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Saturday, 17 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 20, 2019

    Why Micro-Manage Our Lives

    From the COLlive inbox: A teenage girl wishes her educators would evaluate how they treat her and her friends in high school. Full Story

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    Go 2 Bnos chomesh...
    Guest
    Go 2 Bnos chomesh...

    where evry student gets positive attention amd respect

    Idiocy
    Guest
    Idiocy

    Dear Chasha C.

    Stop blaming others for your own issues. If you want to go to a lovey dovy place that is your prerogative. Your mechanachos are there to teach you and mold you, not to be your friends or parents. Following your ideas would produce a generation of softies who think they could do whatever they want. There should be rules, not a smile and a hug telling you “mammaleh, of course thats fine”.

    Grow up!

    Should have been written 10 years ago!!!!
    Guest
    Should have been written 10 years ago!!!!

    Very very well written. Kol hakavod.
    You are 200% correct. Many mechanchim and mechanchos who do not belong in their posissions are the cause of so many problems and issyes in teenagers lives.
    Well done

    well written
    Guest
    well written

    i liked how you didnt bash and there was no lashon harah good job

    same by boys:
    Guest
    same by boys:

    i’m a bocher in a large mesivta, and i feel the same

    Boys to!
    Guest
    Boys to!

    This applies to boys 100%

    true
    Guest
    true

    im in a boys yeshiva and yes this is done there too and i have personal experience with this whenever i ask something on the rules or use that forbidden W word(why) i always get the same answer ” because i said so or those are the rules” or when i try to come maturely to a teacher about a problem or issue I’m treated the same way as if I’m a young child i agree with you and do believe that teachers should try and work with us some more

    Joe
    Guest
    Joe

    I think the problem isn’t the excessive “Rules” rather the lack of excessive love. To many of the people running and working in our school’s are busy worrying about how to put bread on their tables, or sadly joined the wrong profession etc. That among’st other reasons, leads to this mechanicalism of our school’s, where the staff unfortunately just looks to get things done in the fastest not necessarily proper way. The good news is there’s B”H a crop of new young staff joining or opening up new educational institutes every year. And believe it or not the old guard… Read more »

    CHer
    Guest
    CHer

    Great points and Well written

    Ok...
    Guest
    Ok...

    I hear…

    number 2
    Guest
    number 2

    EXCUSE ME! she took the courage to write this letter whether you agree is one thing. she actually isnt blaming anyone she is saying the situation as is and ways to help. She has a very valid point and i respect her for putting her views out there so she can help other people. i know for a fact that this is 100 percent true, im in high school and i see this. its a fact its the same way in camps etc. but this is a problem she isnt blaming anyone she is stating an issue that needs to… Read more »

    To the author:
    Guest
    To the author:

    There is a concept known as “Kabbalas Ol”

    Teacher
    Guest
    Teacher

    I’m appalled that this was even given a voice. I would like the opportunity to refute it from a teacher’s perspective. COLlive, please allow me the opportunity to write MY op-ed in response. stay tuned.

    valid points
    Guest
    valid points

    to # 2, she’s not blaming, she’s merely pointing out that there are so many rules in place and that there are no reasons given for them. instead of encouraging the girls or boys to want to do what’s right, the mechanchim simply implement another rule. this creates resentment and crafty scheming as to how to break this new rule.

    Introspection
    Guest
    Introspection

    You must be intellectually honest. Is your goal to kasher what you want to do, or is it that you really don’t understand the reasons? 99% of the rules are self explanatory. E.g. What’s so hard to understand about rules regarding tznius? And when you complain that you don’t understand the rules, are you really just trying to understand them, or rather, to try and change them to allow you to do what you want. The rules aren’t there to guarantee you don’t break them. They’re there for hanholah to say what they think is appropriate and what isn’t. P.s.… Read more »

    Name
    Guest
    Name

    With a name like Chasha, I doubt she would put her real name. This leads me to think that she didn’t put her real name, which then makes her adding a name to this article useless

    Teenagers are stupid
    Guest
    Teenagers are stupid

    I think I will pass this off as another rant by some irate stranger

    Agree w number 7
    Guest
    Agree w number 7

    I’ve been in a couple yeshivos and it’s so true. I’m alredy in zal and they treat us like babies when we r 18 and 19 years old. The whole system is extremely corrupt, unfortunately even tho talking about it lets us kno the what the prob is, noones gonna do n e thing about it

    Good point!
    Guest
    Good point!

    I went to school in Melbourne, Australia, and when I came to America I could not BELIEVE the micromanaging going on. My school was not at all like that and I think we all came out a lot better for it.

    Out of Hand
    Guest
    Out of Hand

    You kids are just simply out of hand. Massively chutzpadik and think the world owes you everything. You feel entitled to be equals to adults in leadership positions and you feel no obligations on your part. Time to turn the clock back and have some respect for authority. Get a life.

    ch mom
    Guest
    ch mom

    can you name at least 2 rules, that you keep breaking and find other ways to go around it, and then break those rules too!
    When high school is over you can look back and laugh about it. This too shall pass.

    To #20
    Guest
    To #20

    Your actually making me laugh! You were part of “you kids” just a few years ago! And by the way your writing right now, you were probably part of “those kids” as well! Every generation, the kids will always be the same and the adults will be too. And then the kids grow up and become adults and think the same thing of their kids that the adults of their generation thought of them. And the cycle goes on!

    Well said!
    Guest
    Well said!

    A fellow high schooler

    true
    Guest
    true

    yes, altghogh this is deffinatly true by boys yeshivas, it’s probebly is a litlle different in the sense that we have shluchim, older bochurim who , if do their job , act as a “older brother, or even mashpia) developing connections with the younger bochurim and often act as “intermidieries” between bohurim and hanhala, and validate the rational of the younger ones. Does this concept exsist in girl yeshiva’s?

    Yup!
    Guest
    Yup!

    Totally get the author… I just suggest you to watch this CTeen clip… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP9PMIxWBew

    crown heights
    Guest
    crown heights

    This definitely is true about our high school! Time for them to make some real changes!!

    Older Bochur
    Guest
    Older Bochur

    its funny how she says “let me know if this applies to the boys’ Yeshivos, as well).” Mean while shes looking to break rules.
    very interesting article but at the end of the day none of these articles change anything at all. Every school thinks they have all there issues figured out and they know how to fix everyones problem. Nothing will be fixed, thats just how the systems are. You can fantasize all you want about fixing it, but its not happening and in 10 years for our kids it will be 10 times worse.

    To # 2
    Guest
    To # 2

    The point is NOT to allow and acknowledge and approve of inappropriate behavior. the message that every human craves is “I love YOU even though/ when you do xyz.. even when you’re behavior is unacceptable” unconditional acceptence. not that i’m worth nothing if i make a mistake or do s/t wrong. and youll only like me if i act accordingly. but That i am unconditionally loved and accepted regardless of what i do. not that you’ll only like me when I’m perfect. Then, when students and children feel secure that s/o really cares about them and unconditionally loves them, they… Read more »

    Kid in pre school
    Guest
    Kid in pre school

    I’m a boy in pre school and I feel the same they boss us around by nap time, make us bring a note from our mothers why we miss days….. I mean be realistic!!

    Mesivta Father
    Guest
    Mesivta Father

    I have a son in yeshiva mesivta and I went to the same yeshiva and I can say that the policies have gotten much more tighter. I can also say with clarity that despite all the rules and follow-up of rabbeim and dorm counselors that the kids get away with everything. The reason is simple the kids are more sophisticated then the rabbeim. They are more street smart and they are light years ahead in technology know how. Smart phones are everywhere and with it everything is open to them. Let me tell the writer why you are being micro-managed,… Read more »

    She has a point
    Guest
    She has a point

    In the recent farbrengen by Machon Chana one of the ladies said that in Lubavitch the focus is so much on ahavas yisroel that there doesn’t have to as much focus on lashon hora, because if you have ahavas yisroel of course you don’t speak lashon hora. Seems like the same situation here. If you focus on the positive in education, there wouldn’t be so much micro-managing. These are good, chassidishe girls who want to do the right thing. Chaval that such small, fixable things should be alienating them from yiddishkeit.

    What do you think?
    Guest
    What do you think?

    I saw a sign at a beach the other day that could have been a typical rules sign that no one really cares about. Instead the headline was “Tips to enjoy your day at the beach”. I thought that this was a MUCH more effective way to alert people to the signs message and get them to actually think about it than “Rules and regulations”. What do you think?

    shame
    Guest
    shame

    your teachers love you and your administration loses sleep over your well-being. every child is different and no two people will react the same way to the same rule. the benefits far outweigh the pressure that some students feel as a result of the rules. face it, you know very well that rules act as deterrents, and far fewer students risk doing things that are inappropriate because they are afraid of the “punishments”. look around you, the school is trying to protect you! the school is looking out for your benefit! the teachers and hanhala gain nothing personally from having… Read more »

    John
    Guest
    John

    The problem in the Yeshiva that I attended wasn’t the abundance of rules. The problem was there was nothing but rules.

    All they seemed to care about was “Are you following all the rules?” As long as you showed up on time and didn’t do anything “wrong”, days and weeks could pass without a teacher checking up on you to see if you understood the sugya or if you have a question about the maamer…

    Rules are a necessity, but without some caring, positive attention and love, they will get us nowhere.

    Well written
    Guest
    Well written

    Besides being very clear in your writing ability ad having a great point, I admire the style used. You don;t condemn you are not all over the place and you don’t talk in extremes. Instead you painted a clear picture drove the point and came across as very mature.

    Well done. Respect earned.

    yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Guest
    yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    omg somone finally spoke up!!!!!! im frm cali and in my skewl our class is a very hiper class so the teachers try to do all these punishment but we jst get around it and it goes on and on i think teachers should take this article into consideration!
    goooooooo teenagers well keep cheering ouselves on

    caring
    Guest
    caring

    the problem is no one cares.
    they make strict stupid rules so they dont have to teach and care for the students.. that would be too hard
    they want power .
    the whole system needs to be revamped.
    most schools need to get rid of 80% of faculty and start fresh

    been there
    Guest
    been there

    This sounds like an article I would have written 50 years ago about my school. Universal teenage thoughts and feelings. Sorry, but when you are an older adult, your teenage children might be saying the same as you say now! #22 is spot on!

    #33
    Guest
    #33

    is this a joke?

    Okay!
    Guest
    Okay!

    Yes, we’re happy to explain it all to you! We can give you many answers and explanations that will make you feel satisfied and even excited about Yiddishkeit.
    All you have to do is just one thing.
    And that, my dear friend, is however hard you choose it to be for yourself.

    Listen.
    And listen well.

    chana
    Guest
    chana

    I’m with #1 – go to Bais Chomesh. Sure, it has its problems like any other school, but every student gets attention, and most develop a relationship with a staff member.

    #21
    Guest
    #21

    let me tell u lady! this girl is totally right. my lass got into plenty of trouble guess what we dnt listen bc we DO NOT CARE!!!! and when they tell us not to do something we dnt do it unless its a valid reoson sry gotta live up w/ this generation!

    Bachur
    Guest
    Bachur

    I am a bachur in yeshiva and bh I’m having the best time ever we learn alot of nigleh and also chasidus in my spear time I learn the rebbes sichos and me and my friends we farbreng by night and sing nigunim thank god I am Lubavitch and I was brought up in a yeshiva with mashpim and friends

    South Africa!!
    Guest
    South Africa!!

    Come to r wagners yeshiva in South Africa!!!!

    #2 and #12
    Guest
    #2 and #12

    Don’t you see how your proving this young lady’s
    Point? She’s trying to help us with the young
    Struggling generation.
    It would be quite immature of you too tell her
    To grow up. You must either have a picture perfect life
    With picture perfect kids. Or your an immature youngester.
    Grow up!
    (Doesn’t feel so good to be told ‘grow up’ ehh?
    So don’t tell it 2 others.

    On the dot.
    Guest
    On the dot.

    This problem is actually WORSE in yeshivahs, and it’s also a problem in every jewish household. I’m actually in middle of writing the same sort of thing, with a few more details and explanations. Kol Hakavod for this, and it’s true if we all just read it and move on it won’t change a thing. But there’s definitely something everyone can do. Seriously, just print it out and sit down with a staff member you respect just a little. They just don’t know what to do and they are lazy. Kol Hakavod again.

    simple and true
    Guest
    simple and true

    positive reinforcement works every time.

    Invalidation of our Children
    Guest
    Invalidation of our Children

    It’s been years since I was in the school system, but it was the same then as portrayed in the article. Having then spent time on the other side of the desk, as a teacher, I can still tell you that Chasha is on target. It’s not a lack of love. I would say it’s closer to what other comments have pointed out- it’s a fear of losing teens to a world our old mechanchim know near to nothing about. BUT despite that fear, our mechanchim must be trained in unconditional love and acceptance. We are not c”‘v encouraging children… Read more »

    'grow- up!'
    Guest
    'grow- up!'

    When you say Grow-up to a teenager- you are missing the point. They need to grow up at their own pace. They are teenagers – not adults- and by answering them by simply saying these are the rules- and you just need to follow without question- they will turn off. If a teacher/parent etc. understands this simple rule and makes an effort to explain why? and at the same time- encourages and helps the teenager to figure it out for themselves- they will eventually do that. If you just force them to do things – many teenagers will not do… Read more »

    are you kidding me
    Guest
    are you kidding me

    some of you people are disgusting. this girl has feelings. instead of keeping them inside her, she wants to let people know so MAYBE THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. why do you rotten people always have to come on perfectly normal posts and ruin it. that is what disgusting is. maybe she is right. maybe she is wrong. does it matter? no. because these are her opinions and she is hoping that maybe some adults will catch on and help do the right thing. i agree with what she said, even if their were a million Yiddish words i… Read more »

    neshama and guf
    Guest
    neshama and guf

    Halacha is like the guf it has its restraints and boundaries! Chasidus on the other hand is life the fire of neshama, we need both to survive. Consider the following; if I come to a country which differs in laws then my ow,n I can rebel and disobey them, or learn the origins and understand what’s behind them, and appreciate them for what they are. The concept of “Kabalas ol” or a “Tamim fregt nit kin farvos”, is the deep value and faith we have in our Rebbes, to whom we dedicate our life and run to for brochos in… Read more »

    To the author
    Guest
    To the author

    To the author, Nice letter. I’ve been in chinuch for more than a decade and I agree with you. Here’s an idea you might consider: Being “better” than what the teachers/school are asking of you in one specific area. Between me and you, the schools/yeshivas don’t set their standards too high. Imagine, just take ONE thing that you and your friends go above and beyond in and watch for their response… I and some friends have done this back when we were bochurim and it worked very well (we showed up to chassidus a half hour early for two weeks).… Read more »

    to #36
    Guest
    to #36

    You do sound very intelligent and mature. But there might be others out there who need more authority and direction in their lives. As for you, definitely keep cheering yourself on.

    To All
    Guest
    To All

    Would the Rebbe teach,”because I said so”???

    חנוך לנער על פי דרכו
    Guest
    חנוך לנער על פי דרכו

    To many of the above commutes: To debate whether this teen’s view is idealistically the correct way to view things or idealistically incorrect, is totally irrelevant and practically useless. Why? Because in the real chinuch world you need to look at the reality on the ground of the individual you are trying to educate and communicate your ideas to. And the reality on the ground here is that this teenager (and I assume many others as well) feel the way that is described in this article. And so this is their reality! Regardless of what the idealistic way a teacher… Read more »

    also a teen
    Guest
    also a teen

    just want to let you know where the problem stems from: you write “we are teenagers- we test authority. It’s our job” – from where do you get that it’s our job. maybe it’s because that’s the way you view it – but in essence though it may be the tendencies of a teenager to test authority – it’s not your job -you don’t have to do it!

    Some people are being obnoxious and don't really care about us teenagers!
    Guest
    Some people are being obnoxious and don't really care about us teenagers!

    All of you who don’t care,you were once a teenager too and did most of the stuff we do… So WHY are you so against us teenagers and make all these rules to guard us-we need some space to be ourselves!
    I go through this every day and I must say this is a good article to let teachers,parents and staff be more aware of us needing to be treated our age and have a little space! Great job!

    theres a lot more
    Guest
    theres a lot more

    you just touched on one point!
    CH girls schools are doing a bad job with their girls – u push and push and push a load of garbage while theyre in school and as soon as they leave and theyre out of your grasp – look what happens to them! many of them DONT turn out quite how you like!

    nO Loshon HoRa in Lubavitch!
    Guest
    nO Loshon HoRa in Lubavitch!

    I loved comment No. 31, that in Lubavitch we have so much ahavas yisroel that loshon hora doesn’t get spoken!!!!!! Do you know what I have found in the 40 odd years I’ve been in Lubavitch? We don’t learn, so we don’t even know the halochos, let alone keep them. We exemplify the concept of Tzaddik Shoteh. We need to learn the halochos and then perhaps we’ll stop talking loshon hora and then maybe, perhaps we’ll start having ahavas yisroel – even for our own and even for other frum people!! And if our teenagers and students don’t feel our… Read more »

    #50 is totally right
    Guest
    #50 is totally right

    and the author is sooooooooo right too!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe so many ppl disagree with her…. either you were like home schooled or something or you just dont remember being in school! i wish you guys would just listen and try to help! it doesnt matter what you say how chutzpadik we are and how we should just “grow up” this girl (chasha or wtvr her name is) stated a fact!!!! not an opinion, a FACT!!! and if u would just stop ur criticsm and think in our shoes for a second maybe you would get it (or maybe not…)… Read more »

    agree with number 2
    Guest
    agree with number 2

    To the author

    Growing is painful. If you want to be a successful adult when your older, having lovey dovey teachers etc. Will not create a strong, confident adult. Perhaps the opposite, I think there’s a world for that in the dictionary: Spoiled…

    I Agree
    Guest
    I Agree

    With the autor in some of her points. I am also 17, and i think that sometimes teachers don’t really care that we actually understand why we do or we don’t do certain things. I understand that we have to do things because Hashem said so, and not just because we understand them, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have some explanations. Someone who should talk about tznius or issues between boys and girls. Yes, we do know its wrong, but i think teachers should take maybe a class to actually talk about it openly in class. Not saying… Read more »

    To 61
    Guest
    To 61

    Thats really rude- just saying

    as a teacher
    Guest
    as a teacher

    i heard this idea quite a few years ago from a good friend of mine. she said if it were in her capacity, she would have representatives of the student body themselves come up with the rules. that would make it a lot easire for her to add 1 or 2 that she finds necessary. once they see that they are trusted, they then trust her too.

    I agree with the author
    Guest
    I agree with the author

    Wow I give you tremendous credit for standing up for yourself and saying where you’re at – it sounds like you feel you would like to be more acknowledged treated with more respect – feel like you have a say and you absolutley deserve it!!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! If this is your attitude now you are way ahead of others your own age! You will have a healthy emotional life because you are not embarrassed to feel your deepest thoughts and emotions and share them and expect to be treated well. People who believe they dont deserve… Read more »

    you job?
    Guest
    you job?

    it’ your job to break rules?! your just not mature which means teenagers dont understand whats right and wrong. dont say its your job….

    Out of touch
    Guest
    Out of touch

    Wow, never realized, how out-of-touch some adult’s are.

    Source: the comment’s on this article.

    Hamodia had a beautiful article on this subject
    Guest
    Hamodia had a beautiful article on this subject

    Rabbi Z. Greenwald of Me’ohr Beis Yaakov of Yerushalayim writes:”Rules, I explain, are the tiny zip lock bags that the diamond dealers keep their diamonds in. those bags cost one cent each but no one will ever use one with a hole in it…………….Rules are not the values of our schools.They are the framework that allows contents to be taught in a safe environment. Without rules there is chaos; with them there is a context that defines the goals we would like you to understand and eventually strive to make your own. Don’t break rules because we need to have… Read more »

    It's are job!
    Guest
    It's are job!

    To all of you: ever said something
    like “it’s our job ” especially with an exclamation mark after it? It’s like a job everyone has labeled us quietly with…
    Like “she/he’s is such a teenager” when one breaks rules.
    It’s universally accepted that its out job.
    Don’t pick on the authors words because you want to argue.

    mature?
    Guest
    mature?

    I’m 17 too and while some of the authors points may be valid one thing she is not is mature. Let her grow up a bit and hopefully she’ll get a clearer perspective on things.

    Good article, but there's one problem...
    Guest
    Good article, but there's one problem...

    First of all, that’s a very well written article for a 17 year-old. You drive your point across well – no beating around the bush – and it’s a good point, too. However there’s one problem with asking educators to stop micro-managing. Let me first say that I went through the yeshiva system, going to yeshivos on both ends of the scale. I went to one of the strictest mesivtas out there, and to a very relaxed program at the end of zal (age 19-20). The problem with giving teenagers more room is that they abuse it. I’ve seen it… Read more »

    GO CHASHA!!!! WE LOVE YOU :)
    Guest
    GO CHASHA!!!! WE LOVE YOU :)
    Comment on #4, 56, 13, 17, 37, 19, 5, and 3
    Guest
    Comment on #4, 56, 13, 17, 37, 19, 5, and 3

    She is definitely saying some very valid points. Micro-perspective is not okay. You should not judge the writer based on her matureness, just listen to what she has to say! this is not okay! Why do you think klal yisrael is in so much trouble if you wont even listen to her basic valid points! and then most of you will just skip over these comments and not even read my point! teenagers are always toeing the line! I’m 17 too and very mature. and 67, never realized how outoftouch and immature some COMMENTERS are!!!!! no further commint.

    to number 12
    Guest
    to number 12

    Kabolas Ol- Isn’t that the thing that supposed to be the basis of my relationship with Hashem? why is it used as the ultimate answer as to why I should tuck my shirt in or report to the principal when I come late?

    Dear Chasha C (Chein?)
    Guest
    Dear Chasha C (Chein?)

    You are now officially fired.

    Love your Micro- Manager.

    to #2
    Guest
    to #2

    I find your comment so condescending,your approach sounds like coming from somewhere deep communist Russia.”do as we tell you to because we know best and dont question or argue with it”.Is this the attitude the Rebbe would have wanted to put across to youngsters?What do you mean by it should not be done with a smile or “lovey dovey” as you put it?This is fundamental in Judaism to treat each other with love not superiority.I only hope you take these comments on board and reflect on your outlook and make it more positive.

    To 70
    Guest
    To 70

    I davka think shes mature

    23 y.o.
    Guest
    23 y.o.

    If you really don’t understand the rules and your goal is to understand them, and the school isn’t doing an adequate job, then you have a very valid point. If on the other hand, you just want them to ease up on you and not have these rules, then you don’t have a valid point. When you say that it’s your job to break the rules, you give the impression that that’s all you want, and you just want fewer rules.

    did i write this???
    Guest
    did i write this???

    when this went online- i got 10 phone calls asking if I wrote this. I am a teacher-I have been saying this for years. Having dealt with girls from all high schools- I can probably guess what school the author is from. Some schools are more guilty of this than others. Just as a side- all students are somewhat micromanaged and all schools are guilty, but from dealing with girls- this sentiment is strongly felt by out of town schools (the more “prominent” the more micromanaged) all you girls from BRHS you have no idea what girls in out of… Read more »

    Teachers as guides as children learn to make their own decisions
    Guest
    Teachers as guides as children learn to make their own decisions

    By the time students are in high school, they are almost finished their schooling. They should be weaned off of the authority of school rules so that they make better decisions for themselves, by themselves. They should have the guidance of their mechanchos as they start to make those decisions independently. Not one last package of more rules. Slowly take off the rules. Perhaps, 12th grade should have a dress code, not the school uniform, and the teachers could help them determine if they made good clothing choices – if the outfit is respectable and dignified. And help them learn… Read more »

    what is misunderstood about kabalas ol
    Guest
    what is misunderstood about kabalas ol

    BTW- there are countless sichos and talks of the rebbe explaining kabolos ol. the way it is preached by the school is not kabolos ol. The school has the responsibility to educate, teach and explain (provide food when neccessary), answer questions and give reasons. Kabolos ol is for the student to build up within themselves. Kabolos ol does not justify giving an obnoxious rule that does not make sense to the student, and they have to blindly follow. your boss has no right to withhold your paycheck and tell you not to complain because “where is your kabolos ol” you… Read more »

    to #50
    Guest
    to #50

    i 100% agree with you! im a17 yr old girl in a lubavtich high school, and i totally agree. thank you for posting this! And to #17 -JUST PLAIN RUDE! you were once or will be a teenager, how can you say such a thing??!!

    interesting how comments (SOME) can inspire..
    Guest
    interesting how comments (SOME) can inspire..

    There were 2 comments that were quite inspirational 52 and 64. If you’ve already wastted your time reading the useless and pointless other comments, make sure to take these to heart. 52-you sound like a true teacher. When reading such a letter, the way to start solving the issue is accepting rebuke-and not reacting in immature ways-demanding maturity and growing up. You provided me a valuable lesson with your response. I truely hope you go into teaching. And 64-very practical advise. G-D willing I plan to attempt to use your advise in teaching. Yasher Kocham, and Moshiach now!

    REPUTATION
    Guest
    REPUTATION

    i was once a teenager and now a teacher.
    this girl is 100% accurate.
    Many teachers have this view of being best teacher, teacher all the parents love. Being strict but the kids are learning. Its for the self gratitude and accomplishment. Very few teachers wanna be there for the childs sake, to matter, to make a difference. Yes they wanna teach and watch the kids learn but do they really care?

    To everyone....
    Guest
    To everyone....

    read # 48 again. Wow! This is coming from a teacher! So, if you dont want to hear it from a teenager, listen to what the teacher has to say. T.Caton, you put forward your case so eloquently (did I spell that right?) Thank you so much!

    To 32
    Guest
    To 32

    Sign at the beach. Yes, warning signs (and not tips) are important. The equivelent to warning signs are the warnings in the Torah. However, we teach and change lives by inspiring not threatning. It’s what works. Admit it.

    Thank you...
    Guest
    Thank you...

    …to the author, for writing about this subject! As a Bochur who had went from a less “standard” Mesivta where the (unspoken but evident) emphasis was on **who you are** (although they enforce the rules well), to more “standard” Yeshivos where the (unspoken but evident) emphasis was more on **what you should do** (although they showed revealed love there too), this issue is one I have thought about a lot, and it is very close to my heart. It took me a while to understand the difference, and why I felt I liked the way of my first Yeshiva more.… Read more »

    Ttly agree with comment 62
    Guest
    Ttly agree with comment 62

    for sake of emphasis, I’ll repeat her comment: With the autor in some of her points. I am also 17, and i think that sometimes teachers don’t really care that we actually understand why we do or we don’t do certain things. I understand that we have to do things because Hashem said so, and not just because we understand them, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t have some explanations. Someone who should talk about tznius or issues between boys and girls. Yes, we do know its wrong, but i think teachers should take maybe a class to actually… Read more »

    Take notes
    Guest
    Take notes

    These American schools should adopt the policies of Beth Rivkah in Melbourne, Australia.
    Instead of resenting the school and its rules, its students respect and understand them, because of the unconditional love and care they are shown by the staff… Maybe the school Chasha is talking about should adopt some of Beth Rivkah’s policies!

    to #1 and #41
    Guest
    to #1 and #41

    While you’re throwing out advertisement for your schools, might I add that Monsey Beis Chaya Mushka is one school that not only ensures that each girl receives the attention she needs, but also has some of the most unbelievable mechanchos and staff members… Everyone who attends MBCM leaves changed for the better. And the Hanhala is DEFINITELY not out to micro-manage. Students and educators are on the same page, and work together to achieve the desired goals.

    ex-yeshiva bochur
    Guest
    ex-yeshiva bochur

    I was in yeshiva not more then 2 years ago. The reason why these people “micromanage” is not to ruin your life or to make you life seem childish. It’s because there are very strict rules (as is the life of an orthodox, g-d fearing jew.) We have a Torah that tells us what to do, how to act, how to live and that’s it. We can ask why, but not because we’re doing something wrong, but because we want to know why we shouldn’t. The simplicity in this is that if you follow the rules in the first place,… Read more »

    thank you to author of number 48!
    Guest
    thank you to author of number 48!

    I appreciate your comment!

    Lack of confidence is the problem
    Guest
    Lack of confidence is the problem

    I love how every teenager feels they have to be “heard”.
    whats next, maybe she wants to be appointed as the new teacher.

    lack of education for the educators
    Guest
    lack of education for the educators

    The people doing the micro have no life experience or education when it comes to a girl who tests the limits. They do it wrong. They are ok when it comes to girls who keep within the boundaries. One woman in charge acted very childishly with these girls and she did a tremendous amount of damage before her problem was finally recognized and she was properly supervised. Because she was from a top family it was assumed she would be a good role model. She was good with the ‘good’ girls but went haywire with any issues that upset her… Read more »

    Here's the best answer from Torah Cafe
    Guest
    Here's the best answer from Torah Cafe
    to 93
    Guest
    to 93

    why shouldn’t she be heard?

    To #2 and #28
    Guest
    To #2 and #28

    I haven’t read the 100 comments, yet…
    But both of you just perfectly proved her point!
    Amazing how blind people are. You 2 are perfectly missing her point. I’m just glad I’m not your kid.

    Good point but...
    Guest
    Good point but...

    We need more information. Which rules are you referring to? I would better understand you if you would give more details in your article. I get the point that more love is better than more rules. But again, which rules are a problem? Please explain. And my two cents is that deep down inside you know what is good for you. Even as a rebellious teenager, follow what you know is good for you, and you’ll be ok. Try to understand the well meaning adults and try to forgive the others. Work on yourself without trying to judge others too… Read more »

    As a teacher
    Guest
    As a teacher

    As a teacher I point to this article as the reason why we need more rules. There should be a rule that a student cannot write articles complaining about teachers. There should be another rule that students should not access the internet. And there should be one more rule that students are not allowed to have opinions. Just follow the rules and you won’t complain, ever. As someone wrote, you need kabolos ol, that doesn’t just mean accepting the yoke of Heaven, because you also must accept the yoke of your teachers (and everyone older then you). Treat your teachers… Read more »

    to#99
    Guest
    to#99

    That’s great treat everybody like their sheep.

    LOL to As a teacher
    Guest
    LOL to As a teacher

    “As a teacher” just proved the whole point of this writer’s article. I hope that comment was written sarcastically. If it was serious, (and I can think of a few mechaneches who would seriously agree with that comment writer), then that teacher needs serious help.

    100
    Guest
    100

    Yaaayyy i did it!!
    😉

    here's the deal
    Guest
    here's the deal

    i’m a teen too and i just want to say that we’re not looking to have no more rules. we like structure. WE LIKE IT.
    what i think this girl who wrote th letter is trying to say is, schools don’t have to be obsessed with their rules and trying to be scary (and just btw, when principals try to be scary they come across as unprofessional bc they aren’t scaring us). set those rules in place. enforce them. but don’t push them down our hroats…. because when u get things forced down your throat, u throw it all up.
    makes sense?

    A bochur whos been in different types of lubavitch yeshivos
    Guest
    A bochur whos been in different types of lubavitch yeshivos

    Sooooo true! Also another point is that some of the rules are just not age appropriate, even when they do make sense. Im 18 and i shouldnt hav a dorm counselor telling me to go to sleep @ 11 o’clock. I kno that i hav 2 go 2 sleep 2 get a good day myself and am old enough 2 realize that without a dorm counselor. if i go 2 sleep @ 11:30 bc i need 2 finish my shiurim should NOT be a problem the mashgiach has to talk 2 me about!!!

    High School Principal
    Guest
    High School Principal

    As the Principal of a prominent Lubavitch girls high school I think I know which student wrote this article. Although she makes a few valid points, I can attest that each year rules are loosened rather than tightened. The only reason why there are so many rules is because years ago there was hardly any need for rules at all. As an example: Every girl simply knew what type of jewelry was inappropriate to wear – there was no need for formal rules. Every girl knew not to dye their hair in neon purple or wear Army Boot shoes. Now… Read more »

    Mother of teens
    Guest
    Mother of teens

    I hope the people responding with “grow up” aren’t working in chinuch and I hope you never teach my kids

    To 99
    Guest
    To 99

    Thank you! An exact example of micro managing!

    To "as a teacher"
    Guest
    To "as a teacher"

    I do not write articles complaining about teachers.

    I do not have access to the internet.

    I also don’t have any opinions.

    My teachers created more than heaven and earth. They created me.

    Nice to meet you, I’m Jeffie the Robot.

    Please continue oiling your machines behind the desks. It would be nice to have a whole future generation of friends.

    I go to a very prominent Lubavitch girls High School as well....
    Guest
    I go to a very prominent Lubavitch girls High School as well....

    Well, I am not Chasha but I can certinly say that MY principal does not check collive.com. She is way above and beyond using anything other than kedusha and believes that klipas nogah only refers to using recess as more study time. We have tremendous kavod for her and her chassidish hanhagos. As the 11th grade class, we have conducted a bais din and decided this Chasha person deserves 770 sets of lashes for her impudence.

    Dear High School Principal,
    Guest
    Dear High School Principal,

    i think she gets that. She understands your point, With all due respect though, it’s incredibly important to let her know that ” I am impressed with your writing skills and your logical thought process. You always make me proud and I have great expectations from you! You are a special girl in every way!” ALL THE TIME! Not just when she writes an article that scores “most commented” on the top Lubavitch news website!

    Respectfully,

    I think you’re my principal (and this is a dormy in 10th grade)

    High school principal-
    Guest
    High school principal-

    You totally missed the point.

    go back and reprocess what she wrote in the most basic english.

    Why cant you GET IT?!?!

    How awful!
    Guest
    How awful!

    From the chutzpa of the girls, to the horrible way in which people are being attacked in the comments. Makes me want to hole myself up and shut out the world. There will be those that will respond, YEAH, AND WHAT’S THAT GONNA HELP? I live out of town, but when I visit CH I am always dismayed at the way people treat each other, from the storekeepers, to the person sitting next to you in Shul. In CH, you are merely a number, not a person. Perhaps this is the root of the issue in the schools there. Perhaps… Read more »

    #90
    Guest
    #90

    Absolutely agree!
    Monsey Beis Chaya Mushka is a one-of-a-kind school!

    X