..,People should be mentchen and have a bit more compassion before suspending a helping hand that someone may be relying on…

?????/
Guest
?????/

and are we mind readers? How can anyone help if they dint know? Did you bother ask anyone?

?
Guest
?

If your only problem with your son not going to the Ohel is because “what will people say” then there is a really good reason for him to go to the Ohel, to Pray for his family members who missed the whole point in life.

why do you realize that “you actually do have family members your son could have stayed at” only in middle of writing your letter, have you thought at all before writing this letter, or is it more like thinking out loud just on paper this time?

a vort
Guest
a vort

Firstly, thank you for sharing your feelings. At a farbrengen I attended before going to the ohel myself, I heard a beautiful story of the Rebbe. A college student complained to the Rebbe that he had no friends and had trouble making friends. The Rebbe said that when he is in the cafeteria and gets up to get himself a drink, he should get one for his friend too.
Looking out for others helps both ways! May we celebrate the ultimate simcha of moshiach with the Rebbe, our Nasi, leading us all as one!

wth?
Guest
wth?

whats this all about?

its not too late ......
Guest
its not too late ......

an 8 hour drive is an hour flight >>>>please e mail your contact info ASAP and we will arrange for mendy to be @ the ohel ..yet for Gimmel Tamuz>>>>
our email address is
[email protected]

Along these lines
Guest
Along these lines

Does anyone know about the bus from Crown Heights for peple who do not have cars? schedule? men women arrangements? other details?

this letter sound like...
Guest
this letter sound like...

this letter sound like i should be leading the whole world, maybe every p. should lead his own world(your self) and not blame other p. for not doing things instead of you

if u have nuthnig positve
Guest
if u have nuthnig positve

2 say dont say anythin

Oholie Menachem
Guest
Oholie Menachem

Guess what , my son is not going either b/c O.M can’t fit it into their schedule .

miryam swerdlov
Guest
miryam swerdlov

mendy could stay at our house, we could always (almost…) make room for 1 more.
please call, don’t hesitate

listen and learm
Guest
listen and learm

lest hear and internalise. No we cant worry about the whole world, but we can all think of at least pne other person ouside of my immdiate family and freinds and try to lend an extra hand. thanks for sharing

Mendy made it!
Guest
Mendy made it!

Thanks! Now let’s lend a hand to another! Moshiach now!

think in to your own words
Guest
think in to your own words

“I told my husband that if anyone asks, “Why didn’t Mendy go?”, I will answer them, “Why didn’t you ask in the days leading up to Gimmel Tammuz, how is Mendy going?” ”

here you say your husband goes every year and then you expect people to ask you how is mendy going when they know he always goes with his father.

anything else to complain about??
if you can’t find we could find for you many!!!

I don't understand
Guest
I don't understand

You say that your husband goes to the Ohel every gimmel tamuz and Mendy goes with him. How are your friends supposed to know that this year your husband is not going? Have you mentioned to any of your friends of the change this year, or do people figure Mendy is going with his father like every year?
I suspect the problem is something else. Think about it, you might figure it out and not be so angry, and realize this is not such a good reason to vent on this website.
Wishing you and Mendy all the best.

From Montreal
Guest
From Montreal

I don’t get it: I put up signs & made calls for my son ahead of time. I also booked him a spot on the bus. Why is complicated & why depend on others? At some point, things have to be done by us, not others.

interesting
Guest
interesting

I always learned in life to be the giver not the taker. When you do for others they will do for you. if you need a ride, how are ppl supposed to know that? just ask dont be shy, ppl are nice.

To mrs Swerdlow
Guest
To mrs Swerdlow

Halevay and all the chassidim were like you. Thank You for your hospitality!

#6,11 &12
Guest
#6,11 &12

Beautifu examples of loving kindness…sadly not many like you around!

cma
Guest
cma

The accusatory sentiment of this article is not appropriate for a day like today.

Although yes, maybe someone should have offered (?), and yes, you probably could have tried a little harder.

Did you really think this thru?
Guest
Did you really think this thru?

Is your question a real question or propaganda? Is that your only worry? If it were my child I would be much more concerned with other issues whether one goes to the Ohel or not is irrelevant! If one really wants to connect to the Rebbe then nothing can stop him! There is the Igros etc.One can fax or email or even arrange with a friend etc. to take their lap top with a web cam in etc.I suspect a very hidden agenda

#15
Guest
#15

gut gezogt

its a shame
Guest
its a shame

i could not believe the comments that people were not ashamed to write. how can you judge someone else. this woman, whoever she is, was clearly upset and felt alone. we cannot judge her we can only judge ourselves. where were we, why were we not aware. anyone who blames her and points the finger towards her or her family is sadly missing the message the Rebbe has been trying to hammer into our (thick) heads, always think about another Jew first!! it doesn’t make a difference whether they are right or wrong functional or not (you don’t know everything!)… Read more »

Who can go?
Guest
Who can go?

easy for the “schulchim” to go, easy for the rebbeim in schools that close for the day, easy for the self employed to go,

not so easy for those who work at a regular job, and can’t take off or afford to take off the day.

Message to teens an adults that might take this as an advice.
Guest
Message to teens an adults that might take this as an advice.

The point is by not being selfish and trying to help others will make THE difference to be mekayem Ahavas Isroel and Hachnasas Orchim. Dear author, sometimes people do not come to you because you dont go to them, and I know that its selfish, but it’s life, if its not you who will do the first then who else would? As the possuk says im lo achshav az emossay? Sometimes, its not that easy to suggest help to others, however it can only fill up your bag of mitzvos, and maybe make someone happy. I am a shy girl,… Read more »

mother of boy from midwest
Guest
mother of boy from midwest

My son’s school arranged for the boys to go to CH. Parents had to find places for their sons to stay, though. We have no family in CH, but over the years have made a few connections. When those didn’t work out, I spoke to our local shliach and he helped us out by finding a place for our boy. Most people do want to help out their friends and neighbors, but if they don’t know that your son doesn’t have a way to get to NY for Gimel Tammuz or that your child isn’t going to camp or something… Read more »

 need more love
Guest
need more love

on today of all days, we need to look at everyone with a kind eye. So people, i understand the mussar of taking responsibility, not blaming others etc., but this woman is just venting her pain and frustration. she is just sad that her son (and husband) are not at the Ohel today. She needs to feel her community loves her and cares – even if it is not our ‘responsibility’ to solve everyone’s problems all the time, it IS our responsibility to be kind, compassionate, and helpful. and to the mother who wrote the article: my heart aches too… Read more »

Lucky Mendy and his father
Guest
Lucky Mendy and his father

What a blessing to have a mother (wife) that is pained by her son (husband) not being able to go to the Ohel for Gimmel Tamuz.. Thanks for sharing. It brought attention to how we need each other, not to mention the beautiful story posted by #4. I live in C.H. have no car but got to go b/c somebody on the street asked those around if anybody needed a ride. I had missed my ride and when my daughter in law heard about this offer, she quickly called me. They waited for me to dash over! Life is great… Read more »

think about another yid
Guest
think about another yid

thanks #27

thank you mrs swerdlov!
Guest
thank you mrs swerdlov!

your hospitality is legendary!

it's gimmel tammuz people, be nice
Guest
it's gimmel tammuz people, be nice

To all those who were inviting, non-judgemental, and understanding to Mendy’s mom, kol hakavod. To the rest of you, it is gimmel tammuz, the Rebbe is somewhere out there watching as you sit here and type up your negative comments. Stop being so judgemental, it is not your job to do so. Mendy’s mom shared her concern, and if I read correctly, he ended up getting to NY for gimmel tammuz. So she did what she could to get him there, and in the end, it was her complaining online that worked. Please people, ahavas Yisroel, if not on any… Read more »

Don't make the tafel the ikkar
Guest
Don't make the tafel the ikkar

It’s less important to ask whether Mendy went to the ohel and ask instead what he did on Gimmel Tamuz for the Rebbe. For some, going to the ohel is a meaningful experience and for others it’s not. Even if he didn’t find a ride to the ohel there are still may ways he could have a chassidishe, meaningful Gimmel Tamuz. It’s not all or nothing.

Waiting...
Guest
Waiting...

So when do we get to see the pic of “mendy at the ohel” and the article thanking collive and all the other generous people involved for saving the day!

Mrs. Swerdlov
Guest
Mrs. Swerdlov

You have touched me!
Your Selfless kindness for another jew is just so beautiful and inspiring!
May we all follow in your footsteps to bring about a better world….With more people doing acts of kindness like you, we could surely make this world a world where Hashem can dwell!

To#9
Guest
To#9

You should learn how to spell!!!

dont judge
Guest
dont judge

maybe there is a good reason or unfortunate reason why mendys father is not going to the ohel this year and ppl in her community know this. And are not offering to take mendy with them. Thats the feeling I get. but i hope im wrong.

This is not right
Guest
This is not right

I have plenty of extra rooms in my house. I have a bochur staying for Gimmel Tammuz whom I haven’t even seen (he could be an ax murderer for all I know!! LOL!!) My house is a hotel. I never say no & I never know who is sleeping where (or eating from my kitchen.) And I know I’m not the only one. If this mom really wanted her son to come to CH she could have called one of our Yeshivas; someone her husband/neighbor/friend/Shlucha knows; anyone in the Tzach list. This is an unfair & frankly, disgusting attitude to… Read more »

to #33
Guest
to #33

Very well said.

Sorry, I meant #33
Guest
Sorry, I meant #33

not #35.

To 18, 19
Guest
To 18, 19

was gonna say same thing!

To 23
Guest
To 23

well said! reading my thoughts

i understand the mother
Guest
i understand the mother

the ahavas yisroel and hachnasos orchim of crown heights is legendary, but unfortunately in my experience it will stay in the legends. after living on this block for a year, no neighbor has asked my name. people rarely offer me a ride, a meal or any of the little kindnesses expected and needed from others. i see and hear of it happening but so far no one has bothered to reach out to the quiet 25-year-old renting down their block.

to 21
Guest
to 21

apparently…You are nothing close to a Detroiter. am I right?

You're right, but...
Guest
You're right, but...

You’re right that others should have been more supportive and helpful. We could all improve in that regard. But that doesn’t excuse a parent from the responsibility of doing everything necessary to raise and educate their children in the best way possible. You can’t go through life depending on other people to go out of their way for you. YOU are responsible for your own outcomes in life, and YOU are responsible for your children. Not your neighbor.

ANASH OF CH OPEN YOU DOOR
Guest
ANASH OF CH OPEN YOU DOOR

Anash of CH or pleased to OPEN THEIRE DOOR not only to shluchim that are big KNAKER invite guest that u don’t know
Anash and BALEI TSHUVA. From arround the world

ch resident
Guest
ch resident

to #42 have you reached out to me who lives also on a block where no one called me? I called them and reached out to them why blame other people. If you want a ride or a place to stay for your son, as a mother, it is your responsibility to make calls and find him a place. every one is busy coping stop whining and start being responsible. no place is like ch try going to any community including kfar chabad and tell them i want to come to you for a month and live in your house… Read more »

ad masai
Guest
ad masai

i had the same problem with my sons, but they didn’t have a father to take them. They grew up in a lubavith community, went to lubavitch yeshiva from the start even though they had friends, no one ever asked for them to go to the Ohel, ( and people know that we don’t have any family, here or NY) or special events for men. I even asked one time a “chassidic” father to include my son in his daily learning with his sons and he answered he wanted to be alone with his sons. Unfortunatly, my sons lost a… Read more »

Sounds like a Democrat
Guest
Sounds like a Democrat

Stop blaming everyone else and stop relying on other people for your failure to do what’s best for your son. If by some chance there were unique circumstances, then don’t go posting this as a mainstream problem. You (and/or your husband) dropped the ball and you’re tryng to excuse yourselves by blaming others. Stop making excuses. Seems like you put more time into writing this post than trying to work out a ride for your son!

MENDY MADE IT BUT>>>
Guest
MENDY MADE IT BUT>>>

WHY DIDNT MUSHKY?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?

i dot get the issue
Guest
i dot get the issue
X