By anonymous
It is no secret that as parents, we wield an immeasurable influence on our children—whether we intend to or not. Our children mirror our words, actions, and passions far more than they may care to admit.
When a child sees their parent speaking passionately about politics, sports, or business, that image becomes etched in their mind. A mental note is taken: “Politics is important.” or “I should be emotionally invested in sports.”
But here’s the question: do these topics represent what we truly hold dear? Or are they simply the loudest passions we display in our homes? Many of us, even with strong commitments to Yiddishkeit and Chassidishkeit, are not as openly passionate about our spiritual lives as we are about worldly matters.
Think about a typical Shabbos meal. How often do we see a child recite a Dvar Torah like it’s a chore—half-hearted, barely noticed—while the room is alive with energy when debating if a politician will “save us” or discussing the latest sports game? Parents’ faces flush with emotion, voices rise, as though this is what matters most in life.
Now ask yourself this: Who has your child heard you mention more often—a politician or celebrity, or the Baal Shem Tov? Who do they view as more important and relevant? And perhaps even more telling, who do you believe is more relevant?
How can we expect our children to develop a deep love and reverence for the Rebbe when our own words and actions seem to idolize strangers? What image are we leaving them with? Who does your child see as their hero, their role model, the person they should aspire to emulate?
I challenge you to ask your children these questions and reflect on their answers. I hope you will not be disappointed—but I fear that, in many cases, you may find the response unsettling.
I want to emphasize that this is not meant as criticism, nor am I suggesting that parents don’t care deeply about Yiddishkeit and Chassidishkeit. The question is: What is the image we project in our homes?
May we merit to live in a time when all will see that it is Hashem alone who is truly great.
so true and a painful reality, thank you for spending the time to write this article
Thank you
This piece is an absolutely wonderful wake-up call. Who can say that they havent seen exactly this metzius. Thank you so much for making us recognize what’s going on at our own tables. I for one will do my best to make sure that the diver Torah generate the excitement and the politics get the back seat
I came from teaching litvish schools to finally teaching in well known school in C.H. and with so much chayos yearning to express my hiskashrus with the Rebbe and chassidim ein mishpacha vibes only to be faced with: when it was time to watch a Rebbe video to keep the Rebbe amongst us and we are living with the times, I was so disappointed to face the preschoolers tells me ” so boring, again, ahhhh,” totally disinterested and no connection what so ever. Like they were forced to watch it because it’s part of the schedule rather then yearning to… Read more »
You cannot compare those of us who grew up with the Rebbe to those who did not, the teachers nowadays didn’t grow up with the Rebbe. How can they convey what a Rebbe is when they didn’t experience it? Learning a sicha is not the same as being at a farbrengen and hearing it. Going to the ohel is nothing like seeing the Rebbe giving out dollars and getting your moment.
We are human and need the physical connection.
I’m not referring to 20 yrs olds. I’m referring to adults 40 year olds and up who was brought up with the Rebbe, lived with the Rebbe and had children who got nothing from them. Funny, a parent knows how to influence their children and bring them down to earth in this world and teach them what street smart is all about however the Rebbe that they lived and breathed with, nothing?! The Rebbe said on koach nissan Tut Altz! I only see a much of complainers that the Rebbe has to do it and if not then Moshaich Now.… Read more »
However I have met so many young people who have an unbelievable and passionate kesher to the Rebbe, often in ways that the older generation can learn from
While you bring up a valid point
If the video doesn’t talk to a five year old of course it will be boring
How long can a preschooler sit in front of anything, especially when they can’t read subtitles?
30 years ago kids would play for hours with their toys and never get bored. Today kids want a new toy every 5 seconds because they get bored too quickly and they know there is more out there. And parents are too busy on their phones to discipline them not to have this mentality. So to even see a Rebbe video for a 1/2 hour like “hand in hand” – is boring. You dont need subtitles you need parents yearning to see our Rebbe again and that will glue the children to the screen . They dont have that and… Read more »
Maybe you don’t remember 30 years ago but I do. We heard then the exact same complaints of “kids these days” being undisciplined or too easily bored. Literally the same complaints, same words. Each generation does not realize how they keep repeating the same complaints and think it’s something entirely new unique to their generation.
I remember those days because I’ve been there and no we weren’t bored easily as today. We had fun with just one ball for days…
Maybe to take responsibility to do the right thing which is to invest in your childrens chinuch is hard for you but that doesnt make it those days kids and today’s are the same. Totally false.
As a BT in a day school I was one of those kids who did not appreciate or get the opportunity to experience the Rebbe. Whenever a Rebbe video got put on even in HS we all thought it was boring. Looking back now I wish that day school imparted on us the importance of the Rebbe or the significance it was to have this school open because of him. Only as an adult moving into a Lubavitch community, not an outreach one, did I get to see/appreciate the Rebbe and incorporate his teachings into my life and my children’s… Read more »
This is so true
Wow true
Rolemodel
This is true in regards to so many things in the upbringing at home within our community. Very damaging to our children’s chinuch.
As someone who gives parenting classes I always share that the number one thing a parent can do is be a role model. If we want our children to be kind , love Hashem ,daven , have healthy technology use ( unfortunately most parents do not ) , be Tznius etc. It starts will us. They do what we do not what we say.
So so true! As a mechanech I wholeheartedly agree with you!!!
It’s probably true there’s more passion about a topic that involves people who are alive today and matters that are happening today. Why and how SHOULD a parent or child get as enthusiastic about something 30 or 300 or 3000 years old that needs to be enlivened? Sure one is supposed to consider or make religious things alive today, but that’s not that same as something that is alive regardless of my efforts
This is exactly the problem. I’m sorry for you (and your kids) that yiddishkeit, chassidishkeit and the rebbe aren’t “alive” and exciting enough for you
There are many children that are growing up in homes where Yiddishkeit is what is on the front burner, including in Shabbos table conversations. Ask staff in schools and camps, they will tell you that there are BH many children who willingly want to choose a Chassidishe way of life. Obviously, most can improve in the matter discussed in this op Ed but it’s important to note that there are BH many homes that work really hard in this area and definitely agree that it’s important to bring more general awareness to this matter will help it become stronger and… Read more »
So true. This echoes what Rabbi N. Y. Twersky in OT mesivta would tell us: “Abayeh and Rava, those are our baseball players”.
This is a beautiful important article. It’s not about bashing, but rather a wakeup call. Ask your children to say a Dvar Torah and listen with INTEREST. If you are having guest, review the Dvar Torah b4 Shabbos so that your children can give it over with pride, rather then with embarrassment. It’s a great practice for further Shluchim.
Thanks for sharing